First Love

by Amy Brent

  “Do you think I should?” I asked.

  “Honestly? I’m not sure. On the one hand, I don’t want to see you get hurt. On the other hand, I think it’s about time your body got interested in someone. I just don’t want to see you jeopardize your mental health success and get hurt by him again. He does have a track record with you.”

  “I know.”

  “Just be careful. Know your limits and your boundaries and don’t allow yourself to push them. When all is said and done, this is for you. Period,” she said.

  “I hear you loud and clear.”

  The rest of the day was just as distracting. I had nothing to turn in to my boss because I couldn’t stop thinking about Brandon’s lips, and when I went to pick Sarah up from school, I noticed that one of the teachers was built like Brandon. Tall. Muscular. His strength didn’t pull at his clothes like Brandon’s did, and suddenly my mind was showing me what it would look like to rake my fingernails down his chest. The entire ride home with Sarah in the backseat was spent squeezing my thighs together, and by the time I got her home, fed, and in bed, I was close to tears.

  My clit was swollen beyond reason, I couldn’t move my legs without friction that shivered my spine, and all the while, I kept thinking about his tongue plunging in and out of my depths.

  I panted, catching myself against my wall as images flashed through my mind. Images of him pinning me to my bedroom wall and fucking me senseless. Images of me on my knees sucking his cock as he came down my throat. Images of my body riding his hips as he pounded up into me like the virile man he was instead of the immature little boy he had been.

  And then I passed by a picture of Carl.

  It was the one picture I couldn’t take down. A picture that was taken of us while we kissed at the end of our wedding. His long, lanky limbs were wrapped around me, pulling me close as he bent me backward. There was a smile on his cheeks. My foot was raised off the ground and my hands thrown around his neck as I clung to him for dear life.

  Here I was, pining over the asshole he helped me to heal from while his very aura still hung heavily in this house. Along these walls. In this picture.

  In his daughter’s eyes.

  I backed up from the picture as my back hit the wall, and I slid down to my ass. I felt like I was cheating on him, betraying him in some way. Tears poured down my cheeks as my mind battled between my clit pulsing for Brandon and my heart longing for Carl. My jaw quivered as I closed my eyes, trying to block out my thoughts and stop my mind from racing so badly.

  Why the fuck did Brandon take me off my fucking medication?

  I crawled to the kitchen and pulled myself up to the counter. I grabbed a wine glass with my trembling hands as my breathing came in short spurts. I poured myself a glass of wine and chugged it before I quickly poured myself another one. When my hands were still shaking after the second one, I thought back to what Brandon had told me. I could call him at any time, and he’d be there to talk with me.

  I poured myself a third glass of wine and made my way to the kitchen table. My knees were weak, and my breathing was still shaky. I pulled my phone from my robe and scrolled until I saw his number, and for a split second, I hesitated. My chest hurt from heaving and my eyes burned from crying, and before I could stop myself I pressed the call button and held the ringing phone up to my ear.

  “Dr. Brandon Black speaking,” he said as he answered.

  “Brandon,” I said breathlessly.

  “Melissa? Is that you? Are you all right?”

  “I don’t think so,” I said as I took another gulp of wine.

  “Take deep breaths for me. Just try, okay?”

  I tried to breathe deep, but the breaths were choppy. My chest was heaving, and my stomach was turning, and all the while, Brandon was coaching me on when I should inhale and when I should release. I closed my eyes and allowed his voice to drench my body, covering me in its raspy low tones as my hands slowly stopped shaking. Soon, my breathing was even, and my mind was settled a bit, and I no longer felt like I was choking on my own panicked state.

  “Can you hear me?” he asked.

  “Yes. I can,” I said.

  “You sound better. How’s your breathing?” he asked.

  “It’s all right, I think. Still hurts, but it’s even.”

  “That’s good. That’s good. Chances are, you had a mild panic attack. Are you sitting down?”

  “I am now, yes,” I said.

  “Good. Now, talk to me about what you were thinking about before it happened.”

  Should I be honest with him? Should I answer that question in full? I didn’t want to risk losing him yet. Not when I’d just got him back. That pang of guilt still stung my body, but I was able to drown it out as I chugged my third glass of wine.

  So, I decided to give him the bare minimum answer in the hopes that he would leave it be.

  “I was thinking about Carl and about how Ava tells me it’s time to move on and find someone who makes me happy. I felt his awful pang of guilt curl my stomach as I looked at a wedding photo of ours I just can’t take down yet,” I said.

  “I can see how that would start a mild attack. When did you have this conversation with Ava?” he asked.

  “This afternoon, at lunch. She said it was time my body started craving someone or some crap like that.”

  He chuckled into the phone, and I could feel my body relaxing at the sound of his voice. We talked into the small hours of the morning, not hanging up the phone until close to three o’clock. We talked about Ava, and he mentioned a little bit about a colleague of his. Dr. Michael Smith. I recognized the name from the nameplates on the doors adjacent to him, and for once, I got him to open up a bit about his life and about how he and his doctor friend go get drinks from time to time and how he and his mother are still close.

  Of course, most of the conversation was geared toward me. He wanted to make sure I was going to be okay when we hung up the phone, and I smiled at the compassion that seemed to be emanating from his voice.

  I told him I was all right now that I’d talked to him, and I could feel the smile radiating through the phone against my ear. I enjoyed talking to him more than I should have, and as I laid my head down on my pillow, I found myself hoping he’d make use of my number now that he had it.

  After all, even a world-renowned psychiatrist needed someone to go to.

  Chapter 13

  Brandon

  I walked into the office with a bit of a smile on my face. I felt like I was standing a bit taller, like my legs had grown longer overnight. The last couple of nights as I settled in after tucking in Max, Melissa had called. The first time was because of a panic attack, but the past two nights she called, we simply talked like old friends. I enjoyed talking with her greatly. It reminded me of the nights I’d climb up to her bedroom window, and we’d sit on the sill and talk. Her giggle fluttered into my eardrums and ingrained itself into my brain, and I’d fall asleep with the image of her smile imprinted on my eyelids.

  I felt fantastic talking with her.

  Her voice had deepened a bit since we last talked. As a girl, she had this light, innocent tone to her voice. Now, she sounded like a woman. Sultry with a bit of playful attitude thrown in. Some nights, we got into deep conversations about her sleeplessness or how she woke up crying that morning. Sometimes we talked about the things that happened in my marriage, and sometimes we talked about fights her and Carl had, but there were two things we never broached.

  We never talked about why I married that awful woman or the fact that I had a son.

  I left the office that evening preparing for our next conversation. I knew she would call, and I could hardly contain my excitement. I had to admit, her voice was sexy as hell, and coupled with the feminine body she had wrapped up in her work clothes Monday, it was a hard image to let go of. I had moments in the shower where I didn’t bother attempting to contain myself, and I even had moments where I thought about what she might look like underneath those
clothes.

  I had no idea what the conversation tonight would bring, but as I lay down in bed around eleven o’clock, my phone began to buzz on my nightstand.

  “Hello there, Melissa,” I said.

  “Good evening, Brandon. How was work?” she asked.

  “It actually flew by. I’m glad you called.”

  “Why’s that?” she asked.

  “I suppose I’ve been enjoying the talking we’re doing. How did you do at work today? How’s Sarah?”

  “Sarah’s good and work was, well, work. Lots of numbers and calculations.”

  “I actually don’t think I know what you do for work,” I said.

  “I’m an accountant for the tech company up the road from you,” she said.

  “Out of all the things I thought you would do, that was not something I ever considered,” I said.

  “Yeah, well. I suppose we fall into things sometimes,” she said. “I always knew you’d find your way to helping people, though.”

  “Why’s that?” I asked.

  “Because you helped me,” she said.

  “I don’t think so. I think all I left you with was hurt and heartache.”

  “Leading up to that wasn’t hurt and heartache, though. You exposed me to things my parents would’ve never imagined me knowing. You taught me things, broadened my horizons, so to speak. Had it not been for you and your encouragement, I probably would’ve gone to the community college they wanted me to just so I didn’t create any more friction in the family.”

  “I take it you guys still don’t talk?” I asked.

  “Nope. They’ve never even met Sarah. Don’t even know they have a grandchild.” I could hear the sadness in her voice, and my heart ached for her. How the hell could two parents do to their child what they’d done to Melissa? Having a son of my own, I could never imagine him doing anything that would make me disown him and never want to see him again.

  Nothing.

  “You remember that night underneath the stars?” she asked. “That night with the full moon?”

  “The night underneath that massive oak tree? How in the world could I forget something like that?” I asked.

  “Remember how tentative you were with me? Like you didn’t want to hurt me?”

  “I do remember because I didn’t want to hurt you. Why do you ask?”

  “I think about that night a lot.”

  I felt my skin heat up as my cock began to jump to life. Out of all the nights of passion I’d shared with all the women in my lifetime, that one took the cake every single time. The way her skin was painted by the moonlight and the way her pussy squeezed me tightly was a sensation I couldn’t replicate. Not with any woman I ever came across.

  “May I ask why?” I asked.

  “It was the first time I ever orgasmed,” she said.

  “You didn’t orgasm the first time we had sex?” I asked.

  “I think maybe I did, but I maybe didn’t know how to define what had happened. That time underneath the stars, I knew exactly what had happened.”

  I shivered at her voice. I heard those sultry tones sink in, and I knew it was because of the chemical change taking place in her mind. I found my hand creeping across my cock, massaging it as I heard her breathing into the phone. I didn’t know what to say or where to go from here, so I stayed silent until she continued talking.

  “Can I admit something to you that I would never be comfortable telling anyone else?” she asked.

  “Of course,” I said.

  “Carl never made me come like that.”

  I had to take deep breaths in order to keep myself at bay. My cock was pushing through the seam of my boxers as I wrapped my hand around it. I had to tell her to stop or to divert the conversation and get it onto another topic. I wouldn’t be able to take any more of those words falling from her lips.

  But I was speechless at the way she was breathing into the phone.

  “If it makes you feel any better, I never could replicate the feeling either,” I said.

  “Not even with that thin little bride of yours?” she asked.

  “Not even with her,” I said.

  “You were the first man I’d ever seen naked. I was astounded by your body,” she said.

  “You were beautiful to me, Melissa, a flower that had just bloomed amongst a bouquet of wooden roses,” I said.

  “I would’ve done anything for you,” she whispered.

  My hand was stroking my cock as her breathing began to speed up. I could hear her moaning, and I knew exactly what she was doing. I thought about her naked body spread on her bed, her legs parted for me as my cock slid into her warm depths. My hand stroked my length, juices dripping down my hand as I groaned into the phone. I could hear her whimpering, and I envisioned her shaking and her legs jumping as my tongue flicked her clit while she covered my face in juices.

  “I can only imagine the curves your body holds for someone to sink their fingers into,” I breathed.

  “What I wouldn’t give for you to touch me again,” she whispered.

  At first, I didn’t think I heard her right. My eyes flew open as my hips began to pump into my hand. I pressed my ear into the phone as she whimpered and moaned. I could hear her bed creaking on the other end as my ass flexed and my cock twitched. I thought about her juices dripping down her ass crack, waiting for my tongue to lick them up as her legs locked me between her legs.

  I bet she smelled divine.

  “Brandon. Yes. Oh, shit. Right there.”

  My name falling from her lips threw me over the edge. I ran my thumb along the head of my cock as I grunted into the comforter. My hot come spilled all over me, stream after stream of thick, juicy come painting my sheets and body as I clenched my teeth. I could hear her whimpering and rolling around, her mind lost to the sensations she was probably fighting off due to the change in medical treatment she was receiving.

  But the words that flew from her mouth as she came shivered me to my core.

  “Brandon. Brandon. Oh yes. Just like that. Just for you. Oh shit.”

  I heard her breathing deep, trying to catch her breath as I listened to her come. I smiled as I closed my eyes, taking in every single sensation. Her breathing slowed and her body rested, and I wondered what it would feel like to have her curl into me, to run my fingers through her hair again while she fell asleep next to my body.

  I bet her curves would mold perfectly to my chiseled muscles protecting her like she’d wanted to be protected all those years ago.

  “Melissa?” I asked.

  “Mhm?” she hummed.

  “Why don’t you try to get some sleep?” I asked.

  “Sounds good …” she trailed off.

  “Good night, Melissa,” I said.

  “Mhm.”

  I hung up the phone and simply stared at the ceiling. What the fuck had just happened? How the hell did we jump from friendly conversation to phone sex? I wasn’t complaining. Not by a long shot. But fuck, that was hot. Her breaths and her moans. The way my name still rolled effortlessly off her lips. It was like she was building to this moment, dreaming of it the way I had been dreaming of her.

  I closed my eyes as I rolled away from my mess. I didn’t want to clean myself up. I wanted to imagine that her juices were coating my cock. I wanted to wake up and remember this moment. I wanted proof that it had happened and that while it was unexpected, we had still gravitated back toward each other like we had all those years ago in the middle of a high school class when I couldn’t stop looking at the way the sun filtered over her skin through the window.

  I fell asleep for the first time in years with a smile on my face and dreamed of the way her breath cascaded over my ears in that phone call.

  Chapter 14

  Melissa

  Holy hell, what had I just done? I stretched my arms and felt the residue of last night all along my thighs and grimaced. How in the world could I have done something like that? Brandon’s voice kept echoing in my mind like a haunting
reminder of the betrayal I had just committed. I threw myself out of bed and ran to the bathroom, heaving into the toilet as I heard Sarah stir. I had been weak. I had masturbated to a voice that had ricocheted around in my head for nights. I had garnered pleasure from the idea of another man.

  I had betrayed Carl.

  I didn’t know how I was going to face him again. As I got Sarah and myself ready for the day, I thought about canceling my next appointment. Surely there had been a doctor-patient logistic that had been breached by our actions. Surely that warranted a good enough excuse to change doctors. Or stop this shit altogether.