Awakening Lucy

by Susan Bella Ikin

  Awakening Lucy

  By Susan Bella Ikin

  First published 2017

  Copyright © Susan Bella Ikin 2017

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  This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. Under no circumstances may any part of this book be photocopied for resale.

  This is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and situations within its pages and places or persons, living or dead, is unintentional and co-incidental.

  1.

  I looked in the mirror, searching for crow’s feet and grey hairs. It was my 39th birthday, which meant that I was entering my 40th year. I was feeling quite depressed this morning and was feeling every one of my thirty nine years. Mum had been hinting for a while that I was ‘not getting any younger’ as she so politely phrased it, and it was time I moved on with my life, get married and provide her with grandchildren. She said it had been long enough for me, and that plenty of people had losses and moved forward, and it was time I did too. That was easy for her to say, the first step to finding a husband was meeting a man, the second was trusting him, and that was the part that I had trouble with. Mum had been getting so annoying lately, that last night I had had enough, and I had gone to bed early, pleading a headache. As a result, I had woken up very early and had decided to sneak out of the house before she awoke, so I didn’t have to deal with her this morning.

  I drove the short distance to work, and let myself in by the back door. I started readying the surgery for the day’s work, thinking about what I had done with my life. Things could have been so different had I not been so gullible and trusting. Since my eyes had been opened to the fact that I could not trust my own judgement, I had locked myself away from men, and from life in general, so my mother was going to be disappointed as I doubted she would ever become a grandmother.

  I had been a happy teenager, spoiled by doting parents, as an only child I had never had to share anything, and had been brought up to be confident and strong. Unfortunately, combined with teenage hormones, this had made me a little headstrong. I was working at my after school job, standing on a cash register at the local supermarket, when I met the boy that I decided I would marry when we both got a little older. He was two years older than I was, and he started work in the deli one Friday night, and that was the night I fell in love. I was sixteen years old. Over the next few weeks, I made eyes at him every chance I got, and before long he noticed me.

  We didn’t go to the same school, but saw each other for a few hours every Thursday and Friday night, and every Saturday morning. He always seemed to find excuses to stop by my register and say hello. Finally one night he asked me out. He had just bought a car, and asked me to go to the drive in. I don’t remember the movie, we spent most of it in the back seat, kissing and petting. For a few weeks we went out on Saturday nights, and I lived from Thursday night to Saturday night, the rest of the week I was just counting time until I saw him again.

  One Saturday afternoon he told me that his parents had gone away for the night so we would be able to go back to his house instead of to a movie. I was very nervous, but my hormones were raging, and I thought he loved me like I had convinced myself I loved him, so I agreed. Once at his house, he gave me a couple of drinks, and then when I was good and tipsy, he convinced me to go into his bedroom. It was a painful, embarrassing and mercifully brief experience. It was not the hearts and roses that I expected. After that, he kept making excuses not to see me again, and I finally got the message that he had got what he wanted from me, and had no further use for me. I was so embarrassed, thinking that all my friends at work knew that I had been made a fool of, so I quit.

  Unfortunately, that was not the end of it, as I later missed a period. Then another one. I was horrified. How could that very brief encounter have left me pregnant? What was I going to do? Then I got really sick. So sick that I couldn’t conceal it from my parents, and my mother ended up taking me to the hospital. It turned out I had an ectopic pregnancy, and I lost the baby. Mum was shocked, but promised not to tell Dad, as he was very old fashioned and would have been disappointed in me. I wouldn’t give her any details, only saying that I was no longer seeing the boy, and promising that I would be more careful next time, if there ever was a next time, and would come to her first if I had any problems, instead of keeping them to myself.

  I finished school, and as I had difficulty trusting men and didn’t want to get close to anybody at that time in my life, I thought I would prefer to work with animals. Animals were much more trustworthy, they either liked you or they didn’t, they didn’t pretend. So I trained as a veterinary nurse, and worked in that field ever since I completed my training. I moved out of home and into a flat, as I could now afford to support myself. I enjoyed my work, I enjoyed working with the Veterinarian to help sick and injured animals, and often fostered animals when they needed a temporary home – not telling my landlord of course - but was unable to commit to a pet of my own.

  As my schoolfriends married and had children, inevitably I drifted away. It was just too painful. I was so scared when I was pregnant, and didn’t really want to be pregnant, but when I lost the baby I was devastated. Every time a friend fell pregnant, I was torn with jealousy, and a little bit of fear. Jealousy that they were happy to be having a baby, fear that maybe things would go badly for them as it had gone for me. So eventually I cut contact and moved on. Slowly my world got smaller and smaller, until it was just family and co-workers that I interacted with.

  Then my father got sick. Very sick. Mum could not cope, so I gave up my flat and moved back home. I gave up work, and helped Mum until Dad died. After a while, I returned to work, even though I stayed with Mum, sleeping in my old childhood bedroom again – although I had at least updated the furniture! As I was no longer having to pay for rent and my own bills, only helping Mum with hers, I managed to save a bit of money, and build up a good investment portfolio, buying properties and shares, but still unable to form attachments with human beings. The last time I had thought myself in love, I had been so wrong, I couldn’t trust myself again, so didn’t.

  Slowly, without me noticing it, the years slipped away. So here I was. Thirty nine years old, still single, and living with my mother. I tensed as I heard the familiar sound of Adam’s car as he drove past the converted house to the car park at the rear. Adam was a good man, and only a few years younger than I was. He had bought this practice a few years ago when the previous Vet retired, and we had always worked well together. For the first few years I had remained aloof, not even having an interest in forming a new friendship with someone, let alone a man – and a handsome one at that – but when one day his new girlfriend came by to visit, I changed my mind. She was very beautiful, but in a cold, calculating way – and she reminded me of him, the one I couldn’t even bring myself to name anymore. Lisa was just out for what she could get, and Adam couldn’t see it. I didn’t want him to be hurt as I had been hurt, but didn’t know what I could do about it.

  So I just watched, and subtly took every opportunity that presented itself to undermine her. Lisa was smart, and knew what I was doing, and in the end we could barely be civil to each other. Adam, the sweet man, was oblivious. He fancied himself in love with her – I knew how easy it was to deceive yourself – and I feared
that he would make a really silly mistake. One day he brought some brochures into the practice, and over lunch – for we always closed the surgery for the lunch hour and ate lunch in the kitchen together – he told me that he wanted to take Lisa on a cruise. That had me worried. I could see him making a silly mistake, but while I was mulling over what to do about it, Lisa finally showed her true colours and dumped him. Adam was crushed, but not as badly as he should have been if he had really loved her. All the time I was offering him sympathy, I was inwardly cheering, for now he was free of her.

  Adam went on his cruise, and returned two weeks later in a foul mood. He wouldn’t talk to me about what had happened. A few weeks after that, the most curious thing happened. A new patient came in with a cat that had been injured in a fight. Adam came out to greet her, and something wasn’t right in their interaction. After the woman that I later came to know as Sarah had taken her cat into the room with Adam, I heard some shouting and when she came out she looked very distressed. After she left I went in to see Adam and he looked even worse. I demanded to know what had happened as the incident was out of the ordinary and I was concerned, and he told me that Sarah had been on the cruise with him, that they had a shipboard romance, and that he had allowed Lisa to ruin it for them.

  I went back out to the waiting room, and the next patient was waiting, so after I sent them in, I called all the other patients that had appointments for the day and rescheduled them. I looked up Sarah’s address and wrote it down for Adam. Once the patient had been dealt with, I marched into the room where Adam was just sitting, staring into space and thrust the paper into his hands.

  “Go. I’ve cancelled all the other patients for the day. I’ve never seen you like this, so I think you should go and talk to her and see if there is any way you can salvage anything”.

  Adam stared at me for a long few seconds, then grabbed the slip of paper and took off. The next day he was a lot happier, he told me that they had talked, and were going to try to work through everything. By the time of my birthday, they had been seeing each other for a few weeks, and were trying to build a relationship together.

  Obviously it was working, as I had never seen him happier. That was pleasing to me, as despite my attempts to remain indifferent, I had become very fond of Adam. I must have mentioned his name a few times over the years, as Mum had thought at first that I might marry my boss, but I had disabused her of that. No, I was not interested in men any more.

  2.

  “Happy Birthday Lucy!” Adam shouted as he bounded in through the old kitchen. He leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek, and pressed a brightly wrapped present into my hands. “It might be your birthday, but I think I am the one who got the present – Sarah has agreed to marry me!”

  After my initial surprise, I turned and hugged him.

  “I am so happy for you Adam, Sarah is lovely and I’ve never seen you happier”.

  Adam then gave me some news that I found difficult to deal with, although I think my long years of concealing my emotions helped me to look as if the news wasn’t breaking my heart – Sarah was pregnant as well. Although I was very happy for Adam, I couldn’t help but be a tiny bit jealous too – it was my birthday after all, and Adam was getting the best present – someone who loved him and a baby. Fortunately, the first patient came in then, and we had to get to work.

  All through that day, I kept as busy as I could. It was difficult at lunchtime as Adam wanted to talk, and then I realized he was also sounding me out about whether I would attend the wedding. It was only when I heard the word ‘Bermuda’ that I realized I had not been listening. I asked Adam to repeat himself, and with a sigh showing that he was aware I had not been giving him my full attention, he told me that he and Sarah were going to get married on the beach in Bermuda, and were travelling there on a cruise ship leaving from New York City in only a few weeks. They wanted their friends and family - and I was stunned to think that Adam considered me a friend – to go along and help them to celebrate. I asked Adam to give me the details, all the while wondering what excuses I could make. A cruise? Really? Weren’t those things for couples? I would feel so out of place. I know Adam and his fiancée Sarah had both been alone on the cruise that they met on, but they had both been planning to go with other people, circumstances had just intervened.

  That night, Mum asked why I was so quiet, and I told her. I knew she liked Adam, even though she had got over her initial disappointment that he would not be her son-in-law, and she would be pleased that he was so happy. She had met Lisa too, and like mother, like daughter, she had not liked the ‘brassy hussy’ as Mum often referred to Lisa.

  Mum, surprisingly to me, was very interested in Adam’s idea.

  “A cruise, from New York? Your father and I always wanted to go on a cruise, but never did. They were much more expensive when we were young. And I’ve never been to America. What sort of room shall we get?”

  I stared at Mum in surprise. She wanted to go? What about her regular attendances at bridge club? What about the fact she needed a walking stick to get around? I started to explain why I thought it was not a good idea, but then Mum looked at me, pursed her lips and spoke.

  “Lucy, you know I love you dearly, but it’s time you started living. You’re just going through the motions, as they say, you haven’t really been living for a long time. I love having you here, I love your company, but sometimes I wonder if I haven’t been selfish allowing you to stay with me, and if you haven’t been using me as an excuse to cut yourself off from life. I still go out and talk to my friends, at the bridge club and at bowls, what do you do apart from go to work and come home to me? Adam is a nice man, I thought he was your friend, and he wants you at his wedding, and you aren’t jumping at the chance to go? Well, we’re going. Make the arrangements, I won’t listen to any arguments about this.”

  I just stared at Mum for a long time, stung by her words, but having to admit that there was a little bit of truth in them. Anyway, even if I ignored everything else she had to say, she was right about Adam. He was a nice man, and a good friend, probably the only one I had these days, and I should go to his wedding. Ok, we were going to go.

  I started thinking about arrangements that would have to be made. I needed to find a Vet to take care of the practice while we were gone. Mum and I needed passports, quickly. And suitcases. And clothes suitable for a beach. My, we were going to be busy for the next few weeks.

  3.

  So that is how we found ourselves on a plane to America. It was a really long flight, over fourteen hours to Los Angeles, and then over five more hours to New York. As Mum was no longer young, when we had realized how long the flights were, we decided to break our trip in Los Angeles, as Mum had always wanted to see some of the sights from old movies. So we went to Universal Studios, not to go on all the rides (Mum looked at them with a grimace) but to do the backlot tour and wander around the exhibits. At the backlot tour Mum was excited to see the Psycho house, and when she was approached by a Lucille Ball look alike in the theme park, she was thrilled to pose for a photo with her. I knew that Mum had always liked Lucille Ball, she had often told me that she had named me after the flamed haired actress, so this photo would probably become one of her favourites. We also went on one of those kitschy tours where we looked at houses of movie stars, and took photos of the Hollywood sign. After a couple of days, we boarded a flight to New York, where we went straight to the ship. We were going to stay on in New York for a few days after the cruise, but today we just had a car meet us at the airport and drive us to the wharf where the ship was boarding passengers.

  It was enormous. I had never seen anything so big. I couldn’t fit the whole thing in the view finder of the camera! Adam had told us what the procedure was to board, so that made it a much easier experience for us than if we had been unprepared. We posed for the boarding photo in front of a mock up screen of a tropical island, and then boarded the ship to look for our room. As we had made the bookings only a few weeks
before the cruise, we hadn’t been able to get rooms together, so all of the wedding guests were dotted about the ship, wherever cabins had been available. Mum and I had a twin room with a balcony, Adam had said we would really appreciate having the fresh air, so we had taken him at his word – he had at least been on one cruise before this, neither Mum nor I knew what to expect, so we took Adam’s advice. I lifted our carryon bags onto our respective beds, and Mum sat on the chair to have a rest – it had been a long walk from where the car had dropped us off. I unpacked our carryon bags, chatting to Mum as I worked, and when she was rested, she wanted a cup of tea. I remembered that Adam said tea and coffee was usually available in the buffet between meals so we headed there.

  As we sat at a table, nursing our mugs of tea, Mum commented with disappointment that she could not see the Statue of Liberty. I said that we would probably see it when the ship got underway, as the brochure had said we sailed past it, and the maps I had seen of New York placed it at the tip of Manhattan Island, and I thought we were about half way up.

  After our tea, Mum went back to the room to rest, while I explored the ship. We had a group booking for dinner, at which time we would meet some of Adam and Sarah’s other friends and family. I already knew that Sarah’s best friend, Emily, could not join us on the cruise for some reason, so was meeting us in Bermuda, but Adam’s brother and sister would be there, and his sister’s husband and children. His brother was apparently widowed, and did not have children. Their mother was no longer alive, but their father was, although he was elderly, Adam was apparently the youngest child and I knew that he was thirty five.

  I found the library and borrowed a couple of books, and peered through the windows of the shops. They looked interesting enough, I would come back when they were open. I took the books back to our room, and was amused to see Mum napping on her bed. I noted that the bags had been delivered to the room, so unpacked them as quietly as I could, then went out onto the balcony with one of the books to spend the rest of the afternoon sitting in the warm summer air, reading the book and watching the comings and goings on the harbour.