by Metsy Hingle
When he kissed her good-night, Kim’s body came alive, yearned for his touch. That he didn’t attempt to make love to her again when it was obvious that he wanted her confused her as much as it reassured her. The only thing that had kept her from dragging him to bed herself was that Justin had never once said that he’d loved her. Sure he’d asked her to marry him, and he made no secret of the fact that he wanted her. She believed him when he said he respected her. And she didn’t doubt his sincerity when he talked about the life they could have together, with their baby. But never once did he offer her what she wanted most—his love.
Kim stared at her desk calendar, noted she only had two more days before her doctor’s appointment. Once she knew the pregnancy test had been accurate, she would need to give Justin an answer to his marriage proposal.
Maybe she could love him enough for both of them, she reasoned. He desired her. She didn’t doubt that. Could desire turn into love?
The phone buzzed on her desk, jarring Kim from her deep thoughts. “Kim Lindgren,” she answered.
“What are you still doing there?”
“Justin,” she said, unable to keep the smile from her voice. “You’ve only had three calls since the last time you phoned me. Mr.—”
“I’m not calling for my messages. I’m calling to tell you to close up shop and get over to my place. Or did you forget I’m fixing you dinner tonight?”
“I didn’t forget,” she told him.
“Then shake a leg. I’m already missing you.”
Justin hung up the phone and smiled to himself as he realized he’d told Kim the truth. Although he’d only been away overnight, the need to see her was like a fever in his blood. He didn’t question it. He simply accepted it. Just as he simply accepted that he would be able to convince Kim to marry him.
He never doubted that for a moment, Justin told himself as he lit the candles on the table and turned on the music he’d selected. Once he’d dealt with that scumbag Marsh and waded through the roller coaster of emotions he’d experienced at finding out Kim was pregnant, he’d been able to logically approach the problem of convincing Kim to marry him. She loved him. In hindsight he had realized that fact. Kim was not the sort of woman who slept with a man unless her heart was involved. The way he saw it, her loving him was a point in his favor. The fact that she was pregnant with his child was another. And she wanted him as much as he wanted her.
Not making love to her this past week when he’d wanted to so desperately had been one of the most difficult things he’d ever had to do, Justin admitted. But when he made love to her again, he wanted it understood that they would soon be man and wife. Justin stood back, surveyed the scene. Satisfied, he patted his pants pocket for the ring box. Now all he needed was Kim.
At the sound of the doorbell, he smiled.
Justin was still smiling when they finished dinner, and he led Kim out onto the terrace. “Would you like a sweater?” he asked.
“No, I’m fine.” She stood at the railing and looked up at the sky. “It’s so beautiful.”
“Yes, it is,” he said as he joined her.
She slanted a glance at him. “I was talking about the sky.”
“I was talking about you.”
Kim flushed, then turned to look up at the sky again. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many stars at one time before. And the moon. It’s what my mother used to call a lover’s moon.”
The CD player clicked to another tune, this time something even softer, more romantic. Justin touched Kim’s arm. “Dance with me.”
She went into his arms. Justin didn’t even question how right she felt there, how perfectly her steps matched his as he danced her around the terrace beneath the moonlight. When the song ended, it seemed the most natural thing in the world to kiss her. And when he lifted his mouth, looked down at her lovely face, he said, “Make love with me.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
Justin didn’t hesitate. He scooped her up into his arms and carried her into his bedroom, where he lowered her to the bed. And slowly he began to undress her. Unlike the night at the lake cottage, there was no storm darkening their surroundings. He wasn’t forced to view her through the shadowed light of candles. Tonight moonlight spilled through the opened window to mingle with the soft glow of the lamp from the bedside table, bathing Kim in an ethereal glow.
Because he knew the thrill that awaited him when he joined his body to Kim’s, the desire to take her greedily and lose himself in her was even sharper than it had been that first time. Which made him all the more determined to go slowly now, to awaken Kim to the pleasure he could bring her, to brand her with the feverish need as she had branded him that first night.
So he took his time. He released the catch at the back of the dress she’d worn. Turning her around, he unzipped the floral silk inch by inch, kissing his way down her spine as he bared her flesh. When the dress fell in a puddle at her feet, he slid his arms around her and pulled her against him so that her rear was nestled against his hardness.
“Justin,” she whispered, her voice thready, her breathing labored.
Keeping her back to him, he kissed her neck and slid his palms up from her midriff to just below her breasts. He opened the clasp at the front of her bra and, brushing the lace aside, he closed his palms over her breasts. Kim’s whimper spiked his need and sent blood throbbing through his veins.
Justin plucked at the nipple of one breast while he smoothed his other palm down her belly. Her muscles quivered beneath his hand as he slid his hand beneath her panties and cupped her. He eased a finger inside to test her, and when he found her warm and moist and ready for him, his control began to fray.
“Justin, I…”
“Don’t fight it. Take it,” he commanded as he held her against him and stroked her, brought her to the peak, urged her to go over.
Sweat beaded across his brow as he took her up again, listened to her cries of pleasure, felt her convulse around his fingers. She reached behind her, fumbled with his zipper until she freed him. When she closed her fist around him, Justin groaned. Before he could catch his breath, she began to coax him. The feeling of her soft fingers rubbing his hot flesh against the silk of her panties was maddening. And when he didn’t think he could wait another moment longer, he stripped away the silk barrier that separated them. Making a place between her legs for himself, he entered her from the rear.
He stilled at her gasp, fearful that he had shocked her. Then she shocked him by beginning to move slowly, encouraging him. Using his finger, he found that sensitive spot at her center again even as he continued to move in and out of her from the rear. He felt her body strain as he increased the tempo, and when she stiffened, then shuddered in release, the last thread of his control snapped and he followed her over the cliff.
Later, when he could think again, Justin looked over at Kim lying beside him in the bed and realized he had never felt this content before. It was as though being with her had filled some emptiness inside him that he’d been unaware had been there. She made him complete somehow. He thought about the baby and imagined the three of them building a life together.
And he realized he hadn’t given her the engagement ring.
“Is something wrong?” Kim asked, obviously sensing the change in him.
“I was just thinking this isn’t exactly how I planned for things to go this evening.”
“No? I had the distinct impression when I arrived tonight and saw the candlelight and heard the soft music that this is exactly what you had planned.”
Justin grinned. “Let me rephrase that. I wanted to make love with you, hoped that we would make love. But I had something else I’d wanted to do first.”
“Something else?”
He laughed at the look in her eyes and gave her a swift kiss on the lips. “Not that. I bought you something today and I wanted to give it to you before we reached this stage in the evening.”
The laughter disappeared from her eyes. “You don’
t need to buy me gifts.”
“It’s not exactly a gift. More like a promise.” He groped the floor beside the bed for his pants and wrestled the box from the pocket. He held out the black velvet box to her. “Aren’t you going to open it?”
Kim opened the box. “Oh, Justin.”
“If you don’t like it or would rather a gold band instead of the platinum, we can change it.”
“No. It’s beautiful. It’s the most beautiful ring in the world.”
He removed the emerald-cut diamond from the bed of velvet. He took her left hand in his and looking into her eyes, he slid the ring onto her finger and said, “Marry me, Kim.”
“I…” Tears welled up in her eyes. “Justin, I can’t take this. At least not yet. We agreed we would wait until I saw the doctor and confirmed the pregnancy.”
“That’s just a formality. We already know that you’re pregnant with my child, and I’m asking you to be my wife,” he argued.
“We still need to wait,” she insisted. “I’m seeing the doctor the day after tomorrow. If he confirms I’m pregnant, then I’ll marry you.”
When she started to remove the ring, Justin caught her fingers and closed them. “Keep the ring. Because you are going to marry me.”
Ten
She was dreaming.
Kim knew it was a dream, but smiled anyway as she imagined Justin’s lips brush lightly across hers, felt his hand caress her hair. Keeping her eyes closed tightly, she stayed in bed and tried to hold on to the dream a few moments longer.
“I wish I could stay here with you, but I’ve got to go.”
Kim snapped open her eyes and stared up into Justin’s face. “You’re real,” she told him, touching his cheek.
He smiled and kissed her fingertips. “Sure am.”
“I thought I was dreaming.”
“Hmm. Was it a good one?” he asked, peeling the sheet away and exposing her bare breasts.
“Yes,” she gasped as he took her in his mouth.
Lifting his head, Justin sighed, then he covered her. “Damn, I wish I could stay. But I’ve got over a two-hour drive ahead of me. If I don’t leave now, I’ll be late for my meeting.”
Kim glanced at the clock and, holding the sheet around her, sat up. As she did so, she felt a slight ache in her stomach and made a face.
“What’s wrong?” Justin asked, concern darkening his hazel eyes.
“Just a little indigestion, I think. Must have been your cooking,” she teased.
“You weren’t complaining last night,” he reminded her.
“I was being polite.”
“A likely story. But since you’re casting aspersions on my cooking talents, you can cook dinner tonight.”
“All right,” Kim conceded. “It’s a date. But right now you need to go, and I need to get moving or I’ll be late for work. I have a real slavedriver for a boss.”
“Slavedriver, huh? Just for that, Miss Lindgren, be prepared to work a lot of overtime tonight when I get back.” He kissed her again, then took her hand and stared at the ring he’d insisted on putting on her finger last night. “It looks good there.”
“Yes, it does.” It did look good on her finger, Kim thought, her heart swelling with love for him. When she glanced up and saw the glint in his eyes, she laughed. “Go.”
“All right. I’m going. I’ll call you later,” he promised, and then he was gone.
Alone in Justin’s apartment, Kim hugged the pillow to herself, breathed in his scent. She envisioned herself waking to Justin like this every day, sharing his bed, his home, his life.
She pressed her hand to her still-flat stomach, thought of the life growing inside her. Would he want more children with her? she wondered. She hoped so. She’d hated being an only child. And she could already imagine a little boy and girl with his auburn hair and her blue-green eyes. Smiling, she pulled back the covers, and the light reflected off the diamond in her ring. Kim stared at the ring on her hand, recalled the way Justin had looked at her when he’d put it on her finger and asked her to marry him.
The only thing that had been missing was him saying that he loved her. For a moment she felt an ache in her chest that he hadn’t given her the words. Just as quickly she cut off the negative thoughts, refusing to allow anything to intrude on her happiness. Tossing aside the covers, she headed for the shower.
While she showered, she thought of Justin. So maybe he didn’t love her the way she loved him, but he did care for her. She was sure of that. And they did have a baby to consider. Their child. It would be enough. It was enough, she amended. She would be a good wife to him, be a good mother to their child, Kim promised herself as she shut off the shower and slipped on Justin’s robe and went in search of her clothes.
She found them scattered on the floor of Justin’s bedroom. When she found herself reliving how her clothes had ended up on the floor, Kim laughed aloud at herself. Justin wasn’t the only one in danger of running late this morning, she thought as she dressed and hurried out the door. Unless she planned to show up at Connelly Corporation wearing last night’s dress, she needed to hustle to get to her apartment and change clothes before going to work. Feeling another twinge, Kim pressed her fingers to her middle. Evidently Justin’s tomato sauce really hadn’t agreed with her, she thought, and made a mental note to remember to grab a few antacid tablets from the medicine cabinet.
Kim headed for the medicine cabinet the moment she got home. She reached for the bottle of antacid tablets and, after reading the label to be sure it was safe to take during pregnancy, she popped a few into her mouth. While she chewed the chalky tablets, she quickly changed into a lightweight persimmon dress. Reaching for her hairpins, she started to put her hair up in its customary twist, then opted to leave it down instead.
Reluctantly she removed the ring from her finger and tucked it inside her purse. Even though the gossip had died down at the office, she knew there was no way the diamond on her finger would go unnoticed. Besides, she intended to accept Justin’s proposal, but she had promised herself and him that she wouldn’t do so until the pregnancy was official. Once it was, she would need to brace herself for the reactions at the office, she realized. Strangely, the thought of doing so didn’t bother her nearly as much now as it had a short time ago. Grabbing her purse and keys, she headed off to work and prayed that by the time she arrived at Connelly headquarters those antacid tablets she’d taken would have begun to do their magic.
But they hadn’t. Nor did the tablets she took when she arrived at the office. After an hour into her day, the slight twinges she’d experienced that morning had become a bellyache. Becoming alarmed, Kim made a trip to the ladies room. Her blood ran cold when she discovered she had begun to spot.
No, Kim told herself, as she fought back the panic that threatened to paralyze her. She’d read that pregnant women sometimes experienced some spotting. It didn’t mean she was having a miscarriage. But fearful that she might be, she hurried back to her office and, after shutting the door, called the doctor.
“This is Kimberly Lindgren,” she said. “I have an appointment to see Dr. Stevens tomorrow afternoon, but I need to see her today. Right away.”
“Is this an emergency, Miss Lindgren?”
“Yes. Yes, it is. I’m…I’m pregnant. Or at least, I think I am, and I’ve begun to spot.”
After answering several questions, she hung up the phone. As calmly as she could, she notified the receptionist that she was leaving and started for the doctor’s office.
By the time she’d arrived at the medical complex, the spotting had become a warm flow of blood. Sobbing, she sat across the desk from Dr. Stevens following her exam. “You’re sure it wasn’t a miscarriage?” she asked the woman who had been her gynecologist for the past five years.
“I’m positive, Kim. There was no baby.”
“But the pregnancy test I took…”
“They aren’t always accurate. While they’re right most of the time, occasionally they give a
false positive reading. I’m afraid that’s what happened in your case.”
“But I was so late. And I’ve never been that late before,” Kim explained. While she was glad there had been no miscarriage, she felt as though she had just lost her baby all the same.
“I can’t give you a reason why this happened now, Kim. You said you’ve been under a great deal of stress, perhaps your cycle being late is your body’s way of reacting to that stress.” Dr. Stevens handed her another tissue.
“Thank you,” Kim murmured, trying to get a handle on her emotions.
“From your reaction, I assume that had you been pregnant you would have wanted the child.”
“Yes,” Kim told her, knowing that the doctor was referring to her unmarried status. “I would have wanted it.” Only now did she realize just how much she had wanted the baby, how much she had begun to think of it growing inside her.
“I’m sorry, then.”
Kim nodded, wiped at her eyes.
“The good news is that you’re a healthy young woman. There’s no reason you can’t conceive a child in the future.”
“Yes, I’m sure you’re right,” Kim said, and stood. “Thank you for seeing me so quickly, doctor.”
“Not a problem. Those samples I gave you should help with the cramping. If it doesn’t, let me know and I’ll phone in a prescription for you.”
“Yes. Thank you again,” Kim said. But she didn’t think there was anything the good doctor could give her to ease the ache in her heart. As far as she knew, no one had yet discovered any magic pill to wipe away the pain of losing one’s dreams.
Kim managed to find her car in the parking lot. Once she was inside, she rested her head against the steering wheel and began to cry.
She was still crying when she drove past Connelly Corporation headquarters and when she arrived at her apartment. She spied the flashing light on her answering machine and ignored it. She didn’t want to speak to anyone. Not yet. Not when her pain was still so sharp.
