‘I’ll get the doctor now,’ the nurse said, walking towards the door.
‘Leave,’ a man in a white coat said to the nurse as he entered. Alex followed the man into the room.
‘You’re up Celeste. I’m glad. I’m Doctor Rosenbaum. I was just explaining to your husband…’
‘Is my baby okay?’ Celeste asked impatiently.
The doctor rubbed his chin. ‘I am so very sorry, Mrs Renshaw…’
‘No!’ Celeste screamed. ‘No, this can’t be.’
‘You’re lucky to be here. If it wasn’t for your husband bringing you in immediately…’
She narrowed her eyes. ‘Alex brought me in?’
‘Of course, hon.’
She looked at the doctor and then at her husband.
Alex flashed her a smile. ‘The doctor said you didn’t lose too much blood. You’re going to be okay. Thank God. We can have you out of here in a couple of days.’
‘I gave birth. I want to see my baby.’
‘I’m sorry to tell you this, but when you arrived at the hospital your baby had already lost its life. We had to induce labour. It was not viable.’
Celeste stared at the doctor and then at Alex. Alex walked over to her side and took her hand. She immediately pulled away. ‘It would have been better if I had died.’
‘It’s natural to grieve after what has happened.’
‘He killed my baby,’ Celeste said under her breath.
Dr Rosenbaum cleared his throat. ‘It’s unlikely at this stage in the pregnancy that the fall would cause this. The baby could have already…’
Celeste held her hand out for the doctor to stop talking. ‘I want to see my baby.’
Dr Rosenbaum nodded and then looked at Alex. ‘It’s a distressing time for both of you. Let me give you some space.’
‘Don’t leave me alone with this man. I don’t want him here.’
Dr Rosenbaum looked from Celeste to Alex before making his way towards the door.
Alex stroked Celeste’s hair until the door was firmly closed. ‘Aldridge Hospital is one of the most prestigious private hospitals in Hong Kong.’ He walked over to the window and looked out.
‘And your father is a benefactor.’
‘We funded the whole Renshaw wing.’
‘Are we in it?’
‘It’s the other side,’ Alex said, turning towards her. We funded the heart unit,’ he said, as he tapped his chest. ‘I explained to Dr Rosenbaum how much we wanted this child. That we had been trying for some time. He said we can try again soon, maybe in four months or so.’
‘You’re a liar.’
‘I also explained your delusions of late.’
Celeste shook her head. Tears fell from her eyes.
‘That whole episode when you thought Kealana was trying to poison you was a bit far-fetched. But they have the records. Dr Asthall and Dr Rosenbaum are firm friends. He’ll be requesting your file soon.’
‘But you can’t just do that without my authorization.’
‘This isn’t England, Celeste. You can do a lot more over here without all that confidentiality business. A quick cremation if required, that kind of thing. All very helpful.’
‘You fucking bastard.’
‘I didn’t want you to get upset by seeing the baby. I think the doctor understood.’
‘What about an autopsy.’
‘Try and rest.’ Alex walked towards the door. ‘I’ll come and get you tomorrow. But until then...’ Alex put his finger to his lips. ‘You don’t want them to think you need sedating, do you?’ With that he left the room and closed the door behind him.
Celeste screamed and banged her fists on the bed until the doctor returned.
‘He’s lying,’ she said. ‘He killed my baby! Don’t listen to him! He can’t just buy his way out of everything.’
Dr Rosenbaum gave her a reassuring look. Celeste didn’t feel the pinprick in her arm but in less than a minute her eyelids closed and she was fast asleep.
67
24th November 2012
Mid-Levels, Central and Western District, Hong Kong
‘He’s moved out and asked for a divorce, but I don’t see any papers. I’ve tried speaking to Bill, but he’s no help,’ Celeste said into the receiver. It had been difficult relaying the story to her mother, who was about as far removed from the situation as possible. But she didn’t have anyone else to talk to.
‘Call her,’ Kealana had said.
‘I can’t speak to her, not after what’s happened. How do you tell your mother her grandchild is dead? How do you tell her that you tried to kill yourself?’ Celeste’s eyes had been red raw from crying.
‘Mr Alex has told your mother everything,’ Kealana had said. Celeste’s jaw dropped open. She was sure that Alex had lied to her mother, made it out like it was all her fault. That’s what he believed, that’s what he wanted everyone to believe. Jackie and Melanie had called on her yesterday, but she had turned them away. She didn’t know what lies Alex had been feeding them, but she could imagine. ‘She fell down the stairs. She’s always so clumsy, and I told her to be careful,’ he must have said, and Jackie would have held her hand to her mouth and shaken her head as pity leaked out of her. She couldn’t handle them right now. She could barely handle herself.
In just two weeks she had gone from a healthy mother-to-be to an emaciated wreck. Her sleep was broken, punctuated with nightmares of delivering a dead baby whilst Bonnie and Alex looked on and laughed. The dark hole had lured her in – a place where she didn’t have to think of divorce, dead babies or being poisoned by her husband. When the fog had lifted she remembered what the nurse had said about the misoprostol harming her baby and she had looked up his ulcer medicine on-line. It clearly said that the drug could cause miscarriage. The sickness she had felt through her pregnancy and the pain in her abdomen, she knew, was more than a urinary tract infection. It was because of Alex: he had been trying to make her miscarry. She remembered after the nurse had let slip about the misoprostol that she felt at her worst only when Alex had been in the house. The thought of that alone had plunged her deep into depression. Her supposed soulmate had killed their baby. If it wasn’t the fall that killed their baby it must have been the misoprostol. She had asked Alex why, but he had ignored her question.
She realized that once the darkness had swallowed her, she couldn’t get out of it. Her appetite disappeared. This time she had no reason to eat, and her legs refused to work. She slept during the day, barely managing to wash her face when she did rise. Kealana had tried making her favourite foods and had encouraged her to take a shower, but all these activities, tasks she would normally do without even thinking, now just seemed like pointless endeavours. In those early days, Alex had looked in on her occasionally, but she sensed that he was enjoying her deterioration. His charming blue eyes had vanished. The loving looks and the affectionate squeeze of her hand that he had once given her had been replaced with nonchalance and the occasional push.
When she felt like she couldn’t cope any longer, she had taken a knife from the kitchen, sat on the bottom stair that led to their bedroom, the place she had lost her baby, and slashed her wrists. As the knife pierced her skin the pain began to subside along with the anger and the guilt. The pain and the grief were finally being released. She smiled as the blood seeped out of her left wrist, staining the wooden floor that had only recently been polished. The next thing she knew she was lying in a bed, once again in the Aldridge Hospital, her wrists bandaged. Ruby had found her, Alex had said in front of the nurse. As soon as they were out of earshot, he had said, ‘Your own death – you couldn’t even get that right.’
Alex had told her to leave, and still she stayed. He had sat on the edge of her bed and said, ‘Paranoia and attempted suicide is not going to do you any favours. You’re unstable and delusional. I suggest you get out of my life quickly so we can both move on.’ She didn’t move. She didn’t have anywhere to go. So eventually, he left. ‘Temporarily,�
� he said. Yet it seemed he didn’t want her out of his life. Weeks had passed, and each day she waited to be served divorce papers, but they never arrived.
She shook the memory from her mind as she paced the living room. ‘I think he wants to marry Bonnie,’ she said into the receiver.
‘Have you thought about coming home, pet,’ her mother said. ‘It’s not healthy, Celeste, being there, in that apartment. Where it all happened like. It’s like yer punishing yerself.’
Celeste stopped pacing. She looked at the stairs that led to their bedroom, touching her empty belly and felt a shiver run down her spine. Today was her due date. She hated Alex. But for some reason, she couldn’t leave. She had tried the only way she knew, but that had failed too, she had not slashed her wrists deep enough. Alex was right, she was a failure.
‘Celeste? You there?’ her mother said.
‘I need to check my account. See how much money I’ve got.’ Now she wished she had taken better care of her finances. Since they married she had left all that to Alex. ‘You won’t get a penny out of me,’ he had said, as he left their apartment that final time. ‘How will I survive?’ she had asked. When he shrugged she had said she was entitled to half of what he had, but he had just laughed then and told her that he didn’t own anything.
‘He’d give yer money to get home surely?’ her mother said. ‘B-but don’t worry if he won’t. Don’t you worry ’bout a thing, we can send you some money.’
Celeste could hear her mother’s voice catching and she swallowed the lump at the back of her throat. ‘I have to go.’
‘Don’t go, pet. Not just yet. Are yer alone?’
‘I’m not going to do anything stupid. Kealana’s here,’ she lied.
‘Come home, sweetheart. Just come home. Yer don’t need him.’
‘You don’t know what I need.’
‘I didn’t mean it like that.’
Celeste heard a key in the door. Her heartbeat quickened. She said goodbye to her mother and disconnected the call. She looked apprehensively at the door. She was afraid it would be Alex. She looked down at her clothes and couldn’t remember when she had put her pyjamas on. She wished she didn’t feel so useless, so weak. If it were Alex at the door, he would mock and ridicule her. She couldn’t handle it. Not today. She had not seen him since last week, but he had called her a few times since, in the dead of night. Depending on his mood he would either verbally assault her or tell her she was the only woman he had ever loved. She found his behaviour erratic and confusing but she remembered the little bags of cocaine he had in his wardrobe. It was slowly falling into place.
She had asked him about the coke but he had laughed. ‘You clearly don’t know anything about me,’ he had said in response, and so she had dropped it. It wasn’t worth another fight. So when he called she would listen to whatever he had to say and cry until the sun rose and her eyes closed. She loved him, but she hated him more. What he had done to her, what he had done to their baby, was ruthless. There was no remorse. No matter how many times he told her that she had tripped and fallen, it would never be true.
As the door creaked, her heartbeat quickened.
The door opened. Celeste breathed a sigh of relief. ‘It’s you.’
‘Mr Alex is in London. But we need to get you sorted before he comes back.’
‘I spoke to Bill. Alex thinks Bill can use his charm to get me out. But I’ve seen how the two have collaborated before. He can’t get his friends to do his dirty work.’
‘Mr Bill only wants to help. He is your friend too.’
‘Warwick sent you to clear up his mess.’
‘I came because I care for you.’
Celeste nodded. ‘Sorry, I know that.’
‘But it won’t be long before they want you out.’
‘What will they do?’
‘You know the power they have here. They can make life difficult. Do you know that Alex has already cancelled your cards?’
‘I’ve not been out of the house. I haven’t used them.’
‘We need to get you a plan. You can’t carry on like this, indefinitely.’
‘I don’t know where to start.’ Just the thought of having to make a decision left Celeste with a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach.
‘First, I’m going to make you breakfast. Poached eggs on toast, yes.’ Kealana took the brown paper bag she was carrying into the kitchen. ‘Why don’t you take a bath?’
Celeste made a face. ‘I can’t face doing anything today.’
‘Nonsense,’ Kealana said. She made her way upstairs. Celeste could hear her bath being filled. She buried her face in her hands. Minutes later Kealana was at her side. ‘Today we make a plan. Then I promise you, you’ll feel better.’ She put her arm around Celeste and encouraged her to stand up.
*
‘Thank you,’ Celeste said to Kealana. She stood in the doorway of the kitchen dressed in the jeans and jumper Kealana had laid out for her.
‘Go sit at the table. I’ll bring this out.’
She did as she was told and saw that her address book was on the table. It was open. ‘What’s this?’
Kealana appeared with a plate of eggs. ‘You must call her.’
Celeste studied the open page. She shook her head. ‘I can’t.’
‘You need to talk to someone. Since you found out about Alex’s affairs you’ve not seen or spoken to a single friend. Not even those British ones that live here.’
‘They don’t really care.’
‘Who’s your real friend?’
‘I don’t have any real friends anymore.’
‘The girl with the red hair – she is real. I saw photos of you together. You used to speak on the phone all the time. In London, she used to visit nearly every day when Alex was away.’
‘She lied to me and the last time I spoke to her I said some terrible things to her. Plus, she’s friends with Bonnie. If Alex is in London now, he’s probably with her. They might all be together.’
‘You won’t know if you don’t call her.’
‘I’ll just stay put for a while.’
‘Staying here is not good for you. It’s eating away at your soul. Mr Alex will do what is best for him. You have to do what’s right for you. Buddha says that it is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Because then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you. Not by angels or demons, heaven or hell.’
‘You’re wasted working for the Renshaws.’
‘Call the woman with the fire-red hair and tell her to come for you. You need to get out now Mrs Celeste, whilst you still can.’
68
Barnet, North London
‘So that’s why you took a knife to your wrists. That’s why your mother wanted you to come here.’
Celeste looked away. It was a reason, but not the only reason.
‘It makes sense. I remember when you first came here. You looked so lost. You don’t look lost any more. You look quite determined.’
‘I’ve realised I have a purpose.’
‘You’re still angry?’
‘Alex killed my baby, I’ll never forgive him for that.’
‘The anger balances out the grief.’
‘I loved Alex, even after he left. I thought he would come back and save me, but he didn’t. You can’t just stop loving someone overnight. It’s not like there is a switch in your brain you can just turn off and on. I now know why some people stay with people who have done terrible things.’
‘How do you feel now?’
Celeste shrugged. She hated him with every fibre of her being, but she wasn’t going to tell Elaine that. That wouldn’t help her in the long run. ‘That picture you have there,’ Celeste pointed to the picture lying on the desk. ‘Alex took that on his phone when I was in hospital. I had lost my baby and tried to take my own life and he took a picture of my misery. He sent it to me not long after. I almost picked up the knife again when I saw it.’
‘You didn’t though.’
‘Alex had someone from his office pick up some of his things while I was supposed to be organising my departure from his life. As his man was carrying a box out of the apartment, a letter slipped to the floor. It must have been picked up with some of Alex’s stuff. His office assistant didn’t notice the letter fall, and as soon as he left the apartment I closed the door and pounced on it. I thought it would be a love note from Bonnie. I could imagine her writing him soppy love notes.’
‘Was it?’
‘The letter had been opened, but it was addressed to me. It was from Maryanne.’
‘Your old boss.’
‘The one who passed away, yes. She had written it to me just before her death. The executor of her will sent it to me when she died. Why she didn’t email me I’ll never know. Perhaps she was too frail to get to a computer or perhaps she was worried Alex would intercept my emails. The letter never reached me though. Alex had got to it first, read its contents and kept it from me.’
‘What did it say?’
‘Maryanne had tried to save me. Her letter explained that Alex’s offer to buy Cross came soon after her second diagnosis of cancer. I never realized she’d had it once already when she was younger. Her health insurance wouldn’t cover it the second time as it was a pre-existing condition, and she was desperate for the money, for her treatment. Her bones were too old to withstand the NHS, she had written. Maryanne said that Alex’s offer was generous – all done through Mr William Harris, but that she had known he was behind it the whole time. “Alex isn’t the only one with contacts,” she wrote. She had wanted to tell me of his deception at the time, but she felt she should ask Alex about it first. She approached him before the wedding, but he had charmed his way out of it. “It’s a surprise,” he had said. “I’m buying the business for Celeste,” he assured her. He told her not to breathe a word of what he was doing and Maryanne reluctantly agreed, but she was apprehensive.
‘She had once had an affair with Warwick, and it had ended badly. She knew that when the Renshaws wanted something they made sure they got it. She wasn’t sure if Alex was cut from the same cloth so she gave him the benefit of the doubt, but it pricked at her conscience. It’s why she never came to the wedding in the end. Alex had lied when he said she didn’t come because he told her not to. It was only after we married that she realized she had got into bed “with the devil.” She apologized for not having told me, but by then too much time had passed and in the small print of her contract Alex had made it a condition of the sale that she never speak to me about his involvement. He pointed it out when she confronted him later. It wasn’t until she knew that her time was up that she wrote to me. She asked for my forgiveness.
Poison in the Water Page 26
