HOLIDAY INN
In the summer of 1951, a Memphis real estate developer named Kemmons Wilson and his wife packed their five kids into their car and hit the road for a two-week trip to Washington, D.C. The trip was fun—except for the hotels they stayed in. They were usually dirty, didn’t have restaurants, and there was nothing for the kids to do.
Where others saw grimy walls and cigarette butts extinguished on bathroom floors, Wilson saw a business opportunity. By the time the trip was over he was already planning a chain of clean, affordable, family-friendly hotels, crammed with freebies like air-conditioning, parking, ice machines, and swimming pools, all at no extra charge. Wilson was a big Bing Crosby fan, so when it came time to pick a name for his hotels, he decided to name them after the crooner’s 1942 film, Holiday Inn. Today there are more than 1,000 Holiday Inns around the world; the company estimates that 96 percent of all Americans have stayed in one at least once in their lives.
Some butterflies’ tongues are twice as long as their bodies.
A BARREL OF LAUGHS
This letter is a classic piece of American humor. It’s been around in various forms for nearly a century, appearing in dozens of books and movies, and even in a Saturday Night Live sketch in 2004. This version is a memo to an insurance company, but there are many others. The tale has now been passed around so often that it’s achieved urban legend status—in other words, some people believe it’s true. It’s not. In fact, it was written in 1902 by Will Rogers. (Not really, we just thought we’d add to the legend.)
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put “poor planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation, and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly more than 500 pounds. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley that was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
I secured the rope at ground level, climbed to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I climbed back down and untied the rope, holding tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will notice in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
Somewhere in the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident form.
Well, at least the wings taste good: The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.
Slowed down slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers on my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope—in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 pounds.
(I refer you again to my weight.)
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. Somewhere in the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, the broken tooth, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell on the pile of bricks; fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks—in pain and unable to move—I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope; I could only lay there watching as the empty barrel begin its journey back down towards me. This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your questions.
Sincerely,
Thomas L.
More car model names start with the letter “C” than any other letter.
WHAT SIDE ARE YOU ON?
Which side is the right side of the road?
BACKGROUND
For most of known human history, people have traveled on the left side of the road. Historians think there’s a simple explanation: since most travelers were right-handed, bearing left kept their sword arm between them and any oncoming threat. Here are some important landmarks on the road to the decision: Left side or right side?
• The first known drive-side regulation dates from the Zhou Dynasty’s Book of Rites, 1100 B.C., although it appears to be more about social protocol than traffic flow: “The right side of the road is for men, the left side for women, and the center for carriages.”
• The Romans were probably left-side drivers. Researchers determined this after examining a well-preserved Roman road going in and out of a stone quarry in England and noting that the deeper ruts were on the left side. Why does that make the Romans left-side drivers? It’s assumed that the carts went in empty and came out full.
• In 1300, Pope Boniface VIII ordered all pilgrims traveling to Rome to keep to the left.
• In 1756 the British passed the first modern keep-left rule.
• Pennsylvania countered with a keep-right rule in 1792. France followed suit in 1794, New York in 1804. Why the divergence? Drivers wanted to sit close to the center of the road so that they could see the wheels of oncoming wagons and steer clear. Teamsters in the United States and France drove large wagons drawn by more than one team of horses. The driver sat on the left rear horse so he could reach the entire team with his whip. The English used smaller wagons. Drivers sat on the right side of the wagon, so their whips wouldn’t get caught on the load behind them.
• Napoleon enforced the keep-right rule in every country he conquered, which by 1814 was most of Europe. It’s thought he insisted on the change because he was left-handed, which made the right side of the road the advantageous side. Even after his defeat and exile, Napoleon’s former dominions kept to the right.
For centuries, many Europeans refused to eat potatoes. (They’re not mentioned in the Bible.)
• The states that resisted Napoleon—England, Austria, Hungary, Russia, Portugal, Denmark, and Sweden—clung to the left side of the road rule. Denmark went right in 1793 but otherwise the left/right division of Europe stayed intact until after World WarI.
• European countries brought their left- or right-side driving practices to the lands they colonized. That’s why drivers in Morocco, Algeria, Senegal, the Ivory Coast, and all of Latin America drive on the right. Those in India, Kenya, Uganda, Australia, and New Zealand hug the left.
• By the American Civil War, every state in the Union and the Confederacy drove on the right.
• Japan officially went left in 1859, due, some scholars say, to pressure from the British. But historical evidence shows that the Japanese were always left-siders and unlike Westerners, they still bear to the left when they walk on the streets today.
• The emerging dominance of the U.S. automobile industry in the early 20th century pushed more and more countries into adopting right-side drive. Canada, which had previously gone both ways (French-speaking provinces were righties; English, lefties) finally succumbed to the economic pressure from its southern neighbor. Newfoundland was the last province to go right, in 1947.
• When the Nazis invaded Austria, Czechoslovakia, and Hungary during World War II, Hitler forced them to change overnight to right-side drive. The change created havoc because drivers couldn’t see traffic signs.
• Sweden was the most recent European country to switch from left to right. It
made the move in 1967. Only four European countries still drive on the left—the United Kingdom, Ireland, Malta, and Cyprus.
• As of 2005, 168 countries drive on the right, 75 on the left. That comes to four billion people on the right, two billion on the left.
Ernest Hemingway read his own obituary in papers after his plane crashed in 1954.
BRITS VS. YANKS
As playwright George Bernard Shaw said, “England and America are two countries separated by a common language.” See if you can match the British words to their American counterparts. (Answers on page 519.)
BRITISH
1) Trainers
2) Boot
3) Plaster
4) Wireless
5) Courgette
6) Rubber
7) Estate car
8) Bonnet
9) Nappy
10) Crisps
11) Jumper
12) Pinny
13) Cozzy
14) Gum
15) Pram
16) Rasher
17) Starkers
18) Surgery
19) Chemist
20) Solicitor
21) Waistcoat
22) Off-license
23) Sleeping policeman
AMERICAN
a) Potato chips
b) Zucchini
c) Naked
d) Car hood
e) Sweater
f) Apron
g) Lawyer
h) Car trunk
i) Speed bump
j) Bandage
k) Vest
l) Swimsuit
m) Liquor store
n) Bacon slice
o) Doctor’s office
p) Pharmacist
q) Eraser
r) Radio
s) Glue
t) Diaper
u) Sneakers
v) Baby carriage
w) Station wagon
Bathrooms in British Ramada Inns are stocked with complimentary rubber duckies.
POLITALKS
Politicians don’t get much respect these days—but then, it sounds like they don’t deserve much, either.
“I believe what I said yesterday. I don’t know what I said, but I know what I think, and, well, I assume it’s what I said.”
—Donald Rumsfeld
“You bet we might have!”
—Sen. John Kerry, asked if he would have invaded Iraq
“I have a few flaws—people sometimes have to correct my English. I knew I had a problem when Arnold Schwarzenegger started doing it.”
—George W. Bush
“Instead of ‘closing,’ I meant ‘securing.’ I think maybe my English, I need to go back to school and study a little bit.”
—Arnold Schwarzenegger, on saying the U.S. should close its borders
“If I could only go through the ducts and leap out onstage in a cape—that’s my dream.”
—Ralph Nader, on missing the presidential debates
“As I was telling my hus—as I was telling President Bush…”
—Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice
“Get some devastation in the background.”
—Sen. Bill Frist, posing for a photo in tsunami-ravaged Sri Lanka
“I’m undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.”
—Hillary Clinton
“‘Ever’ is a very strong word.”
—Rep. Tom DeLay, asked if he had ever crossed the line of ethical behavior
“It’s been a great ride, but I know how quickly these fads can pass. You all remember the pet rock, the mood ring, Howard Dean.”
—Sen. Barack Obama, after being elected
“I wish we lived in the day where you could challenge a person to a duel.”
—Sen. Zell Miller
“My vision is to make this the most diverse state on Earth, and we have people from every planet on Earth in this state.”
—California Governor Gray Davis
General appearance: The social status of a Roman was indicated by the stripes on his toga.
ANIMAL SCIENCE
We can’t duck this issue—so we’ll have to grin and bear it. We’re dog tired, so we’re going to take a cat nap. (We’re not lion.)
NOT ALL DUCKS QUACK ALIKE
Study: British researcher Victoria de Rijke wondered whether all ducks quacked exactly the same way or if their “speech” varied from location to location. So she started studying one group in downtown London and another living in the countryside near Cornwall in southwest England.
Findings: “There are definite differences,” de Rijke says. “The London ducks are noisier, laughing raucously; the Cornish ones are soft and chilled out.” She speculates that London ducks quack louder because they have to fight to be heard over the noise of the city.
DOGS CAN DETECT CANCER
Study: Anecdotal evidence of cancer-sniffing canines dates back centuries, but scientists didn’t get serious about testing the phenomenon until recently. In 2004 the British medical journal BMI published the results of a study in which dogs were tested on their ability to detect bladder cancer by sniffing urine samples. Six dogs were trained to lie down next to a sample from a person with bladder cancer. Then each dog was presented with seven different urine samples: six from healthy people and a seventh from a person with bladder cancer. The study was a “double blind” experiment, meaning neither the dogs nor the people administering the study knew which urine samples were which.
Findings: If the dogs had no ability to detect bladder cancer, the odds that they would pick the correct sample would only be one in seven, or just over 14 percent. The dogs were able to pick out the cancerous sample 40 percent of the time, and two of the dogs were correct 60 percent of the time. “The results are unambiguous,” BMI reported. “Dogs can be trained to recognize and flag bladder cancer.”
Note: The CBS TV show 60 Minutes asked the researchers to recreate the study on camera. This time the dogs did poorly—they kept identifying a particular non-cancerous urine sample as being cancerous. “But,” says Andy Cook, their trainer, “the hospital had confidence in our dogs, so they sent the sample off for further tests. And they were completely blown away when it came back that this patient not only had cancer on his kidney but also had bladder cancer.”
Don’t forget to brush: A Chinese toothpaste called S.O.D. promises to “brush away senility.”
BEARS PREFER HONDAS
Study: In the mid-1990s, Yosemite National Park spent more than $1 million on “bear safes”—bear-proof food lockers for the park’s campsites. The idea was to teach bears that the food in the campgrounds was beyond reach. Instead, campers got the idea that if food was safe in a metal locker, it would be safe in their metal cars, too. Wrong. Cars are much flimsier—bears can easily smash the windows and even peel car doors right out of their frames. After the lockers went in, the number of car “cloutings” went up 600%.
Finding: Park rangers kept statistics on the cars that are broken into, and the bears seem to show a particular preference for certain brands, namely Hondas and Toyotas. In a two-month study of “bear incidents,” they broke into 26 Hondas and 21 Toyotas, but only two Buicks and one Lexus. What is it about these cars that makes the bears prefer them over others? No one knows for sure.
ELEPHANTS DO IMPRESSIONS
Study: Mlaika is a 10-year-old female African elephant who lives in a stockade in Tsavo, Kenya; Calimero is a 23-year-old male African elephant who lives with two Asian elephants at the Basel Zoo in Switzerland. When both animals were observed making unusual sounds—Mlaika “rumbled” and Calimero “chirped”—an international team of scientists started studying them to try to understand what was happening.
Findings: After carefully studying the acoustics of the sounds of the elephants and their surrounding environments, the scientists concluded that both animals were mimicking sounds they heard around them: Mlaika was imitating the sound of trucks passing by on a highway about two miles
away, and Calimero was copying the sounds made by the Asian elephants he lived with. Until now, African elephants have never been known to make the chirping sounds of Asian elephants. In fact, Mlaika and Calimero are the first non-primate land mammals ever to exhibit an ability to mimic.
Howdy, cousin: A dolphin’s closest relatives on land are horses and cows.
DOLPHINS ARE SOCIAL BUTTERFLIES
Study: Researchers from the University of Aberdeen (Scotland) and the University of Michigan traveled to New Zealand to study the social behavior of dolphins.
Findings: It has long been known that dolphins live in “pods,” clans of about a dozen dolphins each. They exhibit sophisticated social interactions, such as playing together, hunting in groups, and coming to the aid of other dolphins who are injured or in danger. But the New Zealand researchers observed a type of behavior never noted before: some dolphins act as “liaisons” between different pods. When these liaisons were present, the pod socialized regularly with other pods nearby. But when those dolphins went away, the pods stopped socializing with each other until the liaison dolphins returned, at which time they started socializing again.
DO LOBSTERS FEEL PAIN?
Study: It’s a question that many a seafood lover has asked as a live lobster is being dropped into a pot of boiling water. To answer it, the Norwegian government commissioned a scientific study headed by Dr. Wenche Farstad of the University of Oslo. The country was in the process of revising its animal welfare laws and wanted to find out if lobsters should be protected. The team didn’t spend a lot of time boiling lobsters—instead, they researched all available scientific literature on invertebrates, including crabs, worms, slugs, snails, clams (and lobsters); then in 2005, the team presented its findings.
Uncle John’s Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader Page 10
