by Diana Nixon
Unintentionally, I leaned closer, close enough to feel his breathing feather my lips; the butterflies in my belly did a wild dance. I knew it wasn’t whiskey messing with my head, it was the pain… The pain that I had been trying to suppress for so long; sometimes I felt like it would never go away.
His gaze held mine, drinking me in like I was the only source of water in the desert of his secrets thoughts and wishes. He leaned forward until I felt his lips brush against mine. He wasn’t kissing me, not really; it was more like a talk our lips were having in the words that only they could understand.
He smelled like whiskey and I wondered if his lips tasted as good as I remembered. Because there was a kiss to remember – a kiss that marked the beginning of one of the most terrifying nights in my life. That night divided my life into two parts - before and after. But the only thing that bound the two periods of my life was here with me now, sitting so close to me, swallowing me in the vortex of heat, excitement and the desire to lose myself in him, endlessly and completely.
I made the last move, put my palm at the back of his neck and brought his lips to mine, letting the sweet connection take me away.
Our tongues slid against each other in a slow exploration, igniting the fire in our bodies that was so hard to control, and nearly impossible to stamp out. A kiss that was supposed to be nothing but a physical touch, suddenly turned into something bigger, instantly drifting us into a different reality, where no pain or regrets existed – only heavenly fusion that touched not only our skin, but our hearts and souls as well. It was full of seduction and momentary hesitation that followed by another wave of pure pleasure we were giving and taking at the same time.
I had never been kissed like that before. And I surely never kissed anyone the way I was kissing Liam now. Years of dreaming of him would never give enough credit to what it actually felt like to be with him, lip to lip.
His lips moved smoothly against mine, then he replaced them with the tip of his tongue and started drawing invisible lines across my mouth in a teasing manner. He gently grasped my lower lip and sucked it, then releasing it painfully slowly.
His hands slid up my hips and he pulled me closer so I could sit on his lap, facing him.
Our eyes locked. I could see the reflection of fire dancing in his gaze, making it look even darker than a few moments ago.
We didn’t talk. But no words were needed. It was as if all those years of watching him changing dates, like one can change gloves, didn’t exist at all. Right then and there, he was mine, and mine only.
He pushed me on the carpet and covered my body with his. His lips crashed into mine.
My hands flew up, with my fingers tangling in his hair. His closeness made me drunk and I enjoyed it like never before.
I was aware of every small part of his body touching mine. The touch of one particular area made me lose my mind. And if it wasn’t for the secret I kept from him and everyone else for years, I would probably let the play last a lot longer. But the moment his palm slipped under my hoodie and touched the scar on my belly, I panicked.
“What’s that?” He asked, breaking the kiss. Without asking for permission, he pushed the hoodie up to my breast and I saw his jaw tighten.
My heart skipped a beat.
“What happened to you?” He asked, still staring at the ugly reminder of the night I never wanted to remember happening.
“Nothing.” I quickly pushed the hoodie down and rolled onto my left side, dying to hide somewhere no one would ever be able to find me.
“Crystal… You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”
“No, I can’t.”
“Why not?”
I turned to face him, but instead of letting my fears go and telling him the truth, I did the only thing that felt right at that moment. I stood up and walked out of the room, then left the house, got into my car and sped away from the lake house and the man I loved so much it almost killed me…
CHAPTER THREE
Present Day
I didn’t tell Stanley that the news about his possible departure upset me. He had always been there for me, no matter what. I could wake him up in the middle of the night because I needed advice about something stupid, and he would never send me to hell, but would listen to me, hug me and then tell me to go back to bed and try to fall asleep. Midnight calls to Washington were an option too, but I already missed him, even though he was still in Pittsburgh. On the other hand, I loved my brother too much to take his dream away from him, because I knew that he would do anything for me, even if that meant sacrificing his own life. He deserved the new job and the opportunity to become the doctor he always wanted to be.
I didn’t have time to think about my personal life or dream about my future. Whenever Liz started to ask questions that I didn’t know how to answer, I changed the subject or pretended I didn’t hear her at all. She was my best friend, she knew almost everything about me, but there was one thing that no one apart from Stanley and I knew – a terrible secret that turned my every dream into a nightmare, because every time I closed my eyes, I traveled 6 years back, to the night I tried so hard to forget. I still had no idea how to make my new life work.
A soft knock at the door brought me back to here and now. I checked on my reflection in the mirror and went to open the door. Somehow, I wasn’t surprised to see Liam standing in the hall, as if I knew he would follow me to the office.
“Is everything all right?” I asked, hoping he was here because someone needed me, and I would get a chance to run away again, and not because he simply wanted to try my patience.
He rubbed the back of his neck and said, “Yeah, it’s just… I saw you leaving in a hurry, and I thought maybe you didn’t feel well.”
I smirked. “A doctor to the bone.” I opened the door wider and let him in.
“I also wanted to congratulate you on the show,” he said, entering the office. “You did a great job helping Liz organize it.”
“Thanks.” I leaned against my desk with my arms crossed over my chest.
After what happened a few months ago in the lake house, I felt like I needed to shield myself from him. The stupid shame about the ugly scar the existence of which was a burden I would have to live with for the rest of my life, never left my mind.
“So… How have you been doing all this time?” Liam asked, shifting from one foot to another.
Something was telling me that it was not the question he wanted to ask.
“I haven’t seen you for months…” He said with unhidden notes of accusation in his voice.
I never explained why I ran away from the lake house, or why I didn’t want to see him after that. He even came to my house a few times, but I always asked mom to say that I was not there.
I shrugged. “I have had a lot of work to do.”
“So I’ve heard.”
His eyes were drilling mine, as if trying to break the invisible wall between us. But all I could think about was how much I missed him. Seeing him again, so close, brought up so many memories I’d tried to push in the back of my mind for so long. All for nothing…
“Listen…” I said, trying to come up with a more or less believable explanation for my behavior. I knew I owed him that. I also knew I couldn’t be completely honest with him. “About what happened at the lake house…”
“You mean the night you ran away after we kissed?”
Of course, I meant THAT very night. There was no need to remind me about the kissing part. It was kind of hard to forget.
“It was never supposed to happen.”
“The kiss?”
“For God’s sake, YES! I mean the kiss.”
He stepped closer. “Why? And just don’t tell me that you didn’t like it, because I was there too, remember? I saw your eyes, I felt your lips on mine, I could hear your breathing quicken, and your body was responding to my every small move. I know you felt something. The question is – why did you run away?” He took a few more steps closer and stop
ped right in front of me, hovering over me, with his eyes demanding answers I couldn’t give.
“I thought it was a mistake, okay?” I lied.
The corners of his mouth twisted in a knowing smirk. “Nice try, Sissy. But I don’t buy that shit.”
“Think whatever you want, Liam. I’m sure you have enough female names in your contact list to finish the job I refused the other night.”
I tried to step aside, but he wouldn’t let me.
He blocked my way and whispered into my ear, “If I didn’t know better, I would say you are jealous.”
God, he was impossible. And so was I. It was one of those things that hadn’t changed with time.
I faked a smile. “Don’t be ridiculous. A woman must be totally out of her damn mind to be jealous about your sexcapades, or believe in your nonexistent loyalty, or fall for you in the first place.”
“Is that what you think about me, Crystal? That I’m just another fucking around bastard who doesn’t care about anything but pushing his dick into another pussy?”
“Am I wrong?”
“Yes, you are,” he hissed.
“Good for you.”
He held my gaze as if there was something else he wanted to say, but for some unknown reason, he didn’t say it.
“I need to work,” I said, breaking the silence that made goose bumps run up and down my spine.
I suddenly felt so cold. Don’t know if that was because of the ice Liam’s words turned into, or because I was just too weak to stand his presence and pretend it didn’t bother me. Even though he wasn’t touching me, the little space between us made me feel like I was trapped. I didn’t like it.
As if he could feel what I was feeling at the moment, he stepped aside and watched me walk around the desk and take a seat in my chair.
Was he even going to leave? Or was this obviously pointless conversation going to last forever?
I opened my laptop and pretended I was reading something very important.
He stayed quiet for a few moments, then cursed aloud and walked to the door, muttering something like ‘fuck this shit’ on the way. He slammed the door shut behind him, and my body trembled together with the walls of my office.
Why on earth couldn’t I be honest with him?
What was I afraid of?
I hid my face in my hands and let the tears flow.
***
6 years ago
Two days before my graduation ball and I still have no dress to wear. Just great.
I took off another outfit that I didn’t like, put on my clothes and left the fitting room.
“Just don’t say you are not buying it,” Liz said, with a silent prayer in her eyes.
I giggled at her miserable face. “Now you know what Stanley felt when going shopping with me last week.”
“How the hell did he agree to go with you?”
“I promised to clean the house for the rest of the month.”
“You did not…”
Liz knew me too well to believe I would keep my word about cleaning. I hated the mere thought of doing it, not to mention spending three more weekends with a broom and a vacuum cleaner in my hands.
“Don’t worry, Liz, the deal was canceled right after we returned home, with no dress for the ball.”
She laughed. “I knew there was a trick behind your promise. Now, tell me, what are you going to wear on Saturday? You have tried like fifty dresses by now, and you hated all of them. You are not planning on showing up naked, are you?”
“Well, that would be a show. Right?”
She shook her head and chuckled. “Mr. McMillan would leave you without a graduation certificate. I’m sure your parents would love that.”
“Ha-ha, smartass. I haven’t seen your dress either, by the way. Do you even have it?”
“I do. But I’m not showing it to you until Saturday night comes.”
“Fine. Whatever. Let’s go home. I’m starving.”
“What about the dress?”
“Will pick one tomorrow.”
“Right.”
We went to my place and the first thing I saw there was a huge white box with a red ribbon standing in the hall.
“What’s this?” I asked my mom.
She shrugged. “Have no idea. A courier brought it. He said it was for you. He also said the guy who placed an order said he would kill him if anything happened to the box.”
Liz and I shared a surprised glance.
“I didn’t know you had a secret admirer,” she said.
“Neither did I.”
As excited as ever, I tore off the ribbon and the paper covering the box. Inside the big box, there was a smaller one, with a note attached to the top.
“Hope you enjoy your graduation ball, L.”
Impatiently, I opened the smaller box and gasped.
“Oh, my God!” Liz said, stunned. “Just look at this!”
I took out a floor-length ivory silk dress, decorated with golden, caramel and dark-brown crystals – my favorite colors by the way. Whoever the sender of the dress was he knew me well enough to not send me anything pink, which no doubt would be the main color of the graduation ball outfits. My dress was strapless, and its soft glitter made the thing a little magical, as if it had been brought from a fairy tale.
“Who sent it?” Mom asked.
“I don’t know.” I kept staring at the dress, unable to believe that someone could actually buy me a dress I would fall in love at first sight with.
Liz took the card and read it out loud. “Who’s ‘L’?” She then asked.
“I don’t know, but whoever he is, I already love him.” I gave the dress another look and ran up the stairs, dying to try it on.
Liz and mom followed me to my room.
Quickly, I got rid of my clothes, scattering them all over the floor, then I put the dress on and mom helped me zip it. It fit me like a glove.
My hands slid down the shining fabric and I smiled to myself, feeling butterflies dancing in my belly.
“I feel like a mermaid,” I said, spinning in front of the mirror.
“It’s beautiful,” mom commented.
“I still want to know who the secret Mr. ‘L’ is,” Liz said, looking suspiciously at me. “You really don’t know anyone who could send you this dress?”
“I told you, I have no idea who the sender is. But I will kiss him if I ever meet him for real.”
As soon as the words were said, I got a text message from an unknown number.
“Did you like my present?”
“I LOVED IT! Whoever you are, you are my HERO.”
“I’ll remember that for the next time we meet.”
I didn’t even care to ask for the name of my hero.
“He said ‘next time we meet’,” Liz read the text. “Which means you know him.”
Mom gave me a curious look.
“I’m not hiding anything,” I said, before she would bombard me with more questions.
“Of course you aren’t.” She smiled mysteriously. Then the doorbell rang and she went to open the door.
Liz sat on my bed and crossed her arms. “I can’t believe you have secrets from me,” she said, offended.
I laughed out loud. “You don’t think I have a boyfriend you don’t know anything about, do you?”
“At this point, I can’t be sure about anything.”
“Come on, Liz, you and I spend almost every day together. When on earth do you think I would have time to find a boyfriend?”
“You tell me.”
“Okay, if it’s a secret admirer he definitely knows a lot about me. I mean, look at this dress – it’s perfect and it matches the color of my hair and eyes. I wouldn’t be able to find a better dress even if I wanted to.”
“True. Which brings me back to the first question – who is he?”
I looked into the mirror and smiled.
“My prince charming.”
***
Liam
Present
Day
I was as pissed as ever.
Crystal… Nothing seemed to be able to make things between us work. But after what happened at the lake house, everything went from bad to worse way too fast.
I couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss we shared. It was like every time I closed my eyes, I could feel her soft lips moving over mine, taking me higher with every heartbeat.
It was not the first kiss she and I shared, and despite how wrong craving her closeness was, being with her was like a drug I couldn’t get enough of.
She was taboo from day one. But the older she got, the clearer I could feel something that I had never felt for any other girl. She was like a beautiful Christmas morning that I could only enjoy once in a while. Being four years older than her complicated things significantly, not to mention being her brother’s friend for as long as I could remember. When she turned sixteen, Stan said he would kill whoever dared to touch her. When a year later he saw her classmate driving her home, I thought he would break his neck for the mere thought of giving her a lift. And if he knew about my feelings for her, he would no doubt try to kill me as well. I was still alive because he never found out about what happened between us. And because I pretended it never happened at all…
“Darling, where have you been?” Kimberly wrapped her fingers around my arm. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
“I…needed to talk to someone.”
“Are you ready to go home? I’m a bit tired.” She rubbed her belly and smiled. “The baby and I need rest.”
“Of course.” I kissed her forehead, telling myself mentally to calm down and switch my thoughts from Crystal to someone else. “Just give me a minute to say good-bye to Elizabeth.”
She nodded shortly and let me go.
I turned away from her and sighed. My life was turning into something I never wanted it to be. I was going to marry the girl I didn’t love, but she was expecting my child and no matter how much of a bastard Crystal thought I was, I couldn’t leave them. Everyone should be responsible for their acts. Or like in my case – for drinking too much and then having unprotected sex that was supposed to be nothing but another fun time, but turned out to be my life sentence.
