She sat for a minute before going into the other room to pull out some more laundry. The house was cleaner than ever, the laundry was done and we’d been eating like kings, all because of Stevie. And I hated it. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. I started to tell her when I simultaneously heard the Camry pull up and my phone started ringing.
“Aaron? It’s Vince. Hey, your brothers apparently just had an altercation with some boys in the parking lot. Some kids reported it and we were headed out there when I saw them pull away-”
Stevie met them at the door and the two of them spilled inside, blood on their faces and clothes.
“What the fuck happened,” I yelled.
Stevie quietly grabbed ice packs from the freezer and started cleaning them up. Peter and Patrick were full of adrenaline.
Patrick sneered, “We didn’t even make it into the fucking school. John and Chris and four other guys who weren’t students were waiting for us. They told us if we testified against their friends, they’d come for us again and this time, we wouldn’t walk away. I told them ‘we’re here now. Why wait?’ Jon took a swing at me so I took him out. Chris and Peter went at it and once Jon was down, I looked at the other four and they must have seen the teachers coming because they took off like a bunch of pussies.”
Oh, Jesus. This was beyond terrible.
“Vince? You still there? They’re here.” He said he’d already called the police and were taking statements from witnesses. “That’s all well and good, but why the fuck wasn’t anyone watching the parking lot, Vince? They could have been killed!”
Vince tried to calm me down, but I was done talking to him. I told him if he couldn’t keep my brothers safe, they weren’t going back to that school.
I barely heard Stevie telling me that they were ok, just some scrapes and Patrick had a fat lip. I sent them to their room and told them to stay there until the police arrived. I stood up and almost fell over trying to grab for my crutches.
“Aaron! Here, let me help you-”
“Help me what? Fuck! I can’t even do one simple thing! Keep my fucking brothers safe!”
I pushed away from her and hobbled out onto the back steps to wait for the cops Vince said he sent my way. I needed to get calm before I tried to talk to anyone. I felt so damn helpless.
Stevie
I felt so damn helpless! I’d cleaned and cooked so much for these boys and it wasn’t enough. I didn’t know what to do for Aaron so I gave him his space. I went into the living room and picked up what little mess was there. Cleaning was the only thing that had kept me sane this past week. Aaron grew more and more irritable as the twins’ troubles piled and piled. I gave him back rubs. I cooked their favorites. I tried to keep things moving, but in this, I felt like an outsider. Aaron was keeping me out and there was nothing I could do about it….Except for making a call.
“Hey Stevie, is he being an asshole already? I-”
“Schroeder is there any way you can come over?” I told him everything and he told me he’d call Callie to come over and mind the store with their new employee that he hadn’t even had a chance to tell Aaron about.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
When I came back in the kitchen, Aaron was talking to the cops on the porch so I did the only thing I knew to do. I made tea. I carried it out to him, but instead of taking it, he shot me an irritated look, and ignored the cup I was offering. Flustered, I poured it out in the sink, resisting the temptation to throw it at him. I figured that wouldn’t go over well with the cops there. I went up and got the brothers, who were lying in their beds staring at the ceiling.
“Hey, the police just got here-”
They both groaned loudly.
Peter said, “Not again! Do we have to…Duh, of course we do. Shit.”
Patrick was throwing a tennis ball against the wall. “Fuck that place, man. I’m not going back there. Hammond can kiss my ass. He should have done something about those guys when they first started shit with me. We’ll see if they have any sort of winning season without us.”
Peter murmured in agreement. And I suddenly had an idea.
I listened to the two of them gripe about their situation as they descended the stairs and went into the kitchen, where Aaron was sitting with two police officers. The boys sat down and gave their statements. When they finished, I showed the officer out and turned to see the three of them glaring.
“We’re not going back. That’s it. If they’re going to let jackasses like those guys stay, I’m not going back. Fuck it, I’ll just get my GED and get the fuck out, enroll at Ohlone.”
Aaron popped his knuckles and snarled, “Like hell you will. You’ll get your damn diploma if I have to take you to school myself and sit with you all day.”
Patrick snorted. “And what the fuck good are you going to do? You can’t even walk! No! I’m not putting Peter through any more of this. We’re not going back.”
Aaron was furious and his jaw muscle was twitching like crazy. “Mom and Pops will be home in two days. I suggest you lose GED from your vocabulary. That is unacceptable. We’ll find another way to get your diploma, but you’re getting your goddamned diploma!”
The boys sat staring at him, the weight of the situation transcending their angst. Peter spoke softly, “We’re sorry, Aaron. I don’t want them to have to come home.”
“It’s too fucking late. What’s done is done-”
“What if there is another way,” I said softly. All three heads flipped around to look at me. I gulped. “How about home school? There are several programs in the area. I could find one and I’d be happy to help-”
“Thanks, Stevie, but we’ll figure this out,” Aaron snapped.
I couldn’t have been more shocked if he’d slapped me. He’d effectively told me I wasn’t part of the family and therefore I had nothing to offer. I lifted my chin and excused myself. I hurried to the front of the house and was about to run upstairs when I heard Schroeder’s voice. I sighed. Hopefully Aaron would listen to him, since he’d just made it clear he wouldn’t be listening to me.
Aaron
“Stevie called me, man. I’m so sorry.” I sent the boys to their room again and told them to stay put for now. They were looking at me with disgust and I couldn’t figure out just why I was suddenly the depository of their anger.
“Yeah, we’ve had a helluva week. How’s the store?” He looked at me like I was George W. Bush’s slower relative.
“The store is fine. What the hell has gotten into you?”
I exhaled long and hard, wishing I could get up and move. “Look, Schroeder, I’ve just had my two idiot twin brothers tell me they want to drop out of school. They got busted up this morning by some bastards who are trying to keep them from testifying in that rape case. My fucking parents are coming home day after tomorrow because I have proven that I can’t handle shit on my own. And Stevie’s here trying to fix shit. Fuck! Stevie…” I was so unfair to her. I needed to find her and apologize.
“Yeah. Fuck you, McShane. She called me because she was worried about you. Once again, you’re hard fucking head is trying to do it all yourself without any help. Did you ever once wonder why she was still here when I’m pretty sure you’ve been a royal pain in the ass? Because she fucking loves you! Because you were patient with her when she needed it. So what the fuck is your problem now?”
I looked down at the floor. He was right. I needed to get up and go find her. So why was I just sitting here?
“I’m afraid to trust her, man. She’s already proven she’ll run.”
Schroeder kicked a chair and slammed his hand down in front of me. “Has she run this week?”
And that was really the bottom line. She’d stayed with me through the worst week of my life and I was accusing her of running.
I pushed myself up to standing and reached for my crutches. Schroeder watched me without offering to help. Yeah, I was busted.
It took forever, but I finally made it up the steps on m
y ass. When I got up to the bedroom, Stevie was packing her bag.
“Stevie, I’m sorry-”
“I’m just going to stay in Grandma McShane’s room until your parents get home. My offer still stands to home school the boys if you need another option for them.” She didn’t look at me once. She wasn’t running. She was giving me space. She was giving me a whole lot of space.
The next two days went by too fast. She cooked, she cleaned, she helped the boys with their homework, and she worked in Pops’ garden. She was sweet to me, but she was hurt. I did that. She had to have heard me talking to Schroeder. Or maybe I was just that much of a shit to her that I’d done this all on my own.
She went to the airport in the Camry on Monday to pick up my parents and was going to have them drop her at her place on their way back. I heard all of this from Schroeder. He came by to stay with me while she was gone. I flipped out.
“What’s she going to do about a car? She won’t be able to get around!” What the hell was I going to do? She took my heart with her. I was such an asshole. My life was spinning out of control and everyone was pissed at me, including my parents. I had to hear it from them when they got home.
“Being a man means asking for and accepting help, son. She offered, which is an even more precious gift, and if she’ll still do it, we’re going to take her up on her offer to home school the boys, at least until the trial is over. You can go back to minding your store once you can get around with that leg.” Pops was laying down the law.
Mom went a little easier on me, but not much. “Son, you must make things right with Stevie. Whether you two stay together or not, you need to let her know what a gift she gave you by taking care of you all when you needed her. She’s devastated.”
I finally allowed myself to break down and cry. Mom listened to me and held my hand.
“You are being tested, son, and I’m terribly sorry it has been so difficult. But you did the best you could and your father and I are grateful. There is no blame here, do you hear me?”
I knew I should take her at her word, but I was miserable.
Chapter Sixteen
Stevie
I slept off and on for the next two days. I couldn’t blame Aaron for what happened. He was just trying to take care of his brothers under diminished capacity. It hurt to think that he didn’t trust me enough to see this through. I guess that whole “Faith, Trust and Prayer” philosophy was true. He just didn’t have them where I was concerned. Now all I could do was wait and see.
When I had picked up Shireen and Ryan, they insisted I tell them everything. Ryan was particularly angry with Aaron for the way he treated me. He was angry with himself for leaving and for not having an alarm system. Grandma McShane decided to stay for an extended period with her twin sister outside of Dublin. I would miss her. I really enjoyed spending time learning from her.
Shireen and I talked a lot about the home school option and I told her I would do some research and call her. She and Ryan were going to be meeting with the D.A. and principal and trying to sort everything out. I felt terrible for their whole family. On a positive note, Ryan looked really healthy! He’d put on some weight and seemed much more like the tough guy Aaron and the boys had made him out to be. I was so glad he’d had the time away and hopefully, once the smoke cleared, he’d get even better.
Schroeder called me Thursday and begged me not to give up on Aaron.
“I told you he could be a jackass. I’m sorry you had to see this side of him before you really grew to know and love the main McShane.” We laughed about that and he promised to keep me posted.
I called Mike that night and asked him to take me car shopping over the weekend, which he was tickled to do. Ryan begged me to leave my Bug over his place.
“I’m going to need something to tinker with or I’m liable to go insane over here with all this nonsense.”
Mike picked me up Sunday and we went to the Ford dealer. He was itching to test drive a Mustang and I thought I’d look at the trucks. I’d had a blast driving Ryan’s, all things considered.
The vultures swooped in as soon as we pulled up in his BMW. He pulled me inside past them and asked for the fleet manager. Turned out it was one of his old college buddies so we got good service. As much as I loved the Mustangs, I decided to be practical. Owning a truck would make me more self-sufficient. Mike’s friend gave me a great deal on a used F-150 quad cab. It was ginormous compared to my little Bug! It was black and had a killer stereo with an auxiliary jack for my iPod. I was kind of excited to join the 21st century! I even paid cash and still had a hefty amount of my nest egg left, so I felt pretty good about the whole experience!
Mike asked me to join him for lunch, so we stopped at BJ’s. It was late so the lunch crowd was mostly cleared out.
“So how’ve you been, Stevie? Maryland said you’ve been spending time with a guy across the Bay?”
I shrugged and sipped my Diet Coke. “I have. He’s pretty terrific, but we keep hitting snags.” He raised an eyebrow and gestured for me to continue. “Mike, if you ask me for more info, you’re gonna get it because I’m pretty lost here.”
He laughed. “Of course I want to know! Jesus, do you know how boring my life has been without Maryland? I need some juicy gossip!”
I kicked him under the table. “You really miss her, huh?”
He smiled. “I totally do, Stevie. And I miss my girls. I’m hoping when they come back, I can just swoop them up and move them into my place. I can’t stand it anymore. And if she doesn’t come home pretty soon, I’m fucking going to Alaska. Getting divorced was the dumbest thing I ever did in my life.”
I knew they’d work it out. Once Maryland mentioned there was a chance, I knew they would. They belonged together. I wondered if I could say the same for Aaron and I.
I gave Mike the full story. He was a surprisingly good listener! When I caught him up to present tense, he got his game face on.
“See, here’s the thing. Stevie, this guy is obviously nuts over you and is probably sitting home with his broken leg kicking himself with his good one. We guys have to feel like we can handle our business, even something as colossally fucked as his situation. He’s certainly got his hands full. And that’s just it. He probably felt like he was supposed to take care of you, too. I don’t know how you fix it, I just know if it were me, I’d pray you didn’t give up hope on me.”
I smiled sadly. “I’m not. At least, I don’t want to. I just feel really awkward about being over there without him asking me. I don’t even know where we stand! We never talked about boyfriend/girlfriend, none of that! I know he loves me, but I don’t want to butt in. His parents want me to homeschool his brothers, and I want to because they are great kids who got a raw deal. I just don’t want to step on his toes and God help me if he brought another woman around. I would just crawl up in a corner and die.”
Mike didn’t have any answers for me. It just felt good to have a guy’s perspective. I told him he was almost as good as Maryland at the whole corner coach gig.
He held up his hands. “I learned from the best.”
My phone started buzzing on my lap. I frowned when I saw it was Patrick.
“Hey, Patrick. What’s going on?” I heard voices in the background.
“Hi. Um. I’m sorry to bother you, but I wanted to apologize for my asshole brother and ask you to come back. Basically, I mean, Peter and I really want you to help us with school and, well, Asshole is a mess. An even bigger mess. He’s been up in his apartment since you left. I think he’s even been drinking because I saw a couple of empty bottles of bourbon on his counter. I didn’t even know he had them! Pops’ is pissed at him and they aren’t speaking.”
Wow, this was more information than I’d ever gotten from Patrick. “I don’t know what to say, Patrick. I hate this, too. But he and I need to talk, and me coming over there without an invitation would be a recipe for disaster. Especially if he’s been drinking.”
Patrick cursed and then
apologized. “I’ve never seen him like this. All Peter could get out of him before Asshole threw him out was that he royally fucked up and lost his Goddess.”
Mike was looking at me funny from across the table. I gave him a confused look and shook my head.
“Look, Patrick, I told your mom, I’d do some research into home school programs and it looks like there’s a decent one in your district. I’m sending her the information this afternoon and hopefully she can get you guys signed up ASAP. But if I’m going to work with you, maybe we should meet at the library or something. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, especially Aaron.”
“Screw him, Stevie. He’s the one who fucked up. Look, just think about it, please? We need you.” Patrick was truly a great kid and he was breaking my heart.
“And I’ll be there for you guys, ok? You’re getting your diplomas and that’s that! Hopefully we can get started in the next couple of days. I bought a truck today so I can come over there whenever you are ready to start.”
He thanked me for him and Peter and said, “Are you going to call my brother?”
Mike was watching me with a pitying look on his face.
“I don’t know. I don’t really know what to do.” I reassured him that I’d see him soon and we hung up. I dropped my head into my hands and felt myself shaking. The tears were about to start spilling.
“I should go,” I said to Mike. “Thanks for lunch and for being my muscle.”
He nodded. “Anytime. That includes this guy if he keeps screwing up.”
I gave him a hug and left without any answers.
When I got back to my apartment complex, I went to the office to get a new parking pass and smiled as I stuck it to the window. At least I was making progress to get myself moving again.
I went upstairs and checked email. I had a notice that someone had responded to my blog. Frowning, I opened the page and saw a post from disgracedconcertbuddy:
How do you know whether or not something is too good to be true? I once had this discussion with the most incredible woman I’ve ever known. I told her Faith and Trust. And Prayer. I had something that good with her. But instead of Faith, I had Doubt. Instead of Trust, I had Fear. And I totally forgot about Prayer. I let that incredible woman walk away from me. Now I am stuck in my apartment, non-ambulatory, and all I can do is think about her and search for the answers. I decided to come back to the beginning and read her blog. I thought it would give me some insight, some miraculous plan for how to fix things. Instead, I’m just reading more and more about what an incredible person she is. And I’ve got another 5-7 weeks to sit here and dwell on my mistakes. If this were an advice blog, I wonder what they would say? How do you heal a gaping wound when you can’t even seem to get the pieces back together again? Folks, let me tell you that alcohol doesn’t work. Exercising would probably be perfect except for the whole non-ambulatory bit. Instead I’ll turn to what has always healed me…Music. I’ll play some of my favorite heartbreak songs, some songs about the one that got away, and maybe I’ll even find that perfect “I fucked up, please forgive me” song and learn to play it for her. All I can do now is pray that she’ll still listen, even though I was too stubborn to listen to her.
The Rock Season Page 23
