“I don’t want to choose between you two,” she continued. “Because what if I don’t make the right choice? How can I choose between two very different, but equally lovely people? I think you’re really great, Ted.”
“But?”
“But I have feelings for Chad that I can’t get rid of, no matter how hard I try. I know that if I’m with you, I’ll have everything I want. You’re good, and kind, and fun to be with.”
“And what does Chad have to offer?”
She pursed her lips. “We have undeniable chemistry. I don’t think that people find that very often in life.”
I rubbed my face with my hands. This was bad. The girl I loved was giving me reasons she liked my best friend. It was tough to hear, and I didn’t know how much more of it I could take.
“Just remember who got you into this mess,” I said.
“I know,” she said sadly. “You can see why I’m having such a hard time with this. I know what I should do, but I just can’t make the final call.”
“I need to hear an answer from you,” I said firmly. “I can’t leave until I know how to move forward. I don’t think I can wait around forever like this, never knowing where I rank until I’ve spent years of my life pining after you, just to have you ditch me for him.”
I saw tears well up in her eyes and felt terrible. I hated putting her in that position, but I needed to know.
“I’ll give you a decision,” she said, clearing her throat. “I choose neither of you. I’m going to have to get a new job and maybe even move out of the city. I can’t keep stringing the both of you along if I can’t even stay. The problems I have right now go way beyond boy troubles. It’s not fair to either of you for me to choose one or the other of you. If I must choose, I choose neither of you. I need to take care of myself right now.”
I felt my heart crumbling, but I forced a reassuring smile on my face. It hurt like hell, but more than anything, I wanted her to be okay.
“If you ever change you mind,” I said, standing up from the couch, “you know where to find me. I can’t wait around forever, but I think it will take some time to get over you.”
She stood up to walk me to the door. I wanted to fight her to love me, but I knew it was a lost cause.
“Take care of yourself,” I said, taking her hands in mine. “The last few months have been incredible. You’re an amazing person, and you deserve the very best in life. I just wish I could have been a part of it.”
She pulled me in for a hug and I felt hot tears drip onto my shoulder. I was absolutely miserable, so in some way, it was sort of a consolation to see her struggling with this too. At the very least, I knew that I meant something to her, even if it wasn’t enough.
“Goodbye.” She sniffled. “I’m sorry we couldn’t make this work.”
“Me too,” I said glumly. “Good luck with the new job. Any hospital would be lucky to have you.”
She tried to smile, but it just made her eyes water more. I couldn’t stand to see her cry again, so I made my departure.
I knew Whitney had things much worse than I did, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself. Walking back to my car, I hoped it wouldn’t be the last time I walked down her driveway. In a few short days, the life that I had already imagined for us had dissolved into nothingness. Once again, I was alone.
Chapter Sixteen
Whitney
It wasn’t often that I cried over men, but I woke up the next morning completely dehydrated from wine and a long cry. I felt completely miserable, but I didn’t have time to wallow in self-pity. I needed to get to work.
After rounds, I went back to my office and wrote a resignation letter. I spared the details for my reason to leave because there was no point in it—everyone already knew exactly what had happened. I wiped my tears and sent it to the chief of staff, along with copies for each of the partners. They would have to cover my patients, but in time, everything would return to normal. They didn’t need me.
For the second day in a row, I felt like everyone’s eyes were on me. Word traveled quickly, but instead of the usual goodbyes and well wishes, I was met with silence and averted eyes. I had only been working there for a short amount of time, so no one owed me anything.
It was all such a shame, too. I really liked the hospital and I thought I could make it my home for many years to come. Instead, I was leaving, a disgrace to my parents and to myself.
I finished the day and went back home, a knot in the bottom of my stomach. I was officially unemployed. Luckily, I had enough money to make things work, but I didn’t know how to be without work. My college and medical school years were full of hard work and little fun. Then I went through residency, and I worked longer hours than I even thought were possible. Finally, I had begun my first job and had a chance at starting my life, and it was already falling apart.
For the rest of the night, I scrolled through job postings, looking for whatever was available within a twenty-mile radius. I didn’t want to leave my home behind. I hadn’t even had the chance to tell Maria about everything yet, though I didn’t doubt that she already knew. If I left, I would have to make all new friends. I would have to go on dates with guys I didn’t find that interesting. I had everything I needed here. At least, I did at one point.
On the other hand, I wondered if space would make things easier for me. If I couldn’t easily make the drive to Ted’s house, or even Chad’s, for that matter, then I wouldn’t be tempted to look them up on a lonely night. I wouldn’t face the risk of running into them at the supermarket, or worse, on a date with another woman.
Also, I would have the space I needed from my mother and her new husband. Now that she had him, she didn’t really need me anymore. She’d needed me to keep her company and check up on her every once in a while. With Paul in the picture, she always had someone to keep her company. I had been replaced.
It was a bit of a relief, though. It was hard to be the perfect child because my mom was always watching. I didn’t want to disappoint her. I think the threat of her disapproval was part of what powered me through school and into my first job. From far away, I could do as I pleased without worrying about word of what I was doing traveling back to her. I was nearly thirty—much too old to be looking for her approval.
Unable to decide which direction I wanted to take, I applied for a handful of jobs all over the area. As long as I could leave without my reputation following me, I would be fine. My grades were good enough to get me just about anywhere. If I could convince one of the partners to write me a good letter of recommendation, I would be set.
Luckily, Chad managed to squash the video before it got too far. If it had found its way to the Internet, then I’d have to move out of the country and change my name. However, the only people who knew about it were at the hospital, and I wouldn’t step foot in that place again, even if my life depended on it.
If there were a way to wipe my own memory, I’d do it in a flash. Chad and Ted consumed every other thought that wasn’t related to my career and the shame I felt from the leaked video. I really did think I was in love with both of them, at least a little bit.
I did feel absolutely horrible about sending Ted away like that. He was such a sweetheart, and I felt like I completely broke his heart. If things were different, I would want to make it work with him. The problem was, I would also want to make things work with Chad. That’s why I decided I had to choose neither of them. I loved the two of them too much to only pick one and hurt the other in return.
No, there was no more room in my life for distractions. I had found out the hard way what happens when I lose sight of what’s important. As amazing as that night was with Chad and Ted, it was too much for one person to have. I flew too close to the sun and was consequently burned.
I would start over, and I would be okay. There was no other option for me at this point. I would move to a new hospital, make new friends, and date well-behaved boys who wouldn’t dare get me into any trouble. Life would
be a little less exciting, but it felt like a good payoff for all of the problems I’d made for myself here.
As I sent out job applications all around the country, I made a promise to myself to limit all distractions. I was a doctor first, and anything else in life was just superfluous.
Chapter Seventeen
Chad
Ted showed up at my place with a six-pack around eight o’clock the night that Whitney resigned from the hospital. He looked terrible, like someone had kicked him in the gut. I had a feeling I knew what was going on.
“Are some of those for me?” I asked, pointing at the beers. He nodded and handed me one.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” I asked after he nestled himself among the blankets on my couch.
“I went to Whitney’s house and talked to her.”
I quickly sat down next to him, ready to hear every little detail of their encounter. I wanted to hear that she had feelings for me, the kind that makes it hard to settle down with anyone else.
“Tell me everything.”
“First, I apologized for what happened. I think she believes that I wasn’t in on the plan. She seemed to think that it was some sort of conspiracy between us.”
“Seriously?” I felt guilty. I would never have intentionally done anything to upset her. I just got so caught up in the moment and I couldn’t help myself. I just wanted to make the moment last forever.
“Yeah, but I think I convinced her that it was just your stupid, drunken idea.”
“Okay, good. So is she still mad at us?”
He shook his head. “I don’t think that’s really the problem. I mean, that’s not really why I wanted to talk to her.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling slightly uncomfortable. I could tell that Ted really liked her, and I certainly wasn’t making things easier for him.
“Yeah,” he said, cracking open another beer. “I couldn’t stand not knowing what I meant to her, so I gave her an ultimatum of sorts.”
“You did?” I winced.
“I simply asked her to consider choosing me over you,” he said hesitantly. We both struggled to look the other in the eyes. “It’s nothing personal, but I love her, man. I didn’t want to continue on, never knowing if she felt the same way. You get that, don’t you?”
I nodded. In fact, if things progressed any further, I probably would have had the same conversation with her at some point. It was just a strange situation to be in in the first place.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized how in love with Whitney I was. I desperately wanted to be with her. On the other hand, I had a brotherly love for Ted that made it nearly impossible to go behind his back to try to win Whitney over. I was stuck in the middle.
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Ted continued. “She doesn’t want either of us.”
My heart stopped. “What do you mean?”
“She said she had feelings for both of us. But, she said it wasn’t fair to any of us to choose just one of us to be with. So, her compromise was to choose neither of us.”
“Seriously?” I groaned. I knew that if she chose one of us, the other would be miserable, but wouldn’t that be better than having all three of us be miserable?
“This sucks, man. I really love her.”
“I know,” I replied. “I think I love her too.”
“How did we get into this mess?”
I let out a strangled chuckle. “I have no idea. Beautiful women do crazy things to us. At least we had that night in the hotel room, right?”
“The eye of the storm,” he replied. “By the way, do you still have those videos?”
I shook my head. “Unfortunately, no. I thought it was best to get rid of all the evidence. Besides, I don’t know if it would be as enjoyable now.”
He smiled. “Probably not. It’s all for the best, though. I think it will be a long time before I forget that night.”
We sat in silence for a while. I wondered if he was replaying the infamous night in his head, too. I couldn’t get the memory of how soft her skin was, the smell of her sweet perfume, or the way her lips parted into a smile every time I touched her. She was absolutely enchanting and incredible in every way.
“So what do we do now?” I asked Ted. “We were both rejected by the girl of our dreams and there’s no going back.”
“I guess we just drink and try to move on,” he answered.
I tapped the neck of his bottle with mine, but I knew that neither of us believed what he said. We would both still pine after Whitney until enough time passed where we couldn’t remember our time together. It was like a bad breakup for a relationship that never was.
The two of us finished Ted’s beers, then moved on to whatever we could find in my fridge. Too emotionally drained to talk about Whitney anymore, we turned on the TV and watched sports until we both fell asleep on the couch.
Just because we stopped talking about her, didn’t mean that I stopped thinking about her. I wondered if there were still an ounce of hope in me, that somehow, I could convince her of things Ted couldn’t. I dreamed up and imagined different scenarios where we could make things work, each crazier than the last. By the time I fell asleep, I had exhausted every idea that I could think of and still hadn’t found the right one.
By the time I woke up the next morning, Ted was already gone. I quickly showered, shoveled tasteless breakfast into my mouth, put on my scrubs, and trudged out the door, feeling miserable. It all just seemed so pointless without the hope that we could make things work.
I wandered down the halls of the hospital, not really able to concentrate on anything. I kept expecting to walk into an exam room to see Whitney ordering blood tests for a patient. Then, when I heard whispers amongst employees, I remembered that I had driven her away.
“Chad,” my dad said as he came around the corner. “Can I speak with you for a moment?”
I jumped, not expecting to see him, which was silly of me because he still worked at the hospital.
I was not looking forward to whatever he wanted to tell me. In fact, I was really tired of seeing him around the hospital and wished he would have retired already so I could work in peace without having to watch my back all the time.
“I think you’ve probably heard by now that Whitney’s resigned from the hospital,” he said in a hushed voice.
“Yeah, I’ve heard.”
“When do you plan on doing the same?”
“Wait, what? I stammered. “Didn’t you just want us at different hospitals so people would stop talking?”
“Don’t forget, her mother and I still work here too.”
“For how long? The two of you will be gone in years, at the longest. I’m the one who just started working here. Why should I have to go?”
“Because you’ve made a fool of yourself. No one here will respect you as a professional if you don’t resign and find work elsewhere. There are nurse shortages everywhere. It shouldn’t be too difficult to find a new job.”
“I can’t believe this,” I muttered. “My own father is pushing me out of his practice.”
“This should be a learning experience for you,” he said pompously. “Next time, you’ll think twice before getting into trouble with your coworkers.”
“Do you think this could be a reoccurring theme?” I exclaimed. “Do you really think I was just trying to fool around with one of my coworkers?”
“I don’t understand your rationale for most things. I never really have.”
I scoffed. “Whitney isn’t just some girl. I’m in love with her, and I wish you could understand that.”
“Well, I hope you find a way to get over this silly crush, or else you’re not going to be able to attend family events for a while. This is highly inappropriate, and I don’t want to have to talk to you about this subject ever again. Do you understand me?”
I felt the rage boiling over again. I had already told my dad I didn’t want anything to do with him if he was going to be unsupportive like
this. This was the final straw. I was finished with him.
“Oh, I understand, loud and clear. Don’t worry, I’ll get out of your hair for good.”
“Stop being so dramatic.” My dad sighed. I didn’t stay to respond to him. If I stayed in that room any longer, I knew I would say something that I would regret.
I didn’t have the luxury of being able to quit my job at a moment’s notice. I had rent to pay and I didn’t know how long I could go without work before I would be broke. Instead, I used my lunch break to apply for new jobs. If my dad didn’t want me at his hospital, that was fine. There was clearly never room for both of us anyway.
By the end of the day, I had managed to cool down to the point where I wasn’t ready to get into a shouting match with my dad whenever I saw him across the hall. With any luck, I could find a new job by the end of the week and hand in my resignation then. It sucked because I liked working here, but it was probably best to get away from my dad.
That night, I showed up at Ted’s apartment with a six-pack of beer.
“You had a bad day, too?”
“You know it. Are you busy?”
“Not at all,” he said. “Let’s sit and be miserable together.”
True to his word, we sat down on the couch in silence for a while, just moping around. As weird as it was to be sitting next to my competition, it felt good to have someone to share my misery with.
“Do you know what?” I said after getting thoroughly tipsy. “I’ve thought of every possible scenario where we could make things work with Whitney. Not a single one of them makes sense.”
“This is definitely a lose-lose scenario,” he agreed.
“For a while, I thought we could flip a coin and whoever won could go out with her.” I chuckled. “Isn’t that a great way to make major decisions?”
Ted cracked a smile. “Or, I could see her on weekdays and you’d get her for weekends.”
“We move to Utah and enter into a polygamist marriage. Like the ones where one guy has multiple wives? Except it will just be the three of us.”
Forbidden Prescription 3: MFM Ménage Stepbrother Medical Romance (Forbidden Medicine) Page 10
