by Rich Garon
The young doctor, Lee looked at his name tag which had been a blur earlier, Dr. Kevin Centers, had come through. Skill and luck had come out of another corner to trump the seconds of slashing. Dr. Centers looked tired.
“Is our father going to pull through, Dr. Centers?” Ellie asked. Lee looked at his sister. Hadn’t she heard what Dr. Centers said, all the things Dr. Centers said he fixed?
Dr. Centers seemed to be looking too long for his answer to Ellie’s question. “I’m going to see him first thing in the morning. You have to know how fortunate we are that the bleeding has stopped. I can only tell you we will know better in the morning.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” Ellie said hoping but unable to find more of an answer in his smile before he walked away.
The nurse had waited for her cue and she filled quickly the emptiness left by Dr. Centers’ departure. She handed Ellie a sheet with phone numbers and hospital procedures. “I’ll be here the rest of the night, till eight tomorrow morning. My name is Susan and I’m one of the CCU nurses.” Lee looked at her name tag: Susan Andrews, R.N. “I want you to know that we have one of the best critical care units around. I’ll keep a close eye on your dad. Call the number at the top of the sheet if you want to see how he’s doing. Ma’am someone just called for you; but it was a very bad connection, I could barely hear her; bad static on the line.”
“We’re going to go home now,” Ellie said. “It was probably my mother; I’ll try her when we get outside.” The elevator door opened. Lee scuffed at a wet spot on the floor until it was dry. He walked Christie to her car and she hugged him. He watched her headlights skid across the puddles in the parking lot, then turned and walked to his sister’s car and got into the backseat.
“Lee, it’s going to be all right,” the big sister said to her little brother. “Geez,” you think you’d be able to get through to your mother the one time you needed to. I was making spaghetti when all this happened. At least we’ll have something to eat when we get home. We all need something to eat. D. H. has a trip tomorrow morning, but Lee, you and I will go first thing tomorrow morning back to the hospital.”
D.H. and Lee had gone to sleep and Ellie sat at the table staring at the dinner dishes. She lifted the glass of wine to her mouth and took three swallows. She grabbed the phone on the first ring.
“Ellie, were you trying to reach me?” Marian Fitts asked.
Is that all she could say?
“Ellie, are you there?”
“Mother, Daddy is in the hospital. He was attacked; stabbed with a big knife. He’s lost a lot of blood and is in the hospital. He’s in critical condition. I thought I should let you know,” Ellie said fulfilling in her mind the last vestige of responsibility she had to her mother.
“Ellie, what are you saying? When did this happen?” Marian Fitts asked. “Are you and Lee all right?”
“Thanks for asking mother. Lee and I are all right. He’s asleep right now,” Ellie said as she looked up the darkened staircase. She had tried, but had not been able to prevent a faint note of sarcasm from shading her response.
“What did you mean by that Ellie? Is that tone really appropriate at a time like this?”
“I don’t know what tone you’re referring to mother. I think the nurse on CCU is the person you should speak with. Do you have a pen?”
“If that’s the way you want it Ellie. I don’t know why you’ve been so hard on me for all these years.”
“Oh, I think you do.”
“You know I had to leave. You know I had no choice, and you know how hard I tried. And you’ve told Lee not to call me, haven’t you?”
“Here’s the number mother.” Ellie finished speaking, waited several seconds, and hung up.
Marian Fitts lowered the phone and looked at the clock on her stove. Maybe her daughter was just tired. After all, if the clock said 9:10, it had to be after midnight where her daughter was. She hadn’t expected her daughter to be so short with her. Marian’s slender fingers reached over to the Mr. Coffee and she poured herself a half-cup. She thought of Ellie and what Audrey Plennington had said some four years ago, the last time Marian had spoken to her. I can’t get over how much Ellie looks like you, Audrey said. She has that cute, narrow nose, and those full cheeks she still highlights with that apricot blush just as you used to do. She’s thin too; but you can tell there’s a nice little figure there. And Lee has grown up to be such a fine looking, young man. Audrey Plennington had been such a good friend. Marian wasn’t sure why, but they had seemed to just drift apart. But even Audrey agreed that Marian was right to leave if that’s what she felt she had to do. Audrey Plennington had known all too well what Jim Fitts had turned into. Marian missed hearing from her friend. Rev. Warren Taylor became the main link to news about her family; at least until several months ago when their conversation ended on a decidedly sour note. He became impatient with what he called her flimsy reasons for not wanting to come back to her family.
“Coming up we’ve got the Turtles, Paul Revere and the Raiders, and one I know you’re going to really like from the Byrds,” said the classic rock DJ. Marian stared out the window, high above the trees, and looked into a weave of smoky trails brushing a faded blue sky. There was no scale she could establish in that sky. She saw Jim Fitts in that sky, looking at her, then he was gone. Would he be gone now forever only to be seen in the sky? The DJ was back with the music he had promised. She remembered how she and Jim would sit at the kitchen table reading, writing out bills, pouring more coffee into their cups, devouring in their desultory talks a small morsel of an idea that to them seemed important. The same music was playing back then. She wondered if Jim listened to it any more. Having more than one chair at the table made a big difference.
Jim had made her laugh. He was the disciplinarian, but the children didn’t fear a vicious hand; although there would at times be some memorable swats to the bottom. Ellie and Lee feared most the look of grave disappointment on their father’s face when he learned of something they did that they knew was very wrong. Wrong was something that the family could absorb with barely a ripple. But very wrong was something that produced a look on their father’s face that made the children wish they could go back in time to stop the egregious act that they couldn’t believe they had actually committed. Marian’s “Look how much you’ve upset your father,” shot into her children like a paralyzing dart. Jim’s disappointment would lead him to say things, she would say things, Ellie and Lee would say things and the appetite of the fire spreading in the house would seem unquenchable. Eventually the flames would die down. The damage wasn’t as bad as anticipated, but it would take a while, sometimes several days, for the smell of smoke to be gone from the house. Marian and the children looked for the all clear signal; the look in their father’s eyes that showed his disappointment was gone. There was no better father in the world than Jim Fitts when the disappointment in his eyes was gone. There was no better husband then either, Marian thought as she laid her head in her arms not far from the cup of cold coffee and pile of mail on the table. As much as she wanted to sleep and thus be even farther from what Ellie had told her about, Marian Fitts knew she had to call. She brushed her eyes and dialed the number.
The nurse spoke slowly, her voice halting unexpectedly only to start up again as she interspersed technical terms with language a non-health-care professional could understand. She provided Marian with all the details that Ellie hadn’t. “Your husband,” the nurse said, “is still officially listed in critical condition. I’d say his condition has stabilized, but he’s sustained very serious wounds; very serious.”
“I’m not close by and I’m trying to think about travel plans,” Marian said. “Do you think it might be possible, maybe some time tomorrow, to speak with my husband?”
“Mrs. Fitts,” the nurse paused. “That’s something that I’m not qualified to say at this point. We would have to check with Mr. Fitts’ doctor. But let me say this. From what I’ve seen today, it will be awhile befor
e Mr. Fitts will be able to speak with any one. Is there a number where the doctor can reach you?”
“Well, let me think about my plans. I’ll call back later in the morning. Thank you very much.”
During the past five years, Marian had gradually come to distance herself from that painful moment that seemed at first to choke the very life from her. While her best thinking, her best rational thinking had led her to that decision, it had not made the moment any less painful. But since she left her husband, a husband who by that time bore no resemblance to the husband with whom she used to share the kitchen table, she had struggled and successfully found firm ground to replace the quagmire into which she had been sinking. She, too, had felt the same cannon shot to the stomach upon learning what happened to Lee; but nobody, nobody except Audrey Plennington recognized that. Even Rev. Taylor seemed more concerned about Jim Fitts and Ellie. When the good pastor finally recognized what was happening, Marian was too far gone, her husband’s abuse began to terrify her. Ellie knew only bits of what was happening to her mother. Her mother had to understand, she said that this was all just too much for Daddy. When he looked at his son, when he thought about what was left of the son he had known, Jim Fitts could unload his torrent of rage at anyone. At times, Marian thought he was going mad. But there was never that look in his eyes toward his children regardless of how much he yelled at them. The look was reserved for her; his eyes told her what his mind was thinking when it would get crazy. She could never feel the hurt he did; how dare she even think she could, he wouldn’t stand for it. Rev. Taylor began to see the danger she was in. Ellie too looked for some way to rein in her father. Ellie and Rev. Taylor had answers for her, but no way to stop the abuse. Marian never returned that afternoon and Ellie told Lee she never hated anyone more than her mother. Lee wished only that his mother hadn’t left. Rev. Taylor thought Marian’s leaving was not the most constructive thing to do. He would come to see in subsequent conversations with her that Marian had no choice.
Marian knew she didn’t have to make the decision yet about flying back to be with her family. She still had to talk with the doctor and she would touch on some of the past problems so as to open the door for him to say, “Maybe, if that’s the situation, it might not be best for you to come back at this time. Given Mr. Fitts’ condition, it might be too upsetting for him.” But the doctor didn’t say that when they spoke. It was her call, her family’s call, even though he understood what she was saying. She looked at the stainless-steel toaster. Nothing fancy, it toasted two slices of bread. She leaned over and in the curved corner was her reflection just as if she were looking into a round glass Christmas tree ornament. What would seeing her husband again be like? There would be no purpose in telling them she was coming.
Rev. Warren Taylor handed the driver twenty dollars and watched as the man pulled a wad of well-worn bills from his pocket to fish for two singles. The twenty was placed where the twenties went and before the driver began fishing for two singles, Rev. Taylor told him to keep the change and got out of the cab. The cab pulled out from underneath the canopy over the hospital entrance.
Rev. Warren Taylor had on his game face, or as he used to joke with himself, his collar face. When people he didn’t know looked at his clerical collar, then made eye contact with him they would find a Mona Lisa half-smile. Even on a morning such as this when, his car, after five-hundred dollars in repairs refused to start; when he was forced to pay his monthly offering for the first time in two installments because his younger brother required another new and costly medicine; when again he was suffering from a headache after his morning Bible readings, even on such a morning the half-smile was on good and tight.
“Yes, it is a beautiful morning,” he responded to one of the elderly volunteers who handed him a visitor’s pass. He listened carefully as she pointed a shaky finger up, left, right then left again. “Don’t take the first elevator, that’s the wrong one. You want the second elevator.”
“Second elevator, thank you very much.”
As he got out of the second elevator, he saw Ellie, Lee, and D.H. standing in front of a nurse with a clipboard. Ellie saw him first and motioned for him to come over. “This is our pastor, Rev. Taylor; he’s known our family for a long time,” Ellie told the nurse. “I’m so glad you came, Warren.” D.H. held his wife as her voice trailed off into the beginning of a sob.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner. I didn’t return home till late last night and got your message then. I knew it was too late to call and when I didn’t get you at home this morning, I just came over here. I’m so sorry about what happened to your father. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Were you able to get in touch with your mother?”
“My mother knows,” Ellie responded coolly.
The nurse opened the huge double doors and disappeared into the CCU. The others walked over to the waiting area and sat. Ellie meticulously described the events of the day before and her father’s condition when they left him. She went on for ten minutes. Lee said nothing and didn’t take his eyes off his sister. He was glad she was repeating the story because he wasn’t sure he remembered all the details.
“And the nurse just filled us in on where things stand this morning,” Ellie said. “They’re having a little trouble with the bleeding and may have to inject a little more coagulant into the artery. He was in quite a bit of pain and still very groggy, but she said we can see him in a few minutes. We can’t stay in there long. The nurse thinks we can go in again in a couple of hours.” Lee’s head moved up and down and his sister finished the definitive summary of where things stood.
“Lee, you doing okay?” Rev. Taylor asked.
Lee looked at his sister as she smiled at him. “Yes, I think I am doing okay. I want to see my father and I have to ask him if he needs anything from home and I have to make sure the house is clean for when he comes home. I have to find out if he will be able to sit in his special chair in front of the TV and I have to find out if he needs something special to eat when he comes home and I have to ask about all the things I need to do to take care of my father when he comes home.”
“Those are all good questions, Lee. I’m sure the nurse and the doctors will be able to answer your questions. I want you to know that you and your family won’t be alone; you have a lot of friends at church who’ll help you through this.”
The double doors whirred open and the nurse with the clipboard smiled as she invited them into the land she knew was medicine’s last hope. “Make this just family for now, so it’s not too much for your dad. I wouldn’t even tell him I was out here,” Rev. Taylor said, remembering the unpleasant discussion he had with Jim Fitts at the rally. “I’ll talk with him later when he’s a little more awake.” Rev. Taylor watched as the double doors whirred shut behind the Fitts family.
Jim Fitts’s eyes were closed. By his bed was a bank of piggybacked monitors speaking in a foreign language of lights and beeps. Lee looked at the man in the bed. Plastic tubes carrying oxygen disappeared into his father’s nostrils and a tube with several valves was taped to a pale, slightly bluish arm that had never to Lee looked so thin. Ellie called to her dad in a hushed voice and as his eyes opened she brushed and patted at the unruly gray strands on his head.
“Ellie?” pealed her father’s unsteady voice.
“Yes, Daddy, I’m here and so is Lee and D.H.”
“Lee.” As he called his son’s name, Jim Fitts tried to stem the tremble in his mouth and the welling in his eyes. Ellie was quick to wipe away the tears trailing down his face. “Oh, Lee,” Jim Fitts said as a series of sniffles and gurgles preceded a deep sob as he inhaled. “I am so sorry for everything. It was never your fault. I realized that. Did you see how over the past months I realized that? But I never told you.” Lee’s father looked at the ceiling and stopped talking as abruptly as he started. The nurse put down her clipboard and listened carefully to what the monitors were telling her: “You better get them out of here.”
“Why don’t you let your father rest a little more; maybe it would be best if you’d step into the hall for a bit.”
Ellie wiped Lee’s tears with her hand and unable to hold back any longer, embraced her brother amidst her own jagged sobs. “Lee, it will be all right, Dad will get better. We’ll take good care of him.”
“He never left us, Ellie,” Lee whispered into his sister’s ear.
“I know Lee. He never left.”
Rev. Taylor awaited the travelers emerging from behind the whirring double doors. The nurse waved as the doors closed.
“How’s Dad?” Warren Taylor asked.
“He’s, he needs some sleep. The nurse said he needed some rest and that we should come outside for a while,” Ellie responded.
“He started to cry, Rev. Taylor. My dad started to cry and he told me he was sorry, that it was not my fault,” Lee said.
“Your father loves you very much, Lee. He loves you too Ellie. I could always tell that even when we had discussions that were, er, heated.”
“He never left us. He could have run away. If he really felt the way he acted toward me, he could have eaten his breakfast in the morning, go out and catch his bus for work and just never come back,” Lee said.
