7 Years Bad Sex

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7 Years Bad Sex Page 26

by Nicky Wells


  ‘Alex?’

  ‘Casey?’

  ‘You know you’re my best friend?’

  ‘And your soulmate, I hope.’

  ‘And my soulmate.’

  ‘Ditto.’ Alex smiled a wide, genuine smile of affection. ‘I’ll have you know, I wouldn’t do this with anyone else but you.’

  ‘Same here.’ Casey smiled back. Suddenly she felt light as a feather, carefree, and full of optimism. She wasn’t sure whether anyone outside of their relationship could even begin to comprehend the extraordinary logic of their decision, but she didn’t care. They had been through too much to give a hoot about logic and reason. Going with what felt right was the only thing that remained. And annulling their marriage to rescue their relationship—whether that would be a platonic romance or an unromantic friendship—seemed like the sanest course of action.

  ‘Right. So. Petition of Nullity…’ she began to read out for both their benefit.

  ~Alex~

  ‘This is it, then.’ Alex licked the envelope and sealed it tight shut. He leaned against the post box and waved the letter in Casey’s face. He had laughed at her for keeping it unsealed until the last moment, but now he couldn’t get himself to put it in the box.

  ‘It is.’ Casey grinned. ‘Are you going to post the letter, or are we going to stand here for a while?’

  ‘Let’s do it together.’ Alex picked up Casey’s hand, and they jointly clasped the fateful envelope. ‘Here goes.’

  ‘Farewell, decree nisi!’ Casey shouted as they pushed the envelope through the slot at last. They listened in reverential silence for the soft ‘pfft’ of their precious missive landing on a pile of other letters, and the deed was done. Literally.

  ‘Almost there,’ Alex cheered. ‘This is totally unreal.’

  ‘It’s amazing what you can achieve in two weeks,’ Casey agreed. ‘Thanks to Sasha’s advice, everything has gone incredibly smoothly.’

  ‘Who’d have thought it would be such a relief to get this marriage undone?’ Alex mused. ‘I feel like a weight has been lifted. What shall we do next?’

  ‘We should celebrate,’ Casey suggested. ‘Let’s see our marriage out in style.’

  ‘Great idea. What did you have in mind?’

  ‘Nothing in particular. You?’

  ‘Nope.’ Alex shrugged. ‘Here, give me a hug. I’m happy, but I’m also ever so slightly bereft.’ He wrapped his arms around Casey and held her tightly. Her hair smelled faintly of almonds, and he breathed in deeply. Casey rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes.

  ‘You’ve a nice body,’ she murmured.

  Alex guffawed. ‘Don’t go there,’ he warned. ‘Slippery slope and all that.’

  ‘I know!’ Casey suddenly straightened up. The top of her head connected with his chin and nearly knocked out a few teeth.

  ‘Oouff,’ Alex exclaimed. ‘Wow. Now that she’s nearly no longer my wife, she’s beating me up.’

  ‘Sorry!’ Casey jumped up and down. ‘But I had the best idea. Let’s go to Paris.’

  ‘To Paris? What, now?’

  ‘Yeah. Why not? Let’s take the Eurostar and have an adventure. I feel this marriage should end where it started—in France.’

  ‘Okay.’ Alex sounded a little doubtful. ‘But we haven’t packed anything. We haven’t even got our passports.’

  ‘Don’t we?’ Casey grinned. She dug around in her handbag and waved two aubergine-coloured booklets at him. ‘Or do we? I brought them along in case we needed them after the nisi.’

  ‘What a coincidence.’ Alex smirked. He didn’t believe a word of what Casey was saying. ‘Isn’t it lovely to have a wife—sorry, a friend—who’s so well prepared?’

  Casey elbowed him in the ribs. ‘I’m innocent, I swear. I really took them only in case.’

  Alex chortled. ‘So you want to go to Paris right now?’

  ‘Absolutely. Let’s do something completely crazy.’

  Alex nodded. ‘Okay.’

  ‘Okay?’ Casey squealed with excitement. ‘Really?’

  ‘Really. Come on, let’s get to St Pancras.’

  Alex felt electrified by the very idea of doing something so outrageous. Waiting for their annulment to be finalised, they would elope to the most romantic city in the world. This about summed up their relationship.

  His body tingled all over with unexpected anticipation. Of course, there was nothing to anticipate, but Alex relished the thrill, the freedom, the fun. Paris, watch out, he thought.

  ~Casey~

  Awesome. Casey sat on the train and couldn’t wipe the smile off her face. She had absolutely no clue where her mad idea had come from. The passports had made it into her bag this morning on a real whim. There was no premeditation, yet she and Alex seemed to be following their fate, their destiny. It was only a short hop to Paris, and they would find themselves a fancy hotel and dine royally in honour of their annulment.

  ‘You okay?’ Alex cut into her thoughts. ‘You look like the cat that could have the cream if only she were daring enough to take it.’

  Ha! Casey swallowed. If only he knew! The scent of Alex’s aftershave kept wafting up her nose, and she had a hard time keeping her hands to herself. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been so attracted to him. Which was really, really weird. Her body was responding to his on an almost primal level. Her boobs were tender, her ovaries were beside themselves with excitement, and her nipples were chafing against her bra. She was having first date nerves. She could only hope that he didn’t pick up on her involuntary signals.

  ‘I’m good,’ she finally squawked. ‘This is so exciting. Naughty, somehow.’

  ‘I know what you mean. And we don’t even know where we’re going to stay tonight.’

  ‘Paris is full of hotels. We’ll find somewhere,’ Casey predicted.

  Alex sighed and leaned his head back against the seat. ‘We could always do some Christmas shopping, too. I’m totally not organised.’

  ‘We could,’ Casey agreed. ‘It’s only a week to go. What do you want for Christmas?’

  ‘You,’ Alex blurted out. Casey did a double take, unsure whether she heard correctly. Alex turned bright red and shook his head. ‘Sorry. No idea where that came from. Ignore me.’

  Casey smiled. ‘Well, you got me, in a manner of speaking. Anything else?’

  ‘Oh, you know. The usual. Music. Coffee makers. A Ferrari, maybe.’

  ‘Of course. Me, I’ll have a necklace from Tiffany’s and a trip up the Empire State Building.’

  ‘Perfect.’ Alex nodded. ‘Although I’m not sure we can do the Empire State Building in Paris. We might have to make do with the Eiffel Tower.’

  Casey’s eyes lit up. ‘Oh, can we? That would be wonderful.’

  ‘Let’s see if we can fit it in.’ Alex leaned forward, and their hands brushed against each other. An electric current shot up Casey’s arm and straight to her brain. For a moment, she had to close her eyes and hold her breath lest she moaned with desire. What the hell was going on?

  ~Alex~

  She felt it too. Alex was certain of it. When their hands touched, he thought he would pass out with shock. What was going on with all those subtle, subliminal signals? They were behaving like first-daters. It was ridiculous. They had known each other for years. They had just got annulled, for crying out loud. He breathed in and out and tried to calm down.

  ~Casey~

  By the time the train finally pulled into Gare du Nord, Casey could barely stand to be in close proximity with Alex. Every hair on her body tingled. She could hardly restrain herself. This couldn’t be happening. This wouldn’t be happening.

  Fixing an overly bright smile on her face, Casey bounded off the train before Alex had a chance to hold her hand or touch her in any way. One more of those little electric shocks would be enough to send her over the edge. She would throw herself at him, and to hell with the consequences. Their adventure would end in tears. No way.

  ‘Come on,’ she
shouted. ‘Paris is waiting for us! Let’s grab a taxi and find somewhere to stay.’

  ‘All right, all right,’ Alex laughed, running to catch up with her. ‘Good job we don’t have any luggage. We might want to buy a toothbrush though.’

  ‘Yeah, whatever. Oh look. Taxis.’ Casey flung herself into the first taxi in line. ‘Bonjour, monsieur,’ she uttered breathlessly before Alex had even sat down beside her. ‘Can you take us to the nearest five-star hotel?’

  ‘Five stars?’ The driver looked at her for confirmation.

  ‘Five stars?’ Alex mouthed.

  ‘Yes, please,’ Casey replied to both. ‘We said we’d celebrate, right?’ she added for Alex’s benefit.

  ‘Absolutely,’ Alex confirmed. ‘Awesome.’

  Casey swallowed and edged her body away from Alex as the driver put his car in gear and set off. To distract herself from her scandalous desires, she observed her surroundings as though her life depended on it. They had arrived in Paris shortly after four o’clock in the afternoon local time. It was getting dark, and the roads were illuminated by tasteful white Christmas lights and stunning decorations.

  ‘It’s so beautiful,’ she breathed. ‘I feel quite Christmassy all of a sudden.’

  ‘Me too,’ Alex croaked beside her, sounding most insincere.

  ‘Are you hungry?’ Casey asked. ‘Shall we go for a meal when we’ve checked in?’

  ‘Definitely hungry,’ Alex acknowledged. There was a dangerous gleam in his eye.

  ‘Then we’ll organise something to eat.’

  ‘Maybe room service?’

  There was definitely a suggestive tone in Alex’s voice. She wasn’t dreaming it. Oh my gosh.

  ‘Room service,’ Casey agreed weakly. Her resolve was crumbling faster than you could say ‘annulment’. ‘Perhaps they can send up some bubbly too? We must have bubbly if we’re celebrating.’

  ‘Bubbly. Yes,’ Alex rasped.

  ‘And ‘ere we are,’ the driver interrupted their terse conversation. ‘Five stars, as promised. Quite possibly the best ‘otel in Paris.’

  ‘Wow. Thanks! How much do we owe you?’ Alex pulled a wad of Euro notes out of his wallet. He grinned at Casey. ‘Good job you reminded me to get some cash before we boarded the train.’

  The driver named his price, and Alex paid without haggling. Casey was grateful for that. She needed to get out of that taxi as badly as she had needed to get off the train. Any minute now, she would spontaneously combust.

  ~Alex~

  ‘A room for tonight, please.’ Alex placed his credit card on the counter and flashed the receptionist his most dazzling smile.

  ‘Only for tonight, sir?’

  ‘Definitely for tonight. We’ll see about tomorrow,’ Alex replied. He shot a quick look at Casey. Is that okay? his eyes asked of her.

  Of course, hers appeared to reply. At least that was what he thought. He was finding it difficult to think clearly.

  ‘And your name?’ The receptionist tapped away at her computer.

  ‘Mr and Mrs Morgan,’ Casey chimed in quickly. Alex snorted.

  ‘What?’ Casey hissed at him under her breath.

  ‘Nothing.’ Alex shook his head. ‘This is one strange situation.’

  ‘Yeah, you can say that again.’ Casey sounded tense. Wired, somehow. He wondered if she was getting the same vibes as he was. But no, not possible.

  ‘That will be room number six hundred and fifteen on the sixth floor.’ The receptionist proffered a key card. ‘Is there anything else I can do for you?’

  ‘Oh yes, please.’ Alex remembered his and Casey’s conversation from the taxi. ‘Could you send up some champagne please, and maybe something to eat? Anything from your bar menu will do.’

  ‘Certainly,’ the receptionist agreed. ‘Would you like to see the menu?’

  ‘Errr…’ Alex looked at Casey. She shook her head. Alex swallowed hard. Casey seemed to be shaking. Or was it he who was shaking?

  ‘No, thank you. We’ll have—we’ll have some appetisers and bread, like—a mini buffet. Anything you fancy—you pick for us. A light meal for two.’

  He realised he was gabbling, but he couldn’t stop himself. His head swam, and he was dizzy. Without knowing what he was doing, he took Casey’s hand and led her to the lifts.

  ~Casey~

  Alex was hot, there was no doubt about it. Casey could feel his excitement through his hand. He was trembling. Plus his breathing was fast and shallow like he was on the cusp of, well, that. Not possible, of course. But still.

  The lift doors opened, and Alex pulled her inside impatiently. He hit the button for the sixth floor with more force than was strictly necessary. Neither of them said a word, but there was a certain tension around them. The lift doors closed, and the car moved up.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Alex yelped suddenly. ‘I—I can’t help it.’

  And before Casey could ask a question, he had wrapped her in his arms and was kissing her deeply. She closed her eyes, and her mind went blank.

  ~Casey and Alex~

  Deep though it was, the kiss only lasted a few seconds before they realised what they were doing.

  ‘Oh my gosh,’ Casey exclaimed. ‘What was that?’

  ‘I don’t know what came over me,’ Alex replied breathlessly. ‘But it was good!’

  He flung out his arms and burst into a Blue Heart song. Even though he wasn’t a confident singer, his voice rose powerfully, and Casey found herself swept along by the emotion. She joined her own voice to the duet, and the two of them became one in music.

  All at once, the lift shuddered and stalled, and the lights went out.

  ‘Oops,’ Alex yelped even though he was mid-song. ‘I’m sure our singing isn’t that bad.’

  Casey gripped hold of his arms tightly. She hated confined spaces, and getting stuck in a lift without lights didn’t feature on her list of things to achieve before she died. ‘I hope they fix it quickly,’ she whispered fearfully.

  No sooner had she spoken than the lights came back on, and the lift started moving again.

  Alex and Casey looked at each other. ‘Did that really happen?’ Alex asked with an uncertain laugh.

  ‘I think it did,’ Casey replied, equally shaky.

  The lift shook and rattled slightly as it continued its upward journey. Casey held on tight to Alex’s hand.

  ‘Thank goodness. Here we are.’ Alex breathed a sigh of relief as the doors opened onto the sixth floor. He took hold of Casey’s hand again and led her towards their room.

  ‘Six hundred fifteen. In we go.’ He opened the door and gave a chivalrous bow. ‘And look, room service got here before us. They must have been quick!’

  ‘Maybe we lost a few hours in the lift,’ Casey joked as she closed the door behind her. ‘Maybe it was a magic lift, and lots of time has elapsed.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. That’s almost as ridiculous as your seven-years-bad-sex curse.’

  ‘Is it?’ she grinned.

  ‘Definitely.’ Alex rubbed his hands together and began lifting lids to explore what food had been delivered. ‘Mmmmh, steak frîtes,’ he exclaimed gleefully. ‘And cheese. And croque-monsieur. Where do you want to start?’

  ‘A toast,’ Casey blurted out. ‘I feel this deserves a toast.’

  ‘You got it.’ Alex located the bottle of champagne he had requested and poured two glasses. ‘What shall we toast to?’

  ‘To us. And to life,’ Casey suggested. ‘And friendship.’

  ‘To us. To life. And friendship,’ Alex repeated. ‘Cheers.’ He and Casey clinked glasses, smiling at each other and looking each other in the eye. Still smiling, they each sipped at their champagne.

  A faint rumbling sound filled the room, and, for a second, the cutlery and crockery danced on the serving trolley. Casey and Alex froze in their toasting movement and stared at each other. Only when the room was once more quiet and still did Casey lower her glass and speak.

  ‘Please tell me you felt that too.’ />
  Alex shook his head and nodded at the same time. ‘I did. I most certainly did.’

  ‘I don’t believe it.’ Casey giggled. ‘I—this can’t be happening.’

  ‘We toasted,’ Alex panted.

  ‘We did.’

  ‘And the earth moved. Again.’

  ‘It did.’

  ‘Do you think—’ Alex couldn’t finish his sentence.

  ‘No idea. But I know what I want.’ Casey set her glass on the table.

  ‘Do you now?’ Alex put down his glass too.

  ‘I do.’

  ‘So do I.’

  Alex cupped Casey’s face in his hands and kissed her on the mouth. She responded eagerly, feeling his arousal and matching it beat for beat.

  ‘Sing to me,’ she whispered when they parted for air. ‘Keep singing. It ain’t over until the newlyweds sing.’

  ‘Or the nearly annulled,’ Alex corrected softly. He thought for a second and selected a song. Gently, tenderly, he breathed line by line into Casey’s ear as he began to undress her. He could feel her reacting to his touch; he could feel her heat and her passion, and his longing could barely be contained.

  Abruptly, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bed.

  ‘Are you sure?’ he murmured.

  ‘Love me, Alex,’ came her dreamy response. ‘Love me like you’ve never loved me before.’

  ‘What about the annulment?’

  ‘We’ll annul it.’ Casey grinned. ‘Or we’ll get married all over again.’

  Alex laughed. ‘I love you, Casey Morgan.’

  ‘And I love you, Alex Morgan. Now take me to heaven.’

  ‘With pleasure.’

  And for the first time since their wedding day, nothing came between Alex and Casey.

  Not that time, nor the time after that, nor the time after the time after that, nor first thing the next morning, nor back at home the following evening, nor when they finally got to christen their brand new super-king-sized bed in their newly decorated bedroom.

  In fact, nothing ever came between Alex and Casey until the arrival of the pitter-patter of little feet—in whose conception no turkey baster was harmed—but that’s another story for another day…

 

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