“Miranda.” I gave her my I’m serious look – brows arched, mouth set in a thin line. “I have magazine work lined up. Work that pays more. And it’s a struggle to sound like a thriving single woman some weeks. One of the main reasons I tried Internet dating was so I could write about it. And you read in my column how that went.”
Her lips turned up in a grin. “That’s what I’m talking about! More of those types of columns. Our readers love it. You’re helping us pull the 20-somethings in, and that’s not easy these days. I saw something in our Events section you can try.” She thumbed through the newspaper on her desk. “Speed dating.”
I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling. “No. I did it once, and that was enough. One man in an evening is bad enough, I don’t need a dozen weirdos.”
“You won’t find Mr. Right with that attitude.” She gave me a knowing glare.
“I’m over it.” I waved a hand. “That’s actually why I wanted to talk to you. I want to pitch a new idea.”
Her face brightened. “Is it something that would work as two columns per week?”
I ignored her persistence. “Sixty days without dating. I want to write about single people having full and complete lives, and not feeling like there’s something wrong with being alone.”
“But you’re a serial dater.”
“I am not,” I said, a little too defensively.
“This doesn’t sound as catchy as your adventures in dating, though.”
“My adventures are eroding my optimism. I can’t handle another man who lies, only wants sex or is secretly married.”
Miranda snorted and laughed lightly. “How is that guy?”
I glared at her. “How would I know? Like I’d ever talk to a snake like that again.”
“I don’t know, Sadie …” She tapped a pen on her desk, considering. “I hate to mess with a concept that’s working so well.”
“Let’s compromise, then. I’ll write this column twice a week for 60 days. We can re-evaluate after that.”
Miranda looked at me silently. After a few seconds, the lines in the corners of her eyes appeared as she smiled.
“Did you just use the Number One Miranda Carrison negotiation tactic? Make the other person think they’re getting what they want when in truth, you are?”
I smiled back at her. “Is that where I learned that?”
“Alright, Sadie. We’ll give it a go.”
“Thanks.” I rose from my chair, eager to get out of there before she changed her mind.
“We’d love to have you over for Thanksgiving.”
A knot of anxiety formed in my stomach. I’d never met Miranda’s husband and kids, but I knew spending the holiday with them would bother me no matter what they were like. Being around a traditional family always reminded me of what I’d lost.
“Thanks,” I said, avoiding her gaze as I slid my coat on. “But I’ll spend it with my friends.”
“Do you need some extra time to get this first column in? A few days to contemplate life without dating?”
“Nope. My first one’s already written.”
I waved at her and left, making my way through the quiet activity of the newsroom. A tingle of excitement stayed with me as I rode the train that let me off two miles from my apartment. I considered my new situation as I walked, bundled against the brisk wind. It was a relief to be unable to date. No pressure. No feeling like a failure for not even trying.
After finishing a query for a story about traveling in Ireland, I did a load of laundry, folding the last of it as Kyler came bounding in my front door.
“Hey, Aunt Sadie.” He went right to the markers and paper I kept on my kitchen table for him.
“Hey,” Dell said, sticking her head in the door. “I’ll see you after the game?”
“Yeah. I can bring him home so you guys can go out tonight. I’m officially not allowed to date anymore, so I don’t need to go out.”
“Your editor said yes?”
“Yep. If I didn’t wear shorts to the gym, I could quit shaving my legs until next year.”
“I’d rather come home with you tonight than go out,” she said. “I’m tired.”
“We can decide after,” I said. “Have a good game.”
Kyler and I hung out and made his favorite dinner, cheesy spaghetti. He was bouncy with excitement about the game for the entire train ride to the arena. We got to our seats right before the puck dropped.
“Yeah, Luke!” Kyler cried, jumping out of his seat. “Hit somebody! Kick some ass!”
“Kyler,” I said tersely. “Watch the language.”
He looked at me, wide-eyed. “Luke says it.”
“He’s a grown-up.” Hopefully that was a good enough reason for a kid, because it sounded kind of weak to me.
I felt a rush of excitement when Niko skated onto the ice. He moved so smooth and fast that I found myself mesmerized. Try as I might to watch anyone else out there, he was the one my eyes kept wandering back to.
The seats Luke had set us up with were amazing. We were so close to the ice that I could see Niko’s dark eyes when he flew into the wall with another player, fighting for the puck. They battled, shoving each other and trash talking angrily. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it definitely looked like trash talk.
When Niko took the puck, I grabbed Kyler’s knee with excitement. I was just a fan of Dell’s team, not a fan of Niko. Well, maybe a little bit of a fan. Only of his hockey playing skills, though.
We were in celebration mode when our team won 3-1.
“Let’s wait for your mom and Luke so you can say goodnight before I take you home,” I said, ruffling Kyler’s hair.
“I want to spend the night with Grandma and Grandpa,” he said. “Grandma always goes to the same door we meet Mom and Luke at and she’ll say yes. Mom said it’s okay with her if it’s okay with Grandma.”
“Okay.” That left me free to ride the train home and write for a few hours.
I zipped Kyler’s coat to keep out the chilly late-fall air as we stepped outside. He was yawning, and I was sure he’d be asleep before his grandparents had even pulled into the driveway to their house. I wrapped my arm around him and he leaned against me, staying still until he was swept up into Luke’s arms.
“Hey, Ky,” Luke said, grinning at him.
“Great game!” Kyler cried, now wide awake. “You were on your man the whole time.”
Luke laughed and put him down so Dell could hug him. Her mom was standing off to the side. I glanced at her for just a second before my attention was stolen by the tall, dark-haired man in a navy suit who was heading our way. Holy hell. Niko cleaned up even better than I remembered from the wedding. And I wasn’t the only one who thought so. Two women stopped him before he made it all the way to where we were standing.
“You’re coming out with us,” Dell said, grabbing my arm.
“No, I’ve got work—”
She cut me off. “No. We’re going out. Luke’s driving and we’re drinking.”
I groaned in protest. “I hate being the third wheel, or fifth wheel if Kate and Ryke are coming or whatever.”
“You won’t be. Niko’s coming. Lots of people will be there. We’ll have fun.”
“Dell, I don’t feel like it. I have this new assignment and I need to organize my thoughts.”
“Not at ten on a Friday night.” She glared at me.
“Fine.” I glared back. “But I’m not talking to any men.”
Luke appeared between us and put an arm around my shoulders and Dell’s. “What about me?”
“Yeah, I’ll talk to you,” I grumbled as we reached Luke’s SUV. Just as I slid in, Niko slid in the other side and grinned at me.
“Hey. You came to watch me play, didn’t you?”
I rolled my eyes in response. “I came with Kyler.”
God, he smelled good. His hair was still damp from the shower. I wished I’d worn something besides my old jeans and a t-shirt with the team logo on it.
“How’d your pitch go?” he asked.
“Great. I got the assignment.”
His brows pulled together. “That’s a shame.”
“There’ll be plenty of women at the bar tonight who couldn’t give a shit if your accent’s real or not. You just say ‘hockey player’ and their thighs magically open.”
Luke laughed and met my eyes in the rearview mirror. “At this level, you don’t even have to say it.”
“Yep,” Dell agreed. “Jersey chasers know.”
“You’re gonna have your hands full, Coochie Monster,” Luke said.
Niko shook his head, a tiny smile on his lips.
“What?” I asked, wrinkling my face with disgust.
“Yeah, we always called him the Coochie Monster,” Luke said, still grinning as he broke out his Sesame Street voice. “Me love coochie!”
My single note of laughter was not from amusement. “I’m so damn glad I didn’t sleep with you. I can’t stand manwhores.”
“I was just having fun,” Niko said, shrugging carelessly. “If I’m unattached, why not? But that’s not happening here. I have to stay focused on my game. Getting enough rest and all.”
“I’m sure many a horny co-ed will be disappointed,” I said sarcastically.
Luke and Dell were talking about the game in the front seat, and Niko leaned over toward me.
“You like me,” he said. “Don’t pretend you don’t. And I like you, too, Sadie.”
“Don’t you like anyone with an XX chromosome?”
The corners of his eyes wrinkled as he smiled at me. “I like your sexy snark. And no, I don’t.”
“I’d like to interview you for a column sometime,” I said. “To get inside your head.”
“Anytime. But I bet you’ll find out I’m not the asshole you think I am.”
“I don’t think you’re an asshole,” I said, my conversation with Miranda suddenly spurring a thought. “I just think you’re a serial fucker.”
He arched his brows and smiled. “Like the breakfast food? That’s some sick shit, Sadie.”
“Not what I meant, though I will admit that Cinnamon Toast Crunch beats the hell out of some of the sex I’ve had.”
Luke parked the car and we all got out to walk into the downtown bar that was already booming with activity.
“You’re saying there’s something wrong with casual sex?” Niko asked, falling into step beside me. “Are you super religious or something?”
“No.” I rolled my eyes at him yet again. “I’m saying that I think sex should mean something. Maybe it doesn’t every single time, but ideally, it should. And if you take something that should mean something, and make it meaningless enough times, it becomes … completely meaningless, I guess. Does that make sense? Like, how could sex ever be special when you’ve screwed hundreds of women?”
His expression gave nothing away as he looked at me. Dell and Luke walked into the bar, but Niko grabbed my elbow and held me back.
“It’s not the sex that means something or doesn’t,” he said softly. “It’s the person. I’m only 25, and when I reach the point in my life where I want a relationship, I’m very capable of having something meaningful. I just don’t want it right now.”
He was still holding my elbow. I stared up at him, wishing he would lean down a little more — come just a little closer. What he’d just said hadn’t sounded like a line, and I liked this side of him.
“Fair enough,” I said weakly.
His hand fell away and he opened the front door of the bar, holding it as I walked through. I squared my shoulders. A bar was the perfect spot to kick off 60 days of solitude. Any guy who hit on me tonight didn’t stand a chance – no matter how perfect he seemed.
***
Kate read through the instructions on how to warm up a bottle for the third time.
“And you test it out on your arm,” she said, demonstrating.
“I will,” I said, more firmly than I had the first two times.
“Babe, she knows what she’s doing,” Ryke said to Kate, wrapping an arm around her.
“I know.” She gave me a pleading look. “I’m sorry. It’s just hard for me to leave the kids.”
Dell stepped in to reassure her. “Sadie helped me raise Kyler from the time he was born. She knows how to take care of babies. It’s gonna be okay.”
Kate nodded and smiled. “Okay. So I guess we’re ready, then? I’ll just say goodbye to Mel.”
“You already did,” Ryke said, rolling his eyes. “It’s just for a weekend. Two nights. She won’t even miss us with Kyler here.”
A small fire at the arena where Ryke and Luke’s team was supposed to be playing this weekend had created a rare opportunity for a weekend getaway for them, Kate and Dell. I was looking forward to babysitting at Kate and Ryke’s suburban mansion, if Kate would ever actually leave.
Kate squeezed Melody close again and then squared her shoulders.
“Call me anytime,” I said, holding up my cell phone. “We aren’t leaving the house. We’ll just be playing and watching movies.”
“Thank you for this,” Kate said. “I know the kids are in good hands.”
“Yeah, I owe you, Sade,” Dell said. “We haven’t had a night away since our honeymoon.”
“Just have a drink in my honor,” I said. “And enjoy the California sun.”
The four of them said more goodbyes as they shuffled outside. When Ryke closed the front door, Kyler and Melody exchanged a look.
“Why are they all freaking out?” he asked. “My mom packed me five pairs of underwear even though I’m only gonna be here for two nights.”
I shrugged. “Just in case.”
“In case of what? I’m six, Aunt Sadie, I don’t have accidents anymore.”
“Maybe you will if we watch a scary movie,” I said, grinning.
“Yeah!” Melody jumped up and down. “Scary movie!”
“No,” Kyler said, groaning. “I hate scary movies.”
Jabbering sounded from the play yard and I walked over to see baby AJ wide awake and grinning up at me.
“Hi, sweetheart,” I said, bending down to pick him up. “Aunt Sadie’s gonna love on you all weekend.”
“He can kinda walk,” Melody said. “But he falls down all the time.”
I balanced AJ on my hip and looked at the two older kids.
“What should we do first, guys?”
“Can we watch a movie?” Kyler asked. “I’m tired.”
“Tired? But it’s nine in the morning.” I put a hand on his forehead. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah. Let’s just watch a movie.”
Kyler curled up on the couch and Melody sat next to him. I chased AJ, who could sprint-crawl when he saw something he wanted. His favorite two activities were opening the kitchen cabinets and trying to climb the stairs. I quickly developed an appreciation for sitting down longer than 30 seconds in my everyday life. But the kid was so damn cute. He had Ryke’s dark hair and Kate’s sweet smile. When he let me snuggle him, it filled me with warm happiness.
Ryke and Kate’s home was filled with photos of their family. There were several beautiful ones of their tropical wedding, in which they both looked absolutely blissful. Melody grinned from atop Ryke’s back in another one. She posed in an ice-skating outfit between her parents in another. And AJ progressed from newborn to a grinning one-year old in the photos. His world seemed to be a carefree and loving one.
Would I ever have a home filled with photos like these? I wanted it. As much as I tried to convince myself my career was enough, no job could compare to the joyful expressions in these photos. And Dell had that, too. I loved Kyler like he was my own, but he wasn’t.
“Sadie!” Melody cried from the living room. I broke away from my daydream, seeing that AJ was almost to the stairway upstairs again. That kid was really persistent.
“Hang on! Be right there!” I said, hustling to AJ and scooping him into my arms.
�
�Whatcha doin’?” I said, grinning and tickling him. “You just want to wear me out, don’t you?”
When I got into the living room, I looked at the kids on the couch and saw that Kyler was covered in orange puke.
“Oh …!” I slapped a hand over my mouth to keep an expletive from spilling out.
His clothes, the couch, a blanket and the coffee table had all been hit. The puke was dripping from the coffee table onto the area rug beneath it.
“Sorry, Aunt Sadie,” he said weakly. His face dropped into a miserable expression.
“Ky, it’s okay.” I set AJ down and rushed over. “I can clean this up, it’s okay. Do you feel like you might be sick again?”
He shook his head, but said nothing.
“Okay. First let’s get you into the shower so we can clean you up.”
“AJ, no!” Melody said. I turned and saw the one-year-old standing with the support of the coffee table, running a finger through the orange vomit.
“No!” I echoed. “Eww.”
My outburst startled him, and his face twisted into an oncoming cry.
“I’m sorry,” I said, smoothing back his hair. “It’s okay.”
It didn’t help. He wailed and I picked him up to rock and soothe him.
“Ky, sit tight for just another second while I wash AJ’s hands,” I said. “Melody, I’ll need you to play with AJ then while I help clean Ky up.”
She nodded and gave Kyler a pitiful look. He was a sight.
“Why is it orange?” she asked, disgusted.
He shrugged and I couldn’t help smiling at them.
“Orange juice at breakfast,” I said. “I can smell it.”
“I can taste it, but it’s gross,” he said, wrinkling his nose.
I cleaned up AJ’s hands and left him in his bedroom with Melody in charge, herding Kyler into the bathroom. I bagged up his clothes and helped him scrub away the smell from his body in the shower.
“Did I ruin their couch?” he asked.
“No, sweetie. I can clean it up. Everyone gets sick sometimes, you couldn’t help it.”
He frowned at me. “I didn’t feel good this morning but I didn’t want to tell Mom because I was afraid she wouldn’t let me come.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Let’s get you into some clean clothes and you can rest for a little bit, okay?”
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