by Cole Bates
“Aubrey, what is this all about?” She ignored me and gave the hostess her name and said,
“My date is here, finally.” I looked at my phone. It was seven minutes after eight. I rolled my eyes. She was most definitely insane.
“Good, your table is ready,” the skinny blonde girl picked up two menus and said, “Right this way.” As she led us across the restaurant to our table I couldn’t help but appreciate the décor of the restaurant. It was like stepping back in time and being dropped into the center of a Fred Astaire movie. There was even a band playing live jazz music. When we got to our table and I saw that it looked like we could almost reach out and touch the Empire State Building, I almost forgave Aubrey for insisting I meet her here. It was going to kill my budget for the month, though. I knew this for sure as soon as I looked at the menu. Once the hostess had taken our drink orders and left I said, “Aubrey, can we just have our “talk” and go? I can’t afford to eat here.”
She smiled. “No worries, your meal is taken care of.”
“I don’t want you paying for my dinner. Maybe you could just tell me what this is about.”
“I’m not paying for your dinner,” she said. “Order what you want, though. Like I said, it’s paid for.”
“Aubrey…”
“Just chill Alex. You’ll understand everything in a few minutes. Why don’t you look at the Empire State Building for a few minutes while I go to the ladies room? It’s gorgeous at night.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. She was right, it is gorgeous. But, I wanted her to just get over with telling me whatever it was she made me come all the way to Manhattan for. I watched her get up and head to the ladies room and I turned toward the big window. If I looked up I could see the observation deck on the 86th floor. I thought about going up there with Mom again. While we looked out over the city she told me the stories of the people that had jumped to their deaths from the building. She knew my curious, morbid little mind loved trivia like that. It also made her nervous and she told me at least ten times to stay back from the railing. In actuality, the “railing” was a big fence now to keep people from jumping off. I remembered telling her that I thought it would be romantic to die that way. That earned me a lecture about reading too many Shakespeare plays and a pop to the back of the head. I was smiling at the memory when I suddenly saw something white being draped from the railing. It was a big sign and once it stopped flapping my heart caught in my throat. I forgot where I was and I pushed back from the table and ran over to the window like an eight-year-old. I’m sure all eyes in the restaurant were on me, but I didn’t care. The banner had some kind of glow in the dark writing on it and it said,
“Ryan Reed loves Alex Matthews…now and forever.”
“What the fuck?”
“That’s my line.” I turned at the sound of the deep, sexy voice. Ryan was standing about a foot away from me with his green eyes shining.
“What? How?” I was sputtering again. He smiled and opened his arms and I moved into them. All eyes were on us now and I still didn’t care. He hugged me so tightly that I felt like I might break. I didn’t care about that either. This all felt surreal and I couldn’t get a grasp on what was happening.
“We better sit down before they throw us out,” he said as he brushed his lips across the side of my face. I nodded and stepped back to the table almost in a daze. I looked out at the building again. The banner was still there. I hadn’t imagined it. I looked at Ryan and said,
“Where did Aubrey go?”
He reached across and took my hand and said, “She was just a placeholder, but if you want me to get her back…”
“No fucking way.” He laughed.
“I think you’ve been hanging around me too much. You’re using that word a lot.”
“I can’t imagine any such thing as hanging around you too much. But this is all…Jesus. How did you do all of this? Why?”
The waiter showed up at the table then and I wanted to tell him to get lost. Ryan took charge and ordered for both of us. When the waiter left he said, “Aubrey helped me and Linda.”
“Mom?” I narrowed my eyes. “I knew she was lying to me earlier.”
He smiled. “I’ll bet it was the first time ever.”
“I guess as long as we’re not counting the tooth fairy or Easter Bunny.”
Laughing he said, “Don’t hold it against her. I asked her not to tell you. Aubrey’s dad is head of security over there and she works in the office. After he went home at five she got the night officers to agree to hang the banner.”
“Wow. I feel bad now for all the things I was thinking about her.”
He nodded. “Yeah, me too. As soon as she found out about us, all she wanted to do was help. Linda too.”
“I’m confused. How does Mom know?”
“I didn’t go to a camp yesterday, I went home.”
“You told Mom?”
He smiled again. With a fondness in his voice, he said, “I didn’t have to. She already figured it out.”
I nodded. “I think she’s a witch sometimes.”
“She’s definitely a good witch then.” He sighed and his eyes turned serious as he said, “I talked to Dad too.”
“Oh…damn…What did he say?”
“He didn’t say a lot. He asked me to leave. He said that he couldn’t look at me.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry Ryan.”
He shook his head and squeezed my hand. “It’s okay. Linda thinks he’ll come around and I hope she’s right. But you know something? After I told him I was so relieved and I felt so free that his rejection just didn’t hurt like I thought it was going to. I knew that when I walked out of there I would still have you and that made everything okay. Even better was when Linda gave me one of his credit cards to pay for dinner tonight.” He grinned and I laughed. When he sobered again he said, “I love you, Alex. I love you so much and I don’t care who knows it. I would have yelled it from the Empire State Building, but I thought the banner would be more effective.”
I forgot where I was again. I got up and went over to his side of the table. I took his gorgeous face in my hands and leaned down until our lips crushed together. I got lost in his lips and tongue and the taste of his hot mouth and time stood still…right up until the waiter asked us to cool it or take it outside. This was going to be my new favorite memory of the Empire State Building. Maybe my new favorite memory of all time.
CHAPTER TWELVE
RYAN
Alex’s opening night performance was beyond fantastic. I heard one of the people in the audience say it was brilliant and I had to agree. My boyfriend was the most talented man I’ve ever known and I didn’t have a single doubt that I’d be attending a lot of opening nights on Broadway in the future. I stood up for the ovation as the major players were called back out and introduced one at a time. They saved “The Phantom” for last and when Alex came out I yelled and whistled and almost crushed the white roses I was holding as I pounded my hands together. I was in the front row and although I knew the lights were shining too brightly in his face for him to see me, I knew he could hear me.
A few seats down I could see Linda. She was clapping and whistling herself. Next to her I could see my dad. I hadn’t seen or talked to him since that day in the garage. Linda keeps telling me it’s going to be okay but after baring my soul to him and five days of complete silence, I kind of doubted it. I looked back up at Alex. He was so in his element onstage and he shined so brightly. I could almost feel his essence and I breathed it in. It numbed the bad feelings I had about Dad. I prayed every day that he would in fact, “come around.” But I couldn’t control how he felt and I also couldn’t live my life based on those feelings. I had to be me.
Once the curtain closed I knew that Alex would be busy backstage for a while before he’d be ready to leave for the after party so I headed outside to wait for him. As soon as I stepped outside I came face to face with Tom and another big, muscular guy that I’d never seen before. I as
sumed it was his date.
“Hey, Reed! Your boyfriend was hot up there tonight.” After months of listening to Tom every day in the locker room, on the baseball field, on a bus and in the hotels we stayed in while we traveled, I’d gotten used to the fact that he was just a hopeless flirt. I honestly don’t think he met a man he didn’t flirt with and half the time I don’t think he even meant it.
“Damn straight,” I told him with a wink. I shook his hand and he turned to the guy next to him and said, “This is my cousin Miguel.”
“Hey, Miguel, nice to meet you.” I shook his hand too and he smiled and said hello. Tom surprised me then by saying,
“So, I was wondering if your boyfriend might want to introduce me to his co-star.”
“Elena?” That was the girl that played Christine.
He laughed. “Well yeah, she was good. I wouldn’t mind meeting her and telling her that…”
“I’d like to meet Elena,” Miguel said. Tom laughed and said,
“Okay then, there you go. No, actually I was talking about the guy that played the Viscount. I think his first name is Harry.” I smiled. I wanted to laugh. It’s funny how life works out. From what Alex has told me, Tom is just Harry’s type.
“I think we can arrange that,” I told him. I looked toward the door then just as Linda and my dad came through. They’d made it to the city late so they hadn’t come by the apartment before the show. I was mildly relieved by that, but I knew I had to face him sooner or later. “I’ll talk to you in a bit Tom, are you guys going to the after party at the Grille?”
Tom wiggled his eyebrows and said, “If you’re going to introduce me to Harry, I’ll be there.”
“Alright. I’ll see you there.” I left him and his cousin and made my way over to Linda and Dad. Linda smiled brightly when she saw me and reached up to give me a hug. I locked eyes with my father over her shoulder. He didn’t look happy to see me. When Linda let me go I put my hand out towards Dad. He looked at it and for a second I was terrified that he wasn’t going to take it. He finally did, giving it a quick shake and then letting go like he was afraid he might catch something. I swallowed hard and tried to force the lump in my throat down as Linda and I talked about how amazing Alex’s performance was. Dad didn’t say a word until Alex finally emerged. I watched him hug Alex and felt a tug of jealousy. I wondered why it was okay for Alex to be gay but not me.
Linda and Alex seemed to talk forever before she told him that she and Dad were going to have a quick dinner at the hotel where they were staying and turn in early. The long drive had worn them out. I vaguely registered hearing them make plans for us all to meet up for breakfast in the morning. Judging from the look on Dad’s face he wasn’t thrilled about it and I wondered if he even still planned on coming to my game tomorrow. When Alex slipped his arm through mine I had to once again shake off the dark feelings and remind myself how lucky I was. I pulled my arm loose and put it around Alex. As we walked toward my car I told him how proud I was of him and how amazing he was. I put the feelings dad stirred up in me away for now and resolved to enjoy this night. It was Alex’s night and he deserved my full attention.
********
Last night was Alex’s night and we had a great time. I couldn’t be prouder of him if I tried and I hope I did a good enough job of showing him that. Today was my day and I wished that Alex could be here. I knew how badly he wanted to be and that helped. I understood that he had a matinee performance that was sold out and I knew in his heart he’d be rooting for me. That would have to be enough. He’d left early this morning to meet Linda and Dad for breakfast before he had to be at the theater. He said he understood that I was feeling too anxious about the game to go with him, but I’m sure he understood my anxiety was more about facing my dad. He was supportive, as usual. He gave me a kiss for luck, told me he loved me and to “break a leg.” I laughed inwardly. He’s so cute. I didn’t tell him in baseball that was a bad thing I knew it had come straight from his heart.
Today was an extra big deal for me. I was starting at shortstop at our first home game against one of our biggest rivals. For a freshman, that was really something. Coach told me my first week of tryouts that he’d never seen a shortstop with the kind of depth and range I had. Since I knew I’d miss pitching, that was nice to hear. As a high school ball player, my curve ball and fastball were adequate, but I wasn’t surprised or even hurt to hear they weren’t quite up to par for college. I’ve always been okay with constructive criticism and the fact that I was better at short than the other players made it all the better. I looked up in the stands and saw my dad and Linda finding their seats. I had a feeling Linda made Dad come because he didn’t look at all happy to be here. That hurt a lot considering there was usually nowhere else my dad would rather be. For a second I longed for the day when he was proud to tell people he was Ryan Reed’s father. I doubted that would ever happen again. I glanced around the stands at the signs the families and girlfriends/boyfriends of the players were holding up, encouraging their favorite player and letting everyone know how important they were to them. I looked back at Dad’s somber face and wondered if he was embarrassed just to be here. I knew I had to shake that off. It would only get in the way of my performance today. It wasn’t easy, but I tucked it away for the time being by thinking about what my father would want me to give up in order to gain back his respect. Alex was my world now and as much as I loved my dad and wanted his love in return, I would never give him up.
The National Anthem had been played and the players introduced and I was anxious to get this game started. Tom was on the mound getting ready to throw the first pitch. He and Harry really hit it off last night and Alex and I had fun watching them get to know each other. It was apparent that Harry worshiped Tom the way most women and gay men do the second he walks into the room, but what was so fascinating was watching the way Tom responded to him. It wasn’t in his usually arrogant, superficial way. I’d say last night was the most focused and sincere that I had seen him off the baseball field since I knew him.
“Batter up!” The umpire called for the game to start and I immediately went into the zone. I got into position and focused all of my attention on the guy swinging the bat. Everything else disappeared. Tom was amazing, as usual. Three batters up and three down with only one hit that was caught and tagged at first. I had a smile on my face as I jogged toward the dugout and because it was a habit I glanced back up toward my dad. His face was still somber, but Linda was smiling and clapping and my heart lurched in my chest when I realized that to the left of her someone was holding a big sign that said,
“I’d give a Pretty Penny to see Ryan Reed #35 hit a home run!”
My smile grew broader at the sight of his copper head poking out from behind the sign. I held up my hand and waved at him and he lowered the sign and waved back. I have no idea how he managed to be here but I will never forget that he did this for me. The game went by in a blur of activity and adrenaline. Tom hit two home runs. I got two singles and a double. I tried not to look at Dad but couldn’t help it every now and again. By the sixth inning, he actually seemed to be getting into it. It was a close game and every run counted at this point. Tom had thrown his quota of pitches so he was watching from the bullpen while our second-string pitcher Matt threw the ball. He wasn’t as accurate as Tom, or as fast so I saw more action than I had the first five innings. I caught two pop flies and threw one guy out at first. As I jogged back to the dugout after the last out I think I caught sight of my dad clapping out of the corner of my eye. He was still sitting down behind Linda and Alex who were on their feet and holding up the big sign, so it was hard to tell, but I liked to think so.
By the ninth inning, our pitcher had let them get enough hits to tie up the game before coach pulled him and put in our closer. The game was hanging by a thread and from the looks of coach as he paced back and forth outside the dugout, so was he. The bases were loaded, we only had one run up on them and the batter had a full count. How the
closer handled his next pitch would decide if we went to the bottom of the ninth and likely lost the game or walked off now as winners. I used to be a closer when I pitched so I was feeling his pain. I knew that at this point no matter what happened before or after, that guy on the mound would feel responsible for a win or a loss. The win would give him an adrenaline rush equal to almost nothing he’d ever felt and the loss would ruin his day, his week and depending on how badly it went, maybe even his reputation.
“Time!” Coach called for a time out. The umpire gave the signal and myself, the catcher and the other infielder’s met at the mound with the pitcher. When coach got there we all put our gloves up in front of our mouths as coach looked at Cole, the closer and said, “You can’t pitch it inside. This kid will hit anything fast and inside out of the park.” The inside fastball was Cole’s specialty. Even with his glove in front of his face, I could see how anxious that made him.
“I say go for the curve Cole. Throw him a dangerous curve close to the inside and let him swing. The curves are what he’s struck on so far.” The first two strikes were actually foul balls, but I wasn’t going to remind him of that. “If he connects on a curve it’s not going out of the park. We can handle it in the infield.” I was trying to help but what I got in return was handed the weight that Cole was carrying.
“Reed, go warm up.”
“Excuse me, coach?”
“Warm up, you’re gonna throw.” He turned to the umpire then and told him we were going to have a pitching change and then headed back to the dug-out leaving me stunned. I looked at Cole. He at least looked more relieved than pissed. Shaking like a leaf I went over to the bullpen. I heard the band strike up to keep the restless crowd entertained while I warmed up. I didn’t even look up in the stands. I couldn’t. I was afraid if I saw Dad’s face I might throw up. I took about fifteen minutes getting loose and I was just about to signal coach I was ready when I heard the umpire yell,
