Emmy plunked down her plastic orange tray loaded with a turkey sandwich, low fat milk, and a chocolate pudding.
"Hey, girl. Another gift came anonymously for your favorite little patient. Lotion and a hat. Hey, I only saw you upstairs with the baby once today. Busy day?"
"Back-to-back procedures."
"So? How's it going with you two?"
"Baby Jack and I are really bonding. I can feel it."
"I'm sure the baby is great, but as usual, I was talking about you and Dr. Edwards." Emmy rolled her eyes.
"Oh, him. Um, we're, you know, okay."
Willow sank back into her chair and mindlessly toyed with the lettuce in her Caesar salad. Over the past several days, she'd found herself reassessing her appraisal of Shayne as a bad-boy player. The legend didn't exactly fit the man she'd come to know, which only left her perplexed. Okay, so maybe he wasn't the love-'em-and-leave-'em type after all, but he was definitely leaving, right?
"Rumor has it that you two are getting along very well," Emmy announced. "I mean, very, very well. People are already wondering if you two are a couple on the QT."
In a flagrant display of indignation, Willow sat upright and scowled. She'd been nothing but professional and forthright, despite the magnetic pull of this guy. Hadn't anyone noticed her professionalism? Or how they worked together as a great team? She wanted to put these people in their place. But even she couldn't deny the spark between them. The spark continued in a hot glow she'd been trying to ignore. Oh heck, how could she deny it if every other person on the medical staff saw the spark as well?
Even if they weren't a couple.
"That's the problem with rumors," Willow complained. "They take on a life of their own. You don't know whether or not to believe them."
"Are you referring to all the rumors swirling around Dr. Edwards' playboy reputation?"
"The reputation is a lot harsher than the man himself."
"Isn't that a good thing?"
Willow gave a reluctant nod. "Too good. Oh, it doesn't matter, he'll be out of my hair and out of my life soon enough," she announced with a huff.
"You're not fooling me. You'll miss him. And I know he'll miss you."
"Maybe," was all Willow could admit.
"You know, it's okay to have feelings for the guy. You two do make a great team... and a great couple."
Was Emmy really condoning this? Oh, heck yeah. She had been all along. So annoying.
"Emmy, I can't believe you're saying this to me." Willow glanced around, hopeful no one had heard her friend's remark.
"Let me tell you a little secret. Surgeons are a breed unto themselves. They need to have supreme confidence to do what they do. But the insecurity over saving lives is just as great. For a surgeon like Dr. Edwards to do what he does, he needs the love of a good woman to keep him going. He also needs the assurance of a great nurse by his side. Sometimes, that person turns out to be one in the same." Emmy eyed her up and down.
A hairline fracture split a corner of Willow's heart. She sank back into her chair. "Am I that transparent?"
"You two are as subtle as a couple of flashing neon signs. I mean, the attraction between you two is absolutely glaring."
"Still, he's leaving."
"I know."
Emmy's tone—laced with history and understanding—piqued Willow's interest. "And how do you know so much about this doctor-lovey-dovey stuff anyway?"
"I've been there. Now shut up and eat so you can think about what I said." Emmy bit into her sandwich, offering nothing more.
Willow didn't pry further. In time, as their friendship grew, surely Emmy would open up about her vast knowledge of lovey-dovey subject matter.
In silence, Willow took a bite of her salad to give herself time to digest Emmy's words. Before Shayne's arrival, the busy hospital environment had shielded Willow from the harsh reality of her past. On the floor, she had structure. She knew her way around a medical crisis where procedures had been set in place, and she relied on intuition and experience.
But for matters of the heart, she found herself on uncharted territory, questioning her judgment, faltering in her self-assurance. Yet, her attraction to Shayne compelled her to explore this new relationship.
Could she call what they had a relationship? A rather strong word, no? In fact, she didn't know how to define it. Not really. She would have to step carefully in this unfamiliar arena with Shayne, even if it was temporary.
"I guess I should tell you," Willow began. "There's a very good chance I'll have a new man in my life soon."
Emmy's eyes widened. She dropped her sandwich to her plate and focused on Willow. "What do you mean?"
"I haven't told anyone but, I applied for a medical adoption for Baby Jack."
Emmy leaned in and her expression lightened to shocked delight. "You have?"
"Connie in Social Services is expediting the process." A bubbling joy roiled within her.
"Since the first time I saw you with that baby, I knew you loved him. And I see that love every time you're near him. I'll help anyway I can." Emmy laid a hand on top of hers, until something else stole her attention.
Shayne suddenly appeared, taking the seat next to Willow.
"Hello, Dr. Edwards," Emmy said. "Your timing is impeccable. I was just leaving." She gathered up her things and said good-bye, leaving Willow alone with the doctor.
"I seem to scare off that woman each time I visit you," Shayne remarked.
"Oh, nothing scares off Emmy. She thinks she's helping by leaving us alone..." her words trailed off.
"She's playing Cupid, I take it?"
Willow shrugged, but couldn't help her shy smile.
"I caught the tail end of your conversation. Did I overhear you put in for a medical adoption for Baby Jack? And you didn't tell me? I'm dismayed by your reticence."
Shayne's concerned face left her unsettled. "He needs a mother," she said.
"I admire your courage to take this child on, more than you know. But life with a sick baby won't be easy."
"You don't think I can handle having a baby with medical needs?"
"You'd make a wonderful mother. But a single woman tending to a cardiac patient is a hardship you need to consider very seriously. Circumstances change. Life changes."
"I have considered it. In fact, I can't stop considering it. I want this." She couldn't stop the ire rising up within her. He may be her boss and control what she did during her shift, but he had no business telling her how to run her life outside the hospital. What she did on her own time was her business.
And her business alone.
The light in Shayne's eye dimmed as he regarded her. She could handle the grim expression, but when he sighed in frustration, she found her ire burning to her core.
"Doctor, you have no say in the matter," she remarked.
"You're absolutely right. Experience has taught me that a man often has no say in such matters and I've no control over you." He held up his palms in defeat.
"I'm glad we have this understanding."
"But you should wait and see what life has in store for you. See what your future holds. Going through this alone will be difficult. Just wait until—"
"Until what? Until the right man comes along?" She crossed her arms in front of her chest. If he wanted to go there, then so be it.
Shayne sat rigid, the hard contours of his jaw tensed. He didn't dare respond. Willow searched his eyes and the grim reality in his expression confirmed her suspicion. Waiting for a man was exactly what he'd implied.
Shayne gave a resigned grumble. "What I mean is, going it alone is tough, if it happens for you at all. Paperwork falls through. Adoptive parents get rejected. Sick children die. The biological mother can reclaim him. Just don't get your hopes up."
She couldn't believe the insensitivity of his words, his authoritative and fatalistic manner.
"Thanks for your concern, Doctor, but this is a decision for me and me alone." With tray in hand, Willow rose.
"I lost my appetite."
She cleared her tray, knowing full well Shayne followed behind her. She ignored him and headed out of the cafeteria. With a haughty stride, she continued her way down a quiet corridor to return to work.
"Hear me out, Willow."
"No."
"I feel I must explain."
"There's nothing to explain."
"You're misinterpreting my intentions. I'm trying to help."
Willow skidded to a stop. She spun on an angry heel and glared up at him. "Help? Is that what you call it? Saying all those harsh things to me?"
"I was being honest."
"Well, you can keep your honesty to yourself."
Shayne's lips tightened, but he didn't react to her austere demand. He pointed to an exit door. "Let's step outside. I don't want to discuss this here."
She stood poised, indignation keeping her rooted to the spot.
"Please," he said.
He stepped toward an exit door and opened it wide. Bright sunlight burst through, followed by a ribbon of lightly scented air. Just beyond the opened door, Willow could see the Serenity Garden in full bloom, a place for reflection, prayer, and meditation.
Shayne gestured toward the outside. While she took her time deciding, he waited. He didn't push the issue, but rather, stood there with an imploring look etched into his chiseled features.
"This better be good." She jutted a defiant chin up at him as she passed through the door.
Willow entered the grand portal of the Serenity Garden, a place of solace amid a labyrinth of beauty. Green shrubs lined the winding path. Bursts of colorful azaleas and roses from white, to pink, to crimson cast a visual treat as well as a soothing fragrance. Angelic white statues shone against the blue sky.
Willow wended her way along the trail of crushed blanched seashells that crunched under her feet. Soon, the beauty of the garden took the edge off and the tension between her shoulders eased. All the while, Shayne walked beside her, too closely, occasionally rubbing against her. Making her stiffen. Making her want to feel more of him, even when he irked her to no end.
She assumed a seat on a small white marble bench. Shayne sat beside her.
"You are taking on a monumental task," he stated with quiet urgency.
Willow's defenses went up. "You don't know anything about this."
"You're right, I didn't know because you didn't come to me to discuss it. Why didn't you?"
"I knew we'd end up right where we are, at complete odds with each other... as usual."
"What troubles me is you didn't trust me enough to come to me about your desire to adopt the child." The wretched tone in his voice sent an ache to her core. He was hurt by her action, a response she didn't see coming. She'd never meant to hurt him. Could her action have been seen as selfish?
"It's, it's not about trust."
"I only wish you could have come to me. Baby Jack is my patient. I care about him. And I care about you." He set his gaze on her and smiled. "Although your stubbornness makes it impossible sometimes," he added lightly despite his weighty words. "What is it about you and that baby that makes me so emotionally invested?" He asked through a sigh.
"Your humanness, Shayne. It makes us care even when we don't want to. I didn't mean to hurt you by keeping you out of the loop. But you'll have to respect my decision to do this. You don't need my reasoning. You wouldn't understand."
"I do understand the hardship you'll face. My own mother barely survived raising three boys alone. Healthy boys, at that."
"So because you're mother had a hard time, then so will I?"
"No, because you have no control over fate and what it has in store for you. Fate can devastate."
"Your mother may have had a difficult life, but you and your brothers all turned out okay."
Shayne winced. "I just don't ever want to see you hurt when it comes to taking on this child. Anything can happen."
"What makes you the expert?"
"Because I've been through it. I know what it's like to have a baby ripped from your arms, taken away forever."
Willow sat stunned. Her assessment of this demanding surgeon was at odds with the man now showing his more vulnerable side. A man with heart. A man who's experienced pain not so far from her own.
"Shayne? You? What on earth happened?"
He looked away. He refused to speak after revealing such a painful truth. Did shame or anguish keep him from opening up? She waited for the words, but worried Shayne couldn't get them out.
"I was in a relationship with a woman for a period of years," he finally said. "Off again, on again. Between med school, travelling, and her pursuing a career, we did what we could to make it work. And when she became pregnant, the time came to make things official."
"You got married?"
"She turned me down."
"Why? I mean, you were together for years. You're a successful surgeon. She was having your baby. What was the problem?"
"It wasn't my baby."
Willow leaned back in surprise. "Oh, how awful."
"Like I said, fate can devastate. She—Fiona—had found her way into my brother's arms and gotten pregnant. She chose not to mention this detail until after the baby was born. She said she couldn't live with the lie a moment longer. She was in love with my brother, Blake, and had given birth to his son without telling him. After that she took away the baby I thought was mine and walked out of my life for good."
Willow heard the strong notes of pain and regret of a man who bore the emotional scars from battling with his own demons.
The ache that roiled in the bottom of her heart compelled her to say, "I'm so sorry." She already knew no condolence could ever soften the blow. "How did Blake take the news?"
"Pretty well, apparently; the wedding invitations went out several weeks ago." An icy undertone crackled in his voice.
"Oh, my." She laid a hand on his thigh, for a just a moment, to let him know she sympathized.
Shayne didn't tense under her touch the way she expected. She drew back her hand, however, because she didn't want to be too forward.
"So Blake is marrying Fiona? That must be distressing. Have you talked to anyone about this?"
"I'm talking to you." He nudged her and his lips curled into a half smile.
"I appreciate that, but I mean, have you talked with your family to sort this out?"
"No. But Grant keeps calling me because I haven't RSVP'd to the wedding. Perhaps they're trying to finalize a headcount." Shayne's sharp-witted retort did little to mask the hurt.
"That's not the only reason he's calling."
"I suppose not. Grant is trying to be peacemaker. I haven't spoken to Fiona or to Blake since that day. Grant doesn't think I should punish Blake. But I had been the one punished. The only thing I'd been guilty of was loving Fiona. Allegedly, so was Blake. Hell will freeze over before I attend that wedding."
"I don't blame you. But I hope you and your brother can work through this one day."
He took her hand in his, its warmth radiating along her arm. He may be going through a terrible trouble, leaving him outwardly cold and harsh to the world, but underneath, he pulsed with life and a potential for love. Simply holding her hand told her so.
"You have a kind spirit and see the good in all things. As for me, I don't see the day when we could get over this. Ever."
"An innocent child is involved. I hope he can be held harmless for what happened between you. I'd hate to think he would never know his wonderful uncle."
Shayne responded with a gentle squeeze of her hand.
"You hope for too much, Willow. I cherished him once. I don't know if I could ever risk it again. I told you before how I'd wanted children, but the truth is, I don't know if I'm capable of ever loving another child that deeply again."
Willow looked at him in surprise. Was he kidding? Didn't he have any idea just how capable he was? "Shayne, you are so good with all your patients, but when I see you with Baby Jack, I see that you are capable o
f great love."
"You see only what you want to see. But I know of the pain of not having a child in your life anymore. I wouldn't wish such pain on anyone. Especially not you."
He had no idea how close he hit to home. She had already known a similar pain. But they were no longer talking about her right now and she preferred it that way.
Her heart ached for the nephew he may never know again. She and Shayne had more in common than she realized. Willow sat in silence now that Shayne had opened up about his past. She remained quiet, giving him the room he needed to say more.
"I was all for having a wife and a family and trusted I'd have a future with Fiona and our son," Shayne continued. "When she confessed, the betrayal hurt like hell. You don't ever recover. Once you cross that moral ridge, you never go back. That's why I never stay around long enough to risk such betrayal again. It's also why no woman should ever get hooked on me."
His words hammered her very soul.
"Oh, Shayne," she said, ignoring the burn at the back of her eyes. "I'm afraid it's too late."
Chapter 12
Shayne spent the rest of the afternoon instructing residents without much incident. He allowed Willow time to herself to catch up on her documenting and seriously consider her decision to adopt Baby Jack. He understood her desire. He couldn't deny his own wish to protect and defend the baby, knowing the infant's future may lie in the hands of faceless bureaucrats. He didn't like the idea one bit.
And he didn't mean to express his pathetic tale of love and loss to her. But he cared too much about Willow to allow her to jump into profound circumstances based on emotions alone. She had bonded with the baby, he knew it, and he feared her heart hadn't mended enough from her broken marriage to take on such a responsibility.
Then again, could adopting Baby Jack be merely a ploy to fill a void left behind by a failed marriage?
No, he decided. Absolutely not.
Love and affection compelled Willow to pursue Baby Jack. But if the adoption didn't go through, what would the loss of a baby mean to her? When he first shared his concern about her decision to adopt, she reacted rather strongly. Surely, he touched on a raw nerve. No one wanted to be told what do. And yet, something more—something deeper—loomed behind her strong emotional reaction.
Playboy Doctor (Heartthrob Heroes, Book 2) Page 10
