A Reclusive Heart

by R. L. Mathewson

  With a soft chuckle she shook her head, “No, I’m not married yet.”

  “Is there any special man in your life?” he asked and she wondered if that was interest she noted in his expression.

  She couldn’t help watching Nick out of the corner of her eye as she answered, “No, there’s no special man in my life.” The area Nick stood in was dark, but she could have sworn he made a move to come closer, but stopped himself at the last moment. Wishful thinking on her part, she realized.

  “I wanted to tell you how profoundly sorry I was about the news that came out this morning. I’m sure it was a bit of a shock that your family came forward and shared the rather personal information. I’m actually flattered that you chose KJK to share your thoughts on the matter,” Andrew said, confusing the heck out of her.

  “I’m sorry. I’m afraid that I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she admitted.

  He frowned at the admission as he sent someone to the side a questioning look. Seconds later a young man wearing large headphones came halfway onto the stage and handed Andrew a thick newspaper before quickly scurrying away.

  “I’m sorry. I thought you knew,” he said, sounding truly sorry as he handed the newspaper over to her.

  Dread filled her stomach as she reached over and accepted the newspaper.

  When her eyes landed on the large black print stamped across the top she felt the air in her lungs rush out of her as if she’d been hit with a two by four.

  “You didn’t know about this?” Andrew asked.

  “No,” she said hollowly as she ran her eyes over the article title once again.

  At least now she knew why she’d always been treated differently and why she never felt like she belonged, at least where her mother was concerned because the woman she believed to be her mother wasn’t. According to the paper, she was the product of an affair that her father had with his secretary and was of course deeply ashamed of. He had no knowledge of Jamie’s existence until she was dropped off at his door when Jamie was four years old.

  Why?

  Why would they do this to her? Why couldn’t they have just told her this? Did they really need to make this a public announcement? Then Nick’s words came back to her and she realized that to her mother, well, really the woman who’d tolerated her existence, hated that she was in the spotlight and wanted it for herself. Jamie could care less about that. The only thing that mattered to her at the moment was that she was truly alone in this world.

  Chapter 18

  “Open the fucking door, Jamie!” he shouted, pounding on the door.

  “Go to hell, Nick!” she snapped back, shocking the living hell out of him.

  There was no doubt that she wanted to tell him off, but he hadn’t expected her to actually do it. No matter how much he pissed her off, and he did that on a daily basis, she usually mumbled her way around it. But not today.

  Then again she did have liquid courage in her room right now. He was going to kill the bellhop for bringing it to her. It was the last damn thing that she needed on a day like this and now that she had it and plenty of it apparently, she was probably going to do something incredibly stupid and make the news that they’d only received hours earlier a hell of a lot worse.

  He wasn’t sure who he wanted to kill more right now, the asshole who pretended to be sympathetic as he captured Jamie’s reaction to the news on camera or her so called family who’d just shoved her to the wolves. Actually right now he was pretty fucking pissed at the people working below him who should have been on top of this and given him a head’s up.

  They should never have walked into that mess. He should have known first thing this morning and been given all the information so that he could have prepared Jamie. Instead they’d walked right into that little mess and by now the video clip of Jamie finding out that she was the result of an illicit affair between her father and secretary was all over the web.

  The only good thing from this nightmare was that Jamie somehow managed to keep it together during the rest of the interview. Once it was over she was polite to the asshole he wanted to deck and walked out with her head held high.

  Unfortunately she took off before he could talk to her and holed herself up in her hotel room and wouldn’t let him in.

  He wanted to hold her, comfort her, shake her for not letting him do all those things when the interview was over, but most of all he wanted to know that she was okay. He needed to feel her in his arms and know that she was all right.

  “Let me in, Jamie,” he said even as he pulled out the card he managed to talk the front clerk out of.

  “Go away, Nick,” she said, sounding stressed and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that she was. He didn’t think of her as his little recluse for nothing. She didn’t have many close friends in her life and now it seemed that she didn’t have any family either.

  It took a few well placed phone calls but he discovered that they’d sold the story for a hefty sum and were already booked with some of the bigger talk shows to share their story. Of course most of those talk shows were more interested in getting Jamie to come give them her side of the story and when he made sure that she was calm and ready he’d talk her into it. It would be good for her to clear the air not to mention good publicity for her books.

  When it became painfully obvious that she wasn’t about to open the door he decided that he wasn’t going to wait any longer. He opened the door and stepped in and made another mental note to throttle the bellhop for this bullshit. He rubbed his hands down his face warily as he took in the empty candy bar wrappers, snack cake wrappers and empty cans of Coke strewed about the double bed where his little recluse sat with her legs crossed as she downed another Coke.

  His eyes shot over to the nightstand overflowing with more junk food to the coffee table with four ice buckets filled to the top with ice and fresh Cokes. Realizing that the damage was already done, he grabbed a Coke and paused by the little table of junk food and grabbed a packet of Twinkies and kicked off his shoes before he sat down on the bed next to Jamie.

  “I’m not speaking to you,” she said quietly, not bothering to take her eyes away from the television that unfortunately was playing a chick flick. The hell he put up with to do his job, he thought as he ripped open his Twinkies. When she reached over and grabbed one of his Twinkies he simply sighed and started in on the other one.

  Normally he didn’t touch sweets. He’d never been big on them probably because that’s all he had to eat when he was a kid. His mother and “Aunts” hadn’t exactly been up to date on parenting one-o-one and hadn’t thought that a growing boy might need more than fake juice filled with sugar, chips and microwave pizza to live on. The only times he got a real meal were when he went to school or when he stole it.

  When he was old enough to work he took jobs busting tables at restaurants mostly for the free meals. Once he got the hell out of his mother’s house and into a dump of his own he’d refused to live off junk food. He put his student meal plan to good use and kept two jobs during the school year so that when he no longer had the student cafeteria as an option he wouldn’t have to eat shit to live. Since then he rarely even indulged in anything sugary or sweet since it usually brought back sour memories, but with his little recluse he found himself simply enjoying the occasional treat.

  “What’s the game plan?” he asked after a few minutes.

  Jamie raised her Coke. “I’m going to have another one of these, take a shower, head downstairs and find a guy to help me out with the next item on my list,” she said calmly and he knew just knew that she was close to breaking down.

  Any other woman and this would have been the point where he made his excuses and left the room, but this was his little recluse and he couldn’t leave her.

  He just couldn’t.

  “So, I take it you’re ready for sex,” he said casually even though he felt like screaming at the stubborn woman for even thinking about letting another guy touch her.

  She
was his.

  At least until he got over this weird obsession with her and he would, eventually. For right now he enjoyed being with her, laughing with her and doing absolutely nothing with her. It made the not having actual sex part worth it which was crazy. He normally didn’t waste his time on a woman if she wasn’t going to put out, Dana excluded, but for her it was well worth it.

  “You’re not ready for sex yet, Jamie, and if you go do this now you’re going to feel worse in the morning,” he calmly pointed out.

  For the first time since he entered the room she looked at him. “Oh, and I suppose you’re an expert on when people are ready for sex? How old were you when you lost your virginity?”

  “Twelve,” he said flatly.

  “Twelve?” she repeated in disbelief.

  He nodded as he took another sip of the Coke that now felt like acid in his stomach. “It was a thirteenth birthday gift from my mother. She asked one of her friends to do the honors,” he said, not really sure why he was talking about this when he usually made it a point to pretend that his childhood never happened. He sure as hell never shared any of the gory details with anyone and never planned to, but with Jamie he felt comfortable telling her. Maybe it was because he knew that his little recluse wasn’t into gossip. Whenever people were gossiping around her she seemed really uncomfortable and always excused herself even if that meant she had to go stand in a corner all alone.

  “I-I thought you said you were twelve,” she mumbled.

  “I was. She had no idea how old I was. The only reason she knew it was my birthday was because the school sent home a general birthday announcement and she just happened to read it,” he said with a shrug as if it had been no big deal.

  At the time he’d been ecstatic that his mother was showing him interest. All day she called him her “little man.” They even celebrated his birthday. It wasn’t much, beer, chips and video games. When eight o’clock rolled around his mother and her friends were drunk enough that they actually thought popping his cherry that night was called for. When his “Aunt” Judy took him by the hand and his mother handed him a condom and smiled at him he hadn’t wanted to disappointed them.

  Two minutes after the most humiliating experience of his life Judy patted his cheek and told him the next time would cost him fifty dollars.

  There hadn’t been a next time with Judy or any of his mother’s friends. He stayed clear of hookers and strippers. He might use strippers when he needed to convince a vendor to give him what he wanted, but he wouldn’t touch one with a ten foot stick never mind his”And you think that experience makes you an expert on when someone is ready?” she demanded, sounding agitated, angry and so damn hurt that his heart actually ached for her.

  “No,” he said, shaking his head as he turned to look at her. “I just know that you’re not ready for this, Jamie, and rushing off to do this because your family hurt you is only going to cause you pain. Don’t let them push you into something that you’ll only regret later.”

  “This has nothing to do with them!” she snapped, quickly climbing off the bed and away from him. “I’d already decided to do this before I found out,” she announced, surprising the hell out of him. She’d decided to sleep with him? That was actually kind of flattering and apparently all his damn dick needed to hear before it took notice and stood at attention.

  “Then why didn’t you talk to me about it before?” he asked, climbing off the bed and setting his empty can on the coffee table.

  “Because it had nothing to do with you!” she snapped in irritation as she practically stomped out of the room, leaving him there to process her words and when he finally did he went after her.

  He found her already naked and climbing into the shower. “What the hell do you mean it had nothing to do with me? How could it not have anything to do with me?” he demanded, grabbing her by the arms and yanking her away from the shower so that she couldn’t avoid this conversation.

  “Exactly what it sounds like,” she said, yanking her arms away and turning her back on him as she climbed into the tub.

  “Bullshit,” he snapped, stepping in behind her, uncaring that was getting his clothes wet. “This morning you couldn’t get enough of me and then all of a sudden you’re ready for sex and looking elsewhere? I’m not buying it, Jamie. So why don’t you tell me what the fuck is going on here.”

  “Nothing is going on,” she said evenly as she pushed him to the side and climbed out of the tub. She stalked out of the bathroom naked and wet and he was right behind her.

  “Then do you mind letting me know what I did exactly to piss you the hell off?” he demanded, grabbing her hand and forcing her to turn around to face him.

  “Are you serious?” she demanded, taking a step closer to glare up at him.

  “Deadly. One minute you’re just as hot for me as I am for you and now you’re telling me that you’re ready for sex, but only if it’s with another guy,” he said, taking a step forward and backing her up until the back of her knees hit and the bed.

  “I don’t understand your problem, Nick. You’re the one who ended things this morning. I’m just following your lead and moving on.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? I didn’t end things with you,” he said, somehow resisting the urge to grab her and give her a good shake. What hell was she thinking? He couldn’t stop thinking about her and she thought he was done with her? Not even by a long shot.

  “Then what exactly do you call making plans with another woman right in front of me?” she demanded, looking so damn hurt and alone that he wished like hell that he hadn’t been a moron. “I call that ending things, wouldn’t you?”

  “No, I call it a moment of stupidity, Jamie. I don’t want to be with her,” he explained slowly. When she snorted and moved to step past him he cupped her damp face in his hands to stop her. “It was a reflexive thing for me to say, Jamie. I wasn’t thinking at the moment. Since I knew the next time I came here this tour would be over I didn’t think much about making a promise that I didn’t plan to keep. Trust me if I wanted her I wouldn’t be here. I threw her number away as soon as I was done talking to her.”

  “Why didn’t you go home with her tonight?” she asked so softly that he nearly missed it.

  “Because she wasn’t you, Jamie,” he said, leaning down to brush his lips against hers to offer some comfort.

  Of course the second his lips touched hers he needed more from her, needed her. He knew it was the same for her. Whatever this thing was between them it left them helpless to fight it. Simply touching her and kissing her never seemed to be enough. He could never seem to get close enough to her and always wanted more.

  She sighed a little hungry moan into his mouth as she frantically worked at the buttons on his wet shirt while he reached between them and struggled with his equally soaked leather belt and pants. His zipper was barely down before they were on the bed. He settled himself between her legs even as he raised himself up so that he could slide a finger inside of her only to find her soaking wet.

  It never failed to make his blood boil to discover just how turned on his little recluse could get. When she rolled her hips to ride his finger he was forced to release his poor cock from his wet underwear to relieve some pressure. She felt so good and so damn perfect.

  When she wrapped her legs around his waist he didn’t even question it. He just went with it even as his brain screamed for him to back the hell off and give her space. She was upset and for good reason and he knew that he should back off. She wasn’t thinking clearly, but he wanted her so damn badly that he couldn’t think straight. That always happened around her. As he settled between her legs he prayed that she wouldn’t regret this later, but he just had to be sure…..

  “Is this what you want?” he asked against her lips, pressing the tip of his cock to her core and nearly groaning in pleasure as hot liquid coated him.

  “Yes!” she hissed out as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and deepened the kiss until
he couldn’t take anymore and pushed inside of her.

  He let out a load groan as he swallowed her small cry of pain as he broke through the evidence of her innocence and buried himself to the hilt. Once there he forced himself to stop. It didn’t matter that this was the wettest, hottest and tightest hold he’d ever experienced. The only thing at the moment that mattered was his little recluse. He had to make it good for her and judging by the way her body went rigid he knew that she wasn’t enjoying this nearly as much as he was.

  Not thrusting into her body was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, but for her he suffered through it as he slowly kissed her back to the point where she needed this, needed him. When she rolled her hips experimentally against him he knew she was ready. He slowly pulled out, groaning at the sensation of a thousand wet tongues licking his cock and pushed back in.

  His pace never increased and his thrusts were gentle as he took her. It was the most erotic experience of his life. He’d never taken a woman like this, never.

  Whenever he took a woman to bed it was always a fuck and nothing more. He’d also never taken a woman without a condom and that thought was just registering in his mind when he felt her tighten around him. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around her to hold her tightly against him. When she shattered around him he lost control and with three deep, hard thrusts he was joining her, barely bighting back a curse at the biggest fuckup of his life and silently praying that this didn’t come back and bite him in the ass later.

  When the last spasm tore through him he rolled over onto his back and pulled a panting Jamie with him. A moment later when the haze of pleasure began to wear off he felt the change in Jamie almost immediately. When she tried to pull out of his arms he held her tighter. She wanted to escape what happened and she couldn’t any longer. It was time to give into the grief of what her family put her through. When the first sob finally broke through, his arms tightened around her and didn’t relax until the last sob left her body hours later and she fell into an exhausted sleep in his arms.

  After he was sure that she was asleep he carefully crawled off the bed. He walked into the bathroom and shut off the shower and gave Rick a call asking him to cancel their plans for the day. Rick didn’t need to ask why and for that Nick was grateful. With that