by S A Clayton
“You threw the vodka bottle across the room.” I scream at the sound of Noah’s voice as I press my hand to my chest.
“Shit. You scared the crap out of me,” I say, taking deep breaths and trying not to hurl again. I take a moment to look at him and wonder how the hell he got into my house. My eyes travel up the length of him. He’s in dark-wash jeans and a button-up shirt that looks as if it’s seen better days. His hair is a mess, falling loosely across his forehead, devoid of any product. But what gets to me are his eyes. I stare at them and see regret mirrored back at me. They’re pools of sorrow, and it takes everything in me not to get up from where I’m sitting and go to him.
I need to remember why last night happened. I need to remember that this man lied to me from the beginning—no matter how much my heart hurts to look at him like this.
“Um…I threw a vodka bottle against the wall?” I question, trying to remember what the hell happened after I slammed the door in his face. He nods as I look down at my hands. “How did I get all these cuts then…?” Noah sighs, leaning his shoulder against the doorjamb as he crosses his arms.
“You tried to clean it up by scooping the shards of glass off the floor with your bare hands.” I can see the smirk trying to escape from his lips, and I can’t help it, I start to laugh.
“Fucking hell. I really need a babysitter when I drink.” I hear him chuckle, but I keep my eyes on the floor. I can’t look at him. His smell is already penetrating my senses, and I can feel myself cracking…I can’t break. “I don’t remember letting you in.” He shakes his head and makes his way into the room. I cringe at every step, and he stops. He sits at the foot of my bed, while I make my way to the top and slip back under the covers. “Did I let you in?”
He nods and then says, “I would have found a way in no matter what. The sound of that crash took years off my life.”
“Well, thank you for that, and for taking care of me. I know it’s the last thing you probably wanted to do, but I appreciate it.”
“You don’t get it, do you? I would do almost anything for you, to make sure you’re okay. After I saw you stumble home piss-ass drunk, it was the least I could do.” My eyes lower again, knowing that this is the moment where everything gets spilled out in the open. My heart is beating a million miles per minute, and I know if he comes close enough, Noah will be able to hear it. This is not how I saw this going. I imagined myself ignoring him until he gave up. I saw myself forgetting him as best I could, even though I would likely see him around town every once in a while. I saw our lives going in opposite directions. I never saw him fighting for me. For us. I never saw him taking extreme measures to make sure I was safe, knowing full well that I hated him. I don’t know what to do with this kind of man. One who fights, one who won’t let go, even when you beg him. This type of man is the ultimate enigma.
“I don’t know what to say to that,” I say honestly. Noah takes a deep breath and faces me, one of his legs bent on the bed, the other on the floor.
“You don’t have to say anything, Val. All you have to do is listen. Can you at least give me that?” His eyes beg me to give him a chance to explain. Even with as drunk as I was last night, I know that Mandy was right. He does deserve a chance to explain himself. Even if hearing it will ultimately break my heart.
“I’m not married.” The statement is direct and to the point. “But I was.”
There it is.
“Amy and I met in high school. Our families were very close, so naturally, they pushed us to spend time together.” I cover my face with my hands and wonder if knowing any of this will make me feel better. I take a deep breath and hope to God this story doesn’t break me. After a moment of silence, Noah continues.
“At first, we hated each other. She was a stuck-up bitch, and I was too interested in school to pay attention. Then, everything changed.” I look up, and our eyes meet. The look that stares back at me tells me that this next part won’t be fun.
“My parents died, and I got lost in my own depression. I didn’t know which way was up and which way was down. I started drinking, partying every chance I got, and that’s where Amy came in. She was into all that stuff back then. Still is, if I’m honest. She knew of the best parties, where we could get the best booze. We ended up getting drunk one night, and things went from hatred to lust…really fast.” I hold up my hand to stop him.
“You don’t need to go into detail. I get it.” He bows his head, and as much as I hate every second of this, I say, “What happened after your…lust-filled encounter?” The words feel like sawdust in my mouth, but when I look up at Noah, there’s a hint of a smile on his lips. “What?”
“I just never had someone say that phrase to me before. ‘Lust-filled encounter?’” I can’t help the laugh that escapes, it does sound ridiculous.
“You know what I mean.” He nods, flashing a shy smile in my direction. “So, what happened after you two got together?”
He takes a deep breath and continues. “Well, everything happened pretty fast after that. We dated for a few months, and her parents pressured me to propose. They kept saying that I was running out of time, and that Amy was the best I would ever find.” He gives me a look of longing that tells me how untrue that statement really is for him. “Little did I know that marrying Amy would be one of the worst decisions of my life.” Before he can continue, my phone goes off beside me. I pick it up and see it’s a message from Mandy.
Mandy: Did you survive the night?
I stare at the message and wonder what I should say back because I know if I don’t reply to her soon, she’ll think the worst.
Mandy: You better answer me, or I’ll think you’re dead! I roll my eyes and reply.
Me: Calm down, I’m fine.
“That Mandy?” Noah asks. I nod, reading her next text.
Mandy: Need me to come over?
Sometimes, I wonder what I would do without her in my life. I smile and reply that she doesn’t have to come over. But her next text gives me pause. Did you talk with Noah yet? I take a minute to figure out if I want to tell her that he’s here now. Guess I better bite the bullet.
Me: He’s here.
It doesn’t take long for her to text back. When she does, she doesn’t disappoint.
Mandy: Remember when you have make-up sex to use protection! I’m not ready to be an aunt yet! I burst out laughing, showing Noah the text.
“Well, she certainly thinks things will work out,” he says, and the whole mood in the room changes. I take a good look at the man in front of me and wonder if I blew this whole scenario out of proportion. What if all of this drama was just me being overly sensitive, and all of this could have been avoided? Regardless, I need to know the rest of the story.
“I need you to finish,” I say, putting my phone down and ignoring the next two texts that come through, back-to-back.
Noah gets up from the bed and paces my room. “At first, things with Amy were good. We got along, we started talking about starting a family and moving farther away from her parents. I thought I was in love.”
“But you weren’t?” I ask, loving the soft look he gives me from across the room.
“Sweetheart, I didn’t know what love was until I met you.” My chest compresses, and my heart makes a little flutter in my chest. He doesn’t mean love-love, does he?
His small smirk tells me I’ll find out soon enough. Still, he continues. “I have always wanted a family, a big one since I was an only child who grew up wanting what my parents had. So, when I approached Amy about the idea of kids, I was surprised that she was all for it.” I tilt my head to the side in confusion, and he smiles. “Amy is a sorority girl who never left the sorority. She was into lunch dates, parties, and the next big fundraiser. So, I was surprised that she was ready to have a family. But when she told me we could start trying, I was thrilled.” I can feel the vodka from last night trying to make another appearance, but I push it down, waiting for Noah to continue. His hands make their way into his
hair as he sits on the foot of the bed once again.
“I never should have trusted her. I spent years of my life attached to a woman that was more preoccupied with how much money we made and how good we looked in the papers than what was going on in our own home.” I look at him, confused because I still have no idea how he went from being so in love with her to hating her. It makes no sense. “We had been having problems for a while, fighting every night, not seeing each other for days at a time, but the one thing that always brought us back together was the need to have a family. So, we spent months trying, and when nothing happened, she went to a clinic to see if anything was wrong. When she came back and said everything was fine, I thought maybe we just needed to keep trying. Until I found birth control pills in her purse.”
I suck in a breath as everything falls into place...
TWENTY-THREE
The look on her face tells me everything.
“Please tell me she was not taking the pill the whole time.” Val’s eyes are hard, her posture rigid as I nod my head. All the emotions on her face right now are the ones I went through years ago. And, to be honest, it’s kind of amazing to see those feelings validated because Amy’s family never seemed to get what the big deal was.
“Are you kidding me?” she yells as she sits forward and crawls over to me. “You’re telling me that she lied to you for God knows how long, told you she wanted kids when in actuality, she never did?”
Her scent surrounds me as I close my eyes, hoping to God I can fix us because the idea of Amy ruining this dream, too, sends me into a panic. “At first, she denied it. But when I found text messages from her friends asking if I still thought we were trying for a baby…I realized the truth.”
“No wonder you asked me the kid question,” she mutters almost to herself. When her head snaps up, and her eyes meet mine, I know she didn’t actually mean to say that out loud.
“What did she say to you?” I ask, my knuckles white from where I’m gripping the comforter, my imagination running wild.
“You really want to know?” she asks, her voice small. I nod as her eyes turn soft. I can sense the change in the air, she’s less tense, more open to me right now than she was when I walked in. “She walked into the shop during lunch. It was my slow time, so I was having some food, getting ready for the afternoon rush.” I smile at the image of her sitting at one of those tables, looking at her phone. It’s a simple picture in my head, nothing special about it, but to me, the mundane parts of her life are some of the most vibrant ones in mine. “I heard the bell go off as the front door opened.” I chuckle as she mutters a curse at Mandy for installing it before she continues. “And then she walked in. She reminded me of everything Chris wanted me to be that I wasn’t.” That confession stops me in my tracks.
“What do you mean, everything you weren’t?”
“When Chris and I were together, he wanted a wife that he could show off. One that went to events with him, talked to his business partners’ wives. All he ever wanted me to do was smile and wave, and that was never me.” I shudder at the thought of her doing that, knowing it would ruin her slowly from the inside out. “So, when your wife…”
“Ex-wife,” I clarify, needing her to get it into her head that Amy and I are over—for good.
“Fine, when your ex-wife walked in, it just took me back to that feeling and how inferior I felt for loving my job and having this dream.”
“You should never feel ashamed of your dream. What you’ve created here is incredible and so needed in this town. You are an amazing woman, Val, I hope you know that.” The blush that creeps up her cheeks makes me remember how it looks when I’m deep inside her.
“I do now. But back then? All I wanted was for someone to love me like my parents loved each other. I thought I found that with Chris.” Just hearing his name makes me want to punch something.
“What did she say to you, sweetheart?” I ask again, hoping it’s something I can fix, here and now.
“It was nothing bad, really.” There’s hesitation in her eyes, and I can’t take it anymore. I crawl closer to her and take her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips. The shuddering breath she takes tells me that she’s just as affected by me as I am by her. “She told me she loved my shop, that her…husband told her how amazing my desserts were.” She tries to pull away, but I keep a firm grasp on her fingers. “Then she bought a butter tart and said they were her husband’s favorite.” Clearly, that bitch has been watching me, or more accurately, had someone else watching me since she’s probably too busy to do it herself.
“What else?” I ask, knowing there’s more, just not knowing exactly what it is.
“I asked who her husband was so I could thank him when I saw him next, and she said your name.”
Fuck. She walked right into it and didn’t even realize it. Damn, Amy is sneakier than I thought.
“After that, she left, and I was left standing there.” Her tears do me in. My heart breaks as each tear falls from her gorgeous eyes and stains her cheeks.
“Sweetheart, you have to know that Amy and I were over a long time ago. She’s just doing this to get back at me because she finally realizes that I’ve moved on. I’m happy now.” Her sad eyes meet mine, questioning whether what I said was true. “I am happier now, with you, than I ever was with Amy. No part of our marriage made me feel how I do when I’m with you.”
“How long ago did you two divorce?” she asks, and I give her a small smile. I knew this question was coming, and have no issue telling her exactly what she wants to know.
“Two years ago.”
“How long were you married?” she asks as I take her fingers and bring them to my mouth again, kissing each digit before I answer.
“Four years.” She shudders, and I close my eyes, my forehead leaning against her hands. “I wish I could regret marrying her. I wish I could say that if I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t, but that’s a lie.” Her eyes snap up to mine, and the anger and confusion that stares back at me makes me smile. “Sweetheart, if I hadn’t married Amy, I never would have moved here, and I never would have met the love of my life.” Her eyes bulge, clearly not ready for that conversation.
“So, what now?” she asks, getting up from the bed and walking over to the window, her back to me. For the first time since I walked into the room, I realize what she’s wearing, and I groan inwardly at the sight. She has on a tight tank top, no bra, and boy short underwear…that’s it. When she was covered by the sheet, I was fine. But now…now, all I want to do is taste every inch of the revealed skin, hear her moans bounce off these walls, and feel her pussy come all over my cock.
I make my way over to where she’s standing, making sure to keep a bit of distance between us even though all I want to do is touch her. “Val,” I say quietly as she turns to face me. The unshed tears in her eyes break me in half. “Please tell me we can fix this. I don’t work without you. My life doesn’t work without you in it.” I’m pleading, hoping to God that she agrees to take me back.
“What else are you hiding?” She takes a deep breath. “If I didn’t know about this, how do I know you aren’t hiding something else?” Her voice is stern, her eyes scared, and when I reach out to touch her, she backs away. “I need to know that I won’t find any more skeletons in your closet, Noah, because the first one was a fucking big one.” I can’t help the smile that creeps across my lips, but Val just stares me down, waiting for my answer.
“Whatever you want to know, just ask. I have no more secrets. I swear, Amy was the only part of my past that I avoided talking about.” She eyes me warily.
“What about your family? I asked about them, and you just told me they died, nothing else.” True. She’s got me there.
“They remind me of Amy and the mistake I made. I felt like talking about them would mean I had to confess about Amy, and I wasn’t ready for that yet.”
“Why couldn’t you just talk to me about this?”
“Because it’s a bla
ck mark on my soul. Because I was married to a woman who could manipulate someone and not have a care in the world about it. I didn’t want you to think less of me.” That’s it. That’s the full truth. Whether she believes me or not doesn’t matter. The relief of this moment eclipses all the years of heartache I endured with Amy.
“You seriously think I would think less of you because your wife lied to you about taking birth control?” I can hear the venom in her voice, and I recoil at the implication of her words. She’s so far from that type of person that even hearing it makes me cringe.
“Val, I know you’re not like that. I just didn’t want to ruin what we had.” She gives me a look, and I chuckle. “Yet it seems I did a good job of that on my own.” She nods, smiling. I take a tentative step toward her, and when she doesn’t back away, I take another. “Please tell me we’re okay. Please tell me we can go back to what we had before.” I’m desperate. The need for her to take me back is all-consuming. When her smirk graces those gorgeous lips, I take that as a sign and dive in, taking her mouth and devouring her.
TWENTY-FOUR
His lips taste like coffee as they devour mine. His hands clasp my hips, bringing me closer and closer to him as his tongue demands entrance.
“Val. You need to answer my question,” he mumbles, his lips still kissing mine. It takes me a second to realize that he’s spoken, then another to remember what the question was.
“What question?” I ask breathlessly, feeling his fingers digging into my hips, my tank top lifting up my torso, exposing more skin.
His laugh rumbles through me as he starts kissing across the edge of my jaw and down my throat. “The question was…” he murmurs, licking and sucking at the skin of my neck, making me forget where I am, let alone allowing me to pay attention to what he’s saying. “Can you forgive me? Can we go back to where we were before?” He stops his ministrations, his fingers trailing lightly across my jaw before his hands clasp the sides of my face.
