by Kris Jayne
“I...” I wanted to say that I knew that. But did I? My words fell away.
She sniffled. The wistful dip in her voice knifed me. “He said he was going to propose. He wanted to marry me.”
“And you wanted to marry him.” I don’t know why I said it out loud. I knew she’d talked about marrying him.
“You had no right to give him all that money behind my back.”
“You wanted to be with him?”
I held my breath, needing her answer. After tasting what we could be together, I couldn’t fathom that she still wanted him.
My tightened legs braced against the gas pedal. I glanced down at the speedometer, gasped, and eased up.
“No,” she answered. “But I don’t want to be lied to. I never thought you’d lie to me.”
“I didn’t—”
“Don’t!” she growled through gritted teeth. “Don’t give me that, ‘I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you the truth,’ bullshit.”
I pressed on. “I didn’t want to lie to you. I planned on telling you everything when we went hiking. But you said you were done with Ricky and that none of it mattered anymore.”
“He said that you just want to fuck me.”
“That’s not true. I never thought you’d see me that way until the other day.”
“You knew I had a crush on you.”
Hearing her confession would have been breath and life itself a week ago. Now, I feared I’d fucked it all up before we even had a chance.
“I didn’t. I hoped that maybe if I ever got a chance to change your mind about me—to get you to see me differently—that we could see if…”
“Well, consider my mind changed,” she sniped. “Five thousand dollars. I can’t wrap my mind around how you decided to give him five thousand dollars.”
It hadn’t seemed like a lot of money at the time. What if Erin hadn’t ended up with that sniveling, aimless cheat? She didn’t know about that. If I told her, maybe she’d understand. Or maybe she’d still hate me, and I’d have ruined the one victory she claimed over idiot Ricky.
“It was…” The story jammed up on me.
“Tell me!” Erin barked.
“I caught him…cheating on you,” I chewed out the words and swallowed.
“What? When?”
“About a week before he left.” I coughed and cleared my throat. “I went over to your place to return that portable A/C unit. He was in the backyard with some woman.”
“Blue hair?”
“No.”
“You could have told me.”
“I should have. After he left, I should have told you everything. I didn’t know how.”
“After he left? Just tell me, Luke.” I felt the cracks in her voice in the center of my heart. “You could have told me. I would have broken up with him.”
Now, it was my turn to say nothing.
“That’s the point. Isn’t it?” Her voice shattered into sobs. “You think I’m so desperate that I’ll hang on to any guy. A cheat. A liar. You say that you believe in me and think I’m better than all the losers I’ve dated, but you don’t. Not really.”
“That’s not true. I’d caught him cheating. He said he was going to propose to you and convince you that it was all a mistake. And—”
Erin wasn’t listening to me anymore. “And you think I’m the girl who’s that big of a mess. That’s what I am to you.”
“No. That’s not what I think of you at all. I—”
Her surging rant cut me off. “You swing in and clean up my mess. I don’t need you to save me. I can take care of myself.”
“I know that.”
“No. You don’t.”
“Erin—”
“Stop talking.” She whipped her face back toward the passenger window. “You’re just my driver.”
I drove the rest of the way to her house with only the quiet hum of the engine battering my ears. Finally, I turned down her street and into her driveway.
She scrambled out and up the walkway to her house. I opened my door to follow, but she shouted. “Don’t. Go home.”
“Please. Can you let me explain?”
Frantic helplessness surged through my body. My hands shook on the cold metal of my car door. She fumbled with her phone until the flashlight illuminated the lock on her door. She pushed it open and clicked on her entryway light, turning back to me. The fiery glow behind her left her figure in shadow, but her voice was clear and loud.
“Happy fucking New Year, Luke.”
Slam.
The echoes of her shout rolled down the empty street.
I retreated back into my vehicle and watched, hoping she’d change her mind. Knowing she wouldn’t. Lights went on and off for half an hour. Then, her house went dark.
Chapter 13
Erin
The pitch blackness of New Year’s paled to eerie, early morning light, creating shadows in my bedroom. I could roll over again and pull the covers higher over my head, but that didn’t make a difference. Sleep kept dodging me.
I gave up and climbed out of bed at 6:30. Throwing on my warm, shaggy bathrobe and matching slippers, I shuffled down the hall and across my living room to the kitchen. Sunlight carved lines across my furniture through my half open blinds.
I moved to the window to close them, looked out, and blinked. Nope. I wasn’t seeing things.
Luke’s SUV was still in my driveway.
He had to be freezing out there. Was he sleeping? Maybe I should take him a blanket.
Jesus. Did I need to remind myself that I was pissed at him? That he'd thought my future was his to buy?
He could die of hypothermia if that’s what he wanted to do. What kind of creepy shit is it anyway to sleep outside my house in his car?
I yanked the string on my blinds and shuttered the cold, dark image of Luke from my mind. As I started for the kitchen, I nearly tripped over last night’s heels strewn across the floor. I kicked one shoe into the corner.
I needed coffee or a nap. Logic be damned, I decided on both.
The light on my cell phone blinked at me on the counter. I picked it up. Three voicemails and two texts from Ricky.
I deleted them all without focusing on their content. I’d heard enough from him. And had enough.
Ricky and Luke could both go to hell and take the rest of the XY-chromosomed members of the species with them.
A rebellious churn rolled through my stomach with the echo of Luke’s name in my head. Coffee and breakfast. Then, a nap. That’s what I needed.
Twenty minutes later, I flipped a pancake and downed the last drops from my first mug of coffee for the day.
The rumble of a cranking vehicle drowned out the light sizzle of my breakfast.
Good. He was leaving.
The engine noise hummed but didn’t recede.
I dropped the pancake on a plate and slathered it in butter, pausing before pouring on the syrup.
The vehicle’s chugging continued.
I tiptoed into the living room ridiculously as if he might hear me and lifted one slat of the blinds to see outside. I couldn’t see the vehicle’s interior, but a stream of exhaust billowed from behind the unmoving SUV.
Fuck this.
I clutched my robe tighter around me and stormed outside.
Bang.
The chilled window pained the side of my fist. I didn’t care. I gave the glass another pop before it started sliding down. Luke’s stubble was almost a beard already. He’d removed his tie and opened the top button of his shirt. Slivers of chest hair peeked out. His hair was as wild as it’d been last night when I’d kissed him to near unconsciousness. My traitorous nether regions clenched.
“Go home.”
His eyes were shadowed but unwavering. “I was trying to decide whether to call you or knock on your door.”
“Go home.” My sigh of exasperation condensed in the cold air and blew away.
“Give me ten minutes to explain. Then, I’ll go. I’ll never talk to
you again if you want, but give me that much.”
My heart squeezed my throat shut for a moment of hesitation, but the voice I deemed my rational self won out. “I can’t.”
“Can you let me go to the bathroom?”
I sniffed and huddled deeper into the warmth of my robe. “You don’t have bathrooms at your house?”
“I can’t make it home.” Luke’s head fell back. “Please, Erin.”
“Five minutes. You know where the hall bath is. Use it and leave.”
I didn’t wait for his thanks or look at him again before returning to the kitchen. My front door opened and closed. His heavy steps thumped on my floors and down the hall.
A few minutes later, they thumped back then paused.
“I’m sorry.” The regret ricocheted through my house. “I’ll go to my grave sorry that I didn’t tell you. I should have trusted you.”
I let my fork clang on the plate and went to the wide doorway of my kitchen. “Yes. You should have. I can run my own life. You lied to me. You’ve never lied to me.”
“I know.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Am I that much of a fool that I couldn’t be trusted with the truth?” I could never face him again if that’s what he thought of me.
“No.” Luke’s shoulders slumped. His wrinkled shirt was untucked and undone at the sleeves. His dark hair curled in a lopsided wave that only got more out of sorts when he shoved his fingers through it. He dropped his chin to his chest.
“Maybe. But not the truth about Ricky. The truth about me.” He cleared his throat and looked up again. “I was scared. I should have told you a long time ago.”
Dizziness swarmed me. “It’s been months. And you saw me—”
“Not about Ricky. This isn’t about Ricky.” Luke sidestepped my coffee table and drove toward me. I rocked back on my heels, and he stopped. “I should have been honest about me.”
He kept his eyes closed, and the rest flew out in a rush. “I used Sean as an excuse. I promised him I’d take care of you. I always told myself that I was doing my duty. Being your brother when you didn’t have one anymore. I was really a coward.”
Even I knew that wasn’t true. My defense of him was instinctive. “You’re not a coward.”
“I am.”
“You did look out for me—just like Sean would have.”
Luke’s voice cracked. The growing morning light pushed its way through the windows and put a glow in his eyes as he spoke. “No. I loved you. Always. For years. It wasn’t like Sean. That’s what I told myself, but you never felt like a sister to me. And Ricky, God help me, was right. I didn’t get rid of him for you. I did it for me. I kept waiting for that opening. That window where I could step in and say, ‘What about me, Erin? I’m here.’ It never seemed to happen, and then when I caught him betraying you, and he was so sure he could smooth things over. All I saw was that slim chance going away again. I couldn’t let it happen. I had to make sure he went away. I didn’t think you’d give me a chance otherwise.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t think you’d want me.”
“I’ve always wanted you.” My tears flowed like an undammed river. “I’ve wanted you since I was fifteen and didn’t know what wanting was. But I thought I was just Sean’s baby sister. This obligation. He told me, you know?”
“What?”
“Sean. Before he died. I felt so alone. I was crying. He was at home by then. At my parents’ house. We were all just waiting for—” My sobs shook free.
My mind wandered back to that conversation years ago. Forty pounds lighter, Sean needed the powered medical bed to lift himself up.
I had converted his old room at our parents’ house so he could be at home instead of in the hospital. Even though I hated that house and all the memories of my parents’ fights and craziness, I’d moved back in to help take care of him. Sean’s eyes were sunken and unfocused most of the time, yet they sharpened when he looked at me.
“I said, ‘What am I going to do? You’re the only one I’ve got.’ I felt so helpless. Like a little kid, you know? I hated that. I felt so childish and dependent, but I didn’t want to be alone. I needed him. He squeezed my hand. He was weak, and he still felt like the strongest man in the world. ‘I made that bonehead Luke promise to keep an eye on you.’” A strange laugh erupted from my chest. “He always called you a bonehead.”
“I was a bonehead. Still am. Obviously. Do you know what he said to me when I went to visit him?”
I shook my head. All the history between us, and Luke and I had never talked about those last days with Sean.
Luke tilted his head, eyes shining. “He said, ‘Erin takes on the whole world. All the time. She’ll make a project out of anything or anyone. Just like my mom.’”
I sighed with the weight of the years I’d spent swearing I wouldn’t be like my mother. “I always knew you felt obligated to take care of me. I hated that. Feeling like I need some hero to rescue me.”
“That’s just it, Erin. He didn’t make me promise to take care of you. I wanted to be there for you.”
“Because I was alone.”
“Because without you I will always feel alone. I’m not a hero. I’m selfish.”
“No.”
Luke slid closer to me and put both hands on my cheeks, smoothing my hair back and bringing my chin up. “Yes. I’m selfish. Even now. I’ve hurt you, and all I can think is how to make it up to you so you’ll let me do this.”
His kiss brushed across my lips so lightly it felt like the echoes of my imagination. Every dream and wish I’d ever had about Luke Abrams fluttered through me with that kiss.
“I’m selfish,” he whispered. “Because I know I should be begging for your forgiveness but all I want to do is untie your robe and touch you.”
He should. He should be apologizing. I should be making him explain himself. But his mouth felt so good.
The ripple of muscles in his back was hot under my hands through the richness of his shirt. As his lips trailed to kiss my neck, his beard scraped my face, but I clung to him like Velcro. The tip of his tongue circled to my collarbone.
My robe slackened and fell off one shoulder then somehow found its way to the floor. The slip of my short nightgown offered little in the way of warmth. I shivered, and he pulled me into him. His hard body in motion against mine, his sharp scent, and his breath on my shoulder flooded me with a scorching heat.
Then, a pull of resistance stretched inside me—tension between the growing pool between my legs and my still wounded heart. I curled my toes into the floor through my slippers.
“Wait.” One word. It sliced through the air, flagging down the shreds of my better judgment.
Luke stopped. “I know. I should go.”
“We can’t rush this. It feels good.”
“Mmmm.” Luke moaned and palmed my ass. I let him.
“But I need to take a second. I’m still…I don’t even know.”
He released me from his arms and crossed them in front of his chest. “Okay.”
I pressed the heels of my hands to my eye sockets.
Luke murmured. “I’ll call you later?”
The sweet hope in his question made me ache. For all the hurt and fear prickling inside me, I didn’t want him to go. “You could stay, if you want.”
“Are you sure?” Hope widened his eyes and my heart.
“Yes.” I declared and allowed a smile to ease my sneaky insecurities. “I made pancakes. I can’t eat all these by myself. My trainer would kill me.”
“I haven’t had a pancake of the non-protein powder variety in forever.” Luke grinned and rubbed his hands together, sniffing the air. “And you made bacon.”
“I did.”
“Nothing makes me feel guiltier than bacon. Bad trainer. Bad Jew. It’s all so bad.”
“It’s the only temptation I’m offering you today.” I wiggled my brow. His jaw tightened.
“You’re a walking temptation.”
&
nbsp; My stomach backflipped, and I turned away, hurrying to the cabinet to get him a plate before he could see me blush. “What do you want on your pancakes? I have syrup, butter, and some fruit in the fridge.”
Luke came behind me and dropped my robe on my shoulders and a kiss on the top of my head.
“I’ll take whatever you’ve got for me.” He kept his hands on my arms and his nose in my hair. “Thank you.”
“It’s just breakfast,” I said, even though it wasn’t. “Now sit.”
And he did. I could get used to taking charge.
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Excerpt from Chasing You
White. Everywhere. Startling white sunlight blasted her eyes open. More white surrounded her. She blinked, then ducked her head under the cloud of bedding.
This isn’t my bed.
Only hotels had bed sheets bleached this white. Alexa’s heart jumped. Where was she? London? That was a month ago. A stopover in New York. A weekend in Vegas. Oklahoma for Christmas.
Dallas. Last night. The slamming New Year’s party.
What time is it?
The vodka-induced pounding of her head muddled her mind. She had no clue where her dress was—or her underwear. A heavy ache anchored her legs, and her stomach roiled.
Alexa hadn’t allowed herself to get that drunk in years. The hangovers. The stupid decision making. The calories.
Melissa, her New Year’s Eve accomplice, probably wondered where she was. They had a lunch appointment with good-luck black-eyed peas and collard greens. She could use some luck to pull her year out of the ditch. She was sputtering already, and it was only day one.
First, she had to leave the warm bed, find her clothes, and get the hell out of…wherever she was.
