by Eric Vall
“Brrooooooo.” Todd pestered me from inside the bag. “Let’s go to the feast. El buffetto. La buffet. The Wolf Pack needs to gorge on the carcass of--”
“I get it, Todd,” I chuckled. “You’ve got the munchies again. The buffet it is.”
“It’s not just him,” Libidine put a hand over her growling stomach. “What’s the expression here on Earth? I feel like I could ‘eat a horse?’ Do they serve those here?”
“It’s just a figure of speech,” I laughed. “But if this buffet is as good as I’ve heard it is, then you’re going to get your fill and then more.”
“That is what I like to hear,” Cupiditas purred at my words. “I’m always looking for a good fill. But you knew that from earlier, didn’t you?”
“Oof. Please don’t make me lose my appetite,” Todd joked from his carrier.
“Shall we?” the athletic woman stuck out her arm for Liby to take.
The dark-haired succubi reached out and interlocked her arm with Cupi’s, and the two of them made their way across the casino floor towards the buffet.
“I don’t know who I should worry about more.” I looked down at the imp in the bag. “You, or the girls?”
“Definitely me.” Todd nodded.
As much as I liked to give my friend hell about his munchies, I was pretty hungry too. Since the ice cream parlor, all we’d had to sustain ourselves was some chips, mixed nuts, and an energy drink from the gas station near the border. As the four of us approached the shimmering sign of the buffet area, my stomach growled with anticipation.
“Three buffets?” the man behind the cash register asked as he rang up my order. “That’ll be eighty-four sixty-nine.”
“Yikes,” I laughed as I pulled out a hundred-dollar bill. “And here I thought the slots were where they got you.”
The cashier chuckled at my joke, took the bill, and then went to hand me back my change.
“Don’t worry about it.” I winked, and we started off towards the food serving area.
To our hungry eyes, the buffet looked like an oasis. It took everything in my power to keep myself from drooling at the seemingly endless rows of food. All of it looked so delicious, from the fruit that looked like it had been picked freshly off the tree to the gourmet desserts that appeared to be snagged directly out of a magazine ad. The two succubi stood beside me in awe as they marveled at the mountains of food that laid before them. I was sure that they didn’t have this kind of stuff in Hell.
I snagged four plates from the dispenser, handed them to Liby and Cupi, and then hopped into the line. For a late afternoon, this place was pretty bustling, but it was also a huge restaurant, and there were still plenty of places to sit.
And plenty of food to eat.
From inside the bag, Todd made smacking sounds with his lips.
“Come to papa,” he cackled and started to open up the zipper on the bag.
I threw my hand down to stop him. “Whoa Todd, you can’t just poke your head out right here. It’s way too busy.”
“Todd will not be denied his grub,” the imp scoffed. “How about this? Just unzip it slightly, and then you can slip the food down to me. I’ll be as discreet as can be.”
“Just slip the food into my duffel bag.” I repeated skeptically. “Yeah, that’s not weird at all.”
“I’ll be quiet,” he promised. “Nobody’s gonna notice. Besides, it’s Vegas! Crazy shit happens all the time. Just have the girls block the view.”
“Okay…” I shook my head as I half-unzipped the bag.
Cupi slid over to my right side, and Libidine remained on my left. Soon, we had a system in place. I would pick up whatever looked tasty onto the plate and angle it so that the imp could see. He’d let out a grunt if he thought it looked good, and then I’d discreetly slide it into the bag for my friend to enjoy. I was worried that one of the employees was going to come over to confront the weird guy sliding mashed potatoes into his duffel bag while he walked around the buffet tables, but so far nobody had noticed.
Meanwhile, Libidine was responsible for getting me a plate. She heaped nearly everything she saw onto the tray, until it was packed to the brim with mountains of pillowy mashed potatoes, crispy fried chicken, tender prime rib, and sweet brown-sugar carrots. And that was just from the American food section.
“So, why are there so many types of food here on Earth Realm?” Cupiditas asked as we passed over into the Asian cuisine section of the buffet. “The options in Hell are… Slim, to say the least.”
“So you’re telling me you’ve never had sushi, or orange chicken, or even an egg roll before?” I shot the blonde a sly grin. “You’re in for a treat.”
I reached out with the tongs and picked up a couple of crispy, golden-brown egg rolls. They looked like they had just been taken out of the fryer and crunched under the metal of my utensil when I picked them up. The things looked like they had been bathed in oil, and they shimmered in the light when I moved them towards Cupi’s plate.
“What about this stuff over here?” Libidine called from the Italian section of the buffet.
“Oh dear.” I shook my head. “You’ve never had Italian either? Pizza is life to poor guys like ourselves.”
“Formerly poor guys,” Todd corrected.
The pizza in Excalibur’s buffet was nothing like what Todd and I were used to dining on. Thick slices of pepperoni sat atop gooey white cheese that was currently bubbling under the lights of the heating lamp. As I used the spatula to remove a piece of the pie it left long, thin strands of mozzarella behind.
“That. Looks. Incredible.” Libidine drooled as the slice landed on her plate.
As much as I wanted to keep getting more food, we were at maximum capacity. Each of us now carried two plates each, and that wasn’t even including all the food we had slid down into the duffel bag. The four of us made our way to the dining area, trying not to spill any of the delicious morsels as we went. We finally found an open table for four and plopped down happily.
“I don’t even know where to begin,” Cupiditas said as she ran her wide eyes back and forth across the mountains of food that lay before us.
“You’re the incarnation of greed, Cupi,” I chuckled. “Don’t think too hard about it, just dig in!”
Libidine picked up a piece of juicy sushi and plopped it into her mouth. She raised her violet eyes to the ceiling as she took a few bites, but she still couldn’t tell if she liked it or not. Then, a wide grin spread across her face, and she swallowed the food down her throat.
“That was quite tasty.” She nodded. “What is it?”
“That’d be sushi,” I explained. “Believe it or not, it’s raw fish wrapped up in rice and seaweed. Pretty good, huh?”
“You humans have odd tastes,” Cupiditas laughed, and then raised a forkful of tender ravioli pasta to her mouth.
The blonde couldn’t contain her expression of pleasure when the creamy alfredo sauce touched her lips. Her eyes nearly rolled back in her skull in ecstacy.
“I’m assuming that means you enjoy it?” I asked the blonde.
“Jacob,” she locked her eyes with mine. “It’s things like this that make me realize we made the right decision to stay. This stuff is amazing.”
“We would have never gotten this kind of treatment from Earl,” Libidine added.
“That’s because Jacob is the best master-- No, the greatest man we’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing,” Cupiditas grinned.
“To Jacob!” Todd yelled out as his small paws raised a chicken bone into the air in a toast.
“To Jacob,” Cupi and Libidine said in unison.
Through the partially opened zipper I could hear the inhuman-like sounds of the small demon tearing through his meal like a tasmanian devil. A half-eaten slice of pizza flew out of the bag in the chaos, and I looked around nervously to make sure that nobody had noticed. Thankfully, they were all too distracted by their own meal.
The next ten minutes or so were spent completely ind
ulging. I took a bite of shrimp cocktail, and the buttery flavor of the shellfish made it feel like it was nearly dissolving in my mouth. Then I got to the perfectly cooked egg rolls that I had picked up earlier. My teeth crunched into the crispy shell, and my entire mouth was filled with a rush of oriental flavor. I gobbled down the rest of the appetizer and then moved on to the main dish. The fried chicken.
Before the tender meat of the breast even hit my tastebuds, I could tell it was going to be the best I’d ever had. The skin had the kind of crispness that you could only get from hand-frying it in a cast-iron skillet, rather than dumping it into a greasy deep fryer like many places did. I bit into the chicken, and the juices from the plump breast dribbled down my chin without warning. I didn’t care. I was going to devour this thing first and then worry about the cleanup later.
We continued on for what felt like another fifteen minutes, and then I leaned back in my chair and looked down at the empty plates in front of me. I’d devoured every single item I’d taken, and I briefly considered going back for more, but then I realized it was probably time to throw in the towel.
Libidine seemed to share my feelings. The curvy succubus was weakly trying to finish off her last spoonful of homemade mashed potatoes, but she could barely get the utensil into her mouth before she placed it down on the table in defeat.
Cupi, on the other hand, marveled at her empty plates and rubbed her chin as if she was thinking about going back for seconds.
“Are you still hungry?” I asked the blonde in disbelief.
“Not really.” She shrugged, nearly in a food coma. “But that was so delicious. I know there’s still room in there somewhere!”
“How you feeling, buddy?” I looked down at the imp in the bag who was still munching.
“Bro, I don’t think I’m going to eat again for weeks.” Todd let out a loud belch of satisfaction that actually made the sides of the duffle bag vibrate.
“That’s a lie, and be both know it,” I laughed.
“That has to be the most food I’ve eaten in my life,” Libidine mused. “I’m used to one solid meal a day, and that’s on a good day.”
“When we are with Jacob, every day is a good day,” Cupi purred. “Much better than even our best days under Earl.”
“Speaking of…” I pulled back the sleeve of my suit jacket and looked at my watch. “We only have so much time before that asshole returns. Let’s go out and win some money.”
“Fuck yeah.” Todd raised his hand into the air weakly.
The succubi and I stood up, and I tossed a twenty onto the table as a tip. I threw the imp carrier across my shoulder, and then we made our way out to the main floor.
First thing’s first, we needed some gambling chips.
I walked up the cashier’s desk, pulled out ten hundred-dollar bills, and slid them across the counter. The woman behind the desk shot me a warm smile and then returned with a small baggie full of chips of various colors and values.
My friends and I had our bellies full of delicious food and were dressed like sex machines. Now it was time to kick some ass at the casino.
After a short walk, we came across a blackjack table. Three men and a woman sat across from the dealer who shuffled the punched cards as he yucked it up with his customers. He dealt to the four people, who then made bets of various increments and told him whether they wanted to hit or stand. When that round was done, the dealer flipped over his own card, much to the dismay of the man at the very center of the table. The man slammed his fists down on the table in anger as the dealer pulled away the loser’s two black chips, and then he got up from the table and walked away in a huff.
“There’s an open spot here,” I said as I slid down at the chair and plopped the duffel bag down at my feet. “I think I’m gonna get in on this while we have the chance.”
“What is this game?” Libidine asked as she put her right arm around my shoulder.
“This is Blackjack, my dear,” I explained. “Basically, you try to get the closest you can get to twenty one without going over. Aces can be either a one or an eleven. At the end, whoever is the closest wins.”
“Sounds like it could be a game of strategy,” Cupi perked up at my words as she joined her sister at my side.
“Oh, it most certainly is,” I chuckled as I pulled out a few chips.
The two succubi stood behind me, anxiously awaiting whatever was about to happen next. It was already a crowded table, but I enjoyed having cheerleaders. Especially sexy succubi ones who hung off me with bated breath.
The dealer was a short man whose age was hard to judge. His face was youthful and spry, but his bald head made me think that he couldn’t be any younger than forty. His brown eyes were buggy like saucers but held a glimmer of excitement as he grinned at the new prospect arriving at the table. I could tell that he was a guy who loved his job.
“Deal me in,” I said to the dealer as I put ten $5 red chips on the table.
“Certainly, sir,” the dealer said.
He then shuffled the deck in a flurry of fingers and cardstock and placed two cards face up in front of me. The jack of clubs stared me back in the face, partnered with a six of spades. Meanwhile, the dealer had given himself one card face down and an ten of hearts.
“What do you do now?” Cupi whispered in my ear.
“Well,” I sighed. “He’s got an ten, and most of the cards in the deck are going to be ten, so he’ll probably beat my sixtee--”
“You should hit,” Liby whispered. “I have a good feeling about it.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Yesss,” she purred in my ear.
“Okay,” I said as I felt my heart start to hammer in my chest. It was only fifty dollars, but I was used to being poor, and I hated the idea of losing.
The other people at the table declared if they were hitting or staying, and then the dealer turned to me.
“Hit me,” I said as I exhaled slowly.
The next card was a four of spades which brought my total to twenty.
“Hey,” I said. “Not bad.”
“See?” Liby whispered.
“He can still beat me,” I said, and then the three of us turned toward the dealer.
He flipped over his face-down card to reveal a nine of hearts. Libidine and Cupiditas let out a scream of glee.
“Well I’ll be damned,” the dealer laughed and pulled out ten more red chips for me to add to my winnings.
I combined the ten chips with my own and pushed them back onto the table to wager.
This time, I was dealt a much worse hand. A six of diamonds and a six of hearts.
“What now?” Cupi asked.
“Well, I can split them and play two hands at once,” I said.
“Ohhh,” Liby moaned softly in my ear. “Two at once. You are good at that.”
I laughed and indicated to the dealer that I wanted to split my doubles.
“Another one-hundred,” I laid down twenty more red chips in a pile next to my first bet.
The man behind the table nodded and then moved the two sixes into separate piles. I placed my two fingers together and tapped them on the table. The dealer slowly flipped up the next card which was revealed to be the six of spades. Now I sat at twelve for the first hand. That wasn’t going to be winning me anything.
“Three sixes,” Libidine whispered into my ear. “How fitting. Maybe they will give you a nine next?”
“Those are my favorite two numbers put together,” Cupi giggled.
“You both are too much,” I chuckled. Then I tapped two fingers in front of me again, and the man flipped the next card. It was a nine of hearts, and the two succubi gave out gleeful cheers as they hugged me. I was at twenty-one, and my first hundred was secure. Now I just had to worry about the second hand.
“Hit me.” I nodded and tapped the table next to my second hand.
The dealer seemed to hold his breath as he slowly turned over the next card, the ace of spades. This was a predicament.
Seventeen wasn’t a great number, but it was close enough to twenty-one that I could easily bust, and I could always switch it to seven.
“Hit again,” Liby urged, and I motioned for the dealer to hit again.
The short man turned the punched card. Staring back at me was a four of clubs, and my two girlfriends giggled with delight.
All that was left was to see if the dealer could match my hand. He frowned as he flipped over his second card to reveal a five of diamonds, bringing his total to fifteen. The man smiled at me, and he dealt himself another card. This time, it was an eight of clubs. Bust.
“Good job, sir,” he complimented me.
I jumped up from my chair and fist-pumped into the air. Libidine wrapped her arms around me and joy, and Cupiditas gave me a playful peck on the cheek in celebration.
“Look, I’m all for blackjack and all,” Todd yelled from his doggy carrier. “But we need to hit up the slots. You can’t go to Vegas and not play the mother fucking slots.”
“Sounds like a plan. I don’t want to take all this guy’s money, anyways,” I joked to the dealer as I grabbed all my chips and excused myself from the table.
We walked across the floor to a cluster of slot machines, and I motioned for the dark-haired succubus to sit down.
“You want to give it a spin, Liby?” I offered.
“Oh, I wouldn’t even know what to do…” Libidine trailed off.
“It’s easy!” I reassured the woman as I leaned over and placed a ten-dollar bill into the machine. “Just choose how many lines you want to play, click the button, and then push play.”
Libidine seemed hesitant, but she reached out a slender finger and pushed down on the button that gave her the minimal bet option.
The machine was the most inappropriate you could ask for given our current situation. It was called “Angelic Chorus,” and featured pictures of angels all over the facade along with money symbols with halos. I was actually surprised that all four of us didn’t burst into flames just from touching it.
Liby hesitated at the sight before she reached out and pulled down the lever. The machine answered with a mechanical click, and the three slots sprang to life as they lit up and spun around happily. The dark-haired succubus laughed with joy at the scene.
