A Reclusive Heart

by R. L. Mathewson

  done Nick walked back into the room and looked down at his little recluse as she curled up into a ball on her side. He bent to grab his shirt only to discover that he didn’t want to leave her.

  Deciding not to question his need to stay at the moment, he quickly pulled off his now damp clothes and threw them over the shower rod before joining Jamie in bed. Once he had her back in his arms something inside of him calmed and found himself falling into a deep peaceful sleep.

  Chapter 19

  “We need to talk,” Nick announced when she made the mistake of opening her eyes. That of course was also the moment her stomach decided to inform her that it was quite angry with her. Actually, the way it was tightening and twisting let her know that it hated her.

  One look around the room at the empty junk food wrappers and empty soda cans reminded her exactly why her stomach was no longer on speaking terms with her. She pressed a hand to her stomach as she slowly, ever so slowly climbed off the bed and headed for the bathroom. Thankfully Nick didn’t argue when she shut the bathroom door in his face so that she could relieve herself.

  Of course the moment he heard the sink faucet turn on he decided that she’d had enough time and walked into the bathroom. Thankfully the man was a saint and started the tub for her while she brushed her teeth. Once she was done she walked slowly to the tub, sending him a small smile of gratitude as he helped her into the tub, sat down and sighed with relief as the hot water pooled around her stomach and eased some of the ache.

  She was never going on another junk food binge as long as she lived, she decided as she laid back in the tub. When Nick handed her a bottle of water she had to stop herself from asking for a Coke since she knew that would probably earn her a glare so she accepted her water and took a small sip, praying it wouldn’t set off her already too sensitive stomach.

  “Jamie, we really need to talk about last night,” Nick said, looking adorably sexy with his hair mused and a sexy five o’clock shadow painting his face.

  “Okay,” she said, wincing when her stomach sent up a warning not to talk so much. She was done with sweets. From now on she was sticking to tasteless, bland food that didn’t give her cravings or stomach aches.

  “We didn’t use a condom last night, Jamie,” Nick started to say, reminding her of the other thing she’d done last night.

  She’d had sex!

  Really great, fun sex and it hadn’t been pity sex or even sex with a stranger.

  It had been with Nick and he’d been sweet, gentle and so good that just thinking about it made another part of her ache. She wondered if her stomach would be okay if she had sex again, because she definitely wanted to do that again.

  Of course her mind chose that exact moment to remind her that she broke out in sobs pretty much after the deed was done. The memory was pretty mortifying and she decided that she was going to just go ahead and drown herself now. Nick stopped her with an exasperated sigh and a hand. He gave her elbow a gentle nudge to sit up and when she did he shocked her further by lathering up his hands with her bar of lemongrass soap and began to wash her.

  “I wanted to tell you that I am clean. I’ve never had sex without a condom before and I always get tested,” he paused mid wash to meet her eyes and stress, “Always.”

  She nodded slowly, wondering if this was his way of asking her if she was clean. She opened her mouth to reassure him that she was when she remembered that he was well aware of her virginal status last night and probably realized that she was clean as well.

  “If it will make you feel better I’ll go out today and get tested again, but I want you to know that it has been several months since I had sex and I’ve been tested since,” he explained.

  “Okay,” she said, nodding and not really sure what else there was to say.

  When he became quiet she got a little nervous. “Is there something else?” she asked, trying not to worry. She hoped this wasn’t the moment he chose to let her go or worse tell her that she sucked in bed, because if that was the case she was more than happy to keep trying until she got it right.

  “Are you on birth control?” Nick asked grimly, looking less than pleased with the idea of having a baby.

  “Oh,” she said, feeling like an idiot. Of course they should talk about birth control. Thankfully it was of those things she had covered. “Yes, I’ve been on birth control since I was fourteen,” she announced, trying not to laugh when the announcement noticeably startled him.

  She decided to take pity on him and explain, “My periods were too irregular so the doctor thought it would help me.”

  He nodded, looking relieved as he returned to washing her. “I guess that’s one less thing to worry about,” he said quietly.

  “I guess,” she agreed, worrying her bottom lip as she tried to sort through the other things that she didn’t have a choice but to worry about.

  Actually, now that she thought about it she wondered if her little monthly problem was something that she inherited from her birth mother since her mother, well, the woman she thought was her mother, she reminded herself sadly, didn’t have that problem and neither did Caitlyn. It also reminded her that she had about a thousand questions that she wanted to ask her father. She also wondered who her real mother was and where she was now.

  The one thing that she couldn’t help but wonder was what was so wrong with her that her mother gave her away. It was more than obvious, at least to her, that she must have done something bad. According to the paper she’d been four years old by the time she went to live with her father. She wanted to find her mother and ask her what she’d done to make her so angry that she’d give her away to a father who ignored her and a woman that made it obvious that she wasn’t welcome and she had to do it in person.

  It was bad enough that she had to find out about the origin of her birth with the rest of the world by newspaper and the internet search she’d done last night when she arrived back at the hotel. She didn’t want to have this conversation over the phone. She wanted her father to look her in the eye when he explained why he’d never told her and he decided it was okay for the rest of the world to find out about her before she did.

  This might very well be the last time she spoke to her father since it was more than obvious that he didn’t want her around. Part of her hoped that he’d break down and apologize for her crappy childhood and promise to make it up to her, but she wasn’t some naive girl. She’d always known that she didn’t belong and didn’t expect things to suddenly change now that everything was out in the open.

  “Nick?”

  “Yes?” he asked, not taking his eyes away from his work as he cleaned her back.

  “I know this is last minute, but I need a few days off to figure some things out,” she said, hoping that he could get her out of her obligations since she didn’t want to have to put this off for another day.

  His hand stilled on her back. “Is it about us?” he asked casually, a little too causally she noted.

  “No,” she answered honestly. Whatever was going on between them wasn’t worrying her at the moment. She knew this wasn’t going to last so she decided not to stress out about it, much. There was no question in her mind that he was going to break her heart when he became bored with her and decided to move on. When it happened she would deal with it, but right now she had other things to worry about.

  “You’re going home to see your family?” he asked, running his hand down her back again.

  “Yes, I don’t want to put it off and I really don’t want to find out anything else secondhand,” she explained, praying that her family didn’t share anything else with the media. She still couldn’t believe that they did that to her.

  “Okay, I’ll go with you,” he said, surprising the heck out of both of them judging by the startled look on his face.

  She simply gave him a polite smile as she looked away. He hadn’t meant to say it and she had no plans to hold him to it. When she got back if he wanted to continue with their relationship t
hen that was fine with her and if he didn’t……

  She was going to need a heck of a lot more chocolate and Coke to get through it.

  ******

  “You really didn’t have to come,” she said, again as he pulled into the long driveway of a large white two story home with an attached three car garage. One look at the well kept home, manicured lawn and upscale neighborhood let him know that their childhoods had been worlds apart. Why that bothered him he didn’t know.

  “I wasn’t about to let you face this problem alone,” he said as he stepped out of his car. When the words rushed out of his lips this morning no one had been more surprised than him by the offer, but once he thought about it he realized that she was going to need him. More importantly, he realized that he’d go crazy waiting for her to return to him and he’d be too damn worried about her to focus on getting any work done. This really was for the best, he decided as he walked around the car to open Jamie’s door. It was then that he noticed the cameras.

  Paparazzi.

  Fucking perfect, he thought as he took Jamie’s hand and walked her to the door. She’d barely finished pressing the doorbell when the door was practically ripped open and an older woman in her fifties with dark brown hair, a tad too much makeup and designer clothes grabbed Jamie and pulled her into her arms.

  Nick looked over in time to see dozens of cameras go off while several more men and women ran to the sidewalk to join in the feeding frenzy. When he turned around he noted that the woman was still holding on to Jamie even though Jamie was rigid in the woman’s arms. He also noted the smug smile on the woman’s face as she watched the paparazzi go nuts.

  Having had enough drama for one day thanks to this woman whom he was assuming to be her “mother”, Nick smoothly pulled Jamie away and waited for the older woman to invite them in. With a fake smile the woman did just that. As soon as the door was closed behind them the smile was gone and a look of utter disdain took over the woman’s features as she gestured for them to follow her.

  He gave Jamie’s hand a squeeze as they followed the woman through the foyer to a room with double doors. When the door opened he spotted an older man with graying red hair sitting on small sofa, sipping a glass of what appeared to be whiskey as he spoke with a younger man and woman who was obviously this woman’s natural daughter judging by her coloring and pinched expression when she spotted Jamie. When her eyes shifted to him they widened in surprise before they turned calculating.

  The woman was beautiful, classically so with her partisan look and it wasn’t too hard to see that the woman had been pampered every day of her life.

  Remembering how his little recluse used to look it wasn’t too difficult to figure out that Jamie hadn’t been and the reason behind it. Her mother wanted her real daughter to have all the attention and she’d made damn sure of it at Jamie’s expense.

  He looked over at the man at her side just in time to see his expression when his eyes landed on Jamie and did a double take. His eyes lit up when he spotted Jamie and Nick didn’t appreciate the way the man ran his eyes over his little recluse. The smile he sent Jamie’s way also didn’t please him.

  “Jamie,” the man said, getting to his feet and walking over to greet her, “you look great.” When the man pulled Jamie into a hug he barely stopped himself from shoving the asshole aside and telling him keep his hands to himself. Something in his expression must have given away his feelings on the matter because when the man looked at him he noticeably blanched and stepped away from Jamie.

  “I don’t believe we’ve met,” he said, reaching out to shake Nick’s hand. “I’m David, Caitlyn’s husband.”

  “Nick, Jamie’s boyfriend,” he said before he realized what he was saying, but once it was out he decided that he rather liked it, especially if it let this asshole know that he had a claim on Jamie.

  David noticeably startled as he looked between him and Jamie as if he just couldn’t believe it. The looks the other women were sending their way pretty much said it all. They didn’t think very highly of Jamie. The fact that her father and sister didn’t greet Jamie also said it all.

  He took Jamie’s hand into his and entwined their fingers. It was then that he realized that she was trembling and that her hand was ice cold. Without waiting for an invitation, he walked Jamie over to the love seat across from her sister and sat down, pulling Jamie into his side. He put his arm around her as he tried his best to give her the support that she needed, but he wasn’t sure what to do.

  This was the first time he ever tried to be there for a woman and he didn’t want to mess this up. Jamie needed him and normally that thought would have scared him, but he had to admit that he rather liked being there for her. He didn’t think he would, but he liked being needed by her. Any other woman and he wouldn’t bother.

  “I suppose you’re here because of the story,” her father said instead of acknowledging his youngest daughter.

  “Yes,” Jamie said firmly. “As much as I would like to know why you leaked the story to the press instead of talking to me about it I’m more interested in my mother.”

  He noticed the older woman didn’t protest or get mad that she referred to another woman as her mother. Then again it was more than obvious that Jamie was just a means to get attention at the moment. He didn’t need to be a psychic to know that it had been this woman’s idea to leak the story. She probably felt the attention was owed to her for raising her husband’s unwanted bastard child.

  “We really don’t know much about her,” Jamie’s father said, taking a sip of his drink before he reached into his jacket and pulled out an aged envelope and handed it over to Jamie. “She left when she was just a few months pregnant with you. Then when you were four she left you on our doorstop with only a copy of your birth certificate.”

  “She didn’t leave a reason why she left me?” Jamie asked, sounding hurt but trying not to show it.

  “I’m afraid that’s all we know,” her father said, sighing heavily.

  “Henry, you should tell her,” Mrs. Harris said, earning a glare from the man.

  “Tell me what?” Jamie asked, shifting in her seat anxiously.

  “Barbara,” Henry said tightly in warning.

  “She has a right to know,” Barbara said, carefully smoothing her hands down her blouse and skirt as she turned her attention to Jamie. “I’m afraid when we searched for her we discovered that she’d passed away.”

  He felt Jamie’s reaction like a physical blow. “Did she have any family?” she asked in a hoarse whisper.

  “No,” her father said with a firm shake of his head. “I’m afraid that she was all alone in this world.”

  Like Jamie.

  Like him.

  No, he realized a moment later. That wasn’t true. He had a great job and good friends that more than made up for what he lacked in family and Jamie had him. At least for now. But he’d make sure that she was taken care of even after his feelings for her faded. She was a great woman and deserved better than this.

  “Is there anything else I should know?” Jamie asked, looking both hopeful and weary.

  Her father didn’t even hesitate when he said, “No,” causing Nick’s bullshit meter to go off the charts.

  Chapter 20

  “I love you,” Jamie sighed heavily as she settled back against the hill of pillows she’d piled on her bed and hugged the pint of double chocolate, caramel and fudge swirl ice cream to her chest.

  This was exactly what she needed after the day she just had. Admittedly it had been a strange one. She woke up with a sugar hangover, remembered she’d had sex, was pampered by Nick before he whisked her off to the airport and then probably had the last visit with her parents that she would ever have. Now she was back in her own bed in her own apartment with a week’s supply of junk food and absolutely no intentions of working.

  She picked up her can of Coke and just because she could, she took a long deep sip of bubbly sugary drink that she craved day and night before se
tting it back down on her nightstand. After taking a big bite of her ice cream and wincing with a few “owies” from brain freeze she focused her attention on the first chick flick she’d started and couldn’t imagine life getting any better.

  It was good to be her, she decided, grabbing a handful of M&M’s and munching them as she pondered her current situation. She wouldn’t have to worry about money for quite some time. Her books were selling like crazy. She had a great job, plenty of junk food, and sole ownership of the remote control. The cherry on the icing of course was that she was no longer a virgin. Life really did not get better than this, she thought warily as she downed another handful of peanut butter M&M’s and threw a look of longing towards her cell phone.

  When it didn’t chime to let her know that someone was trying to reach her, she shot a look at the clock. It was ten o’clock at night and obviously Nick was taking their return as a pause in their tour, or rather technically an end to it. Right now he was probably between the legs of some hot model, laughing about how bad she was in bed, she thought with disgust as she took another huge bite of ice cream only to drop the spoon back into container to grab her poor head as she fought back against the dreaded brain freeze.

  “I leave you alone for a few hours and this is what you do?” Nick said from somewhere in the vicinity of her doorway, but she was too busy squeezing her eyes shut to look.

  “Brain freeze?” he asked, sounding amused.

  Instead of answering him, because at the moment that was kind of impossible, she settled for nodding. When she felt him remove the carton of ice cream from her lap she contemplated murder. The telltale sound of her M&M’s being removed had her opening one eye to glare at the man.