Instead of the joyful look she expected, William’s face turned ashen. ‘What?’
‘I said…’
‘I know what you said. You also said you were on the pill.’
‘Nothing is fail-safe.’
‘Well you can’t keep it.’
‘What?’
‘It’s not up for discussion.’
Rachel held her tears back. ‘Why?’
William took the napkin off his lap, scrunched it into a ball and threw it on the table just as the waiter came over with two plates. William put his hand out to stop the waiter. ‘We’re done here, Victor. Put it on my tab, we’re leaving.’ Then he stood up and started walking out of the restaurant.
Rachel could feel the eyes of the other diners on her, but she didn’t dare turn around. It was the first time she had seen this side of William. She managed a polite smile for the waiter after which she stood up and followed her lover out. He hailed a taxi and was gone. The next day her period arrived.
The way William had reacted to her faux pregnancy was just so out of character, she knew there had to be something at the root of it. Had he previously lost a child with another woman? Or did he just not want to have children? Some men were like that. A text telling him that she wasn’t pregnant after all had smoothed things over. Just. But their relationship didn’t feel the same and then they had bumped into Bonnie the last time they were out, and that had certainly set alarm bells ringing.
It had been a casual encounter outside the juice bar on Marylebone High Street and Rachel was pleased to see a friend whom she had not seen in ages, but when she introduced her to William a strange look had passed between them. Was it a look of familiarity; had there been a history between them like there had been with Sophia, or was it something else? Whatever it was it had set her on edge. She couldn’t compete with Bonnie’s lustrous brown hair and ethereal good looks. She had been so rattled by the meeting that she had tried to ask William about her, but he would not entertain any discussions on the matter, claiming he had only heard of her in passing. She was almost certain that she did not believe him.
Was this acceptable behaviour? Did William love her like he claimed or was he in love with someone else, someone as stunning as Bonnie? The usual signs were there – the new clothes, the heavy aftershave, the late night calls. She could drive herself insane with these questions or she could forget about them. Worrying was pointless. So she decided on the latter.
*
‘Go on then,’ Rachel said to Sophia draining her first cosmopolitan. ‘Every time you’re about to tell me something you stop. Just tell me why we can’t go and sit over there.’
‘You see those two women. The blond and the one with the short black hair,’ Sophia pointed to the sofas by the large Georgian window.
‘Those two so wrapped up in themselves they’re unaware of anyone else’s presence?’
Sophia smiled. ‘Well that one over there,’ she said, pointing, ‘that one is William’s wife.’
37
20th November 2011
Mayfair, London
‘Come in.’
Celeste heard the familiar voice and smiled. She opened the door and saw Maryanne sitting on her gold throne, her signature fuchsia carpet underfoot.
‘It’s been a while darlin’,’ Maryanne said, rising to her feet.
‘Oh, don’t get up.’
Maryanne waved Celeste’s comment away. ‘Look at me, as fit as ever.’
‘That you are.’ They embraced but Maryanne didn’t look fit; she looked tired. Her eyes were sunken and her skin sagged.
When they each had a cup of tea and the pleasantries were over Maryanne asked the inevitable. ‘What’s this I hear about Cross Hong Kong?’
‘I was hoping you’d tell me.’
‘Bah! Harris tells me nothing these days. I should expect that though. I’m only here in name. When I sold the majority share I made it a condition that I could come into the office daily, but they have no obligation to ask for my opinion or even take it when I offer it – which I often do.’
Celeste looked at her one-time boss. This was as good a time as any to ask her what she wanted to know. ‘Why did you do it, Maryanne? Why did you sell the majority share in Cross?’
‘I had my reasons, darlin’.’
‘Tell me.’
Maryanne hesitated. ‘A man like Harris can keep the name of Cross alive for years. An old woman like me can’t.’
‘You created Cross.’
‘And it cannot die with me, kid. When you’ve a child you’ll know. You have to set them free eventually. It’s the same with Cross.’
Celeste pressed her lips together. Maryanne was putting on a brave face, but it wasn’t just Cross Hong Kong that was suffering. It sounded like Harris was soon going to get rid of Cross altogether – the rich kid had gotten bored of his latest toy, and Maryanne wasn’t stupid. She knew what was happening.
‘I’ve heard that Harris is considering closing down Cross Hong Kong? They want to make cuts to my design team.’
Maryanne nodded. ‘I hear it’s not going as well as planned.’
‘I thought you’d know more. They don’t share their finances with a mere designer like me.’
‘I’m surprised.’
‘Why?’
‘Oh nothing, kid. But you’ve got more respect in this company than I have. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens. If I hear anything you’ll be the first to know. I owe you that.’
‘Owe me? You’ve done enough for me.’
Maryanne waved the comment away with her hand. ‘And darlin’ how are you finding life in Hong Kong?’
‘One big party.’ Celeste thought about the night before she left the city. One of Alex’s acquaintances had invited them to a new fusion restaurant. They were supposed to leave by midnight but had stayed until three, drinking bellinis and eating cerviche. She had thought that London would have been a break from the sleeping at dawn lifestyle, but last night had turned into quite an event in itself.
One minute she was having a conversation with Angela and the next a woman was accosting her, accusing her of being married to a chap called William. After a bottle of champagne it had taken Celeste a good few minutes to figure out that William and Bill were one and the same. Of course it was the same name. By a stroke of luck, the drunken woman had mistaken Celeste for Angela and chose a convenient time when Angela was in the bathroom to have her outburst. How many women had Bill been sleeping with? She had told Alex when he had called her last night, and they had laughed together. Clearly Bill was a pro at this cheating game, using his full name like that. Celeste couldn’t help but smile at the memory. Alicia was welcome to him.
The blond haired creature had attacked Celeste, shouting abuse at her, and Celeste hoped that Angela would return from the bathroom to hear what the girl had to say. At least that way she would know what her husband was up to – in the unlikely event that she didn’t know already. But before Angela could return, The Emerald Rooms’ front of house was charging up the mahogany stairs, two at a time, commanding two waiters to escort the woman off the premises. Angela returned to her seat seconds later and none the wiser. Celeste could see why Bill chose The Emerald Rooms as his club of choice.
‘The Hong Kong lifestyle can be a little hectic,’ Maryanne said. ‘When I first met you, you were so young and naïve. Now look at you – Diamonds and Dior. Your friends must be envious.’
‘Apparently we’re the glitterati of the Mid-Levels, or so they say. I have to keep pinching myself to check it’s real.’ Celeste raised a smile. She enjoyed the champagne lifestyle, but now she was back in London the sheen had come off the superficial luxe. ‘Maryanne, can I ask you something?’
‘Anything.’
‘Tell me the real reason as to why you sold Cross to Harris?’
‘I just told you.’
‘Don’t you trust me?’
‘Celeste, at some point in your life you’ll look back and
wish you’d made some different choices. I often think like that when it comes to Cross. Sometimes I think it was better to go under than to sell to that man.’ Maryanne looked away from Celeste. She hesitated. ‘But we have to stick by the decisions we make. It was my time to step down.’
‘But I… You never even offered me any shares in Cross. I could have afforded it,’ she said, although it probably wasn’t true. Alex and she were not even married back then and Alex had always thought Cross was a dying brand.
‘Let’s just say I needed the money more than I needed Cross.’ Maryanne put her hand in the air to stop the conversation. ‘Let’s not talk about it any more.’
Celeste opened her mouth and then closed it. She could tell by Maryanne’s rheumy eyes that whatever it was that made her sell out, it must have been a hard decision.
‘Before you go, kid,’ Maryanne said, opening her desk drawer. I want you to have this.’ She took out a fuchsia pouch and handed it to Celeste. Celeste noticed just how frail Maryanne’s hands were. Dark veins shone though her almost translucent skin. She placed her hand on Maryanne’s and squeezed it before she took the package. Peering inside the pink pouch she took out a long gold necklace with the bumblebee pendant. ‘It’s beautiful.’
‘The bee reminds us to be hard working. It’s a small insect but it has great strength. Whenever you feel weak, darlin’, and you don’t know which path your life is taking, wear this pendant. It’ll guide you.’
‘Thank you. I’ll remember that.’ Maryanne had always been so good to her and so perceptive. Could Maryanne see that her time designing for Cross was coming to an end?
Maryanne leaned across the table and lifted Celeste’s chin with her hand. ‘And remember if a bumblebee ever feels under attack it has a nice sting in its tail. You’re strong Celeste. Remember that. If anyone tries to put you down, you just remember my words.’
Celeste couldn’t help but smile.
38
Barnet, North London
‘Is that the pendant you’re wearing now?’ Elaine asked.
Celeste clasped the bee in her hand. ‘I’ve not taken it off since…’
Elaine waited but Celeste didn’t continue. She smoothed her skirt and looked at her notes. ‘I’d like to go back to my original question. Why did you do it?’
Celeste let go of the pendant. ‘You wouldn’t understand. I don’t want you to get…’ Celeste trailed off as her throat caught. She looked at the clock. ‘I want to finish my story first. If that’s okay with you? I can’t see why it wouldn’t be.’
Elaine nodded. ‘Whatever you’re comfortable with.’
‘That was the last time I saw Maryanne. I was too blind to see through her smile that she was dying. The woman who had given me my chance in life was fading and I didn’t know. I was too preoccupied with Alicia and Bill, or William or whatever he was calling himself. Maryanne died a month after my visit. I never even attended the funeral. Of course, it coincided with some Renshaw family emergency and Alex couldn’t spare me. What a fool I was to place my utmost trust in that man. I found out later, much later, why she sold Cross. I had been so naïve, or as Alicia would have gently put it, I had been silly. Very silly indeed.’
‘So why did Maryanne sell? How did you find out?’
‘Before she died she wrote me a letter. A letter Alex kept hidden from me, but strangely he never destroyed it. That surprises me. He should have known better than to keep something like that.’
‘Maybe Alex didn’t know what the letter said.’
‘Oh he knew. It had been opened. It told me everything I needed to know.’ Celeste met Elaine’s gaze. She had said enough for now. The contents of the letter could wait. ‘Being in London at that time was no good for me.’ She looked into the distance. The sun rising, dawn breaking. ‘I never wore that bumblebee until…it wasn’t bling enough for me back then. If it had been encrusted with diamonds, then maybe I would have.’
Elaine smiled.
Celeste noticed that her smile was crooked. Just slightly, but now after all these hours sitting in front her, looking at her face, her kinked smile became obvious. She wondered if Elaine knew she had a wonky smile. Did she obsess over it, like Celeste obsessed over her minor flaws? Obsess, the word made her think of Alex. No Mother, I am not obsessed.
‘Well at least you didn’t throw the bumblebee out. And you have it now. There’s a reason for that.’
‘I hid it in a drawer and went for it on that terrible day. I pulled off a fine, white-gold chain I was wearing. It felt good at the time to get rid of the necklace Alex had given me. Like I was removing a noose around my neck. Maryanne said it would give me strength. It did in the end.’
‘Did you see Alicia on that trip?’
Celeste shook her head. ‘I think I was self-destructing back then. Pushing away those closest to me.’
‘You were hurting because she betrayed you. Not only that. She was sleeping with Bill. Someone you held close to your heart, despite his philandering.’
‘Graham and Sarah came over one day, which was nice. Warwick had told them I was alone in London. Alex would never have wanted his brother to visit me on my own in case I said something I shouldn’t about Renshaw. It was stupid of him, but then back then I didn’t realise just how much he had to hide. It wasn’t often that I saw Graham and Sarah without Alex. We shared a bottle of Rioja and talked about the good old days. The fabulous Sunday lunches Warwick used to host. Graham was concerned about Alex. He never said it but I could tell from his questions – was Alex enjoying what he was doing? Was he away much? Did he seem stressed? How was I coping with Alex? He made him sound like he had an attention deficit disorder! Alex hated me talking about him, especially to his brother, so each time he broached the subject I moved the conversation along.’
‘And did you meet your parents when you were in London in 2011?’
‘That was the one good thing about my trip.’
‘Did you see them at home in London or in Bristol?’
‘London.’
‘Tell me about the time you spent with them.’
‘Nothing to tell. They stayed for a couple of nights. We ate out, watched movies. I bought them new clothes from designers they had never heard of. It was nice showing my mum images of my new designs. She was always so proud of my creative side. Whenever there was a Cross advert in a magazine she would cut it out and ask me if it was one of mine. She has a scrapbook of my designs, some really old designs too – like the ones I did in university. It was nice spending time with mum. Dad was his usual self, but they were worried about me. Even back then – perhaps they could see the storm coming. And as usual they told me I had lost weight and that I needed to eat more. Dad fussed that the food in Hong Kong was too foreign, which he thought was the reason why I had gone down a dress size. That sort of thing.’
‘And did you meet Bonnie and make up with her like you said you would?’
‘You know 2011 was the same year that I saw Bonnie in Hong Kong. Well, I thought I did. I was sure I caught a glimpse of her in the IFC Mall in the Mont Blanc store. I was a fair distance away and by the time I got to the shop she had gone. I looked around in all the nearby shops, but she wasn’t there. Alex said I was imagining things.’ Celeste took a breath. ‘But to answer your question, I called her, yes.’
‘And?’
‘She was cold, aloof. I guessed too much time had passed between us. The damage to our friendship had been done. In university Alicia, Bonnie and I were inseparable, like sisters. When we did have time apart, we always managed to pick up where we left off. I expected some awkwardness, but I received hostility. She was surprised to hear from me. We made small talk, but she had this wall up. I assumed she didn’t want me to attack her again, but…’ Celeste’s shoulders dropped. Tears began to stain her cheeks.
Elaine handed her a tissue.
Part III
39
Barnet, North London
‘Feel better?’
Ce
leste nodded. She looked at the clock again. Time was running out.
‘In 2011, how did you feel about Alex?’
‘I still loved Alex despite his increasingly long absences. But the distance had grown between us, I couldn’t deny that. Alex was away much of the time and when he was in Hong Kong Bill was around. He spent more time on that boat with Bill than with me. It wasn’t just Alex going away that upset me. Evenings would be spent entertaining associates or he would be working late. I picked fights with him about it. It didn’t help matters.’
‘How did Alex respond when you questioned his late nights?’
‘He always told me where he was beforehand so I couldn’t complain. Always had his brother, dad or some other businessman as an excuse. Of course, I would never check, but he was so confident I didn’t have any cause to mistrust him.’
‘Did you ever bring it up with him?’
Celeste nodded.
‘And how did he make you feel?’
‘This big,’ Celeste said, holding her thumb and index finger less than an inch apart. ‘But sometimes he made me feel like I was a million dollars. He’d put his arms around me and tell me how much he loved me, bought me gifts, paid for spa treatments. He sent Kealana round to check on me when he was out of town. I didn’t like her then, but it was sweet of him. Plus, he had reason to be working late and he made me see that. In the middle of the recession Alex was earning more than anyone I knew. I could have had caviar for breakfast and it wouldn’t have made a jot of difference. I loved my life – the parties, the free flowing champagne. I knew that Alex had to put in the hours if we wanted to sustain that lifestyle. I’m not blameless in all of this. And living in the Mid-Levels, it was all about keeping up with appearances as well. I felt a terrible burden of expectation from our expat friends.’
‘Go on.’
‘Friends would say that our marriage was a fairy-tale. And I felt that was what we had to give them. We were so bloody convincing, I believed it myself.’
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