“Well, no…of course not, but—”
“That’s what marriage is about. I think God’s brought us together so we can get to know each other better. We have our whole lives ahead of us. To learn to know each other.” An ornery gleam came to his eye. “I want to get to know the wonder of you, Michelle.”
His reference to the Elvis Presley song prompted an anemic smile. Then she realized—“The Wonder of You” was playing on the jukebox. She rolled her eyes. “Don’t you dare break into song on me, buddy.”
He held up a hand. “Don’t worry. I’ll leave the singing to you. Believe me, the world will be a better place for that. In fact, I can’t believe you’re not singing along.”
She waved him off. “I don’t sing when I’m stressed.”
“Ha! You sing all the time.”
“I do not.”
“Fine. Have it your way. But seriously, Mish, are you listening to what I’m saying? We may not know every single thing there is to know about each other, but it’s not like we have any deep, dark secrets from each other.”
“You don’t have any secrets?”
“Well, maybe one.” He looked sheepish.
“What’s that?”
“I was going to say something, I swear I was.” He held up a hand. “It’s about Joy.”
“Joy Swanson?” Now he had her worried.
“It was nothing, I swear, but we––”
“You sure are doing a lot of ‘swearing’ for something that was ‘nothing.’ ”
“We dated for a while,” he blurted.
“You and Joy? Dated?”
“Guilty as charged.”
Well, that explained a lot. “Did you––love her?” She was almost afraid to hear his answer.
But the look of horror he shot her said everything. And made her laugh. “So I have nothing to worry about?”
“Less than nothing.”
“Who broke up with who?”
“Whom.”
“You’re seriously going to correct my grammar? Now?”
“I broke up with her.”
It had never crossed Michelle’s mind that Joy’s resentment toward her might have something to do with Rob, but she remembered an expression Dad had used once: “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” “Okay. Well, maybe I can give her a little slack, then.”
He looked relieved that she wasn’t upset. Or maybe he was just glad for a change of subject. But she wasn’t going to let him off so easy. “Since we’re divulging secrets… You’re not the only one who has them.”
He stared at her. “You do?”
“Yes. I do.” She ran a finger around the rim of her coffee cup. “Rob, you know the shape of my lips and the way my stupid curly hair feels between your fingers…. You know what it feels like to hold me in your arms—”
“Cut it out, woman. You’re making me want to go develop some photos.”
She glared at him. “Could you be serious for two seconds? You know some things about me, Rob, but I’m not sure you really know me.”
He frowned. “What secrets are you keeping from me?”
She shrugged. “Maybe not deep, dark secrets. But still…things we need to talk about. Things you don’t know about me. And other things I still don’t know about you.”
“Like?”
“Like your mother.”
He flinched as if she’d struck him. But he recovered quickly, sighing with resignation. “Okay. Fine. Tell me what you want to know.”
“What happened to her? I mean, I know she died when you were nine—nine-and-a-half,” she corrected, remembering he’d done the same the first time she’d asked about his mother. “I know she…drowned, and that it’s hard for you to talk about. Understandably. And I’m so sorry. But…you never talk about her at all, Rob. About when she was alive. You surely remember her….”
A light of incredible tenderness came to his eyes. “I remember her. She was—” He seemed to be collecting his thoughts with great care. “She loved me. No, she delighted in me.”
“Oh, Rob. That’s a beautiful way to put it.”
“Like your mom delights in you.”
She tilted her head, questioning.
“It was obvious that day at the hospital. Both your parents take pure delight in you.”
“Really? You saw that—that day?”
He nodded. “Your folks were worried about you, yes. But anyone could see, spending two minutes with them, how proud they are of you and how much they enjoy being around you.”
“Wow. I—I know I’ve taken them for granted.”
“Don’t ever do that. You’re blessed, Mish. Very blessed.” He looked pensive, as if collecting his thoughts. Finally he blew out a breath. “So you want to know about my mom?”
She nodded, afraid to speak, lest he change his mind.
A faraway look came to his eyes, and she had to strain to hear him. “We were on our boat. Dad had a boat back then.” He shook his head. “I don’t know why, because Mom was terrified of the water. Anyway, we’d taken it to one of the lakes down by Branson. I don’t even remember the name of the lake now. I guess that’s good. I don’t want to know how to get back to that place.”
“Oh, Rob…” The café was empty except for a middle-aged couple on the other side of the room. Michelle got up and came around to slide into the booth beside him. She leaned against his shoulder and slipped her hand in his.
He looked down at her, his eyes gleaming with unshed tears. “I say I don’t want to know, and yet I won’t set foot in the lower half of Missouri for fear I’ll accidentally come upon that site. Her gravesite.”
“Her gravesite? I don’t understand.”
“They never found her body. They dragged the lake for two days.”
“Oh, Rob. How awful.” She knew her voice reflected the horror she felt. But she couldn’t hide it. And maybe she shouldn’t try. What had happened was horrific.
“I pretty much hated my dad for a while after that.”
“Because of the boat?”
“Yes. Because he had to have that…”—he clenched his jaw, and she knew he was tempering his words out of respect for her—“…that boat. And because he made her try to swim.” His voice was hard, making her suspect the hatred he’d spoken of in past tense wasn’t buried all that deep beneath the surface. “Mom had asthma. She was deathly afraid of water. But Dad taught her to swim. And she learned too, but—” He bowed his head. “They think she had an asthma attack while she was swimming and—she drowned.”
She reached for his hand and he let her take it, squeezing back. “When I see other people with their moms, even now, I feel this”—he brought their entwined hands to his chest, clenching his fingers around hers in a fist—“this weight…this heavy weight…that I never really knew what it was like to grow up with a mom. And I never will.”
“I’m so sorry, Rob,” she whispered. “I can’t even imagine what that must have been like.”
“I’ve survived. Dad and I have survived. God’s gotten me through, and I expect He’ll continue to do that. But you’re right—it’s something I should have told you. Because it has a lot—maybe everything—to do with why I am the way I am.”
She squeezed his hand again and looked up at him. “I happen to really like the way you am.” She grinned.
“I like the way you am too.” He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, and she thought she’d never loved him more.
In that moment, Michelle decided she’d write a letter to Kevin before another day passed. She’d thank him for their memories, but then she’d tell him her heart belonged to someone else.
Chapter 39
Rob exhaled and felt the tension seep out of him. Why hadn’t he talked about his mom before with Michelle—or with someone? How could thirty minutes have made such a difference? But it had—getting the story out there where he could view it through the eyes of someone more objective, where he could see it through the filter of time—and with a man’s pers
pective instead of that of the bewildered and angry nine-year-old boy he’d been when Mom died.
“Thank you,” she whispered, putting a gentle hand on his back.
“For what?”
“For trusting me with all that.”
He nodded. “That’s what I like about you. I can trust you.”
“No.” She shook her head slowly. “See, that’s exactly what I was talking about. You think you can trust me. That just proves you don’t know me.”
“Okay, so it’s your turn. What’s your big secret?” He tried to make it come out sounding lighthearted, but a frisson of alarm had gone through him at her words.
She closed her eyes. After a long minute she looked up at him. “This is hard.”
He twined his fingers through hers. “It’s okay. You can tell me anything.”
“You know that day in the library?”
“Yes?” They’d run into each other in the public library shortly after he started working at the Eagle. But he had no idea where she was going with this.
“And the grocery store that night?”
“Yeah. Fun night.” He smiled, remembering. He’d clowned around, juggling fruits and veggies. And making her laugh. One of his favorite things to do.
“Listen to me, Rob. You’re not hearing me. Today, did you notice that I ‘just happened’ to still be at work when you got there?”
“Yes…?”
“Rob, I–I’ve manipulated everything. Running into you. Being where I knew you’d be. Making excuses to stay at work late… I’ve practically been stalking you!”
“That’s your big secret?” He angled his body on the narrow bench seat of the booth so he could look her in the eyes.
She nodded, looking like he’d just caught her shoplifting.
“Are you serious? This is what’s been eating at you?” It came out louder than he’d intended.
She shushed him. “How could we ever say God brought us together when I’ve practically orchestrated the whole thing?”
“Wait a minute…” His life since he’d met Michelle flashed before him. He eyed her. with suspicion. “You didn’t take the job at the Beacon because of me? That whole whoop-dee-do and—”
“No!” She looked horrified. “No, I promise you. I had no clue who you were back then. You don’t think that’s how I’d try to make a good first impression on a guy, do you? No… It was after you started at the Eagle. I was afraid I’d never see you again. And then there’d be no chance for us to ever—be together.”
“Michelle.” Was she really so naive? “Mish, that’s what men and women do when they like each other. Since the beginning of time, men have invented ways to be wherever the woman they love is. And you’ve proven that women obviously do the same.” He winked. “You don’t really think I needed help developing all those pictures do you?”
“Rob!” She gave a little gasp. “Robert Merrick the third!”
He laughed. “Well, good grief, how do you think Adam and Eve ever got together? You think ol’ Adam just happened to be out picking apples one day?”
She laughed, egging him on.
“And Samson and Delilah? Mary and Joseph?”
She slugged him. “Cut it out. I think God might have had a little bit to do with that last one.”
He turned serious. “And you don’t think He had anything to do with this one?” He motioned between them. “Even if you did feel the need to help Him along a bit?”
“I’m starting to think He just might have something to do with it.”
Rob pushed their coffee cups to the edge of the table and fished in his pocket for his wallet. He left several dollar bills on the table along with his loose change. “You ready to go? We can continue this discussion in the car.”
“Sure.” She slid out of the booth and followed him out to the car.
He started the Pinto’s engine, but he didn’t put it in gear. Instead, he turned to her and put the palm of his hand along her smooth cheek. “I want to tell you something, Michelle. And just so you know, my dad has absolutely nothing to do with this.”
Her gorgeous eyes held a spark of curiosity and a glint of anticipation.
He took a deep breath and exhaled a cloud of steam into the cold car. “I’m starting to be pretty sure that this—you and me—is God’s doing. And I’m starting to be pretty stinkin’ happy about it.”
Her smile lit her face and he bent to kiss her, feeling more sure about his future than he had in—well, forever.
The kiss was just getting good when she pushed away from him. “Rob…wait. There’s one other thing. Not a secret really, because we talked about it a long time ago. But as long as we’re getting things out in the open, I just want to be sure you remember.”
“What’s that? And is it really so important that you needed to interrupt a perfectly good kiss for it?”
She put a hand flat on his chest, holding him off. But she was still smiling.
“Okay. What is it?”
“I want twelve kids. And I want to stay home with them.”
He gave a low whistle. “Twelve, huh?”
“Well, the number might be negotiable. But I want a bunch of them.”
“Four?” he said, bargaining.
“Nine.”
“Six. And no more.”
“Deal.”
They shook on it, laughing. “God providing,” he answered, shooting up a prayer that God would be reasonable when the time came.
“Hey, no fair,” she pouted.
He captured her face in his hands, cradling it there. “Michelle, I want you to be able to have your dream. Whatever that is. I want to make your dreams come true. You could even pursue your singing if you wanted to.”
She stilled.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want that. I’ve never wanted that.”
“But you have so much talent—”
“I’ll tell you what I want, but…you’ll think I’m stupid.”
“Never. Tell me.”
“I’ve never thought God gave me a good singing voice for any other reason than to sing lullabies to my babies. I guess I just don’t have an ambitious bone in my body.”
“I think wanting to raise twelve kids is pretty ambitious.”
“Six,” she corrected him.
“Oh. Right. Six. And I don’t think that’s stupid at all. I think it’s beautiful.”
She cocked her head. “Are you being sarcastic?”
“No!”
She looked skeptical. “I can never tell with you.”
“I’m not being sarcastic, Mish. Or facetious or ironic or anything except dead serious. I love the thought of you following in your mother’s footsteps. In my mom’s footsteps. I think it’s a beautiful thing for a woman to aspire to be a good wife and mother. I know a man’s not supposed to say that in polite company any more, which, by the way, I think is a crying shame.”
She grinned up at him. “Oh? So you don’t consider me polite company?”
“Definitely not.” He leaned and kissed her.
She responded and deepened the kiss.
He pulled away. Needing to, but not wanting to. “That was definitely not polite.”
She laughed. “No, it wasn’t, and you’d better take me home now.”
He put the car in gear, knowing she wasn’t kidding about that. And it applied double for him. The woman was a serious temptation, and he couldn’t wait until they were married so he could give in to her charms.
Chapter 40
Michelle carried the pizza box up the porch steps and rang the doorbell.
She heard Eden’s happy squeals inside and then Becky’s footsteps.
The door opened, and Becky swung it wide to accommodate her girth. She was only two and a half weeks from her due date now and at the waddling stage.
But she took one look at Michelle’s offering and whooped. “Oh! Bless you. How did you know I was dreading trying to figure out what to make for supper?”
“Probably because I was dreading it too. And then I drove by the Pizza Hut and it smelled too good to ignore. But who wants to eat pizza alone?” She looked tried to look sheepish. “Can I come in?”
“Oh! Of course. Don’t mind me. My brain is fried.” She opened the door wider and turned behind her. “Hey, Eden, look who’s here!”
The toddler looked up from the middle of the plush-animal menagerie on the living room floor. When she spotted Michelle, she gave a squeal of delight and scrambled to her with outstretched arms.
“Here.” Becky reached for the pizza box. “Let me rescue our dinner before it’s too late.”
Michelle passed off the box in the nick of time then swooped Eden up in her arms and nuzzled her neck. The little-girl giggles warmed her heart. “Why don’t we pick up your toys so we can go eat some pizza, okay?” She turned to Becky, who was distributing plastic picnic plates around the table in the dining room. “I should have asked first…. Can Eden have pizza? I remember it not sitting very well with her once when Rob and I fed it to her.”
“As long as we scrape off any of the spicy stuff… She probably shouldn’t have pepperoni. Speaking of Rob, how’s he doing?”
“Okay, I guess. I hardly ever see him.”
“Well, that’s not good.”
“I don’t know. Maybe it is.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just so—complicated—between us.”
“What’s complicated? You said his dad wants you to get married. So get married.”
“I don’t want us to get married because his dad told us to.” She tucked Eden into her high chair and chose a small slice of pizza for her.
“Does he want to marry you?”
Michelle nodded, curbing a smile. “I’m pretty sure he does.”
“Do you want to marry him?” Becky cut Eden’s pizza into small bites.
“Definitely. I mean…as much as I could possibly know that. How do you know if someone will be a good daddy or not? How do you know if someone will change after you’re married?” She felt bad asking the questions, because obviously Becky had proven how important the answers were.
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