by V. K. Ludwig
Each time the buzz turned more muffled against his crown jewels, an uncomfortable amount of saliva pooled at the back of my throat, waiting to be swallowed.
Bird hammered his knuckles against the wooden table. “Know, did the outpost get in touch with you about the clansman?”
Knox tilted his head back and gave me an upside-down stare. “That him?”
“His name is Adair, and he wants to get the remains of pastor William back home to the son. Already took ’em from the warehouse, and now we’re looking for someone to bring him back.”
Knox gave a grunt, pushed himself up to sit, and stared down at himself. “How’s it looking, Jack?”
Jack stopped the buzzing for a second, wiped ink and blood off the skin and squinted his eyes. “Pretty much done. I just hope you won’t ask me to decorate your asshole the next time.”
Knox glanced at me over his shoulder and gave a jut with his head. “Can you read it for me? Make sure this illiterate bastard down there got it right?”
I exchanged a quick look with Bird, who crossed his massive arms in front of his chest and hinted a nod. So I walked around the damn table and peeked over Jack’s shoulder and down at Knox’s package.
“Hang in there?” I asked, unable to ignore how my brows arched.
“That’s right,” Knox said in a proud tone. “We all need inspirational quotes, don’t you think, Bird? They get us through life.”
“Whatever you say, Knox.”
Jack rummaged through a box, retrieved a small tub, and flung it onto Knox’s colorful chest. “Put this on it for the next ten days, twice a day. If it gets infected go see doc, ’cause I sure as hell won’t go down there again. We’re even now, you hear me?”
“Loud and clear, lumberjack,” Knox said and jumped off the table. “Get yourself a punch card from my desk and go split some wood.”
“Yes, sir,” Jack hollered, grabbed his stuff and placed it onto the floor by the desk before he opened one of the drawers. They weren’t kidding. A punch card was just that: a shiny, yellow card with holes in it. Whatever magic it held, it put a skip in Jack’s gait, and he left.
“I’d shake your hand, Adair, but I’ve been holding my junk for the last twenty minutes so I’d rather not.” Knox put on some briefs and kicked his legs into a pants. “How ’bout you and I sit down and have a talk, while Bird goes and checks on his mother?”
Without a word, Bird set into motion and left the room, ducking his head by a good bit as he hurried out the door. I followed Knox to the fireplace where he sat on one of the couches, swung his bare feet onto the table in the center and pointed his toe at the couch across.
The leather immediately clung to my back. Even with Bird’s oversized shirt, the temperature change had come unexpected and overwhelmed my pores.
“So… the Woodlands, huh?” He lifted his arms behind his head and slipped down, letting himself fall deep into the couch.
“Uh-huh.”
“Hm.”
We stared at each other for a while, none of us saying a word because neither one of us was stupid. The air around us wasn’t tense, exactly, but it sure as hell wasn’t friendly either.
“Never met one of you before. Not officially,” he said, the strain in his voice making me wonder if the words had drawn blood along his gums. “Unless it was one of those outlaws you keep sending into our territory.”
An uncomfortable feeling settled on my skin, and this time, it didn’t come from the cold leather against my burning skin. Rowan exiled at least thirty men since he became chieftain. “They make it all the way out here?”
“Four did.” He dropped his feet onto the ground and leaned over. “You know, at first I was pissed that you keep sending your degenerates out here. But those who made it were so terrified of us, I realized your chieftain is doing us a favor. Big time. You make this place sound like a death sentence, and everyone leaves us alone.” Then he cocked his head and furrowed his brows. “I mean, it is a death sentence if you don’t know your way around the wastelands. Anyway, you’ve got a weird way of dealing with the women issue.”
“We didn’t have a rape in almost eighteen months.”
Knox leaned back once more, a self-pleased smirk on his face. “Neither did we. Shit. I just realized we didn’t have a single case of rape ever since I became president. That was almost nine years ago.”
“President as in democracy?”
I was sure Knox could see a hint of shock and confusion on my face. The thought of establishing a voted chieftain alone made me feel like I was swallowing my own teeth.
“It was a head-to-head race against Bird.” He gazed over the room with a certain pride to him, as if he surveyed the spoils of his victory. “Everyone thought he’d step into his father’s footsteps. Chieftain Phoenix. Junior, that is. In any case, he couldn’t offer the men what they wanted, so I won and assigned him as my sergeant. He’s getting a bit too old for that job now, though.”
A long, awkward silence settled onto the room and the bowl of roasted peanuts between us, which I refused to touch, considering he might have done the same thing earlier.
“I gotta get the remains of pastor William back to his son. My holo-band won’t connect to the old satellite out here, so I don’t want to delay things. Got someone who can get me out tomorrow?”
That awkward silence again. Longer now. Spiking the adrenaline in my blood and sending it through my veins in useless bursts. I knew coming here could be dangerous. Knox knew it as well, I could tell by the way he stared at me as if struck by all sorts of ideas of what to do with me. There was no fighting my way out of this.
A smack sounded from his lips. “Jack will pick you up tomorrow around ten and take you to the easter-most outpost. You’ll be on your own from there.”
I released a sharp breath, which Knox quickly picked up on.
“You thought I’d arrest you? Kill you?” He let out a laugh. “You gotta understand one thing, Adair. We’re business people here, and we do nothing unless we benefit from it. I don’t see how killing you would get me anything.”
“And letting me go does?”
Another smirk moved onto his face. “Go to building alpha-twenty-two. The keys are on a hook by the door. There’s enough food and water in the fridge until tomorrow. Be ready at ten, and don’t wander through my town.”
Chapter 20
The Woodlands
Ruth
“I already fucking told you we got no way of getting in touch with him. Bird assured me he’ll be safe. We have no other option but to trust his word. And wait. Simply… wait.”
Rowan pinched the bridge of his nose, his entire face scrunched up because I realized I sounded like a broken record.
After what Hazel told me, trust was the last thing on my mind. The only thing I could think of was that Adair might never return. And that would be on me. I had driven him away. For all I knew I might have killed him already.
“He’s right,” Arizona chimed in and stacked the provisions Rowan gave him inside a bag. “Holo-bands ain’t gonna function on our network. Our prez wasn’t happy about the run Bird had organized, but he didn’t say no either. If Bird said he’ll be safe, he is. Want me to take a message to that Adair guy?”
“No. Or… yeah, I guess so.” I swallowed hard, my throat thick and swollen from all the cries I had sobbed into my pillow last night. “Tell him there’s no rush. But, like, I really need to talk to him.”
“You’re confusing me, girl. You want him to rush his ass home or not?”
“Yes. I mean, no, I want him to be careful of course. Just let him know… tell him I’m sorry. Can you do that for me? Tell him I’m sorry?”
“Sure thing, hun.” He said it with a shake on his head, and really, I could only shake my head at myself, too.
Rowan gave a pat on Arizona’s shoulder. “Tell your president I’d like to meet him soon. And don’t lose the memory stick I gave you.”
“Will do.”
Arizon
a shouldered his bag, gave me a wink that might have been less lost with another girl, and left the longhouse. By the time the engine of his truck roared up, I still stood there as if I was another pillar, but barely able to even support my own weight.
“You love him?”
I swung around.
Rowan smiled at me like he had never before. It had a certain benevolence to it, matching the soft tone in his voice I was sure only Darya and Autumn had known until now.
My nod came straight and certain, only interrupted by the sob that trembled my body.
“Perhaps I should assign more guards to the single girls and help the matchmaking along.” He stroked his beard as if pondering over it. “That shit’s going so slow out here.”
“Because the law prevents them from getting to know each other better. At least that’s what Adair thinks. Thought. Whatever.”
“He said that?”
“Uh-huh. Guys are scared to approach the women. And assigning them a guard would make it even worse.”
Rowan let out a chuckle. “I’m not so sure about that. Ayanna loves River. Your love Adair. Seems to me like it’s working.”
“But what about those who have not been assigned as a guard?” I wiped away the tears that had not formed yet, but I was sure waited behind my eyes. “What if that one guy is the perfect match for one of the women? But they won’t get a chance to find out because you assigned another one, who will do everything to pursue her and everything to keep others from doing the same?”
He pressed his eyes shut once more and rubbed his fingers across his temples. “I’ll bring it up at the next meeting, preferably once Adair is back so he can share his thoughts on it. You gonna be okay? Or want me to walk you somewhere?”
“Oriel is… um…” I pointed my thumb over my shoulder and at the door. “He’s kinda waiting outside for me.”
“You should tell him. About Adair, I mean. Oriel’s been pretty excited since I assigned him and… well… don’t let him grow any hopes.”
Rowan’s words were well-meant, but everyone here had realized I didn’t want to marry. Shit. I had blurted it out over and over again. Everyone knew. Even Oriel. And especially Adair.
I dragged my body into motion and left the longhouse, only to be met by Oriel’s overwhelmingly cheerful mood.
“So?” he asked, folding his hands behind his back and walking me back to the house. Nothing that was necessary, really. But he insisted whenever he could.
“Arizona will deliver a message to him, but apparently they don’t use the same satellites as we do.”
“It’s nice of you to care so much about his safety.”
“Yeah.”
“I would be thrilled if a woman would care that much about me.”
“Good.”
He hummed a tune and stepped through the snow, but the instrumental silence didn’t last long. “My mom’s gonna cook shepherd’s pie tonight. Best in the village, I swear. Wanna join us? My parents would love to meet you.”
“Ehh —”
“It’s meatless.”
For a moment, I had more pity for Oriel than I did for myself. “Yeah, okay. Why not…”
“Great! Pick you up at five?”
“Sure…”
He waited until I had walked up to the front door. Then he waited some more, and perhaps until after the door fell back into its lock. What I needed was rest and a bath to calm my nerves. Patience was key, right? As soon as Adair came back, I would tell him the truth. I’d marry him — if he still wanted me.
The moment Hazel shot around the corner with a glass and a dark brown container in her hand, I realized rest wasn’t in the cards.
“Come with me,” she said in a sharp tone. She disappeared into the bathroom, not even once turning as if she was sure I would follow. Which I did.
I let out a deep exhale. “I already told you I’m sorry, and I promised I would set things —”
“Pee in this.”
She held out the glass, the straight line of her mouth telling me she wasn’t even joking.
“Why?”
“Do it.”
“I won’t pee in a glass while you stare.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest to support the statement. “Especially not if I don’t even understand why.”
“Oh, I’ll tell you.” She planted the glass on one hip and the container on the other, an angry jitter flopping from her toes. “Ayanna told me she got her period about a week after she arrived here. Peggy came to me in tears, around five days after her arrival.”
“So?”
“So? It overwhelmed them both, and I don’t assume it would be any different for you. Which tells me you didn’t get it yet. Which tells my idiot brother most likely got you pregnant.”
Pregnant?
Pregnant!
“No, he didn’t!” Or perhaps he did?
Each of her foot-flops skittered across my skin, leaving goosebumps on the outside and a suffocating panic on the inside. No, it couldn’t be.
“I haven’t menstruated yet, so what? It takes me longer than the others. I’m not fertile.”
The rim of the glass hit the tip of my nose. “Prove it!”
Another deep exhale. I had been handing them out like candy lately. I grabbed the glass and walked over to the potty. Fuck it. Whatever makes her happy.
I pulled my pants down. Panty down. I pressed my thighs onto the cold porcelain rim. “Can you turn around at least?”
She didn’t. Instead, she watched how I dribbled into the glass.
“Here!”
I pulled my pants back up.
Hazel grabbed the glass and held it in front of her. “You’re dehydrated.”
“Whatever. Do what you have to do, so I can go and lie down a bit.”
She placed the glass by the windowsill, opened the container and pulled out a long, white stripe of paper or something. Then she sunk it into the glass. “You’ve been feeling tired and exhausted lately?”
“No,” I lied. Of course, I had, but who wouldn’t have, considering Adair and I had been busy satisfying each other all night for the last couple of weeks.
“And your boobs? Are they tense or hurting?”
“No. I told you, I’m not pregnant.”
She stepped away from the glass and turned her back to it, chewing on her lips as if she had skipped breakfast that day.
I glanced at the glass. “It’s changing color.”
“That’s normal. It means nothing. Yet.”
There was no reason for me not to ignore it, but somehow, my eyeballs seemed glued to it. Seconds stretched into lifetimes, and I hoped Hazel would stop that annoying tapping with her foot.
Then I realized it was my foot that tapped.
The truth was right there, almost close enough for me to reach out. Suddenly the convinced voice inside my head had quit on me. What if Adair had left more behind than confusion and sleepless nights? I couldn’t look at how the strip began to change. Couldn’t look away either…
“What color is positive?” I asked.
“Purple.”
This one wasn’t purple. A weird sensation settled on my stomach, and I couldn’t tell if it was relief… or disappointment. “Told you I’m not pregnant. It’s not purple. Only pink.”
Hazel flung around. Her eyes squinted. They widened. Then, they almost fell out of their sockets. “Shit. Shit. Shit.”
“What is it?”
She didn’t answer. Only pointed toward the window. My gaze followed along her arm, her knuckles, her fingertip and on, on, on until the corners of my eyes brushed against the glass. My breath caught somewhere between my throat and my collarbone.
Oh no! Oh yes? “Yeah… uh… now it’s kinda purple.”
“Fuck!” Her shout echoed from the tiled walls, and she squeezed her head between her hands. “Gosh, what a fucking idiot. What a moron. If anybody finds out…”
Pregnant.
My hands wandered to my stomach as if on reflex, reaching
out for something that was nothing five seconds ago. But now? The most precious thing ever! Filling me from the inside and for once bringing my foolish curiosity to complete satisfaction.
I grabbed for Hazel’s hand, not to comfort her but for myself to hold on to something. “Nobody will find out. Rowan is convinced Adair is safe, and as soon as he’s back I will —”
“Marry him,” she said in a demanding tone, but the frown lines on her forehead gave it away as what it was: a plea.
“Yes,” I said, and a giggle soon followed.
“This isn’t funny Ruth…”
No, it wasn’t funny. But the more I paid attention to how my core filled with warmth and my nerve-ends with tingles, the more I was able to tell it wasn’t sad either. I carried Adair’s child inside me, and the image of it liberated me from whatever had dragged me down since he left. Until a thought overshadowed it all.
“You believe it would upset him?”
“Upset?” She arched a brow. Then the other. “My brother wanted nothing more than a wife and children. He’ll lose his shit when he comes home, only to find that he will get both. But I’m also worried you might go back on your word.”
“How?”
“A child shouldn’t be the reason for you to change your mind about marrying him.”
“It’s not.”
I walked over to the window and pulled the strip out of the glass, letting my gaze dive into the deep purple. Such a common color to hold a future I had never imagined for myself, yet felt so absolutely right.
“Remember what Ayanna said that night about marrying River?” I asked. “All I know is that the last few days have been the worst of my life. I feel incomplete without Adair. And if marrying is what it takes to make me feel complete again, so be it. He and I will figure it out together.” Another giggle escaped from my chest. This wasn’t sad at all. It was the most joyful moment of my life, and I didn’t want to wait to share it with the man I loved. “And we’ll figure out how to be parents.”
Hazel grabbed the glass and poured the contents down the drain. “Let’s hope Rowan and that Arizona guy are right, and he’ll be back in one piece. And soon. Or at the very least before you show because I wouldn’t see a way to hide it.”
