2. Horse Sense
The younger son jumped on his brother’s horse and went as fast as he could, ensuring that his own horse would be last.
3. Wrong Way Corrigan
He was on foot.
4. Holed Up
Julia brought a bucket of sand from the sandbox and poured it very slowly into the hole, giving the baby bird plenty of time to stay on top of it. When the level rose high enough for the bird to be reached, one of the grownups gingerly returned it to its nest.
5. Dollars to Dogs
Five cents
6. Pressing Riddle
A keyboard
PLOP, PLOP, QUIZ, QUIZ
(Answers for page 188)
1) Maxwell House coffee
2) Allstate insurance
3) Perdue chickens
4) Brylcreem
5) Federal Express
6) Schlitz beer
7) Hebrew National hot dogs
8) Alka-Seltzer
9) Morton’s salt
10) American Express
11) Packard
12) Remington shavers
13) Timex
14) AT&T
15) Yellow Pages
16) Energizer batteries
17) Marlboro cigarettes
18) Bactine ointment
19) Milk
20) Cattlemen’s Beef Board
21) Delta Airlines
22) Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers
23) Chrysler Cordoba
24) General Foods International Coffees
25) Irish Spring soap
26) Pepsi
27) Motel 6
28) DuPont
There are more than half a million fast-food restaurants in China. KFC is the most popular.
FINGER LICKIN’ QUIZ
(Answers for page 334)
1) Pantene shampoo
2) Bounty paper towels
3) Burger King
4) Nike
5) Underwood ham
6) Chiffon margarine
7) Anacin
8) Tareyton cigarettes
9) Braniff Airlines
10) Alka-Seltzer
11) Lucky Charms
12) Hallmark
13) Secret deodorant
14) KFC
15) Virginia Slims cigarettes
16) General Electric
17) Doublemint gum
18) Pontiac
19) Miller Lite beer
20) Rolaids
21) Lay’s potato chips
22) Peter Paul Mounds
23) Calgon soap
24) LifeCall
25) Ajax laundry detergent
26) Coca-Cola
27) Johnson’s baby shampoo
28) Pillsbury Poppin’ Fresh Dough
29) Reebok
SPELLING QUIZ
(Answers from page 272)
1. c) Millennium; 2. b) Dumbbell; 3. c) Separate; 4. c) Necessary; 5. c) Minuscule; 6. a) Accommodate; 7. b) Liaison; 8. c) Harass; 9. a) Occurrence; 10. a) Embarrass; 11. c) Independent; 12. c) Questionnaire; 13. b) Broccoli; 14. b) Recommend; 15. c) Sincerely; 16. a) Kindergarten; 17. c) Supersede; 18. a) Grammar; 19. b) Referred; 20. b) Immense
BRITS VS. YANKS
(Answers for page 89)
1. u) 2. h) 3. j) 4. r) 5. b) 6. q) 7. w) 8. d) 9. t) 10. a) 11. e) 12. f) 13. l) 14. s) 15. v) 16. n) 17. c) 18. o) 19. p) 20. g) 21. k) 22. m) 23. i)
“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.” —Mark Twain
UNCLE JOHN’S BATHROOM READER CLASSIC SERIES
Find these and other great titles from the Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Classic Series online at www.bathroomreader.com. Or contact us at:
Bathroom Readers’ Institute
P.O. Box 1117
Ashland, OR 97520
(888) 488-4642
NOW AVAILABLE:
Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader
Tees Off on Golf
by the Bathroom Readers’ Institute
Uncle John swings through the fascinating world of golf.
Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader
Plunges into New Jersey
by the Bathroom Readers’ Hysterical Society
A look at the state of New Jersey through the eyes of Uncle John.
Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader
Christmas Collection
by the Bathroom Readers’ Hysterical Society
Holiday hysterics and traditional trivia in honor of Christmas.
COMING SOON:
Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader
Plunges into Michigan
by the Bathroom Readers’ Hysterical Society An unforgettable visit to Michigan with Uncle John.
Uncle John’s Wild and Wooly
Bathroom Reader for Kids Only!
by the Bathroom Readers’ Institute Animal antics and anecdotes that every kid will love.
To order, contact:
Bathroom Readers’ Press
PO Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520
Phone: 888-488-4642 Fax: 541-482-6159
www.bathroomreader.com
Hiya, Sam!
THE LAST PAGE
FELLOW BATHROOM READERS:
The fight for good bathroom reading should never be taken loosely—we must do our duty and sit firmly for what we believe in, even while the rest of the world is taking potshots at us.
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Go with the Flow…
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Keep on flushin’!
Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
OUR “REGULAR” READERS RAVE!
Copyright
THANK YOU!
Contents
A NOTE FROM YOUR FAVORITE
POP-POURRI
Short
You’re My Inspiration
WORDPLAY
Short
A Lazy Lump of Cheese
Firsts
BATHROOM NEWS
Short
Bathroom Names
A BLUNDERFUL LIFE
Medium
Oops!
ANIMALS
Short
Chicken Nuggets
FORGOTTEN HISTORY
Short
Life in 1902
Medium
They Are What You Eat
Medium
Too Risky for Guinness
MOUTHING OFF
Short
There Oughta Be a Law
Medium
April Fools!
WORD ORIGINS
Medium
Word Origins
ORIGINS
Medium
Car Tunes
Flubbed Headlines
Medium
“I Spy…” at the Movies
Medium
Capital-ism
The Wright Stuff
Medium
Toy Fads
LIFE IS STRANGE
Short
Ironic, Isn’t It?
What Does it Take?
Cheddar Man
THE PRINTED WORD
Medium
&nb
sp; A Tale of a Whale
AMERICANA
Short
Welcome to Ten Sleep
Medium
Q&A: Ask the Experts
Oprah’s Insights
Founding Fathers
It’s All About Me
CRÈME DE LA CRUD
Medium
Bad Musicals
Medium
Strange Lawsuits
TV OR NOT TV
Medium
Wacky TV
Medium
Wrong Way Corrigan
Medium
Unsung Heroes
Medium
Weird Canada
Medium
History’s Myth-Stories
Medium
Uncle John’s Stall of Fame
Earth’s Greatest Hits
Medium
Name That Voice
Go, Granny, Go
Warning Labels
Brand Names
A Barrel of Laughs
Medium
What Side Are You On?
Brits vs. Yanks
POLITICS
Short
Politalks
Medium
Animal Science
Double Trouble
Medium
Strange Tourist Attractions
THAT’S DEATH
Short
Famous Last Words
Curses!
BUSINESS
Short
Odd Promotions
Medium
Pudge Goes Pro
Bagpiper’s Fungus
Happiness Is
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Short
Origin of Nachos
Celebrity Gossip
SPIES & CONSPIRACIES
Medium
Spy Hunt: Gray Deceiver, Part I
Moles and Mice
Medium
The Politically Correct Quiz #1
Royal Purple
Unlikely Best Sellers
Uncle John’s Creative Teaching Awards
Weird Beauty Pageants
Random Origins
The Dawn of Fertilization
Wide World of Weird Sports
But Wait! There’s More!
Dumb Crooks
D. B. Cooper
I WILL SURVIVE
Short
Uncle John Helps Out Around the House
You Yell, We Shell!
Strange Inventions
Unplanned World Records
The First Black American Sea Captain
A Room of Her Own
Medium
The Woman Emperor
Hoax!
MYTHS AND LEGENDS
Short
What Dreams Mean
Long
The Little Rascals
It’s a Weird, Weird World
Brainteasers
Fabulous Flop: The Delorean, Part I
Commie Crabs and Third-Reich Raccoons
Fictionary
Hamburger 911
Food of the Gods
Local Hero: Leroy Gorham
When Real Life Becomes Reel Life
The Foggiest Place on Earth
Uncle John’s Page of Lists
HUT HUT HIKE!
Short
Football Names
The Wind Eagle
MUSIC
Short
Musical Notes
According to the Latest Research
A Peach of an Election
Plop, Plop, Quiz, Quiz
Rocking-Chair Rockers
Name Your Poison
POP SCIENCE
Short
Anatomy of a Hiccup
Bathroom News
Alternate TV Guide
Long
The Great Pig War
Ratherisms
The Death of Superman
Odd Facts about Charles Dickens
It’s a Weird, Weird Crime
The Sad Tale of Centralia
The Doctor is Out (of His Mind)
Nudes & Prudes
PUBLIC LIVES
Short
Famous Dropouts
Medium
The Body Farm
Video Stinkers
Long
The Birth of the NFL, Part I
What a Dish!
UJPORAD
Word Origins
Good Dog!
Bad Dog!
Lost in Translation
You Want Fries with That?
Famous Lasts
Long
The Leaded Gas Conspiracy
You Call That Art?
What a Doll
TRICKS & HOAXES
Short
Just Plane Weird
Oops!
Why Ask Why?
Modern Maladies
Long
BRI Survival Guide
Senate Scuffles
Tongue Twisters
Two-Timing
Street Number Numerology
Getting Personal
My Other Vehicle is in Orbit
The King’s Jewels
The 12 Days of Mythmas
Forgotten History: Shays’ Rebellion
Spelling Test
Fake News
Edited for Sensitivity
Long
Tick Tock Timeline
HEROES AND VILLAINS
Short
Kid Stuff
LAW AND ORDER
Short
Looney Laws
The Death Ray!
The Curse of the Cursing Stone
Here Comes the Spammobile!
Uji! Hanabata!
Scotland’s Dish
REEL STUFF
Short
Hollywood Lists
Medium
Poor Rich People
Infamous Weapons
Halftime
Ironic, Isn’t It?
Word Games
CANADIANA
Short
Canadians on Canada
Fire 101
Unplanned World Records
Uncle John’s Stall of Fame
Long
The Tallest Man in the World
Ice Cream Toilets
Warholisms
TOYS AND AMUSEMENTS
Short
Party Games
Pain in the…
Q&A: Ask the Experts
Big, Starring Harrison Ford
Vanished!
Dubious Achievers
Uncle John Cleans Your Kitchen
Long
The Sad Fate of Murderous Mary
Finger Lickin’ Quiz
Word Origins
The Curse of the Little Rascals
Fictional Vacation
Spy Hunt: Gray Deceiver, Part II
Angels & Honey Traps
Boomerang!
Brushstrokes
Animals in the News
Hair in Canada
First-Class Mail
Long
“I Know Someone Who Looks Just Like You”
Bad Granny
APOUJRAD
Lemons
Carnegie’s Wisdom
Amazing Grace
The Politically Correct Quiz #2
Police Squad
Just Plane Amazing
The Robots are Coming!
Let’s Do a Study!
The Curse of the Iceman
Hippos in the News
Oops!
What a Doll
Canoe Plants
Suck Wind, Goofy Foot!
BRI Survival Guide
Uncle John’s Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader Page 59
