by Susan Meier
She blinked again. Heavier this time. He scooted down a little farther, then decided he might as well lie down, too.
* * *
Two hours later, Grace awoke on the sofa. She’d fallen asleep! Danny was going to kill her.
She ran up the steps and to Danny’s room, but it was empty. Panicked, she raced across the hall and without turning on the light saw his shadowy form on her bed. She tiptoed into the room and peered down to discover he was not only sleeping on her bed with Sarah, he’d also put the baby in her pajamas for the night.
Both the baby and her daddy slept deeply, comfortably. Little Sarah lay in the space between his chest and his arm, snuggled against him in a pose of trust. Danny looked naturally capable. Grace wished she had a camera.
Careful not to disturb Danny, she reached down and lifted Sarah from his arms. The baby sniffled and stretched, but Grace “Shhed,” her back to sleep and laid her in her crib.
Then she turned to her bed, her heart in her throat. Danny looked so comfortable and so relaxed that she didn’t want to disturb him. The peaceful repose of his face reminded her of the morning she’d awakened in his bed in the beach house, and she involuntarily sat down beside him.
Unable to help herself, she lovingly brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. She wasn’t going to fall into her black pit of recriminations again about sleeping together. She already knew that had been a mistake. No need to continue berating herself. Life had handled their punishment for prematurely sleeping together by using it to keep them apart. What she wanted right now was just a couple of seconds, maybe a minute, to look at him, to be happy he was here, to enjoy the fact that he loved their daughter so she wouldn’t have to worry when Sarah was in his care.
She scooted a little closer on the bed, remembered waking up that morning at the beach house, laughed softly at how glad she had been that she’d had the chance to sneak away and brush her teeth before he woke up, and then sighed as she recalled making love in the shower.
She remembered thinking that she’d never love another man the way she loved Danny and realized it was still true. He had her heart and she wasn’t even sure how he’d done it. Except that he was cute, and sweet, and nice, and she desperately wanted to fill the aching need that she could now see he had.
But he wouldn’t let her.
And that was what was bothering her. That was why she grabbed onto her suspicions like a lifeline. As long as she mistrusted him, she could hold herself back. But now that he’d told her about his son, explaining his irrational behavior, she had forgiven him. And once she’d forgive him, she’d begun falling in love again.
But he didn’t love her. He didn’t want to love her. If she didn’t stop her runaway feelings, she was going to get hurt again.
After another breath, she lightly shook his shoulder and whispered, “Danny?”
He grumbled something unintelligible and she smiled. Damn he was cute. It really didn’t seem fair that she had to resist him.
“Danny, if you don’t want to get up, I can sleep in your room, but you’ll have to wake up with Sarah when she cries for her two o’clock feeding.”
The threat of being responsible for Sarah must have penetrated, because he took a long breath, then groggily sat up.
“Want help getting across the hall?”
He stared at her, as if needing to focus, and reached for her hand, which was still on his shoulder. His fingers were warm and his touch gentle, sending reaction from Grace’s fingertips to her toes. She remembered how sweet his kisses had been. She remembered how giving, yet bold he was as a lover. She remembered how safe she’d felt with him, how loved.
In the silence of the dark night, their gazes stayed locked for what felt like forever, then he put his hands on her shoulders and ran them down her back, along the curve of her waist and up again.
Grace swallowed and closed her eyes, savoring the feeling that she remembered from that summer night. Not sexual attraction, but emotional connection, expressed through physical attraction. Whatever was between them was powerful, but it was also sweet. By caring for Sarah tonight he’d shown her what she’d instinctively understood about him. That deep down he was a good guy. He’d kept Sarah beyond the time he’d needed to for Grace to get her work done, dressed her in pajamas and fallen asleep with the baby in his arms.
He might dismiss it or downplay it, but he couldn’t deny it and that meant they were at a crossroad. He liked her enough to do something kind for her. It might be too soon for him to fall in love again. Or he might not want to fall in love again. But he was falling. And she didn’t have to tell him she was falling, too. He could surely see it in her eyes.
Gazing into his dark eyes, Grace held her breath, hoping, almost praying he was thinking the same thing she was and that he had the courage to act on it.
CHAPTER NINE
IN THE DARK, quiet bedroom that radiated warmth and the comfort of home, Danny stared at Grace. All he wanted to do was crawl under the covers of her bed with her. Not to make love but to sleep. He was tired, but also he simply needed the succor of this night. The peaceful feeling a man got when his baby was tucked away in her crib, sleeping like an angel, and the mother of his baby was tucked under his arm. The desire was instinctive, nearly primal, and so natural he hadn’t thought it. It had overtaken him. Almost as if it wasn’t something he could stop or change.
But every time he’d given in to his instincts, he’d failed somebody. He’d failed Lydia, he’d failed Cory, and he’d even failed Grace by not believing her when she told him she was pregnant. Did he really want to fail her again?
No.
He backed away from the temptation of Grace, his hands sliding off her in a slow, sad way, savoring every second of her softness for as long as he could before it was gone.
He hadn’t said anything foolish, like how beautiful she was or how much he had missed her or how the instant closeness they had shared was coming back to him. He hadn’t done anything he couldn’t take back like kiss her. He could get out of this simply by saying good-night and leaving the room.
“Good night.”
She swallowed. “Good night.”
And Danny walked out of the room.
* * *
Grace sat on the bed. It was still warm from where he lay. She could smell the subtle hint of his aftershave.
She dropped her head to her hands. If she’d needed any more reason to stay away from Danny, he’d given it to her tonight. She’d watched the play of emotions on his face display the battle going on in his brain as he’d stared at her, wanting her, yet denying himself. She could have been insulted or hurt; instead she saw just how strong he was. How determined he could be to deny himself what he wanted, even when it was probably clear to him that she wanted it, too.
And it was her loss. She knew it the whole way to her soul.
* * *
For the second time since he’d moved in with Grace, Danny awakened happy. The night before he’d spent time with Sarah and had very successfully cared for her, proving to himself that he didn’t need to be afraid about the weeks he would spend with his daughter. He’d also successfully stepped away from temptation with Grace. He wanted her, but he didn’t want to hurt her. Some day she would thank him.
As he dressed, he heard the sounds of Sarah awakening and Grace walking down the stairs to get her a bottle. When he was sure she had returned to her room to dress and get the baby ready for the day, he rushed downstairs, strode into the kitchen and retrieved the ingredients for pancakes.
Twenty minutes later she came down the stairs and he turned from the stove. “Good morning.”
Wearing jeans and a pale blue top that made her eyes seem iridescent, Grace carried the baby to her high chair.
“Good morning.”
She was beautiful in an unassum
ing, yet naturally feminine way that always caused everything male in Danny to sit up and take notice. But he didn’t mind that. In fact, now that he knew he could control the emotional side of their relationship, he actually liked noticing Grace. What man didn’t want to appreciate a beautiful woman?
As she puttered, getting the baby settled in the high chair with a teething ring, Danny looked his fill at the way her T-shirt hugged her full breasts and her blue jeans caressed her bottom. But what really drew him was her face. Her violet eyes sparkled with laughter and her full lips lifted in a smile. If his walking away the night before had affected her, she didn’t show it. She was one of the most accepting, accommodating people he’d ever met.
He took a stack of pancakes to the table and she sniffed the air. “Blueberry again.”
He winced. “They’re my only specialty.”
She surprised him by laughing. “You say that as if you’d like to learn to cook.”
His reaction to that was so unexpected that he stopped halfway to the kitchen and he faced her again. “I think I do.”
She took her seat at the table. “I don’t know why that seems so novel to you. Lots of men cook.”
But Danny didn’t want to cook. He wanted to please Grace. Not in a ridiculous, out-of-control way, but in a way that fulfilled his part of the responsibility. Still, with only a week left in their deal to live together it was too late now to find a class.
Grace plopped a pancake on her plate as Sarah pounded her high chair tray. “You could get a cookbook.”
Now that idea had merit.
“Or I could teach you.”
And that idea had even more merit. He would get the knowledge he needed to do his part, and he’d have a perfect opportunity to spend time with Grace. Normal time. Not fighting a middle-of-the-night attraction. Not wishing for things he couldn’t have. But time to get even more adjusted to having her in his world without giving in to every whim, sexual craving or desire for her softness.
“I’d like that.”
She smiled at him. “Great. This morning we’ll go shopping for groceries.”
Reaching into the cupboard for syrup, he said, “Shopping?”
“Shopping is the first step in cooking. You can’t make what you don’t have. If you’d tried to prepare these pancakes tomorrow,” she said, pointing at her dish, “you would have been sadly disappointed because the blueberries would have been gone. That’s why we’re going shopping today.”
He didn’t really want to go to a store, but she had a point. Unfortunately her suggestion also had a fatal flaw. “How am I going to know what to buy if I don’t yet know how to cook anything?”
“I’m going to help you.”
“Right.”
Sarah screeched her displeasure at being left out of the conversation. Danny took his seat at the table and before Grace could turn to settle the baby, he broke off a small bite of pancake and set it in her open mouth.
She grinned at him.
And Danny felt his world slide into place. What he felt was beyond happiness. It was something more like purpose or place. That was it. He had a place. He had a child, and a friend in his child’s mother. In a sense, Grace getting pregnant had given him back his life. As long as he didn’t try to make this relationship any more than it was, he had a family of sorts.
* * *
In the grocery store, Grace had serious second thoughts about her idea of teaching Danny to cook. He wanted to learn to steam shrimp and prepare crème brûlée. Her expertise ran more along the lines of pizza rolls and brownies. And the brownies weren’t even scratch brownies. They were from a boxed mix.
“How about prime rib?”
“I’m not exactly sure how that’s made, either.”
“We need a cookbook.”
“Or we could start with less complex things like grilled steak and baked potatoes.”
Standing by the spice counter, he slowly turned to face her, a smile spreading across his mouth. “You don’t know how to cook, either.”
“That’s a matter of opinion. I know the main staples. I can bake a roast that melts in your mouth, fix just about any kind of potato you want and steam vegetables. My lasagna wins raves at reunions—”
“Reunions?”
“You know. Family reunions. Picnics. Where all the aunts and uncles and cousins get together and everybody brings his or her specialty dish, plays volleyball or softball, coos over each other’s kids and the next morning wakes up with sore muscles because most of us only play sports that one day every year.”
He laughed.
“You’ve never been to a family reunion?”
“I don’t have much of a family. My dad was an only child, and though my mother had two siblings, her brother became a priest and her sister chose not to have kids.”
She gaped at him. “You’re kidding.”
“Why are you so surprised. Your parents had only one child.”
“My parents had one child because my dad was disabled in an automobile accident. He appears fine and he can do most things, but he never could go back to work. It’s why my parents have so little money. We had to live on what my mother could make.”
“Oh.”
Seeing that he was processing that, Grace stepped over to the spices and pulled out a container of basil. She had to wonder if the reason Danny couldn’t seem to love wasn’t just the mistake of his marriage, but a result of his entire past. Could a person who’d only seen one marriage, then failed at his own, really believe in love?
“I can also make soup.”
“What kind?”
“Vegetable and chicken and dumpling.”
“Ah. A gourmet.”
“Now, don’t get snooty. I think you’re really going to like the chicken and dumpling. I have to use a spaetzle maker.”
“What the hell is a spaetzle maker?”
His confusion about a cooking utensil only served to confirm Grace’s theory that Danny couldn’t love because he knew so little about the simple, ordinary things other people took for granted. “It’s a fancy word for a kitchen gadget that makes very small dumplings.”
“Why don’t you just call it that?”
“Because I’m not the one who decided what it’s called. It’s German or something. Besides, spaetzle maker sounds more official.”
“Right.”
Grace laughed. She was having fun. Lots of fun. The kind of fun they probably would have had if she and Danny had let their relationship develop slowly. They were so different that they’d desperately needed time to get to know each other, to become familiar with each other’s worlds, and to integrate what worked and get rid of what didn’t. From Danny’s eagerness to learn and his curiosity, it was clear something was missing in his world. And from the way he reacted to the simplicity of her life it was obvious she wouldn’t have been able to stay the same if they’d actually had a relationship. That was also why Sarah needed both of them. Neither one of them was wrong in the way they lived. It was all a matter of choices.
They spent over double what Grace normally allotted for food, but Danny paid the bill. When she tried to give him her share, he refused it, reminding her that she’d paid for the first week’s groceries. Another proof that Danny was innately fair. A good man. Not the horrible man who tossed her out of his office when she told him she was pregnant. But a man trying to get his bearings after the loss of a child.
At two o’clock that afternoon, with Sarah napping and Danny standing about three inches behind her, Grace got out her soup pot.
“Could you watch from a few feet back?”
“I’m curious.”
“Well, be curious over by the counter.” He stepped away from her and to keep the conversation flowing so he didn’t pout, Grace said, “Soup is good on a chilly
fall day like this.”
Danny leaned against the counter and crossed his arms on his chest. “I think you’re showing off.”
“Showing off?”
“I doubted your abilities, so you’re about to dazzle me with your spaetzle maker.”
She laughed. “The spaetzle maker doesn’t come into play for a while yet. Plus, there’s very little expertise to soup,” she said, dropping the big pot on the burner. “First you get a pot.”
He rolled his eyes.
“Then you fill it halfway with water.” She filled a large bowl with water and dumped the water into the big pot on the stove. “You add an onion, one potato, a stalk of celery and a chicken.”
He gaped at her. “You’re putting that entire chicken into the pot?”
“Yes.”
Now he looked horrified.
She laughed. “Come on. This is how my grandmother did it.” While he stood gaping at her, looking afraid to comment, she reached for the chicken bouillion cubes.
His eyes widened. “You’re cheating!”
“Not really. The only thing bouillion cubes accomplishes is to cut down on cooking time.”
“It’s still cheating.”
“I’m starting to notice a trend here. You’re against anything that saves time.”
“I want to learn to cook correctly.”
She shrugged. “I need to be able to save time.” With everything in the pot, she washed her hands then dried them with a paper towel.
“Now what?”
“Now, I’m going to take advantage of the fact that Sarah’s still napping and read.”
“Really?”
“Even with the bouillion cubes, the soup needs to cook at least an hour. It’s best if we give it two hours.” She glanced at the clock on the stove. “So until Sarah wakes I’m going to read.”
“What should I do?”
“Weren’t you working on something last night?”
He pouted. “Yeah, but I can’t go any further because I left an important file at my office.”
