by Suzy Shearer
“I’m okay.”
“Come off it, Jess! Have you seen yourself?”
“Don’t remind me! Look, I had a lousy night’s sleep, that’s all.”
Jeannie looked at her. “If that’s your story, it isn’t a very good one.”
Someone knocked on the door, then opened it. It was Carl. “Jess, I’ve got the stuff from Wilson. I’m ready to go around one. Okay?”
He looked at Jess then at his wife. Jessica caught the tiny shake of Jeannie’s head.
“Okay. We’ll have to walk back to my place. I left the car there.”
“Oh. Look, I’ll go get it. I want to grab a few things.”
“Right. I’ll meet you downstairs about one o’clock then, Carl.”
He left with a backward glance at Jeannie. Jeannie went to the door then paused and looked back at Jessica.
“Jess, you know how we all feel about you. You carry too much on your shoulders. Sometimes, when you share your problems, they have a way of getting easier.”
Jessica looked at Jeannie. She knew she was right, but she’d buried too much for too long to share now. Part of her wanted to blurt it out, but she was still so ashamed of it all. Anyway, even she had faced it all.
“I know, Jeannie. I really do.”
Jeannie just nodded and left the room. Bess brought in some paperwork for her to sign. Jess went through the work all, through the day before she realised it was close to one. She gathered up her briefcase and notes, then told Bess where she and Carl could be contacted. Riding the lift downstairs, she arrived on the footpath just as Carl pulled up.
Jess had bought the BMW sedan a few years back. She’d hung a set of keys in the office and told everyone it was for them all to use whenever they needed to travel. They’d use taxis for nearby companies but once they needed to go further afield, having a car made sense. It was either parked downstairs in the complex car park or else at her complex.
They drove out to Dowling Industries. Conversation was stilted and was only about the forthcoming incursion into Aiden Dowling’s world. When they arrive at the complex, Jessica directed Carl to drive past the guard house a further half kilometre. There was an employee’s entrance that required a swipe of their cards to enter. This would be the first test.
They breezed through. She directed Carl where to park and they both swiped their way into the first building they came to. She pulled out the map Trevor Ward had provided and they made their way through two other buildings with no problem.
“That’s the main office building, Carl.” She pointed it out. “If we go in the side entrance, we’ll bypass the front desk.”
Once inside they took the lift to the second floor. Walking down the long corridor, they arrived at the stern-faced secretary’s domain. She looked at them in surprise.
“Ms. Williams. I didn’t realise you would be here today.” She looked down into her diary. “I have no appointment booked.”
“I realise that, but could you ask Mr. Dowling if he could spare ten minutes?”
She looked down her nose at Jessica but picked up the phone and buzzed Aiden.
“Mr. Dowling, Ms. Williams is here and requesting to see you.”
“Certainly. Thank you.”
She put down the phone.
“You can go in.”
Jessica closed her eyes momentarily, took a deep breath and plunged forward. She and Carl entered the room. Aiden had stepped from behind his desk. His face was filled with pleasure at seeing her but he started when he saw she wasn’t alone.
“Mr. Dowling, this is my associate, Carl Striger.”
The two men shook hands. Both were sizing the other up. Carl looked from Jessica to Aiden, it was obvious he could see there was something going on.
“I’m sorry to barge in like this.”
“It’s more than a pleasure to see you, Ms. Williams.” Aiden gestured to the couches, leading the way. They sat. Jessica felt so on edge.
“As you’re aware, we had no staff badges made. I wanted to test your system. Carl and I arrived here this afternoon, we got into the staff car park and have made our way through several buildings on these badges Carl produced yesterday.”
She held out her badge, Aiden looked stunned at her words.
“On top of that, you’ll find we have added ourselves to your personnel files. No one queried us and we had no obstructions.”
Aiden bent his head backward then forward quickly. He shook his head and ran a hand through the hair falling down over his forehead. Jessica had an almost irresistible urge to brush it back. He caught her eye and she bit her lip.
Carl pulled out a roll of paper and unrolled it. Aiden’s eyes widened in shock when he realised what he was looking at.
“How? How did you get this?”
“Very easily.”
Aiden had picked up the paper and was examining it.
Jessica spoke softly. “Mr. Dowling, we discovered yesterday that your secure section is far from secure. You actually have the computers in there enabled to access the Internet. That means any hacker worth their salt can get in. Even an amateur could with less than a few hours work.”
Aiden was still shaking his head in disbelief. “What happens now? What can we do?”
Carl took over the conversation. Jessica had told him on the way that she wanted him in charge and Wilson would help him with writing programs.
“First thing is to block all Internet access on those sensitive section computers. That is easily done and it’s a good place to start. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be writing programs to improve your security. Do you have an IT section or someone in charge of computing?”
“Yes, I have a couple of staff members whose job it is to upgrade our computers and software.”
“Good. I’ll get their names and work with them. How do you want me to report to you?”
“If you could let Ms. Williams know any problems, that would be fine. Otherwise I guess we meet again, when you’ve sorted everything out. I’m actually stunned that you could break in so easily!”
They all stood.
“I appreciate what you’ve done. It’s been a shock, but at least I know things can only get better.”
“I’ll just get Margaret, my secretary, to give you the names of our computer people.”
He walked to his desk and buzzed her, then explained what he wanted.
“She’ll give you everything you need. If you want anything at all, just contact her and she’ll arrange it.”
“Thanks.”
Aiden shook hands with Carl. Jessica held out her hand to shake his, but he held it instead.
“Ms. Williams, can you spare five minutes?”
Carl looked at her curiously but opened the door.
“I’ll meet you at the car, Jess.”
She looked around wildly. Jessica was tempted to scream at him “don’t leave me alone!” but she just nodded.
He left and shut the door behind him. Aiden still had hold of her hand.
“Jessie.”
His voice was filled with longing. She looked at the floor, at the wall, at his desk, anywhere but him. In the back of her mind, she realised if she looked at him she’d be lost.
“Look at me Jessie.”
She gave up and lifted her eyes to his. He groaned and pulled her closer. He scrutinised her face. She flushed, knowing he would see the tell-tale signs of her sleepless night.
“Oh, my dearest Jessie. What am I going to do with you?”
“Let me go,” she whispered.
“Never!” he declared vehemently. “I can’t, you’ve put a spell on me.”
Jessica started. She recalled the song playing the day she’d met Aiden. Was that only two days ago?
“It’s true. I can’t think of anything else but you.”
She felt him rest his head on the top of hers, she heard him whisper.
“You’ve let you hair out.”
She tried to pretend she’d done it because she wanted to
but if she was honest, she’d let it out because she knew she was seeing him and knew it was something he wanted. One of his hands picked up a handful of her hair and she heard him breathe in the scent of her shampoo.
“Jessie.”
His voice was breathless. She seemed to have the same effect on him as he had on her. She tried to pull away but he held her tight, his chin was resting on the top of her head. Oh, she wanted to succumb, she wanted to just melt into his arms, but her fear was too great.
“Tonight, my Jessie, we are going to talk, whether you like it or not. I don’t care if it takes all night, or even all weekend, but I’m not leaving you until we’ve spoken and I know why you’re frightened of me. I can hear your heart beating like a terrified bird.”
She felt him give a little grin against her head.
“Jessica, I don’t want to hurt you.”
She wrenched herself free and looked at him in absolute terror.
Where had she heard those words before?
Dennis would always say them just before he began to hit her. Aiden still had hold of her hand, she dragged it free, not caring that it hurt.
“No!” she screamed in terror.
She ran from his office. Somehow she made it to the car park. Carl was sitting on the bonnet waiting for her. He looked at her face.
“Jess! What’s wrong?”
“Nothing! Nothing, just take me home.”
They got in the car and Carl looked at her again.
“Please, Jess, what’s happened?”
She only shook her head. Carl put the car into gear and drove out. They drove in silence until they were close to her home.
“Jess, are you sure you’re okay? I know something’s going on between you and Dowling. It’s so bloody obvious. If you need me or Jeannie, just shout.”
He pulled up outside the complex. Jessica leaned over and gave him kiss on the cheek.
“ You’re a good friend, Carl, both of you. I’m sorry, Carl. Look, take the car. I don’t need it. I’ll see you on Monday morning.”
She quickly got out before he could reply and raced inside. As she rode up to her floor, she went over the conversation with Aiden in her head. He’d said they were going to talk tonight. How could he?
She reached the safety of the apartment. She sighed as she closed the door. Going upstairs, she changed into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. She went into the bathroom and scrubbed her face clean, then pulled her hair into a ponytail. She went downstairs and opened the sliding wall leading outside.
She stood for a few minutes.
Her life was a mess.
The phone rang.
She thought she’d ignore it. Glancing at the clock she saw it was four thirty. If it was Aiden, she would hang up. She looked at the screen. It was her father’s mobile number. She answered it.
“Hello.”
“Hi. How’s Jessie James?”
“Daddy!”
“Jessie, what’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing and everything.”
“Tell me, sweetheart. Tell your old man.”
She laughed, she actually felt relieved and before she could change her mind, poured out her fears to him without actually telling him much. She just told him she’d met Aiden, was attracted to him, but was frightened because he was so powerful, so confident.
“So, Aiden Dowling eh?” She heard laughter in his voice, and it puzzled her slightly. “I’ve met him a few times, he impressed me.”
“Please, Dad!”
“Sorry, Jessie. Look you have to make up your own mind. I know what you’re frightened about. But Dowling isn’t the type to abuse a woman.”
“I never thought Dennis was either.”
“I don’t know about that, Jess, from what you’ve said, everyone knew and no one was surprised.”
She was stunned. She’d never considered that before although she knew Walter hadn’t been surprised.
“Anyway, sweetheart, you do whatever you feel comfortable with. Maybe it’s time you stopped hiding and started living again. You deserve happiness, you deserve a man who will love you and treat you with love and respect. I know Dowling will do just that.”
Jessica didn’t answer and her father wisely changed the subject. They talked for another ten minutes about nothing in particular. He told her he would be back in town on Thursday and made a date for them to have dinner together next Friday. She told him she missed him.
They had been spending a lot of time together whenever he could. Slowly, they had rebuilt their relationship during the past few years. Outside of her few friends and his PA, no one knew exactly who she was. At the moment, neither wanted their privacy invaded. There had been plenty of speculation in the papers over the past few years but none had hit on the truth or at least neither she nor her father had confirmed anything.
They hung up and Jess actually felt better for talking with him.
She rummaged in the fridge and found enough ingredients to make herself a chicken stir fry. She tossed in some egg noodles, poured herself a fruit juice and took her dinner out onto the deck. It was pleasant to just sit there and forget everything as she ate. There was a breeze blowing and it rustled the leaves. She sat there listening to the soothing sounds.
She sat there for about an hour, then took her plate and glass inside. It was almost seven. She would read for a while then maybe relax in the tub before she went to bed. She’d just pulled a Henning Mankell novel off the shelf when the internal phone buzzed.
What did Lincoln want? She picked it up.
“Hi, Lincoln.”
“Hello, Ms. Williams. There’s a gentleman down here to see you. Can I send him up?”
“Who…” She stuttered suddenly frightened. “Who is it?”
“A Mr. Dowling.”
“Dowling?” Her voice sounded strangled to her.
“Yes. Shall I let him up or send him away?”
How did he find out where she lived?
She was tempted to send him away, but she had the distinct impression he would camp on her doorstep until she agreed to see him.
“Ms. Williams?”
“It’s okay, Lincoln.” Her voice sounded so strained to her ears. “Send him up.”
Chapter Nine
She hung up the phone with shaking hands. All her terror came flooding back in a heartbeat. She wanted to run and hide, anything rather than face him. In no time at all, there was a knock on the door.
She had the back of one hand across her mouth as she opened the door. She felt ill. He didn’t move, he just looked at her, his eyes devouring her.
“May I come in, Jessie?” he asked her softly.
She was breathing rapidly behind her hand as she nodded her head. He strode in and she closed the door behind him. She led the way into the family room. He looked around appreciatively, then at her. She was now biting her knuckle, her hand still against her mouth. She was frightened she would burst into tears.
He closed the gap between them and gently lowered her hand.
“Why, Jess, why are you so frightened of me?”
His hand was on her shoulder, just lightly caressing it. She felt her head bend to lay against it and jerked it back. He shook his head.
“Come. Sit beside me.”
He ran his hand down her arm and took her hand in his. He looked across the room and led her to one of the long couches. He took off his suit coat, sat, and pulled her down beside him. The closeness of him was driving her crazy. On one hand, she wanted him out of her life, and on the other, she so wanted his touch.
Since she first seen him, she’d been fantasising about him. Much as she tried, she couldn’t deny the attraction. She actually craved him but at the same time what he stood for terrified her.
He picked up her hand again and placed it on his leg, covering it with his own. She was trapped, like that bird he’d compared her to earlier in the day. Her heart was painfully beating in her chest, trying desperately to escape.
“We are goi
ng to sit here all night if we have to, or even all weekend, until you tell me exactly what you are frightened of.”
“No.”
“Yes. I told you when we first met that I always get what I want. So I’m prepared to wait for as long as it takes and I’m not leaving.”
“Please.” Even to her, her voice sounded tiny but full of desperate need.
“I’ve told you, Jessica, I don’t want to hurt you.”
She tried to stand as those fateful words echoed in her head.
“No!” she screamed frantically, fighting against him. “No!”
“Jess! Jess, what is it?”
With sudden insight, he said, “Who hurt you?”
She looked wildly around, her fear palpable. He lifted his hand from hers and put his arm across her shoulders, drawing her into him.
He held her tight as the hours passed. He never spoke, just held her. Each time she tried to escape, he would hold her fast until she gave up again. He would hear her breathing fast, she knew she was in full panic mode.
She had no control. Her fear had finally overtaken her.
Hour after hour, he waited patiently while she struggled with her demons. It must have been well after three or four in the morning. She tried again to get away once again from his hold. He’d pulled her into him again then reached out with his other hand and ran it down her cheek. Just his fingertips brushing delicately down it as he pulled her tight.
At his touch, as he drew her close, she burst into tears, all the while crying “no, no.”
He rocked her.
“Oh, my dearest Jessie,” he whispered. “Tell me, tell me what happened to you?”
She could only sob. He let her. He held her tight against his broad chest, rocking her, murmuring words that held no meaning to her. Every ache, every pain that she’d held inside for the past fifteen years came bubbling up. Every act of abuse on her since she was twenty-three came erupting out from behind the wall she’d built and she howled her grief as she saw it.
The dam burst.
The man holding her tight never stopped holding her, never told her to stop, never gave up crooning and rocking her. But she couldn’t stop, couldn’t push it back now the floodgates had opened.
Finally, she faced the pain she’d held deep inside for so long. Time passed, but Jessica had no knowledge of it, so wrapped up in her anguish. Slowly the howls became sobs, then the sobs turned to tears until even they began to dry up and stop.
