“So, you’re basically killing it.” She beamed, her voice ringing with joy and excitement.
“I’m not killing it,” Yoshi groaned.
She counted off on her fingers. “Best New Act, Best Pop Song, Best Male Artist, Best Worldwide Act, Best Album… I could keep going but we’d be here all day.” She sighed, stepping away and staring at him as if he’d committed some carnal act. “You’re the first artist ever to be nominated for Best New Act and Best International Icon—at the same time. I mean, fourteen nominations. You haven’t even been out for a year. Can you give someone else a chance, please?”
Yoshi laughed heartily.
Michelle’s smile bloomed. “You. Are. Killing. It.”
Yoshi’s head fell, and when he found himself blushing, he was thankful for her exuberance. It had pulled him out of a downward spiral he’d been seconds away from crashing to the bottom of.
As he looked up and reclaimed Michelle’s shining eyes, pulling Carmen in closer from where she hung quietly at his side, he let it all fall away, reminded of why he’d fought so hard to get where he was.
Because, even if no one else believed it, not even his own father, he was worth keeping.
And he wouldn’t rest until the entire world knew it.
12
Aria stomped outside of Alexandra Palace, her black heels sinking into the soil of the expansive grassland outside. Impeccably landscaped and boasting unrivaled panoramic views of London, the view should’ve taken her breath away, but she didn’t care. She also didn’t care that her stiletto heels were creating rivets in the perfectly trimmed grass. To hell with the grass. To hell with her heels. To hell with the skintight black dress she’d wrestled herself into. To hell with the French twist that had taken hours to perfect.
Even more than all that, to hell with him.
“To hell with him.” She spat her thoughts out loud, stopping in the grass just long enough to yank her heels off her feet.
Hundreds of award show attendees were scattered around outside, including many faces that had grown familiar to her through years of watching MTV. Up until a few minutes earlier, she’d been so excited about that night she’d hardly been able to contain herself. Caterers worked the crowd with trays of champagne and appetizers. They didn’t speak unless spoken to, but the one making his way towards Aria seemed to read the distress in her eyes, because he held his tray of champagne out to her without delay.
“Get out of my head,” Aria said, drinking in his laugh as she accepted a glass from his tray. He left without bothering her further, and she watched him go, realizing she’d much rather talk to him than anyone else there.
“Don’t let it get you down, Aria.” Emily Childs, a petite blonde, and one of her fellow backup singers on Yoshi’s tour, came up next to her. She wore a strapless blue cocktail dress that matched her shocking eyes. “I saw the look on his face after Carmen kissed his cheek. His eyes shot straight to you. He looked like he’d seen a damn ghost.”
Aria downed her champagne in seconds, giving the caterer a grateful frown when he was back on her the moment it was empty, offering her a fresh glass.
“I don’t know how much longer I can do this, Ems.” She met Emily’s eyes. “In theory, it’s fine. I get it. It makes sense. But seeing it in action…” She pushed her eyes closed and cursed under her breath.
“Girl, that man loves you.” Emily pushed her. “You.”
“And yet he and I are the only two people who know anything about that supposed love.”
“You, him, and every soul working this tour. Everyone behind the scenes knows who his heart really belongs to, because he doesn’t make it a secret. Hell, he doesn’t even make it a secret in public.” Emily produced her cell phone from her clutch bag, clicking it open. “Have you seen the Yaria tag lately?”
Aria chuckled. “I’ve been trying to steer clear of it, because now Carmen and Yoshi have shippers. They call themselves Yarmen. The Yaria and Yarmen fans are at war now, and I can’t bear to look at the tag anymore. Some of them say terrible things…” Aria pressed her fingers into her eyes, cringing.
“Look at this, though. Don’t read the comments.” Carmen showed Aria the Yaria tag on Instagram.
Aria couldn’t help it when a deep belly laugh escaped her lips. “I always say they should go out for the CIA.”
“They’ve already connected the dots about the lime-green bracelet that disappeared from Yoshi’s wrist and suddenly appeared on your finger. They’ve got photos of him looking back at you when he’s on stage. They can already tell he’s looking at you way more than normal. They’re not buying Carmen in any way, shape, or form. Only a few people are actually buying their relationship. A vocal few, but only a few.”
Aria made a claw at her chest. “That’s what’s killing me. He and I actually have fans. We have people who are rooting for us, even though we’ve never publicly claimed each other. There are people who love the idea of us, but somehow, I’m not good enough to be on his arm in public? I’m not good enough to be photographed? I’m bad for his image? Love is bad for his image?”
Emily shrugged. “It’s Hollywood, girl. There’s no fighting it. You either get in line or get left behind.”
Aria tried to speak, but her voice went out. She cleared her throat and tried again. Nothing but hot air.
Emily frowned. “Your voice is going again.”
“For some reason, the medication isn’t helping keep the swelling at bay the way it did before. Thankfully it only happens when I’m speaking, not singing.”
“Maybe you need to up the dosage.”
“I will as soon as I get a second away from this… this insanity.”
“Don’t wait too long. Take it from a fellow singer with cysts on her vocal cords—it’s nothing to play with.”
“Don’t tell anyone, okay?”
“Not my style.” Emily shrugged. “I just want you to take care of yourself. Physically and mentally. Stop worrying about Carmen. Hold on to what you know is real.”
“I thought I knew what was real once, but now….”
“Yo! Aria?”
The moment that voice surrounded Aria from behind, the tears that filled her eyes had nothing to do with Yoshi. She swirled on her heel and when she locked eyes with the smiling blue gaze of Zach ‘Noodle’ Kernoodle, the scream that split her lips was out before she could stop it.
And as Noodle launched himself at her, taking her around her waist and lifting her off her feet in a bear hug, Aria realized it.
She did know what was real.
“Oh, my God,” she breathed into his shoulder, taking in his signature scent of cigarette smoke, Head and Shoulders shampoo, and weed like she was starving and it was the last bite of food left on Earth.
When he set her down, she kept her arms clasped tight around his neck, because she didn’t want him to see the tears in her eyes.
“Hey,” he whispered, rubbing her back. “None of that, all right? It’s cool.”
“It’s not cool.”
“It’s totally cool.” Noodle pulled back and met her eyes. “Hey, I get it. We get it. Adam was on a rampage at first, we all were, but…” He sighed. “We knew what it was. It was always you and him. He don’t go, you don’t go. You don’t go, he don’t go. He was never just a drummer. We knew it, he knew it, and I guess the world knows it now too, huh?”
Aria sniffled.
“Stoked you guys finally fucked and got it over with.” Noodle looked towards the sky as if speaking directly to God. “Halle-fuckin-lujah.”
“I miss you so bad,” she said, between laughs.
“I miss you way more.”
She pointed over her shoulder. “This is Emily. She sings backup with me on tour. Emily, this is Noodle. He’s—”
“Lead guitarist for The White Keys.” Emily smiled, taking Noodle’s hand. “Yeah, I recognized you by the hair alone. The best hair in rock and roll, by far.”
“So I’ve been told,” Noodle said, swi
gging his long blond ponytail dramatically before grinning down at her.
Aria eyed them both, drank in the vibe, and pointed over her shoulder. “Yeah, I’ll just….”
“Yeah…” Noodle nodded, giving her an eye that she’d come to know well. “Do that.”
Chortling, and deep down so relieved that nothing had changed between her and Noodle, Aria accepted his dismissal, shooting him and Emily secret smiles over her shoulder as she climbed the hill of Alexandra Palace. She drank in the old architecture of the sprawling castle, appreciating its beauty for the first time, and couldn’t believe she’d almost let the fact that she was in a palace in London slip her mind.
She sighed and turned back to the panoramic views of the city, breathing in the rainy air as storm clouds collected above, letting her eyes flutter closed.
“I’m sorry, Bo.”
She didn’t open her eyes when his voice came in next to her. “Lots of cameras around. I’d hate for you to be seen out here with your weird, one-eyed, secret girlfriend.”
A deep sigh. A long silence. She wondered if he was still there.
“Baby, it’s just until I’m—”
“Too big to move,” she finished dryly, opening her eyes and giving Yoshi a look.
His hazel eyes widened under her blank stare. His mouth fell open. His eyebrows tightened. He stepped closer and reached to touch her.
“Probably shouldn’t do that,” she said, nodding around. “Cameras, remember?”
“Aria, I lov—”
“You love me.” She nodded.
His cheeks went red. “Are you really going to do this to me right now? You’re going to drag me to this place, hours before I’m set to perform at my first awards show? Fuck, Aria, I’m doing this for us. For you.”
She squinted at him. Then, her eyes went over his shoulder, and she sucked in a breath.
Yoshi followed her eyes, and when he caught sight of Adam walking down the hill towards them, he took a step backward. When he bumped into Aria by accident, he twirled on is heel and met her gaze. They shared wide-eyed expressions.
Adam came to a stop before them, cradling his own glass of champagne, his hard green eyes never leaving Yoshi.
Yoshi squared his shoulders and stepped in front of Aria, holding Adam’s gaze. Silence prevailed between the two men as they came head to head, chests heaving and eyes dueling.
“Four million copies sold.” Adam’s deep voice broke the silence. “Six number one singles. A world tour sold out in less than an hour. Nominated for fourteen awards tonight. Guess you finally got everything you ever wanted. Does it feel good?”
Yoshi shoved his hands in his pockets.
Adam motioned to him with his champagne flute. “I hope it was worth abandoning the people who loved you when you didn’t have shit.”
Aria’s heartbeat tripled. It seemed Adam wasn’t going to show Yoshi quite as much mercy as he’d shown her at the album release party six months back.
She craned her neck to see Yoshi’s face just as he licked his lips.
She silently begged him to just apologize. To humble himself and let Adam know that the part he’d played in their lives would never be forgotten. That, without Adam, they wouldn’t even be there.
Yoshi sighed. “Adam, my hands were tied. Simon Brady told me it was now or never. He told me I had to do it the way I did if I was going to be successful. I didn’t do it to hurt you or the guys.”
Aria stilled at Yoshi’s tone. His words weren’t as humbled as she’d hoped, his tone even less so.
“Simon Brady will tell you a lot of things,” Adam said. “He’ll tell you to betray your bandmates, who loved you like a brother. He’ll tell you that integrity and success are mutually exclusive. He’ll tell you what pills to take when it starts getting hard to sleep. What powders to sniff when it starts getting hard to stay awake. He’ll tell you what to eat, how to think, what to believe. He’ll even put a blonde on your arm and tell you who to love.”
Yoshi almost turned and met Aria’s eyes, but something stopped him midway and he gazed off into the distance, running his hand over his shadowed jaw.
“He’ll tell you who you are until you breathe your last breath. Until you look in the mirror one day and don’t recognize yourself.” Adam’s breathing picked up, his green eyes growing ripe. “And when that day comes, dude? When that day comes where you don’t recognize the pig staring back at you?” He shook his head. “Don’t fucking call us.”
“Adam,” Aria whispered as he shouldered past Yoshi.
“I’m sorry, Aria,” Adam said, giving her a quick glance. He softly pulled his arm out of reach when she tried to take it on his way by.
She watched him cross the grass to Noodle and Emily. Moments later, she pivoted, facing Yoshi with her mouth hanging open.
He searched her eyes. “He’s jealous.”
Her mouth fell open even wider. She tried to speak, but nothing came.
“Have you heard the new Keys album? It’s a struggle album. He’s struggling without me. He isn’t nominated for a single award tonight without me. In less than a year, I’m nominated for awards he hasn’t been able to touch in his entire career. He’ll never forgive me because he can’t stand that I was right to leave. He can’t stand to see me rise when he didn’t have a hand in it.”
Before Aria could explode—and she was right on the verge, shaking so badly she nearly crushed the glass in her hand—a voice called out to Yoshi.
Both their eyes flew to the top of the hill where Gus and Carmen stood. They waved him over, saying something about an executive for ABC wanting to talk to him inside.
Yoshi threw Aria one last look, hesitated, and then turned his back on her without a word.
He met Carmen and Gus at the top of the hill, wrapping his arm around Carmen’s waist before they disappeared from sight.
--
Yoshi’s fingers trembled over the ivories. He hoped the sweat he felt collecting at his hairline wouldn’t escape and race down his face, undoing the makeup that had been applied backstage. The silence seemed deafening, made louder still by the domed ceilings of Alexandra Palace. The sold-out crowd had fallen to a hush, with an occasional sneeze or cough ringing in, along with smatterings of hushed conversation.
It was the smatterings that were going to do him in. The sneezes. The coughs. If this were his concert, his fans, his crowd, the screams would already be deafening. He’d already be surrounded by people who’d accepted his music. His writing. Him.
But this… He looked out into the crowd, making eye contact with the unsmiling faces of people who’d yet to make their minds up about him. Caught the smiles of artists he’d been listening to since the day he was born, some of them having reached heights he could only dream of before he’d even taken his first breath. They smiled at him in the way only another artist could. They understood the white-hot terror. The doubt. The strange sense of loneliness, even in a room full of people. So they smiled when the cowards laughed. They smiled when the critics judged. They smiled when the first string of sweat finally broke free and ran down his face.
Wiping it away, he looked to the seat he knew had been reserved for Aria. When he found it empty, his entire body took on the tremor that had previously only lived in his hands.
For the first time in his life, he couldn’t look over his shoulder and see her. He couldn’t drink in the calm in her brown eye. The ease of her coy grin. Her beautiful aura. The aura that always calmed his nerves, even in the most dire circumstances.
He stewed in the regret of stripping his performance bare. Undressing it all the way down to just him and his piano.
The second bead of sweat raced down his forehead. He didn’t move it away, not even as it burned his pupil. As if staring at that empty seat would somehow make it so she appeared in it. As if she was seconds away from returning from a bathroom break to reclaim it. To cheer him on.
To keep him.
“This next artist is a fantastic talent,
who has captivated the world with his phenomenal voice and is nominated for fourteen—count ‘em, fourteen—awards tonight, including Best Album….”
Yoshi blinked back to the present, stunned as his eyes raced across the stage and landed on Kevin Hart, smiling at the crowd in a classic tuxedo. The applause soared with every word Kevin said, entering Yoshi’s ears and calming the shake in his bones.
“He’s here tonight to perform the new single from his hit album, Kings and Queens, so make some noise for a new artist who is making a lot of noise in the music industry today. Give it up for the one, the only—Yoshi!”
The crowd erupted. The goose bumps boiling up on his skin burrowed. His thundering heart slowed.
He kept his eyes off that empty seat.
As his fingers floated over the black and white keys, Yoshi took a deep breath and stroked the first note.
--
Carmen’s smooth leg brushed against Yoshi’s under the bar.
His jaw clenched, and he ignited the lighter in his hand, letting the flame burn until the lever seared his thumb before releasing it. He did it over and over, the flame dangerously close to his tumbler of scotch. He shot a look at the bartender, who paid them no mind.
He’d chosen the secluded bar at the rear of the five-star hotel because the concierge had promised it would be quiet. With the award show after-party still in full swing at the hotel’s rooftop pool, he’d breathed easy after finding the empty library bar. He knew the floor-to-ceiling bookcases encasing every wall, along with the muted color scheme, would keep the addicts and celebrities partying upstairs at bay.
And it had.
All but one.
Carmen had come strutting in wearing a tight white midi skirt and matching crop top. She’d claimed to have been on her way to go sightseeing before she happened to catch sight of him sitting alone in that dark bar.
Yoshi’s phone buzzed, and he snatched it up from the bar in a hurry. When he saw it was Gus, he tossed it back down. It clattered against the wood and he buried his forehead in his hand, eyes shut tight.
Encore (Stereo Hearts Book 2) Page 17
