by Joan Jonker
‘Ooh, I’ve got a stitch in me side, so I have.’ Rosie gave her mother-in-law a hug, then Nellie. ‘Sure it’s lucky yer are to have such a strong friendship, and that’s the truth of it.’
Nellie was as pleased as Punch. It didn’t worry her that it was due to her clumsiness that they were all laughing. Like her ma had once said, a good belly laugh was better than a feast. And she had a few more belly laughs in her head. But she’d wait until they’d calmed down.
‘We’ll have an interval now,’ Rosie said, ‘while me and my dearly beloved make some tea. Sure, I know it’s a bit crowded, but that can’t be helped. And if ye’re enjoying yerself, why let a little thing like that bother yer?’
‘Hurry up and make the tea, girl,’ Nellie said, ‘me throat is as dry as a bone.’
Molly’s eyes widened. ‘Hey, Nellie Mac, what about me? I’ve done all the talking, but you’re the one complaining about having a dry throat! You can do the talking from now on.’
‘Ah, ay, girl, you’re better at talking than me, yer have a way with yer. I don’t know what ye’re talking about half the time, like, but it always sounds good.’
When Tommy carried the tray in and set it down in the middle of the table, Nellie’s face lit up, for there were two plates of biscuits, and she could see a wide selection including fig. She patted her tummy, and to the amusement of Bridie and Bob she said, ‘Prepare yerself for a treat. But don’t yer dare rumble ’cos it’s only common people what do that.’
‘Nellie, me darlin’,’ Bridie said, ‘if your tummy wants to rumble, then you let it rumble.’
Bob nodded. ‘I must be very common, Nellie, because my tummy has always been a rumbler.’
At that moment Tommy came through carrying another tray filled with cups of tea. ‘Mam, will you do the honours, please?’
‘With pleasure, sunshine, but I’ll let everyone put their own sugar in.’
When they were all settled, sipping tea and eating biscuits, Nellie chose her time. ‘Ay, girl, do these know I’m a heroine, like what Florence Nightingale was?’
‘Oh, we do that, Nellie, and it’s proud of yer we are,’ Bridie said. ‘The whole neighbourhood know what happened; yer were the topic of conversation for days.’
Molly was eating a fig biscuit, and she nearly choked when her thoughts brought on a bout of laughter. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t keep that back. I was thinking about how sorry Nellie was because she couldn’t meet the other heroine, Florence Nightingale.’
Nellie put a hand flat on her chest, closed her eyes and slowly nodded her head. ‘Yeah, it was sad that, ’cos both being heroines, we could have been friends. When did yer say she died, Molly?’
‘I don’t know exactly, sunshine, but I’ll make a guess that it was about nineteen hundred.’
‘Ah, I only just missed her then? That’s just my luck.’ Nellie’s eyes slid sideways. ‘Did she live round here, girl?’
Archie and Tommy thought it was hilarious. ‘Mrs Mac can always be relied on to bring laughter with her,’ Tommy said. ‘And the funniest part of it is, she doesn’t realize how funny she is.’
Nellie was enjoying herself, even though Tommy was right when he said she didn’t realize how funny she was. All she knew was, hearing people laugh made her feel good. And she wanted them to keep on making her feel good. Important like, as though she was someone special. So she searched her brain, and came up with an idea.
‘Ay, girl, why don’t yer tell them about me and Hilda getting stuck in the doorway. You know, how we became bosom pals.’
‘Oh, I think we’ve had enough for one night, sunshine. We’ll tell them another time.’ Molly raised her brow at Lily, as if to say she didn’t want Nellie’s daughter to encourage her mother to pass on this particular piece of information, as it wouldn’t be to everyone’s taste. Certainly Bridie and Bob wouldn’t think a joke about bosoms was funny.
‘Yes, we’ve had enough for tonight, Mam,’ Lily said. ‘If I laugh any more I’ll be sick. And anyway, we should be making tracks for home now. Archie’s mam will wonder where we’ve got to. But it’s been a really good evening, and I’ve really enjoyed meself. And I don’t need to tell yer Archie has, because he’s never stopped laughing since we came in.’
‘We’ll come out with yer, Lily,’ Molly said. ‘Jack will be thinking I’ve run off with the coalman.’
‘No he won’t, girl,’ Nellie said, wanting to stay a bit longer as there were two biscuits still on the plate. ‘Not the coalman, he’s as ugly as sin. Now if yer’d said the milkman, that would be a different thing altogether, ’cos I think he’s the spitting image of Alan Ladd. Tall, with blond hair and blue eyes. I’d run off with him meself if I got the chance. I’ve given him the glad eye a few times, but the silly bugger just winks back and goes on his way.’
‘I hate to disillusion yer, Mrs Mac,’ Archie said, his white teeth gleaming, ‘but Alan Ladd is only the same height as you. He has to wear shoes that have been built up to make him seem taller.’
‘Oh, sod that for a lark,’ Nellie said, looking disgusted. ‘I’ll stick to Cary Grant or Gary Cooper, I bet they don’t have to wear high-heeled shoes.’ She pushed her chair back and pulled herself up. ‘In fact I’ll stick to my George, ’cos I know what I’m getting with him.’
‘Now that’s settled, and we’ve got Nellie on her feet, let’s get going.’ Molly hugged and kissed the parents she adored, and in turn was nearly suffocated by Rosie and Tommy as they kissed her goodnight. And of course Nellie wasn’t left out, because she was regarded as one of the family.
On the walk home, Nellie wouldn’t leave well alone. If Molly wouldn’t tell the others about her and Hilda being bosom pals, then she’d tell them herself. So, despite receiving a few digs from her mate, she told the tale, and Lily and Archie were still laughing when they reached home. Archie put his arm around his mother-in-law and said, ‘Mrs Mac, ye’re a treasure. And I am lucky to have married yer daughter, who takes after you in many ways.’ He touched Molly’s shoulder. ‘You are in the treasure chest with Mrs Mac, because one without the other wouldn’t be the same. Yer need each other.’
Molly and Nellie lived at the bottom end of the street, and when they left Lily and Archie they linked arms and made for home. ‘Ay, I enjoyed meself, girl.’ Nellie was still as bright as a button. ‘It was good, wasn’t it? We all had a good laugh, and that’s how it should be. Because it doesn’t cost anything to laugh, and it beats being miserable.’
They stopped outside Nellie’s house, and while she was rooting in her pocket for the door key, Molly said, ‘Yes, it was a good night, and I’m glad Lily and Archie were there, we really don’t see enough of them. The trouble is, both our families are getting bigger and it’s hard trying to keep in touch with them all. But we shouldn’t moan, sunshine, because we are very lucky. We should count our blessings that we are all in good health and have so much love all around us.’
Having found the door key, Nellie was standing on the step, her hand poised to insert it into the lock, when she turned her head. ‘Yer don’t half come out with some nice words, girl, and I often curse meself for not taking in what the teachers tried to drum into us. I was too bleeding clever by far, telling meself they were old-fashioned, talking as though they had a plum in their mouth, and I was much smarter than they were. But look how I’ve ended up, girl, as thick as two short planks.’
‘You are far from thick, sunshine, so don’t be running yerself down. Yer’ve got a husband who adores you, and yer’ve brought up three wonderful children. I wonder if that teacher ye’re talking about has done as well for herself ? And I bet she can’t tell jokes like you can, or make so many people happy.’ Molly planted a kiss on Nellie’s cheek. ‘Ye’re my best mate, sunshine, and I know yer better than anyone. So I can say, in all honesty, that you are definitely not as thick as two short planks. Now go in to yer husband, give him a kiss and go straight through to the kitchen and make him a cup of tea. And while ye’re standing wai
ting for the kettle to boil, keep telling yerself ye’re as good as anyone. Will yer do that, Nellie?’
‘Yeah, I will, girl! Yer’ve got me going now, and it’s God help anyone who dares to call me stupid. I’ll knock their block off.’
Molly gave a slight shake of her head before smiling. ‘Well, that’s a start, sunshine, ’cos yer could have said yer’d knock their bleeding head off.’
‘Yeah, I’d do that as well, girl!’
‘Okay, Nellie, I’ll love yer and leave yer now. Goodnight and God bless.’
‘Goodnight, girl. Don’t forget we’re going into town tomorrow.’
Molly walked the few yards to her own house, calling back over her shoulder, ‘I’ve put it in me diary, sunshine, so I won’t forget.’
She was opening the door when she heard Nellie saying, ‘What’s the matter with this bleeding key? It won’t go in the stupid so and so.’
‘It’ll go in quicker if yer calm down, Nellie. Just take it easy.’
‘I am calm, girl, but I can’t get the door open and I’m dying to go to the lavvy.’
Then George’s voice reached Molly. ‘What’s all the commotion, Nellie? Ye’re making enough noise to waken the dead!’
‘Get out of me way, soft lad. Can’t yer see it’s an emergency?’
Molly was chuckling as she closed her front door. Trying to make a lady out of her mate was going to take a lifetime. Still, the journey had its rewards and they came wrapped in laughter.
‘Are we going to call in the market before we go into town, girl?’ Nellie asked the next morning when they were having their usual cuppa. ‘To see Sadie and Mary Ann, like, and tell them about the wedding?’
‘Not on our way into town, sunshine,’ Molly told her. ‘We’ll see how we get on for time first, eh? We don’t want to rush around the big stores, there’s no pleasure in that. I’d like to take our time and see which are the best shops to go back to when we’re ready to buy our hats and dresses.’
‘Don’t forget we’re having tea and cakes, girl, that’s what I’m looking forward to. We don’t often do that, it’s only now and again we get the chance to be ladies of leisure and mix with the toffs.’
‘They’re not toffs, sunshine, they’re flesh and blood, just as we are. Some have a bit more than others, but those who go for tea and cakes at the Kardomah, or Reece’s, they aren’t out of the top drawer, just ordinary folk who have to work for a living.’
‘I don’t know about that, girl, ’cos when we’ve been before, them what sat at the tables near us were talking so far back yer could hardly hear them.’
Molly grinned. ‘Yer shouldn’t be listening to them, sunshine. It’s bad manners to eavesdrop.’
‘If they didn’t want anyone to hear, girl, they should keep their mouths shut. And why the heck they have to stick their little finger out when they drink their tea, well, I think it’s daft.’
Again Molly grinned. ‘If yer think it’s daft, sunshine, then why do you do it?’
‘Because if I didn’t, they’d think I’m as common as muck.’ Nellie had a picture flash across her mind, which caused her whole body to shake with laughter. ‘Ay, girl, can yer imagine the looks on their faces if I poured me tea into the saucer and drank it from there, making those sucking noises? Ooh, wouldn’t that be funny? Wouldn’t yer just like to see their faces, eh?’
‘I doubt if anyone would see their faces, sunshine, because I think they’d all walk out in disgust. And I’d be right behind them. Yer’d have the place to yerself until the manager came to turf you out, with a warning never to set foot in there again.’
‘Yeah, and I’d tell him where to stick his café, and that’s where Paddy stuck his nuts. Anyway, it would be ages before we went back there. They’d have forgotten us by then.’
‘Oh, I doubt very much if they’d forget you, sunshine, ’cos it’s a case of once seen never forgotten. Anyway, you being barred wouldn’t affect me. I could go in any time I liked.’
‘Yer wouldn’t go in without me, girl, ’cos yer’d be lonely sitting at a table on yer own, with no one to talk to. And if yer saw something funny yer wouldn’t be able to laugh, ’cos they’d all think yer were doolally.’
‘Nellie, sunshine, if I was sitting at a table on me own in a café, and I was laughing, then I would be doolally. And I’d expect the men in white coats to come and take me away.’
‘Oh, I wouldn’t let them do that, girl!’ Nellie put on her most fierce expression. ‘I wouldn’t let them get near yer.’ She shook her fists. ‘I’d knock them out in no time.’
‘How could yer do that, Nellie, when yer’ve been barred from the place? They wouldn’t let you in, so yer wouldn’t be in a position to help me.’
‘Ooh, er, I never thought of that.’ Nellie’s eyes went round the room as she sought a solution. ‘I’m going to have to stop doing it, girl, there’s nothing else for it.’
‘Stop doing what, sunshine?’
‘Drinking tea out of a saucer, that’s what!’
‘But yer don’t drink out of a saucer, do yer?’
‘That’s what I’m trying to tell yer, girl! I won’t do it no more.’
Molly decided it was time to bring the conversation to an end, otherwise there wouldn’t be enough time to go into town, and have tea and cakes. And definitely no time for drinking tea out of a saucer. Not when all about them people were drinking out of china cups with their little fingers sticking out.
‘It’s ten to eleven, Nellie, and we’d promised ourselves we’d get out early today. I think yer can definitely forget going to the market, we’ll have to leave it for another day. As it is we’ll need a pair of skates to do all we’d set our mind on. Before we go into town we have to shop for whatever we’re having for dinner, pick up our bread from Hanley’s and bring the shopping back here. I don’t want to be lugging it around town with us.’
‘What are we having for dinner, girl?’
‘I don’t know about you, sunshine, but I’m doing mashed potatoes with milk and butter in, and two lightly fried eggs on top. Easy, cheap and tasty.’
‘And I’ll have the same, girl, ’cos as yer say, it’s easy, cheap and tasty.’ Nellie chuckled. ‘If it wasn’t for you, girl, George and Paul would be having fish and chips from the chippy every night. It’s you what sets our menu.’
‘It would cost you a fortune going to the chippy every night, and George and Paul wouldn’t be happy about that.’
‘Oh, I wouldn’t go to the chippy for them, blow that for a lark. George could pick them up on his way home from work. He has to pass the shop.’
Molly’s jaw dropped. ‘Nellie, there are times when I think yer mouth is engaged before yer brain.’ When she saw the look of bewilderment on her mate’s face, she said, ‘That means, sunshine, that yer don’t know what ye’re talking about. If yer gave some thought before yer spoke, yer might realize what you are saying is a load of rubbish. I know George lets yer get away with most of yer stupid ideas, but I doubt even he would give in to yer wanting him to call into the chip shop on his way home from work, and stand in a queue to pick up fish and chips for his dinner. Oh, and Paul’s as well!’
Molly pushed her chair back with such force that it almost toppled over. ‘I’ll wash these cups through and then we’ll be on our way. And if I’m quiet for the next half-hour, just leave me be. Don’t ask why, or yer might get more than yer bargained for. I’ll cool down eventually, but right now my blood pressure must be at boiling point. So while I wash these, you put yer coat on ready to go out.’
As she was carrying the cups into the kitchen, Molly heard her mate mumble, ‘All that over bleeding fish and chips! And I bet she’ll have a face on her like a wet week for the rest of the day.’
Molly stepped back into the living room. ‘Not all day I won’t, sunshine. When we get on the bus to go into town, I’ll be my happy self again, looking forward to going round the big shops.’
‘Thank God for that!’ Nellie said. ‘All I’ve
got to worry about now is to think before I open me mouth, and that won’t be easy.’ She let out a sigh. ‘As I’ve said before, life can be a bugger at times.’
Chapter Sixteen
‘I like this material, sunshine, and I love the colour.’ Molly fingered the fine crêpe that had caught her eye out of all the bolts of different coloured materials. ‘That’s the sort of colour and material I’d like a dress in for the wedding.’
‘What colour would yer say it is, girl?’ Nellie asked, peering over Molly’s arm. ‘Is it blue?’
‘It’s between a lilac and a mauve, sunshine, I don’t know the exact colour. It would go well with a pale lilac hat.’
‘Ay, I’m beginning to get excited now, girl. How far off did yer say the wedding was?’
‘Well, we’re into July now, and the wedding is on the eighteenth of September, so let me think.’ Molly used her fingers to count the number of weeks. ‘It’s just over eight weeks, sunshine, and that’ll fly over. I’ll have to start saving up in earnest if I don’t want to look like a tramp at the wedding.’
‘I can’t ask my George for money for my outfit,’ Nellie said, ‘’cos he’s told me he’s saving up to buy a new suit. He wants to look his best for his son’s wedding.’
‘If our Doreen didn’t have so much on her plate with looking after the baby, and Victoria, I’d ask her to make me a dress in this material. I’ve really taken a fancy to it. But I wouldn’t ask Doreen, it wouldn’t be fair. So don’t you mention it, Nellie, d’yer hear?’
