by Shayla Black
walked the rolling hills toward the edge of the park where Hammer and Liam had arranged for her mother and sister to be buried side by side. She needed to thank them for that, too. It had taken weeks for the investigators to find their complete remains and arrange for their transfer into her care. She’d been distraught, racked with morning sickness, nightmares, guilt, and grief. As always, they’d shouldered so much of the burden, sheltering her from the worst of the storm.
Swallowing, she trekked the last steps softly, almost afraid to read the headstones. Seeing her mom’s and sister’s names freshly etched in marble would make everything so much more real. But they had already been gone for years. If she’d felt abandoned by them in life—believing they’d voluntarily left her to escape the hell Bill had wrought—they must have felt she’d utterly forsaken them in death. She’d regret that forever.
Forcing herself to look at their graves, she blinked through tears. No blinking them back anymore.
Her loved ones were here…yet not. They’d never be with her again in this life except in her heart. Maybe if she was lucky she’d see something of them in her coming child. She’d cling to that hope. Somehow, she’d have to make do with that possibility, though it would never be enough.
Her body bucked with sobs that came from nowhere. All she did was cry now, it seemed. Pregnancy had sharpened her emotions, and they bled just under her skin every day. But finding River and laying the other Kendall women to rest with him while dealing with the doubt swirling over Hammer’s head… She just couldn’t hold her mourning in anymore.
She’d barely dragged in another ragged breath when Liam and Hammer flanked her, bracing her, lending their strength. A few feet away, River watched, looking stoic, his eyes almost too blue in his sunken sockets. No missing the guilt tightening his face.
“Precious?”
Hammer wanted to know if she was all right. Honestly, she wasn’t sure. Everything inside her felt confused, brittle, lost.
But she’d come to get closure with the two women who had most impacted her youth. She’d come to give them her love and promise to carry their memories into her future.
She didn’t want to worry Macen even more, so she nodded his way. Then, through her watery vision, she knelt in front of her mother’s grave and placed the flowers in the holder. Liam took the other bouquet from her grip and helped her to her feet again.
As she stared at the gentle mound of earth, Raine stuttered. It wasn’t lively, as her mother had been. It didn’t hold her or laugh or brighten up her world. Her mother had moved on, and Raine wasn’t sure what to do now. How did she say good-bye, wish a peaceful death to the woman who had given her life?
“I miss all the time we didn’t have together. I hate that years separate us like a divide. Wherever you are, I love you.”
A million memories she’d locked away for years rushed back. Mom had always been about doll clothes and dress-up, baking sweets to lift her spirits and pretending to leave home on great adventures. They’d act as if they were traveling to Africa or China or Fiji. Or Paris. Mom had always wanted to go there. Every once in a while, her mother would get a gleam in her eye, hand Raine a suitcase, and tell her to believe the world could take her anywhere. Looking back, those episodes usually happened after she’d heard her parents arguing. Inevitably, her mom would be wearing a lot more makeup than normal over the next few days and walking on eggshells around her dad. But never once had Robin ever pretended that she wouldn’t be taking Raine with her on these faraway escapes.
The clues had been there. Her mom would never have left her kids of her own free will.
Raine fingered the bracelet Liam and Hammer had made for her with the pendant her mother had gifted to her. Despondency crashed in. And she fell apart.
“I’m so sorry I believed for so long that you’d left me. I’m sorry I yelled at you, blamed you… You tried to give me normalcy and hope. I didn’t…”
Face in her hands, she cried in anger, at the futility of her mother’s death, for her own youthful inability to understand, for the years afterward of poking her head in the sand because she’d been getting by and the truth had been too terrible to contemplate.
As her shoulders shook, Macen curled a hand around her waist. Liam smoothed his hand down her back. They were there in silent support—steady, stalwart. Constant.
“Storm cloud…”
She lifted her head to watch River approach. This wasn’t just about her sorrow. River must have tons of it, too. The tight clench of his jaw and the rapid blinking told her that he worked hard to keep himself together. Whatever his faults, he’d loved Mom, too.
“You okay?” Her voice shook.
“Are you?” His face almost broke. He swallowed, looked away, and got it together. “Mom wouldn’t want to see you cry. That’s why I gave you that nickname, you know. She always said you were a sweet Raine, not a storm cloud. But when I was a punk kid, it was more fun to tease you.”
The memory burst out of the dark corner she’d shoved it in, and she laughed through her tears. “You always tried to make me cry back then. Bully.”
“I thought it was a big brother’s job to tease his sisters.” His smile fell, and he dragged in a shaky breath. “I can’t believe he killed her.”
“And we’ll never know exactly why.” Raine closed her eyes. Of everything that pained her about her mother’s murder, that might hurt worst of all.
“No. But I suspect she wanted to leave him and take us kids.”
“He would never have allowed it. The day I killed Bill, he told me he’d been sure she was having an affair with his brother.”
River shook his head. “That must have been all in his delusional head. Even if it was true, would you blame her?”
Never. “I just wish she’d gotten out alive.”
He shifted his weight from one foot to the next, his gaze darting, as if desperate for some way to focus his energy away from his emotions. “Yeah. But I try to look for the silver linings, tell myself that things happen for a reason. If Mom had really taken us from Bill, I would never have joined the army. You would have never met Hammer and Liam.”
River was right. She’d give up almost anything to still have her mother in her life today. But she would give up everything to keep the men she loved.
“I hope Mom can see us now and that she’s proud.”
Her brother looked Hammer and Liam’s way—seeking silent permission?—before he stepped closer to her and dropped his hand to her stomach. “She’d be happy for you. I want you to be happy, too.”
That might be as close as River ever came to saying that he approved of her choices. Raine didn’t expect him to understand exactly. But if he accepted her, the loves of her life, and the coming baby, she’d embrace him as part of her new family with arms wide open.
Standing on her tiptoes, she hugged him. He crushed her against his massive chest and gave her a tight squeeze. It was odd, embracing a relative stranger and sharing their common grief. But they would always be tied by blood and circumstance and memories. It meant something. It was a start.
When she stepped back, Liam was beside her again, hand on her shoulder, proffering the other bouquet of flowers. She gripped the stems in sorrow, plastic crinkling, and mouthed a silent thank you.
Then she dragged in the most difficult breath all day and stepped in front of Rowan’s headstone.
As she placed the flowers in the plastic holder, regret came in a landslide that nearly buried her. Had she known, on any level, what Bill had been doing? What Rowan had let him do so he’d stay away from her younger sister? No…and yes. Something hadn’t been right, and she hadn’t questioned the relationship between her dad and her sister too hard. She’d asked Rowan if she was all right a few times, but her quiet, studious sibling had never been forthcoming. So Raine had let it go. How much tragedy could she have avoided if she’d paid attention to that nagging in her gut that something evil lurked in the Kendall household? Or would she simp
ly have accelerated the tragedy?
Raine would never know, and that came with its own regret.
What could she possibly say to the sister who had given so much innocence and life to save hers?
“I can never thank you for what you did for me, and I wish I could have somehow erased the hell you endured. I’m sorry I cursed you for leaving me to Bill as if you had a choice. I didn’t know…” Raine felt the onslaught of more tears, seemingly more desolation than she could take. “I wish I’d seen the amazing things you could have accomplished in life. I hope that, wherever you are, you finally found something better than the best lip gloss or the perfect prom dress. I’m sorry you never got to see the last Matrix movie. If it helps, you didn’t miss much.” She tried to smile because her sister had never been one for tears. “I hope you and Mom found each other up there. I sincerely hope you’ve found peace.”
“Oh, kidlet…” River bowed his head. “I would have found some way to protect you if I’d guessed Bill’s plans. He never let on that he wanted me out because he wanted you.”
Her brother choked as if he had more words to say but simply couldn’t get them out, then he fell into a terrible sorrow-filled silence. Raine reached for his hand. He clutched it for a heartrending moment before he enveloped her against his body again. Last time, he’d been supporting her, helping her with grief. Now he clutched her like a lifeline.
They shared anguish without words, and Raine was silently grateful.
It was early days yet…but maybe she’d found that silver lining River had mentioned. Maybe she’d have her brother in her life again. And if the police dropped all these ridiculous charges against Hammer, she might finally have said good-bye to the darkest parts of her past today—and said hello to a beautiful future.
* * *
Saturday, February 16
* * *
Liam lay curled into Raine, resting his head on one elbow as he watched her sleep. She hadn’t had much of it lately. He and Macen hadn’t, either, but they weren’t nurturing another human being within their bodies.
Her inky lashes curled against translucent skin, now bruised with dark circles. She fidgeted restlessly.
Liam’s heart ached for her. “Rest easy, mo grá.”
He brushed aside an errant lock of her lush hair, frowning at how vulnerable she appeared in repose. His lass was under so much stress.
As if his merely thinking of Raine had roused her, she opened her eyes, the color of warm waters, clear and deep enough to drown a man in. “Why are you awake?”
He kissed her gently. “Not tired yet. Are you all right?”
“I should be sleeping like the dead now that it seems Macen’s legal troubles should be more or less over, but I just can’t shut off my brain.” She sighed. “And our little peanut seems to be sitting on my bladder.”
Her wry smile had him chuckling.
Snoring rent their silence, and they both turned to look at Hammer sleeping soundly on the other side of Raine.
“Cuddle up to him and go back to sleep, love. I’m heading downstairs for a cup of tea.”
He pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and left the bed, groping for his sweat pants. In short work, he had them on and headed quietly out of the room. He’d bet his parents were up, and he could use the time with them. No telling how long before they packed up and headed back to Ireland. Now that their crisis was seemingly averted, he was a bit surprised his mother hadn’t mentioned it. Maybe she felt that something uneasy giving her a nagging tug, too.
Halfway down the hall, a shuffling had him turning back to find Raine rushing to catch up to him, belting her robe as she hustled.
“I’ll go with you. Tea sounds good,” she whispered as she took his hand.
The big house was quiet until they approached the kitchen. Then the sound of his father’s voice became louder with every step.
“Aye, lass. I will. You tell those boys that Grandda said they best knuckle down, then. If they do, I might bring them each a bag of lollies from America.”
They couldn’t hear the reply, but his father laughed as they entered the kitchen. Duncan gave Raine a warm smile, and Liam was grateful to his da for trying to set her at ease.
She nodded in greeting and made her way to the teapot before pouring two cups. As she slid one across the counter to him, Liam squeezed his father’s shoulder and took a stool beside him at the bar, drawing the cup Raine had poured closer.
“You’re in luck, then. Your brother and Raine just walked in. Do you want to say hello?”
Liam smiled and arched a brow, but his father nudged the cell into his hand instead, not saying which of his sisters was on the line.
“Hello?”
“Fancy that, then. It only takes Mum and Da going halfway ’round the world for me to hear from you. How are you, stranger?”
He’d know that voice anywhere.
“Maeve…” He grinned around the teacup and gave his da a wink. Raine stood across from them, dunking a cookie in her tea. Even with all the commotion lately, some of his parents’ idiosyncrasies had still rubbed off.
“We can’t wait to meet Raine. Mum has gone gaga over her. They really like this one, Liam. We’re so excited for you. And by the by, I always knew there was something more between you and Macen. But it’s all good,” she assured. “Um…how does that work exactly?”
Liam sighed. “Yeah, it’s not like that.”
He saw Raine laughing behind her hand as Da concentrated far too hard on stirring his tea.
“No judgment here.”
“Bloody hell, Maeve. We’re in love with the same woman, not each other.”
“Whatever you say… So, when are you bringing them home for a visit?”
“I doubt it will be before the baby is born, but we may try to surprise everyone. How are you and the lads?”
“Same. Nothing much changes here. How are you all holding up? Da told me about your recent drama. Your life is so fascinating. There’s always something going on.”
Liam snorted. “Be thankful you’re not living it. But we’re all good now, thanks. Every day seems to be some new bloody challenge, but we always manage to get things sorted.”
“You do. I won’t embarrass Raine by asking to speak to her, but tell her that she has a whole parcel of family who already love her and can’t wait to meet her and the baby. Know we are thinking of you all, Liam. Love you.”
He sent Raine a smile. He loved the idea of her and the children he and Macen would have with their lass in his family. “I’ll tell her. I love you, too, Maeve. Give everyone our best.”
“I will. Pass me back to Da to say good-bye.”
Liam gave the mobile back to his father and listened while he rang off.
Duncan set the phone aside and rose to get more tea, but Raine grabbed the pot.
“I’ve got it. Sit.” She refilled his cup.
“Thank you. Why are you both up at this hour? You especially, lass. You need your sleep.” He patted her hand gently across the counter. “You have so much going on in that wee body of yours, making a brand new person. ’Tis a lot you’re asking of it on so little rest.”
“I’ll try again after my tea,” she promised. “What time is it in Ireland?”
“Hmm, there’s eight hours’ difference. Since it’s just after one here, it’s a bit after nine in the morning at home. Hence my reason for being up and on the phone.”
“Da doesn’t do computers,” Liam teased.
“We don’t get along is all,” the older man blustered.
“I could show you, Da. It’s not hard.”
Duncan shook his head. “I’m too old for that now, lad. I do best in my garden. Happy as Larry, I am, with a bit of dirt and my plants.”
“You still feeding the neighborhood?” Liam asked.
“When the weather cooperates, aye.”
“I’ll bet your vegetables are better than store-bought,” Raine remarked.
