by Mia Ford
“Grant?” Hayley asks, confused. “Why?”
Well, that answers the question of how much she knows. Allison looks at me uneasily.
“Grant and I were together a long time, but I left him over a misunderstanding,” I tell Hayley. The words, somehow, come easier now. It’s the third time I’ve said them out loud. It isn’t as scary explaining myself now that I’ve told Grant the truth. “Owen is his son. We’ve been trying to work things out but it’s hard.”
“Yeah?” Hayley asks. She spies a mug of coffee. “Oh, this mine?”
“Sorry, it might have gone a little cold,” I say.
“No worries; caffeine is caffeine,” Hayley says with a laugh, taking a sip. “Not bad. Anyway, is Grant still interested in you?”
I remember his heaving breaths and his desperate touches.
“I think so,” I say cautiously; it could, after all, just have been pure lust.
“Then don’t rest on your laurels, girl!” Hayley says, rolling her eyes. “Go get him back!”
“It’s not that easy, Hayley,” Allison laughs. “But we’re trying. We’re just trying to figure out what to say to him.”
“Well, I’m going with this; it’s a good start,” I say.
I press send. Barely half a minute later, my phone vibrates and I almost drop it in shock.
“Shit!” I say, suddenly panicked. “He replied. Did he? Is it him?”
“Well, check!” Hayley demands, coming closer.
I don’t want to check. I can’t bear to get my hopes up. But I have to. Trying to calm my trembling hands, I look at the message.
It’s from Grant.
“I’m glad you aren’t mad. We should talk. Properly. About us and Owen. I want to be friends at least too.”
“Okay, from how quickly he replied, he’s been waiting for a message from you all day,” Allison snorts.
“And you don’t think this guy likes you?” Hayley says, rolling her eyes.
“It’s not about whether he likes me or not,” I say quietly. “It’s about whether he can ever forgive me. That one’s not so easy.”
“Wait, isn’t Grant at work?” Allison asks, glancing at the clock. “Kyle mentioned Grant had the evening shift, so he should be at the bar now.”
“So, he’s texting you while he’s working?” Hayley asks gleefully. “This is getting juicy. If you don’t start sleeping with Grant, there’s something wrong.”
I cough. I’m not about to say that I have slept with Grant…several times now.
“What are you going to say?” Allison asks, scooting closer.
“Should I reply?” I ask, unsure.
“Yes!” Allison and Hayley almost shout.
“Come on, there’s no way you can’t reply to that,” Hayley adds. “He’s probably still worried about what you’re thinking.”
“Remember, you need to put it all on the line,” Allison reminds me. “There’s no other way to get through this.
I still don’t know what to do. Part of me thinks that this is a fool’s errand. I’m just going to get hurt again. But I can’t help but be taken in by Allison’s determination and Hayley’s eagerness. They’re the reason I’m even contemplating replying. If they weren’t here, I wouldn’t reply again. In fact, I’m not so sure I would have sent the first message.
“Okay,” I say. I did things my way, and it didn’t work. It’s time to step out of my comfort zone and let Allison and Hayley help me. I type out a message. “How does this sound?”
‘Talking would be great. When do you want to meet up?”
“Nice,” Hayley says approvingly. “Put the ball in his court and force him to reply again.”
“Maybe Grant was asking Jessica to come up with a time though,” Allison says.
“No,” Hayley says instantly. “He was feeling her out. If she ignored it, or tried to dance around it, he would think she doesn’t want to meet up. By directly asking him to make a time, she’s giving him a bit of power over a meeting that they’re both going to be vulnerable at, and he’ll be more likely to make a decision.”
Allison and I blink at her. She flushes.
“Psychology major,” she coughs.
“Glad to have you on board,” I say with a quiet laugh.
I send the message. This time, it takes a couple of minutes of tension before a reply comes in again.
“Do you work tomorrow?’”
“Tomorrow is good,” Allison says, beaming. “It means he wants to talk to you as soon as possible.”
“And now he’s sharing that control with you,” Hayley adds. “He wants you guys to make a decision as equals.”
“Go on, tell him you can make it,” Allison nudges. “And if Hazel can’t babysit for you, I will. It should probably just be the two of you for this talk.”
“Probably,” I murmur.
“Tomorrow is good. Lunch?”
Grant replies straight away this time.
“I start work at four. Meet at ten?”
I grin. This is fantastic.
“Ten works.” I hesitate, and then add, “Do you want Owen here?”
“That’s probably a good idea,” Hayley says with a nod. “It might feel like you’re trying to trap Grant if you send Owen away and corner him.”
I open my mouth to reply, then see Grant’s response.
“No, it should just be us.”
“Perfect,” Allison grins. “I’ll text Hazel.”
I give her a deadpan look. “Again, how is it that you have my babysitter’s number and are making plans for her to babysit my son with her?”
Allison sniggers. God, sometimes I love her to death, and other times she can be a little scary.
“This is great,” Hayley says. “Now you’ve got a plan to meet tomorrow, and you’ll be able to get a lot off your chests. It’s great that it’s happening so soon.”
“Yeah, especially considering their failed date yesterday,” Allison adds.
I flush. “It isn’t the date the failed, exactly. It’s just that things got a little confusing from Grant after, I think.”
“It’ll just be one more thing to talk about,” Hayley says. “I hope you guys work out, Jessica. I like Grant, and you’re pretty cool, too.”
“Thanks,” I say with a fond smile.
That should have been the end of it. It would have been the end of it. I had a meeting with Grant, I’ve even made a new friend, and I’m nowhere near as depressed as I was earlier.
Then my phone buzzes again.
The three of us look at it. None of us know what to think. All of us thought that this was the end of it.
“Is it…?” Allison asks, putting down her own phone.
I pick it up. It could be Alicia, asking me how I am. It could be a family member just wanting to say hello. It might even be a reminder for my doctor’s appointment later in the week. But, no, it’s Grant again. I read his message. Then I read it again, stunned.
“What does it say?” Allison asks impatiently.
I pass the phone over. She and Hayley put their heads together to read, their eyes widening.
Somehow, I didn’t expect this at all.
“I think we still need to talk about potential relationships, too. I still want to be with you, sometimes. I’m just hurting. Can you handle that?”
“Shit,” Hayley breathes.
“Oh my god,” Allison says at the same time. “Is this real?”
“Well, unless we’re all hallucinating,” Hayley says, handing my phone back. She blinks several times. “What are you going to say to him?”
“I… I don’t know?” I ask. What the fuck? This has upset the balance. I can’t even believe that Grant would say something like that. I’m happy, of course, but how do I reply? I’m suddenly acutely aware of the fact that I can’t mess this up. This is, truly, my last chance. “I don’t know!”
“Okay, okay, calm down,” Hayley says, and her voice is soothing. “Let’s just back up a second. Type out what you wan
t to say, okay? The first thing that comes into your mind. Then we’ll look at it.”
I look down at the message. Then slowly, I type out a reply. When I’m done, I hold it out silently for the other two women to read.
“That’ll work,” Allison says with a breathless laugh.
“Go for it,” Hayley says with a half-crazed grin.
I look at the message again.
“I still love you. I would handle anything you need from me. Even if it is just friendship.”
I hit the send button before I can second guess it. Immediately, I panic. Shit, what am I thinking? What is Grant going to think? This is absolutely crazy, I can’t believe I just said that.
“Too late now,” Hayley says when she sees my panic, snorting. “It’s sent. No matter what he replies, you know you’ve said what you really want to.”
“Isn’t that what this is about?” Allison adds. “We started this because we wanted you tell Grant that you still love him, after all. You were going to tell him tomorrow. What does it matter that you tell him tonight? Now he has all night to process it.”
“Do you think he’ll reply?” I ask anxiously.
“Maybe not,” Hayley says with a shrug. “But you did dump something huge on him just now. He’s going to need to think it through before he responds.”
Hayley is proven wrong, however, by another incoming message. I thrust the phone at Allison.
“I can’t read it,” I say. “Can you at least tell me if it’s good or bad?”
Hayley and Allison look down at the phone. Together, they both swear.
“What?” I ask anxiously.
“Read it,” Allison says abruptly, giving me back my phone. “Quickly.”
“Can you get a sitter at short notice? If you can come to my apartment. I’ll be there around ten.”
I gape. Then I look at Allison and Hayley.
“What does this mean?” I ask.
I feel a little lightheaded. Things are moving way too quickly and I can’t keep up with it.
“It means he wants to talk to you tonight,” Allison says, sitting back. “He wants to talk to you as soon as he finishes work. He can’t wait until tomorrow.”
“But what do I do about it?” I ask, lost.
“You go, of course!” Hayley says, as though it’s obvious. “Are you seriously considering not going? Come on, don’t be an idiot! This is the chance you’ve been waiting for! You told him you loved him, and now he wants to see you. You have to go!”
“I agree,” Allison says with a nod. “I know you’re shocked right now, but don’t even think about passing this up. I’ll stay here with Owen tonight.”
“I’ll stay too, if you’re worried,” Hayley adds.
Allison nudges her with a grin. “You just want to hear the story tomorrow.”
“Guilty,” the woman admits. “So, you going to reply or not?”
I swallow. Then I slowly type three words.
“I’ll be there.”
“This is…” I shake my head. “I have no idea what’s happening, if I’m honest. Just this morning, Grant’s telling me he doesn’t want a relationship. Now he wants to see me because I told him I loved him? What does this mean?”
“Maybe he thought about it a bit more,” Allison says quietly. “No matter what he says, I think he’s decided to do what’s best for him. Maybe just have a bit of faith. Everything will turn out alright.”
“Maybe,” I say.
“It will,” Hayley says strongly. “Just go over there and give him everything you have. Even if you guys don’t end up dating, I think you’ll be able to figure something out so you’ll both be happy. This is Grant telling you that he wants to figure this out, too. Don’t let him slip through your fingers this time.”
“What if he just wants to be friends?” I ask.
Hayley gives me a serious look.
“You already told him you’d be okay with that,” she points out. “Was that the truth?”
Was it? I imagine only being friends with Grant. The thought is painful. I really want Grant in my life. I want to be with him and touch him and kiss him. I want him to trust me again.
But…
“I want Grant to be happy,” I say. “If he wants to only be friends…then that is okay.”
Grant’s happiness is more important that my own selfishness. If he needs to walk away from the intimacy we both feel, then that’s what he needs. I had what I needed for a very long time, and I hurt Grant quite badly while chasing that. Now it’s his turn, and it’s my turn to accept whatever actions he takes now.
It will all be fine eventually. No matter what happens tonight, I just have to keep believing in that.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Grant
I almost regret sending the message as soon as I’ve sent it. My mind is still reeling from Jessica’s words. I half suspected that she still felt so strong for me, but this is the first time she’s actually said it since we reunited.
How long has she been in love with me again? Since she saw me? Since I was introduced to Owen?
Did she never stop loving me?
It feels almost egotistical to wonder. Why would Jessica still be in love with me after she left me three years ago? Then I remember her telling me that she left because she was scared of the things she had found out. Not once did she say she didn’t loved me anymore.
I don’t know if I still love Jessica. Time and distance and betrayal have dulled those warm feelings that I once had. The last week and a half has been such a whirlwind of feelings and discovering that I hadn’t once sat down and really thought about how I still felt for Jessica underneath the surface anger and hurt.
As I stared at that confession, though, my heart pounded and my body flooded with warmth and happiness. She still loved me. There’s still part of her that sincerely wants me, and not just because I’m the father of her son.
It feels nice.
I could have just left it until tomorrow. But I felt a sudden urgency. I can’t wait until tomorrow morning, not now. I need to see Jessica and talk to her as soon as possible. We need to discuss this and figure out where to go next.
My phone vibrates with a return message. With trepidation, I glance at it.
“I’ll be there.”
I don’t know whether I’m relieved or not that she’ll be there. I’m the one that asked her to come around, but there’s a part of me that thinks I’ve done something stupid. Having the night to work through my feelings and thoughts would have been better.
I just can’t seem to let it go, though. Jessica loves me.
What do I even say to that?
Straight away, I know I can’t return the confession, not right now. Too much has happened, and there’s too little trust between us for me to feel like I love her as passionately as I once did. But…
Someone sits down at the bar, startling me from my phone. I shove it in my pocket. I’m at work, after all. I don’t have time to think about or dread meeting Jessica at my apartment later.
“What’s so interesting about that phone?”
I look up at the sound of the voice. The man who has just sat down is Tom Green. This is strange; Tom isn’t the type to approach unless he wants a confrontation. Even stranger is the fact that he’s on his own. The scantily-dressed girls that he came in with earlier are currently fawning over some of the other men that joined Tom later, running their hands over skin and straddling laps. I tear my eyes away from the sight, resolving to keep an eye on the situation in case it becomes too raunchy, and glance back at Tom.
“What do you want?” I ask calmly.
The problem with Tom is that he’s a bomb that can always go off at any moment. I’ve never figured out what his motivations for staying in the club are. Part of me thinks he’s territorial. All I can do is be careful not to trigger his temper.
Tonight, though, he seems calm. He still has a full bottle of beer and he sips at it as he stares at me, his eyes narrowed. He doesn
’t appear to be angry about anything. What is he contemplating?
“What?” I finally ask when he doesn’t say anything.
He sneers at me. That’s a more familiar expression, which makes me relax a little.
“What time are renovations this weekend?” he asks.
“I’m not sure,” I admit. “I didn’t go last weekend; I’ve been busy.”
He grunts, unimpressed.
“Why?” he asks.
I frown at him. “What does it matter?”
“It matters because I’m asking,” he snorts. “You’re head’s been in the clouds all week, dumbass. What the hell is causing it?”
I blink.
Is Tom trying to…talk to me about my problems?
I wish Kyle was here to see this.
“Just some personal problems,” I say after a moment. “It’s nothing to worry about.”
He narrows his eyes at me over his beer. “It is a problem. You’re holding up renovations.”
“I’m only one person,” I point out, somewhat amused by the statement. “There are lots of other people there, too.”
“Jacobs wasn’t,” Tom scowls. “Probably because of whatever’s going on with you.”
Kyle didn’t go over there on Saturday? I’m a little disappointed by that. I know he’s concerned about what’s going on between Jessica and I, but I hope he isn’t putting things off because of it. My relationship with Jessica isn’t something he needs to be that concerned about.
“He probably had his reasons,” I say. “You should probably ask him.”
“I’m not getting within one foot of that giant,” Tom scoffs, scowling heavily.
He and Kyle have an odd relationship. They’ll work together when it comes to the club (I watched them working side-by-side to demolish a wall the other week), but, otherwise, they despise each other. I think it’s because they’re polar opposites.
“Then I don’t know what to tell you, Tom,” I say, and some exasperation creeps into my voice. I have no idea what the volatile man wants. “If you’re fishing for information, you’re in the wrong place. I have no idea what’s going on with Kyle.”
“I don’t fucking care about Jacobs,” Tom snaps, insulted. His face contorts, as though he’s trying not to glare and he looks away, scowling down at the bar instead. “Your fucking depression is goddamn obvious, so fucking cheer up before you infect everyone with your stupid mood, bastard.”
