by Leanne Banks
Lisa pushed her hair behind her ear, then placed her hand on his arm. It was an affectionate gesture that warmed Brick’s heart.
“There are a lot of things to decide, like where we want to live, when to get married and how big a wedding we should have,” she said. “But I guess we should decide if we want to tell people or wait a little while.”
When she looked at him with such love in her eyes, he was ready to marry her on the spot. Maybe that was part of the solution to his problem, he thought, staying focused on her and how much she meant to him instead of the bad memories from his father’s second marriage. Feeling a surge of devotion, he leaned closer and kissed her. “I don’t want to wait. I think we’ve both waited long enough.”
Visibly moved, Lisa gave a tremulous smile. “You have no idea how happy you’ve made me,” she whispered.
Brick tried to hold on to that safe, yet glorious feeling for the rest of the flight, but sometimes the fear came back. Perhaps not as strong as it once was, but it still returned. It required a great deal of concentration for him to hide those moments from Lisa. He chewed his antacids and used some of the coping techniques. By the time the plane taxied up to the gate, he was relieved and exhausted.
Sensing that something wasn’t quite right, Lisa felt her uneasiness climb. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Fine. I’m great,” he said, crunching through another tablet.
Lisa frowned. The man she loved had finally proposed to her, but she couldn’t tell if he felt trapped or happy. This wasn’t a good sign, and she refused to push him into something he didn’t want. Her chest felt achy at the thought that Brick might be doing this because she wanted it and he didn’t. Pushing past her own unsteady emotions, she lowered her voice. “Brick, you don’t sound completely sure about this. Do you regret proposing to me last night? If you do, then I’d rather you go ahead and say so now.”
“I don’t regret it. I absolutely don’t regret it. It’s just—” His glance slid away and he swore softly.
Lisa felt a sinking sensation in her stomach. She should have known it was too good to be true. The whole flight he’d been running hot and cold on her. “It’s just what?” she said, feeling her stomach twist with dread.
He glanced around in frustration. “I can’t talk about it now.”
Disappointment and uncertainty hit her full force, delivering a knockout punch. After the beautiful night they’d shared together, she couldn’t handle the flux of her own feelings, let alone his, anymore. Her heart splintered into fragments. Heedless of the fact that the crew hadn’t given the passengers instructions for departing the airplane, she stood and scrambled past Brick.
“What are you doing?” He tried to grab her hand, but she shook it loose.
“I need to get out of here,” she muttered desperately, hurrying down the aisle.
The attendant shot her a look of disapproval. “Miss, we haven’t given passengers clearance. You—”
“I feel sick,” Lisa managed over a swollen throat, and she wasn’t lying. She was sick with a heart-crushing disappointment. Emotionally, she felt wounded and bleeding, and she needed to get away from everything and everyone, especially Brick. Hearing his footsteps behind her, she pleaded with the stewardess, “Please let me go.”
The attendant immediately allowed her to exit, and Lisa ran through the terminal. Swiping at the tears that streamed down her face, she didn’t care that people were staring. She didn’t care that Brick was calling after her. She hoped she’d find a way to survive this debacle. Feeling like a fool was easy compared to dealing with her incredible pain and disillusionment.
Brick was alternately cursing the crowds and himself as he chased after Lisa. He should have gone ahead and told her everything the night before. Instead his ego had gotten in the way and he’d hoped he could keep it from her until he didn’t feel so self-conscious about it. From a distance, he saw her squeeze through the door to the parking lot.
He darted around two elderly people and made it to the same door. Shoving it open, he scanned the parking lot. She was opening her car door. “Lisa,” he shouted.
She gave him a desperate wild-eyed glance that shook him to the marrow of his bones, then she slid into her car and slammed the door.
Brick cursed, running across the taxi lane. A horn blared and tires screeched. Scooting onto the sidewalk, he kept his gaze fixed on Lisa’s car. She backed out of her space onto the curb, missing the fire hydrant by an inch. He cringed.
She tore out of the parking lot, leaving a fair share of her tire tread on the pavement. Brick felt a kinship with that tire tread. He kicked the curb. This had gone on long enough. Lisa deserved to know what she was getting if she dared to take him back. A heavy dread dragging at his gut, he headed for his own car. They would have to get their luggage later.
Within ten minutes, he pulled into her apartment parking lot and was knocking on her door for all he was worth. “Lisa, open up. We’ve gotta talk.”
When there was no answer, Brick just kept on. “I’ve got something I’ve got to explain to you.” He noticed a few people stopping and looking at him curiously. “If I have to spill my guts in front of your neighbors,” he called, full of determination, “I’ll do it.”
When she still didn’t answer, he took a deep breath. “If you’re wondering why I get tense every time we talk about marriage, it’s because I’ve got something called gamophobia. Dr. Michaels doesn’t call it that, but—”
The door whipped open, and Lisa stood there with a box of tissues in her hand and a shocked expression on her face. “Gamowhat?”
Brick met her gaze. “Are you sure you want to hear this? It’s not pretty, but it’s real.” His heart was pounding a mile a minute. “And it’s the truth.”
He felt disgust for hurting her when he saw how her eyes were still shadowed with pain. She hesitated for what seemed like a lifetime, and Brick fully expected her to slam the door in his face. “I want to hear,” she finally said in a low voice, and backed away from the door.
Following her to her den, Brick looked inside himself for the strength to get through the next few minutes. “You might want to sit down. This is gonna take a while.”
Lisa sat stiffly in a chair and blew her nose. “Go ahead.”
Brick crammed his fists into his pockets. “This is for damn sure the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t even know where to start.”
Lisa chewed on her upper lip. “What’s gamophobia?”
“Fear of marriage.” He spit out the words like grenades.
Complete silence followed his answer.
She shook her head as if she were unable to comprehend the definition.
Brick held up a hand and sighed. “Just listen. You might not want to have anything to do with me when I finish, but for now, try to listen.”
She tentatively nodded, and Brick turned toward the window, staring unseeingly, as he began his explanation. “I already told you about how my mother died and my father remarried this—” He groped for something kind. “Witch,” he said generously. “He might as well have died when my mother did, and he shouldn’t have married Eunice. I guess he thought he was doing it for us.” Brick shrugged.
“Anyway, it happened at a bad time for me. I was twelve, and it scared the spit out of me to see what happened to my dad. I was just a kid and I felt helpless. Dr. Michaels said—”
“Dr. Michaels?” Lisa interrupted, clearly struggling to keep up with his explanation.
He looked over his shoulder at her. “Dr. Michaels is the counselor I went to see after that night you and I spent at the hotel.”
She looked taken aback. “I had no idea.”
Feeling a faint bit of encouragement that she hadn’t thrown him out yet, he turned the rest of the way to face her. “Dr. Michaels said since I haven’t talked all this out with someone else, it has stayed with me.”
“Is this why you eat antacids like candy whenever we talk about marriage?”
Bri
ck felt uncomfortable, but he nodded. “My stomach turns, my palms sweat, my heart races.”
Lisa balled up the tissue. “Then why on earth did you ask me to marry you?”
Brick felt his heart twist. “Because I love you, and I want to be with you forever.”
She snatched another tissue from the box. He saw her lip quiver and wanted to hold her so bad, he ached. She pressed the tissue to the corner of her eye, then looked at him. “You’re not making any sense,” she said in a voice that was little more than a whisper.
“I know,” Brick agreed, and knelt beside her chair. He suffered a little more when she looked away from him. “And I’m probably gonna be dealing with this for a while longer. You don’t get over half a lifetime of irrational fear in a few easy sessions. It’s damn hard work. I wouldn’t have even admitted that I had a real problem if it hadn’t been for you. And if I hadn’t felt like my guts had been torn out, I wouldn’t have decided to call a counselor. It was one of the toughest things I’ve ever done to admit that I might need help. That I couldn’t take care of my problem by myself.” He hesitated. “Dr. Michaels suggested that I ask you to come with me.”
Lisa’s gaze swerved to meet his.
“But I couldn’t do it,” he admitted. “You didn’t want to see me anymore, and what if this was something I never got over? It’s not as if I’m any prize.” He ran his hand through his hair. “By the time I went on the cruise, I started thinking I would get past this, but you were furious with me.”
Lisa’s eyes filled with tears and she tentatively covered his hand with hers. “I always thought you were a prize. Oh, Brick, I wish you had told me. I wish you hadn’t had to go through this by yourself. I wish—” She broke off and gulped.
Brick closed his hand around hers. He shut his eyes for a quick second against the clench deep in his soul. Hers was the sweetest touch he’d ever experienced. He craved it whether he was feeling great or lousy. He sucked in a deep breath and looked straight into her eyes. “I want to marry you. My hands might sweat. I might have to chew a truckload of antacids, but I want you, Lisa.”
She shook her head in confusion. “But if the thought of marriage bothers you that much—”
He shook his head. “No. I worked with Dr. Michaels to come up with a different view of marriage—full of love. He says it might take a while, but my physical responses will eventually go away. Even now, every time I start to feel that horrible fear, I tell myself how good it’s gonna be when you and I are together for always.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“I do,” he said as if he were making a vow. “But the question for you is now that you know all the dirt on me, do you still want me?”
Lisa would almost swear he was holding his breath for her response. “Are you kidding?” she asked.
His face fell as if she’d slapped him, and she knew immediately that he’d misunderstood her. Her voice volume cranked up, despite her efforts to keep it lowered. “I can’t believe you’d even ask me that, Brick Pendleton. When have I not wanted you?” She stood and urged him to his feet. “I tried to forget you, ignore you, not want you, not need you, not love you. And I failed completely on all counts.” Her voice was husky with emotion. She put her hands on his shirt and pulled him closer. “I wish you’d told me about this, so I could have been there for you.”
Brick looked as if she’d given him back his life when he thought it had been taken away. “In a way, I think you always were. I had to get to the point that I was hurting like hell before I faced it.” He gave a rough sigh and put his hand over hers. “I had to have a real good reason to change. And that reason was you.”
Her heart swelled with love. Lisa had never admired him more. This big, powerful man had found the courage to fight his demons and he’d won. Many men wouldn’t even have attempted it. She was awed by his strength and resilience. Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head helplessly. “I don’t know what to say. I’m in awe of you.”
Brick’s jaw tightened with emotion. “I wondered if you’d think less of me.”
“Never,” she said emphatically. God knew, she wanted to make this clear as glass. “How could I? You walked into your lions’ den and came out whole. Very few would be willing to do that.” Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks. “And to think—” Her voice was squeezed out by the lump in her throat. She swallowed hard. “To think that you did it because you love me?”
Muttering her name, Brick pulled her tightly against him, and Lisa pressed her face into his chest, soaking up his closeness. She felt his strength, his vulnerability and his love in a way she never had before.
“I’m gonna ask this one last time,” he said in a hoarse voice. “You better think long and hard, because once you give your answer, that’s it. No second thoughts, no stalling, no backing out. You’re stuck.” He nudged her head up to meet his compelling, possessive gaze. “Will you marry me?”
“Try and stop me,” she said, and met him halfway for a kiss.
Epilogue
Six months later, Brick was a free man.
He’d thrown away his last pack of antacid tablets months earlier. His palms were dry. His heart rate was slightly elevated, but that was due to excitement, not fear. Although he wore a tux with tails, he could have posed for a deodorant commercial. His predominant emotion as he stood with his brothers and the minister at the front of the church was eagerness.
Troy had told a few worn Elvis jokes in an obvious attempt to either rattle Brick or put him at ease. Before the ceremony each of his brothers had asked him if he was doing okay. Brick grinned to himself. If he’d been the least bit nervous, all that asking would have irritated him. Instead it warmed him to hear their concern. He winked at Carly, who was one of Lisa’s bridesmaids.
The organ music swelled and so did his heart, because at that moment there stood his bride at the back of the church. Lisa’s bright green gaze met his as she made her way down the aisle with her daddy beside her. She smiled. Brick felt his grin grow until he was sure it took up his whole face. Lord, love felt good. He was thankful he hadn’t missed it, hadn’t missed her.
It was a moment that would stay frozen in his mind until the end of time—the vision of Lisa in her white dress and veil with eyes that told how much she loved him every step of the way.
When they reached the front, her father kissed her cheek then joined Lisa’s hand with Brick’s. Brick brought her hand to his lips.
“Dearly beloved,” the minister said, and Brick knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he had found the dearly beloved woman who would last him a lifetime.
Later that night, Brick lay on the bed, his body still humming with satisfaction. His head was reeling, his breath was uneven. He stared at his new wife as she cuddled against his side. “What possessed you to do a strip tease on tonight of all nights?”
Her eyes closed, Lisa smiled. It was a sultry, woman’s smile full of knowledge. “You said it was your fantasy.”
“Yeah, but—”
“I thought it was only fair. You’ve taken care of all of my fantasies.” She rubbed her cheek against his shoulder and opened her eyes. “Are you complaining?”
“Hell, no.” He gave her a thorough kiss to prove it.
Lisa sighed when he slowly pulled his lips away from hers. “You know how much I admire you, adore you and love you, but now that we’re married, I guess I can make a confession.”
More curious than tense, he turned his head so he could see her face. “Yeah?”
Her gaze was frankly appreciative. “There’s something incredibly sexy about a man who’s walked through fire and come out better.”
His chest swelled with pride. The fact that she knew him inside out and would say something like that made him feel ten feet tall. He pulled her warm, responsive body on top of his and felt the beginning surge of arousal. “Is that so?”
Her eyes lit with humor. “It is.”
“Then maybe I’d better tell you another one of
my fantasies,” he said in a big-bad-bear voice and caught her laughter in his mouth with a kiss that set the night to music all over again.
Over the next months Brick found the adjustment to married life more enjoyable than he’d ever dreamed. And he didn’t reach for another antacid tablet until Lisa’s ultrasound showed three babies instead of one.
Discover more classic romances by Leanne Banks now available in ebook for the first time!
His Royal Pleasure
Guardian Angel
The Fairest of Them All
More Than a Mistress
For the Love of Sin
…plus many more titles by Leanne Banks available in ebook format!
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ISBN: 978-1-4592-4885-4
Playing with Dynamite
Previously published by Bantam Books
Copyright © 1994 by Leanne Banks
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