Kimmy tossed her waist-length black hair at Yoshi and strutted away, her hips swinging and heels clicking on the hallway floors.
Yoshi didn’t even turn his head to watch her go, pushing away from the wall as Aria stepped into the hallway. He tried to catch her eye but she kept her gaze low, lingering across from him.
“Shouldn’t you be onstage?” she whispered.
“No.” His deep voice filled the area.
Her favorite ballad from his album permeated through the walls, dulled by the plaster barrier. Her heart ached to be in the club so she could hear it properly, but her bones felt heavier than lead.
“I’m fine, Yosh,” she said, meeting his eyes.
He blinked lazily. “No, you’re not.”
Her eyes fell again, and the moment she sniffled he was across the halfway in a flash, wrapping his arms around her neck and pulling her in.
She buried her nose into his shoulder, slamming her eyes shut and trying to find her composure. Her arms snaked around his waist, taking his leather jacket in her fists.
She disappeared into the feeling of his hand in her hair, his warm breath in the crook of her neck, his hard body flush with hers.
“If you want me to walk away,” he whispered, “I will. I’ll walk away right now.”
Aria pulled her head back with a gasp, meeting his eyes. When she saw nothing but truth there, saw that he really meant it, she stopped breathing.
He nodded, his eyes ripe. “We can walk away and never look back.”
Tears were in her eyes again, but that time for a completely different reason.
She shook her head softly, frowning. “No.”
He mirrored her. “No?”
Swallowing, she leaned back and grabbed the flaps of his jacket, shaking him. “You’ve worked way too hard, overcome way too much, and recorded an album way, way too beautiful… I would never ask you to walk away.”
“That’s not my album.” He cupped her cheeks. “That’s your album. Every track is a byproduct of you. And if you don’t go, I don’t go.”
She caught the deep kiss he seared on her lips with a moan, dragging her nails along the back of his jacket.
“This is your destiny,” she said, when he pulled back.
“You’re my destiny.”
“No. You’re doing this. You’re going back on that stage and performing for the people who came here to see you. You’re going to go after your dream full force. Ignore my tears.”
“No.”
“Yes!” She pointed to her face. “If anyone knows how easy these tears can come, it’s you. But that doesn’t mean they’re forever. I’ll get stronger.” She sniffled again, letting him push her hair softly away from her face. “It’s not like it’s forever, right?” Her eyes searched his, and her voice lowered. “Just until you’re—”
“Too big to move.” He gave her a soft smile.
She tightened her hold on his jacket one more time, and then shoved him back. His laugh reached across the hallway, wrapping around her heart like a vise.
“Get your ass back out there, Yosh. Seriously. What the hell are you doing back here?”
Yoshi exhaled, shaking his head and flying across the hallway once more, catching her surprised laugh in a deep kiss. He pulled back, still clutching the sides of her head, brushing his nose against hers before stepping away.
He moved backward slowly, holding her eyes, his bottom lip trapped under his teeth.
Aria pointed to the end of the hall. “Go!”
Yoshi skipped a beat, and then broke into a sideways jog. He held her eyes for as long as he could before he was forced to look away, racing down the hallway and towards the security guard who was already holding open the door of the club.
Aria watched him disappear, heard the crowd celebrate his return, and wondered how her heart could be so in awe yet so uneasy all at the same time.
--
Instead of following Yoshi back into the club, Aria had gone for the exit, stepping out into the cool night air. The moment she was in the parking lot, she felt like she could take a full breath for the first time that night. When the thought of going back into the club and seeing Yoshi and Carmen together again nearly emptied her stomach, she pulled her arms around her body and walked to the curb. She sat down next to an Aston Martin, one of the many luxury vehicles that filled the lot.
The moment she got comfortable, with her arms curled around her body and her knees pulled to her chest, a voice behind her froze her in shock.
“Hey, you.”
Unable to believe what she thought she’d heard, Aria turned her head slowly, trying to convince herself that the voice over her shoulder wasn’t….
Then her eyes locked to his, leaning against the brick wall of the club in jeans, a black hoodie and dark sunglasses.
But it was him. “Adam…” she breathed, leaping to her feet.
Adam pushed away from the wall and swept the hood off his head, licking his lips and lifting his chin. “Hey.”
“Oh, my God…” She was across the sidewalk in seconds, and he received her with arms out when she was close enough to leap for him. She tucked her teary faced into his shoulder. “Oh, my God, oh, my God. Adam. I… We… It….”
Adam stepped back and cupped her jaw. Then he stepped back again, breaking their contact, hands going deep in the pockets of his hoodie. He smiled, but Aria knew what the real one looked like; this one was just a bad imitation.
“I know,” he said, his voice low and soft.
“What are you doing here?” Her heart raced.
Adam shrugged, looking off into the quiet parking lot, then back to her. “I don’t know. I was inside the club five minutes ago, asking myself that very question. Guess I wanted to see if he chose something worth leaving for. Looks like he did. Album is sick. No denying that.”
Aria’s eyes hit the sidewalk, twisting her clutch under trembling hands. She didn’t know what to say, because there was nothing to say. There was nothing to justify her and Yoshi’s actions. After leaving the tour unannounced, Simon Brady’s plan had gone into full effect, unfolding so closely to the way he’d predicted that it was almost scary.
Just like Simon had planned, Adam’s hair had been blown clear back by her and Yoshi’s departure. In his anger, he’d given more than a few irate quotes to the press before his P.R. manager finally stepped in and put a gag in his mouth. By then, however, the damage had been done.
The White Keys had been forced to cancel two weeks’ worth of shows to look for a new drummer and backup singer. The fans had been outraged, the public had been curious, and the media had been salivating. Aria remembered reading an article saying Adam had lost almost a million dollars that week. She’d been waiting for the day Yoshi came to tell her that Adam was suing them both. That the million-dollar signing bonus Yoshi’d received was going straight back into Adam’s pocket. That the house he’d bought for her would have to be seized.
None of that happened, however.
And it only made her feel worse.
“I’m so sorry, Adam.”
He smiled into the distance. That time, she noticed, it was genuine. He met her eyes again. “Don’t be.”
She frowned. “God, can you stop being such an angel for just one second? This would be so… so much easier if you…” She motioned to him. “If you weren’t you.”
“I’m not angry at you for leaving with him. In fact, I would’ve been more surprised if you hadn’t. It was always you two. Always. There’s no competing with a connection like that. And honestly? I don’t blame him either. I’d be lying if I said that ten years ago, if I was in his position, I wouldn’t have done the exact same thing. I would’ve. That thing inside him? That savage thing coursing through his veins and keeping him up at night? I’ve had that same savage in me.” Adam made a claw at his chest. “This… this beast that never slept, got bigger every day, and sometimes made me feel like it was tearing my guts apart… Yoshi has that, and it won’t be ign
ored. It can’t be. It’ll just keep getting bigger, stronger, driving faster, pushing harder. And it won’t die until he hits the ceiling. Only there’s no ceiling in this town.”
Aria breathed deep.
Adam motioned to her. “You don’t have that in you… and I know you tried to get him to stay.”
Her heart shredded to a thousand pieces. “I should’ve tried harder.”
“Nah.” He shook his head. “He needs to live it. Breathe it. Feel it. That’s the only way he’ll be able to see it for what it is. Tell him to count his blessings now. Right now. Because Simon Brady? Gus? That girl who’s been passed around LA for the last decade? Once they have their claws in him deep enough, he won’t have a single person left when the curtain finally closes. Not even you.”
Aria sputtered.
“Some people open their eyes in time to see it. Most don’t. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. But for now, take care of him, all right?” Adam backed away, hands still in his pockets. “Take care of yourself.”
When he turned to walk away, Aria opened her mouth to call after him, but no words came.
8
“You’ve never had sex?!” Kimmy shrieked, as if she were sure she’d misheard. “But… you’ve been together for six months!”
Across the outdoor lunch table at one of LA’s premier sushi restaurants, Aria chortled. “Can you lower your voice, please?”
“Never?” Kimmy cried. “Not even once? Not even, like, oral sex?”
“You’re reminding me very much of an old friend of mine. That old friend was a chauvinist pig rock star who was named after an Italian dish, if that gives you any idea what you sound like right now.”
Kimmy giggled, but her smile was gone in an instant. “Seriously, though… Not even oral?”
“He goes down on me, but I’ve never….”
Kimmy’s mouth fell. “You’re kidding. He goes down on you, but you don’t go down on him?”
“He’s gotten a lot of blow jobs in his life, okay? With The White Keys, they pretty much flowed like water for him. I don’t want to do it wrong and embarrass myself. And can you please stop looking at me like I’m some science experiment?”
“My mind is just a little blown over here. Maybe all these years in LA have blackened my heart to the core.” Kimmy’s voice remained laced with disbelief. “He really loves you.”
“If he does, he hasn’t said anything to me about it.”
“He doesn’t have to, my love. Any man who’ll wait six months for a woman who’s not fucking him, or sucking his dick—even though he’s eating her out—is in love. Deeply in love. No confirmation necessary. The fact that he’s still hanging around and not making you feel like a pile of cow dung over the fact that you haven’t busted it open…” She sputtered. “Women have written books about how to find a man like that. Women have gotten filthy rich selling that dream, and you’ve got one?!”
“I wonder why he won’t say he loves me, then.”
“Have you said it to him?”
“Well… no. I mean, there’s always been a love between us, but it was more like a brother/sister type. And we never said the words out loud. It was more like it was just… understood.”
“Has he ever had a girlfriend?”
“I mean, he’s been with girls. Lots of girls. With the Keys, he didn’t have to commit to them or know their names. He never had to see them again, because the next day, we were back on the bus. On to the next city. We’ve been touring nonstop for the last five years, with just a few months of downtime in-between. I don’t know when Yoshi would have time for a real girlfriend.”
“And you’ve never had a real boyfriend?”
Aria shook her head.
Kimmy covered her mouth with her hand, looking on the verge of tears. “Puppy love at twenty-three. No wonder he chased you down in the middle of his release party last night. He’s entrenched in that good shit. That deep, unbidden love that only exists once in a person’s life. Once. I’m a firm believer that once your first love breaks your heart, it’s a wrap. No human being will ever have your heart again as fully as that first one did.”
“That’s not true. Phillip wasn’t your first love, and you married him.”
“I love my baby. I love Phil more than life… but he will never have all of me the way my first did. My mind won’t allow me to open myself up that fully, knowing the mutilation that waits around the bend if things go wrong. See, you don’t know what I’m talking about, because Yoshi is your first. If and when things don’t work out between you two…” She whistled. “Trust me, you’ll get it.”
“I don’t even want to think about things not working out between us.”
Kimmy cooed at her again, poking her lips so far out they looked seconds from coming unglued from her face.
“He has two days off next week, and he’s taking me on a vacation.” Aria played her chopsticks against her food. “I think it’s going to happen then.”
“Where to?”
“I told him I wanted to be surprised. I feel bad for making him wait this long, but I just wanted to make sure this wasn’t some fluke, because if it had been a fluke, it would be easier for us to just go back to being friends if we hadn’t had sex. But now, it’s getting harder. He’s so sexy, and I want him so bad. At this point, I’m only waiting on this vacation because I figure, since I’ve waited this long, I might as well make sure it’s special, and that his mind is free of all the stress of the new album.”
“I hope he didn’t spring for some super-expensive place because, if it’s really been six months, you two won’t be leaving the bed at all.”
Aria threw her head back with a laugh.
“I’m taking you to my store on Melrose after lunch,” Kimmy said. “By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be drowning in lingerie that will make him explode in his pants the moment he lays eyes on you.”
Aria blushed into her salad.
“So, back to the conversation we were having last night.” Kimmy chewed a few bites of her food and then pointed her chopsticks at Aria. “You. What do you want, my love? What’s your big dream? And how do we get you there?”
“I just want to sing.”
“Last night, you wanted to be a star. Now you just want to sing?”
“Listen, since the day I met Yoshi, he’s never made a pronouncement that didn’t come true. He’s never spoken a dream out loud that didn’t come to fruition. He’s not moved by negativity. He pays no mind to naysayers. When people laugh at him, it only drives him harder. I’m convinced the word ‘no’ turns him on.”
Kimmy cackled.
“I don’t have that in me. That fight. The moment someone looks at me and laughs, I feel like my spine is being bent in half. He’s so much stronger than me. He can shoulder the weight that’s about to come slamming down on him like a thousand pound gorilla. I can’t. Even if I did want to be a star, I’ll never be strong enough to actually succeed at it.”
“How will you ever know how strong you are if you never step into the ring? If you never risk getting bruised and bloodied? As a woman who made my own way, I’m telling you right now how important it is for you to do the same for yourself. Yoshi loves you today—that is not up for debate—but you saw Carmen up on that stage last night. She won’t be the last. The higher his star rises, the more money he makes, the more temptation will get him around the neck, cutting off his air supply until he can’t see straight anymore. When he gets to that point, love isn’t enough. Don’t find yourself in a position where you want to leave, but you have nowhere to go. Make your own way.”
“You sound like Adam.”
Kimmy nearly choked on her salad. “Brand?”
Aria nodded.
“You spoke to him?”
“Briefly.”
“Last I heard, he did a hundred thousand dollars’ worth of damage in a dressing room at the AMAs, in a rage over Yoshi leaving out of nowhere. I heard they’re not even speaking to each other.”
“They’re not, but Adam was at the release party last night. He didn’t announce himself, and he was pretty heavily in disguise—I didn’t even recognize him at first. But he was there. God, I wish so badly Yoshi’s dumb ass would’ve left in a different way… Adam always loved him like a brother. Even now, after everything, Adam still couldn’t stop himself from being at Butter to experience Yoshi’s success, even if he was too proud to make his presence known. If he tore up a dressing room at the AMAs, it was out of pain, not anger. He wasn’t even angry last night. When he pulled me aside, he told me to take care of Yoshi. He told me to take care of him.”
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about, love. It didn’t matter that Adam loved Yoshi unconditionally, did it? It didn’t matter that Adam could’ve helped Yoshi open the doors he wanted to open, if only Yoshi had been honest about what he wanted. Instead, Yoshi decided to drink the Kool-Aid and swing from the hammocks in a dream world Simon Brady fabricated in an office at Sony Records. That was all it took for Yoshi to forget five years of unconditional love from Adam. It happens, Aria, and it can happen in a snap. Now, I’m not saying it’ll happen with you. I’m just saying, if and when it does? Have your own coin. Your own network. Your own empire.”
Aria nodded, food forgotten.
“Having said all that, let’s go find some sleepwear that will make that bastard come in his pants on first glance.”
--
The roar of the crowd continued long after the stage lights dimmed. Long after he’d sat on the couch across from the host of the biggest talk show on television. And long after they’d come back from commercial.
From their plush red chairs, Yoshi and Marissa Ball shared a look across the set’s coffee table. Marissa’s crowd of loyal followers still screamed for Yoshi, begging for an encore of the performance that had torn the house down.
Marissa had given up on trying to quiet her audience. Instead, she allowed them to cheer. To stew in the aftershocks of Yoshi’s performance, hoping the quiet would fall all on its own.
Encore (Stereo Hearts Book 2) Page 11
