by Grace Herbst
Ms. Bartlett tried to calm her down. Her voice was soft. “Ashley, I’m sorry you are carrying that burden with you, but I don’t believe you were responsible for your aunt’s assault. If this is true about your classmate’s problems, then this person would have done something like this anyway. If not your aunt, maybe someone else.” Ashley didn’t answer. “I suppose you believe the robberies around Emerald are your fault too?”
Ashley interrupted her. “Look, I appreciate you looking after me, but I think it’s time for me to move on.” Ms. Bartlett wasn’t given a chance to respond. “You’re not my guardian. So I don’t have to stay with you.”
Ms. Bartlett nodded. “True, but I did promise Michelle and your dad I would look after you while you’re here. And I don’t think they would like it if they heard you were hanging out with this Roxanne again. You may think you can take care of yourself, but I know better. I have lived out on those streets and those people aren’t very kind to strangers.”
“I’m not a stranger. I have been on those streets too,” Ashley reminded her. “I know who I should talk to and know who to avoid.”
“Still, you are only sixteen and that means you are still a minor,” Ms. Bartlett said. “Someone should still be looking after you. If not your parents, it should be another person. Since your relatives aren’t available, you are stuck with me.”
“No, I’m not. As soon as we return to your apartment, I’m leaving,” she announced. Ms. Bartlett didn’t respond as Ashley put the last of the trash in her bag before she stormed out of the room to go throw the trash bag in the dumpster.
The car ride back to the apartment was quiet. As soon as Ms. Bartlett unlocked her apartment, Ashley hurried past her and went into the guest bedroom. She gathered her stuff together as Ms. Bartlett silently watched her. She shoved her things back into her backpack. “Thank you for letting me crash here, but I think I have overstayed my welcome. I’ll go find a shelter or something.” She didn’t let Ms. Bartlett respond as she pushed past her.
Ms. Bartlett followed Ashley back into the hallway. “Ashley, you know none of this is your fault. I know how hurtful gossip and rumors can be, but you can’t allow those rumors and gossip to define you.” Ashley rolled her eyes. It wasn’t like she hadn’t heard it all before. “You weren’t the one who broke into those houses and stole money or jewelry.”
For a moment, Ashley wondered if she knew the truth. If she knew what was in her backpack and was trying to get her to confess. She pushed the thought out of her head. Ms. Bartlett wouldn’t have gone through her stuff. That would really get her to lose her trust and she wouldn’t want to do that now. It was obvious she was trying to continue the conversation from earlier.
“I get it. I just don’t want to stay here,” Ashley said, hoping Ms. Bartlett would stop trying to get through to her. “If you want to tell my dad and Michelle that I didn’t stay with you, then that’s fine. I don’t care. Just drop me off at the nearest bus stop and I’ll take it from there.”
“I will in the morning,” Ms. Bartlett told her. Ashley looked at her frustrated. Ms. Bartlett was firm. “I’m not letting you take a late night bus ride again.”
Ashley crossed her arms. “Fine. But in the morning, I’m gone.”
Chapter 16
Ashley couldn’t sleep that night. The events of the day before kept replaying over and over in her head. Especially the argument in the car after they were done at the community center. Ms. Bartlett’s words were harsh, but it was the truth. She was running away from her problems. She didn’t want to deal with her dad and Michelle right now. She didn’t want to admit she was afraid they were beginning a new family and she wasn’t part of it.
Ms. Bartlett was also right about Simon. As much as she wanted to take blame, it wasn’t her fault. Simon had issues long before she found out about him. She had just made his girlfriend aware of his condition. Even if she hadn’t told Lucas, Simon still probably would have hurt someone. She wished it hadn’t been her aunt. Her aunt did nothing wrong. All she ever wanted to do was help people with their problems. Why did she have to get hurt?
Thinking about her aunt tempted her to call Michelle in the morning and asked about her aunt. Or her Uncle Richard. That way, she would avoid talking to her dad and Michelle. Of course, she didn’t want to talk to Ms. Bartlett either. Yet, she was still in her apartment. Sleeping in her guest bedroom. Why? Because Ms. Bartlett convinced her she should stay. She would be safer there than with her former friends. What did she know? She probably made up that whole story about her parents being drug users.
She would only stay with Ms. Bartlett until tomorrow morning. In the meantime, she would try and find a job so she could support herself. She had thought about getting a job before, but she dropped the idea after she had met Roxanne. It wasn’t as if Roxanne had talked her out of it. It was just that she was having too much fun to really focus on finding a job. Her dad was disappointed because he had hoped she was ready to be more responsible.
Ashley wished she had chosen to get a job instead of just hanging out with her friends, but she knew it wouldn’t have worked out. Even though she would have been earning money, she wouldn’t have wanted to work after school. She wanted to hang out with her friends. She wanted to party. Yes, she could have worked on her priorities, but she would have fought tooth and nail to get her way.
“You couldn’t sleep either?” Ms. Bartlett asked her. Ashley shook her head. “Why don’t I make us some tea? We need to talk.”
Ashley wondered what they could possibly need to talk about now. She thought she had said it all during the ride home or even afterwards in the apartment. When it came to dinner, they had eaten in separate rooms since Ashley was still angry with Ms. Bartlett.
Ashley followed her into the kitchen and they sat down at the table. Ms. Bartlett spoke up first. “I want to apologize for what I said to you in the car about everything. I overstepped my bounds and I’m sorry. I saw me in you and I felt like history was going to repeat itself if I didn’t make you stay with me. And that wasn’t right. Like you said, you’re almost seventeen. You can make your own decisions.”
“It’s okay. I know you were just trying to help,” Ashley said, not wanting to admit she was wrong.
“No, you were right. I took my role of guardian too seriously. Especially since you’re not in my legal custody. You are just a guest in my apartment. I feel obligated to look after you because I promised Michelle. And I always keep my promises.” There was a short pause. “I’m going to let you go, but I will still be watching over you.”
The conversation was interrupted by Daisy barking and someone was knocking at the door. Ms. Bartlett opened it and Ashley was surprised to see Lucas standing on the doorstep. “Lucas, what are you doing here?” she asked as Ms. Bartlett calmed her dog down.
“I should be asking you that question,” Lucas said as he marched into the foyer. “I heard about your aunt’s assault. Once Ms. Jordan told us you were staying home, I knew you ran away.”
“How did you know where she was?” Ms. Bartlett asked curiously as she shut the door behind him.
“I pleaded with Ms. Jordan to tell me the truth,” Lucas replied. “And I hopped on the first bus here.” He turned to Ashley. “I’m here to talk some sense in you. I don’t know what you’re planning to do, but I’m telling you that this isn’t the right way to solve your problems. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite of what you should do. If you don’t like your stepmom having a baby, tell her.”
Ashley gave him a look. “How would that help? It’s not like she could stop being pregnant! Besides, I have tried to tell her about my feelings before and that didn’t work out so well.”
“Would you really rather have them believe you’re one big happy family?” Lucas challenged.
“Is that so terrible? My dad has made so many sacrifices for me that I should do some for him,” Ashley told him. “As I told Ms. Bartlett, I have done so much for them that it’s time for me to do th
ings for myself.” There was a short pause. “I need to find myself again. I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Lucas looked at her. “What do you mean you don’t know who you are? You are Ashley Meyer.”
Ashley was surprised at his reaction. If anyone could understand why she was doing this, it was him. “Yes, but I’m not the same person I was before my car accident,” Her voice became lower. “Before my dad started dating Michelle, I knew who I was. I was a good student who was on the Honors Society. Who was a cheerleader. Who was a Student Council member. And I was ready to follow in my father’s footsteps and attend Harvard to become a family court lawyer like he was. And I threw that all away. Why? Because I thought my life was better if I lived like Roxanne Spencer.”
Lucas gave her a gentle smile. “So you made a couple of mistakes. At least you recognized that and you don’t want to make those mistakes again. This is the time for you to start over. Get a fresh start. Do you think I knew what direction I wanted to go after realizing what I did wrong? No, it took me a while before I realized how much I loved working with the Drama Club. You just need to find your niche. And I just don’t think you will find it here.” Ashley didn’t answer and Lucas turned to Ms. Bartlett for help.
Ms. Bartlett held up her hands as if she was showing defeat. “I’ve tried to encourage Ashley to return to Emerald, but she doesn’t want to go. So I’m not going to stop her.” Lucas looked at her surprised. “I know you think I’m crazy. You think I have a responsibility to bring Ashley back to Emerald, but I’m not going to force her to go if she doesn’t want to do it. If I force her to return, it’s a guarantee she will just run away again. Am I right?”
Ashley was glad she acknowledged her, but she didn’t know the answer. “Probably.” Lucas gave her an exasperated look. Ashley could see she was hurting him. She didn’t want to do it. Besides Chloe, she considered Lucas her best friend. “Look, I know that’s not the answer you want to hear, but that’s how I feel. I’m sorry you came all this way for nothing, but I can’t be in Emerald right now. I just can’t.”
She didn’t allow Lucas to answer as she returned to the guest room. She was done with trying to explain herself. She was done with trying to make people understand why she felt she couldn’t return to Emerald. She needed to get away from Ms. Bartlett and continue with her plans. Enough was enough. As soon as she could confirm Ms. Bartlett was asleep, she was out of there. She wasn’t going to wait until morning.
Ashley opened the door and listened closely to the conversation Lucas and Ms. Bartlett were having. From what she was hearing, Ms. Bartlett was repeating the same thing she had told Michelle. Ms. Bartlett really believed Ashley had some things to work out and Ashley had confirmed it by saying she had to find herself again. And she wasn’t going to be able to return to Emerald until she let go of her past.
“Ms. Bartlett is smarter than she looks,” Ashley whispered to herself. She continued to listen to the conversation as Lucas insisted on staying until Ashley was ready to come home. However, Ms. Bartlett gently reminded him that this was something Ashley had to do by herself. Ashley couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Ms. Bartlett sounded wise beyond her years. Maybe she really did know what she was talking about when it came to her past. However, it didn’t matter. It was time for her to move on and settle down away from the memories of Emerald. It was for the best.
Chapter 17
Ashley began to wish she thought this plan through. She wasted the entire day hanging out with Ms. Bartlett when she should have looked for another place to crash. Now it was too late to leave. She had to stay for the night again. Perhaps it would have been better for her to run away somewhere else. Where nobody knew her. Where she could truly start over and severe the ties with everyone around her.
Of course, that was partly why they moved to Emerald in the first place. It was supposed to be her new beginning. Where she could forget about her past. Where she could make new friends and start attending school activities like the Homecoming Dance or the football games. Or even join one of the many school clubs. Where she could focus on her studies and work her way back onto the National Honors Society again.
Why did it have to come crumbling down? Why? Both Ms. Bartlett and Lucas were right. She had been doing well. The rumors and gossip didn’t bother her until Mr. Green confronted her the other night at the Homecoming Dance. If that wasn’t enough, she found out she was going to be a big sister. That was something she wasn’t prepared for. Yes, she still had plenty of time to accept her new role as a big sister, but she still felt like her dad was replacing her with a new baby. One he would make sure that the same mistakes that happened to her wouldn’t happen to the new child.
Then there was the fact knowing she was responsible for her aunt getting hurt. Simon may have been the one who did it, but she was the one who confronted Penny and Penny told him. It didn’t help that Ms. Bartlett didn’t tell her anything about her aunt’s condition except she was hanging in there. What did that mean exactly? Was she holding onto dear life? From Michelle’s blunt answer about her aunt’s condition, she believed the news wasn’t good. Going through the unknown brought her back to the days they didn’t know what had happened to her mother.
Even though she was just a little girl, there were still some memories that stuck out to her. Like the night her mother left for the final time, not realizing she would never see her again. The days after her departure seemed normal for Ashley. She went to school. After school, she was dropped off at her grandmother’s house until her dad could come home. She ate a snack and worked on her homework. She was blissfully unaware that her family was worried about her mother until she started asking questions about her. “When was she coming home?” That was the major one and her dad couldn’t give her a good answer.
Now Ashley was older and she was still being left in the dark. She was almost seventeen. She was nearly an adult. It was time for her to start acting like one. That meant no living off her dad’s money. It was time for her to learn some responsibility and start earning money for herself. That meant she had to get a job so she could lease an apartment and pay for her own rent. If that was truly her plan, where would she stay until then?
It definitely wasn’t going to be with Ms. Bartlett. As much as Ms. Bartlett wanted her to stay with her, Ashley didn’t feel comfortable with her. It didn’t matter if Ms. Bartlett promised not to bring her back to Emerald until she was ready. She was way too much like her aunt and that reminded her of Emerald. And her whole focus was to settle back in the city. With that thought, Ashley finally was able to fall asleep.
When she woke up the next morning, she found Lucas eating at the kitchen table while Ms. Bartlett was working over the stove. “Good morning Ashley. I am making waffles. I don’t want you guys to leave on empty stomachs. I’m going to drop you off first before I take Lucas back to Emerald. I’m working at the school today.”
Ashley realized she didn’t even make plans to continue with her education. At one time, it sounded like a cool idea to drop out of high school. Why? It all stems back to Roxanne and the way she lived. A high school dropout who wasn’t afraid to disobey the rules. She had a tattoo. She tried smoking, drugs and drinking. Ashley was surprised Roxanne hadn’t ended up in jail yet. Then again, Roxanne was good at not getting caught.
Ms. Bartlett set down a plate full of waffles in front of her. Ashley thanked her as Ms. Bartlett joined them at the table. There was silence as the three ate their food. Ashley finally spoke, choosing her words carefully. “Ms. Bartlett, you can tell my dad and Michelle that I appreciate their support, but I don’t want them to make the arrangements for me. I can take care of myself.”
So your plan is to get a job and find an apartment?” Ms. Bartlett asked. Ashley nodded, wondering how she would respond to the news. Ms. Bartlett looked impressed. "That’s certainly a start. I would be happy to help in any way I can, but I am not going to be your messenger. Michelle is already upset with me because I refuse to take
you home. You are going to have to tell them. I would recommend you do it sooner rather than later.”
“I’m not ready to talk to them,” Ashley said. Ms. Bartlett and Lucas looked at her. “You’re going to have to give me more time.”
Lucas gave her a look. “You’ve been gone two days. I think you gave them enough time,” he snapped.
Ms. Bartlett stepped in before it could lead to another argument. “Lucas, go and take a shower. I want to get going soon.” Lucas glared at Ashley before he stormed off. There was silence as Ashley stared at her breakfast, her appetite lost. Ms. Bartlett tried to lighten the mood. “You’re still welcome to stay with me until you find a place of your own.”
Ashley was still silent as she thought about Sam Brewer and Courtney Olsen: her two best friends before she had met Roxanne. She didn’t know if her friends would even accept her in their lives again. She would love to reconcile with her friends, but it was hard to step forward and admit that she was wrong. That she was sorry she had abandoned them. It had been an entire year. There was no way she would be accepted now. So where could she go?
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll figure it out,” Ashley told her. “Can you drop me off at the mall before you go back to Emerald?”
Ms. Bartlett nodded. There was a short pause. “I know Lucas doesn’t seem supportive of your decision, but I know he really cares about you.”
Ashley sighed. “I know.”
The tension between Ashley and Lucas continued after Lucas was done with his shower. They barely said a word to each other as they climbed into Ms. Bartlett’s vehicle. Ashley sat next to Ms. Bartlett while Lucas sat in the backseat. He eyed Ashley’s backpack that was now in the front seat with her.
“What’s in there anyway?” Lucas asked. “You certainly didn’t put all of your clothes in there.”
Ashley knew she couldn’t tell him the truth. “Some of it belongs to Roxanne and I need to give it back to her. I would have you drop me off at her apartment, but you told me to stay away from her. And I don’t know where she lives.”
