Damn, Wyatt. You’re gettin’ soft as hell.
It was true, much as I hated to admit it. I’d still find myself thinking about the sex, how fucking sexy the woman was, and how much fun we’d had knocking boots. But the more we’d hooked up, the more I’d realized something else was broiling between us. The last few times we’d screwed, it hadn’t been about two people into each other like crazy having some fun – there’d been…passion.
Shit. The word struck me as strange as hell, but it was the only one that fit.
Time passed as I sat on the bale of hay, watching Juniper nuzzle Red. The sight calmed me – watching the animals always did. After a while the door to the barn opened. My glance shot over in the direction of the noise, part of me thinking it might be Jess.
Damn fool thought. The woman’s gone.
My eyes adjusted to the light and I saw Silas. He shut the door behind him and meandered over to the stall. He glanced at me, shifting his feet before speaking. “You look like a man who’s doin’ some thinkin’ he shouldn’t be.” He spat meditatively, as men are wont to do. “The ruminatin’ kind, not the useful sort.”
I let out a snort of a laugh as I shook my head, knowing he was right. “You know I got a lot of shit on my mind,” I told him, my eyes still fixed on the horses.
“You do, you do.” He reached over and tapped the side of my thermos. “And you know that’s not gonna help matters in the long run.”
Again, he was right. “You come out here for an intervention?”
“Nah,” he said, his gaze fixed straight ahead. “Mama G does all the frettin’ on that score. Came here because I have somethin’ for you.”
I cocked my head to the side, confused. “Oh yeah?”
He nodded slowly before reaching inside his jacket and pulling out a clean, white envelope. “Got a letter for you.”
“Lord, tell me it’s not some lawyer shit from Amy.”
“Doesn’t look like it, unless Jess passed the bar in the last few days.”
“Jess?”
He held the envelope out, and I grabbed it. Sure as shit, Jess Whitman was front and center on the envelope.
“She sent a letter?” I asked. “Why the hell’d she do a thing like that?”
“Same reason anyone sends letters, I suppose,” he said slowly. “She has something to say and wanted to make sure she had the words right.”
I pulled out my Leatherman, flicked the blade open, and sliced the top of the letter. Right as I reached in to take out the contents, Silas rose.
“Not sure what you’re gonna read in there, but I’m guessin’ you’re not gonna want company when you do.”
He patted me on the shoulder before leaving the barn. Silas was good like that – letting you know he was there if you needed him but not crowding you until you asked.
I took the letter out and unfolded it. The writing was neat and feminine. Something about it screamed Jess even without me knowing it was from her. I leaned back against the stable wall and set to reading.
Wyatt,
I’m back in Houston. I’ve been sitting at this bar for hours, trying to think of the right way to say what I’m thinking. Problem is, I know that as soon as I finish and seal the letter and send it off, the perfect words will come. So I’m just going to write and hope what comes out does the job.
I’m sorry. I suppose that’s as good of a place to start as any. I could give you the same crap about how I don’t remember anything, act like it wasn’t my fault for doing what I did. But memory loss or not, I made the decision to spy on you. I violated your trust, and I don’t know if there’s any coming back from that. All I can do is apologize and hope that means something to you.
I met with Amy. And after I did, more memories resurfaced. I remembered what she said about you during our first meeting, how you were some callous, manipulative liar, how you were a man not to be trusted, how you were abusive and cruel.
Funny how I believed it at the time, and even stranger to think about how the man I met couldn’t be any further from what she’d made you out to be. Wyatt, you’re a kind, loving man, a man who’d do anything for the ones he cares about – human or animal. It pains me like nothing else to know I might’ve once been counted among them but that I threw it away with a stupid lie
I’m done with Amy. Meeting with her one more time told me what kind of person she really was, and now that I know, our working relationship is over. It doesn’t matter how much money she waves in front of my face, it’s not worth it. Not worth risking doing more to you than what I’ve already done.
I’m sorry. I’ll say it again and again. Maybe you’ll forgive me one day. But I’d understand if you didn’t. If one day you find it in your heart to accept my apology, my number’s below. But if you never do, I’ll understand, and I’ll always miss you.
Love, Jess.
Below was a number with an area code I recognized as being from Houston. My eyes lingered on the number for a long time. Jess had gone, but I could contact her if I wanted to. Without thinking about it, I took my phone out of my pocked and prepared to dial the number. But before I moved my fingers on the keypad my eyes returned to the last two words in the letter.
“Love, Jess.”
Love. Maybe she’d written it without thinking. Love was a pretty standard way to end a letter. But then again, nothing about the letter seemed accidental. Every word appeared thought out and purposeful.
Love.
Did I…love her? I sure as hell had affection for her, cared about her like crazy. But sitting there holding that letter, I realized I’d never thought about if I loved her.
But the more I thought about that, the more I understood what a load of bullshit it was. Love. It’d been bouncing around the back of my mind since the moment I’d laid eyes on her, like a BB in a tin can that someone was shaking. I was attracted to her like a madman, and my feelings for her had only been growing by the day. Love, on the other hand, was the thing I’d been trying to ignore.
It was there, though, sure as hell. Seeing the word on the page, her name right after, only made it clear how I felt. I loved her. I loved Jess. And I wanted her back more than anything. I’d sent her away, though. Sent her packing and out of my life like she’d been an irritating guest who’d overstayed her welcome.
My hand seemed to move on its own accord. My fingers danced over the keyboard with a fury, dialing the number she’d left at the bottom of the page. The phone rang. Once, twice, three times.
“Aw, hell!” I hit the end button and shoved my phone back into my pocket as quickly as I’d taken it out.
Then it rang. The number on the screen was the one I’d just dialed. Jess was calling me back. I held the phone for a moment, letting it vibrate in my hand. God, I wanted to talk to her more than anything. Truth be told, I wanted more than that. I wanted to see her, to hold her, to cover her gorgeous face in kisses and never let her go.
But I couldn’t bring myself to answer. My heart was heavy as I hit the silence button and put my phone away. What the hell would I even say to her? The damage had been done, and I had no idea how to even begin trying to repair it.
Over the next couple of weeks, I did my damnedest to try and get back to my pre-Jess routine. Luckily there was plenty to do on the ranch. Juniper and Red needed plenty of attention, and that wasn’t even getting into the usual care the rest of the animals needed. Work was good – it was what I needed to distract me from thoughts of Jess.
With the rest of the family, Jess remained a tense topic. Everyone knew she’d left, of course, and it was understood without having to spell it out that she hadn’t left under the best of terms. The rest of the family knew better than to poke their noses in it, though. Everyone but Mama G.
“Alright,” she said one day after a lunch of shepherd’s pie. The day outside was crisp and overcast, and I was about to head back out. “You haven’t said a dang peep about Jess.”
The rest of the family had left the dining room; she and I
were alone as I finished my breakfast. I didn’t say anything at first, hoping the subject would pass like a cloud in the sky if I gave it some time. I sopped up a small pool of gravy with a chunk of buttermilk biscuit and stared ahead.
“Not much to say,” I said finally, wiping my hands.
Mama G let out a sharp crack of a laugh as she collected the plates from the table. “Wyatt, you might think you’re a good liar, but you ain’t. At least not with me – I can spot you tellin’ tales from a mile off. Now, you gonna tell your mama about what’s knockin’ around that head of yours, or are you gonna make me fish it out?”
I laughed. Anyone else trying to get into my head like that wouldn’t have gotten far, or even made the damn attempt. Mama G, on the other hand, always had a way with her kids that made them want to confide in her.
“I ain’t lyin’ when I say there’s not much to tell. I found out about her workin’ with Amy. Turns out she was some kind of private investigator, the kind you pay to dig up dirt.”
“Well…” Mama G said as she took sat down across from me. “That ain’t good.”
“No, it most certainly is not.”
She shook her head, her eyes on my face. “She seemed like such a sweet girl, Wyatt. I’d bet the damn ranch there has to be more to the story.”
“Turns out there is. Maybe. She wrote me a letter a couple a weeks ago, told me that Amy pulled the wool over her eyes, told her some of her patented, made-up nonsense about me.”
“Now that’s a story I can believe,” she said, her wiry fingers wrapped around a steaming mug of black coffee. “Sounds like Jess, sounds like Amy. So what’s the problem?”
I shook my head. “I feel like I screwed things up good when I told her to take a hike. Not sure if there’s any comin’ back from somethin’ like that.”
“Now that’s a load of manure and you know it, Wyatt. You love the girl?”
There was that word again. I’d thought it, but I hadn’t said it aloud. Mama G locked eyes with me, and I knew she wasn’t going to let up until I gave her an answer.
“I do. I love her.” Speaking the words was the load off my shoulders I needed. I’d spoken truth.
“Then tell her,” she commanded as if I were six and needed to apologize. I grinned to myself. “Tell her how you feel. Because it’s gonna eat you from the inside out.” She leaned across, catching my eyes. Her seriousness straightened my spine. “There’re things a man can keep inside, son. But love ain’t one of ‘em. You let it out, or you carry that weight like a load of lead in your belly for the rest of your life.”
I said nothing, knowing she was right as rain. I tried to form words to say, but before I could my phone buzzed with a text. I took it out and checked the screen, my stomach clenching. A message from Jess with a picture attachment too small to see on the home screen. I swiped and opened the message.
It was a picture, alright. And it made my jaw drop to the damn floor.
The shot was of three pregnancy tests, all of them positive. The text with it read: “This isn’t the best way to tell you, but you need to know. Please call me soon.”
“What is it?” my mother asked, her eyes anxious as if she felt the tension in my body.
I was speechless, my eyes fixed on the picture. “Hell. Holy hell.” My legs sprang up and I was off. “I’ll, uh, keep you posted.”
“Posted about what?” she asked, her voice following me out of the kitchen.
I didn’t like to leave like that but sorting this business out was priority number one. Phone in hand, I scrambled to my cabin and dropped into my easy chair.
Pregnant? Was it true? I hated to admit it, but the first thing to come to mind was Amy. She’d pulled some BS like this. The first time I’d mentioned divorce, she’d dropped the baby bomb in an attempt to get me to stick around. Made up some test results and everything and let me believe it for a damn week. Only when I’d actually called the doctor to confirm did I find out the truth.
Would Jess pull some shit like that? My gut said no, but she’d lied to me before.
Then the strangest feeling coursed through my body.
It was hope. Hope that it was true. I wanted it to be true.
I scrolled through my phone and found Jess’s number. I stared at it for a good, long time.
Things had to be made right. Only trouble was, I didn’t know how to even begin.
Chapter 18
JESS
Rainbow Canyons loomed in the distance. I was an uninvited guest, and I was scared as hell.
But what else could I do? I was pregnant, alone, and scared. I’d sent Wyatt the text about the pregnancy yesterday, and he hadn’t responded. For all I knew, he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. The news might be awful, but I needed to know one way or another.
The gate was in front of me, and I pulled my car up to the intercom and pressed the call button.
“Howdy,” came the voice on the other end, a voice I recognized as Chance. “Welcome to Rainbow Canyons. How can I be of service?”
My mind went blank as I tried to think of what to say. As far as I knew, I was no longer welcome – Wyatt had made that clear when he’d booted me out.
I cleared my throat and spoke. “This is Jess. I need to speak to Wyatt.”
Silence. I imagined Wyatt standing near Chance, shaking his head at my words.
“Jess,” he finally said. “Been a long time. Too long, if you ask me.” His voice sounded warm and sincere.
“I agree. Is Wyatt around?”
“He’s around,” he said. “And as far as I’m concerned, you and him having a little sit down’s been a long time comin’. I’ll buzz you in. The man’s in his cabin. He gives you any guff, tell ‘im I told you to come.”
“Thanks, Chance.”
“My pleasure.”
The call ended and the gate opened slowly. I drove onto the property, my eyes locking onto Wyatt’s cabin the moment I spotted it in the distance. My gut tightened – it was now or never.
I pulled my car up to Wyatt’s cabin and killed the engine. Once I did, I opened the glove compartment where I’d stashed the three pregnancy tests I’d taken. It was ridiculous, I knew it. I’d brought them as evidence, as if he’d be on the fence until I shoved those in his face. But if the picture of them hadn’t convinced him, seeing them in person wouldn’t do it either. I closed the glove compartment and got out.
It was a chilly day, unseasonably so for Texas. I pulled my coat tight and trudged to the cabin’s front door. Once in front of it, I sucked in another steeling breath before knocking.
Moments passed, and I began to wonder if he’d spotted me and was choosing to ignore me. What if I never saw Wyatt again? What if he’d decided to delete me from his life? The thought was enough to make me weak in the knees and sick to my stomach.
“I’m comin’. Hold your horses.” Wyatt’s voice boomed through the door. Relief settled over me as I heard his heavy footsteps come closer and closer to the door.
But him seeing me was only the first step in the process. I still had to find out whether he actually wanted to be a part of my life.
The door opened and there he was. He looked good as ever. He wasn’t wearing his usual cowboy plaid. Instead he wore a gray T-shirt and his standard pair of rugged jeans, along with some dirt-smeared cowboy boots.
He looked me up and down, as if not sure what to make of me. His face was expressionless. “Jess,” he finally said. “It’s good to see you. Come on in.”
He turned and headed into the cabin. It was strange, the way he’d greeted me. He hadn’t seemed at all surprised, as if he’d been expecting me.
I entered and took a seat on the couch, the fire crackling in front of me. I listened as Wyatt poured some coffee. I looked around, remembering the brief time we’d spent in the cabin before he’d kicked me out.
He came around the couch and handed me a mug of coffee before sitting down next to me.
“Hi, Wyatt.” I didn’t know what else to
say. Seemed so silly, so businesslike.
Wyatt rubbed his chin, his eyes on the fire. Tension was in the air as I waited for him to speak.
He finally looked at me. “First thing I wanna say is I’m sorry. Sorry as hell. You wrote me that letter and I should’ve gotten back to you as soon as I could.”
“You tried,” I said, shrugging slightly. “You called and hung up. And didn’t answer when I called you back.”
He sat close to me, close enough that I could feel the heat from his body. I had no idea how the conversation was going to go but being near him felt so damn right.
“I know,” he said. “And I regret it like nothin’ else. I should’ve talked to you. But I didn’t. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. Guess all I can say is sorry and hope you forgive me.”
The words didn’t come easy for Wyatt. He was a proud man, the type who didn’t like to admit he was wrong. But there he was, laying it out for me.
“Thanks.” But there was more, and we both knew it. It wasn’t a matter of a simple apology.
“Truth be told, I didn’t know what the hell to do. And that’s not a position I’m in all too often. The more I thought about it, the more I realized just how badly Amy had burned me and how that scared the hell outta me.”
Another tough admission. I placed my hand on Wyatt’s thigh, squeezing it gently. He didn’t move it. In fact, the first smile I’d seen since I’d arrived flashed on his gorgeous lips. But it faded, as if he’d realized there was nothing fun about what he had to say.
“But that’s acting like a coward,” he continued. “And I wasn’t raised to be a coward. Don’t matter none the way some other woman treated me. It ain’t right to paint you with that same brush.”
A tingling spread from my heart, a small splash of hope that I hadn’t made a terrible mistake in coming here.
“The way you reacted,” I confessed, shaking my head. “It hurt. Not hearing anything from you made me wonder if you wanted me out of your life for good.”
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