by Bry Ann
“I can’t let you hit Katrina, Anthony. I just can’t. That’s wrong. She’s like the size of your arm.”
“What business do you have interfering in our marriage?!”
“Anthony, you know I love you like family, but what the fuck? Is something going on? I can help you.”
I watch Anthony study me for a long moment before his face falls. “I don’t know what happened,” he says quietly. “I’ve been struggling with my anger and it just happened. The second I did it, I was horrified. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make it right.”
I place my hand on his shoulder. “We’ll get you help. I’ll tell Katrina she can always stay with me if you’re struggling, if she doesn’t want to tell Rain. We can get you in anger management or therapy. Do you need my help finding someone?”
“No, I think I found someone who is a fit. I’ve already looked into it.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “Good. I can’t let this happen anymore, ‘kay? Promise me you’ll call her tomorrow and let me know what I can do to help.”
“I promise.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too, Ajax.”
I nod and head for the front door. I let Katrina know she’s welcome to stay with me anytime. I wanna tell her I talked to Anthony and he’s getting help, but I can’t help but feel that’s a bad idea. When I leave the house, I feel slimy. I feel like I got lied to. I feel like I just defended my brother over a kind-hearted, tiny woman because I want to believe in my brother. I want to believe he’s not a monster.
I have to believe that.
I’ll check in with him. I’ll keep him accountable like he’s an alcoholic. I’ll take care of her, just in a way I can take care of him too.
8
Rain
One Year Later
“Marie,” Dad growls. I immediately stand up. Little stars fill my vision. I haven’t been good enough for food in a while and when that happens, I get dizzy sometimes. He snatches my hair when I start to get wobbly legs. He drags me by the hair so hard I have to bite my lip to stop from crying. When we reach the doorway, Daddy uses my hair to slam my head on the wall between the two rooms. Blood dribbles down my nose as pain spreads throughout my entire head.
“Daddy, please.”
“Shut up, brat.”
I see him pull out something shiny and I scream. I scream as loud as I can, even though I know no one will hear me…
“Rain! Rain! Wake up!”
It’s then I realize someone’s shaking me. The first thing I feel is cold sweat dripping down my forehead, then Dad’s face comes into a view.
“Dad,” I breathe, feeling my heart rate start to come down.
“Oh, Rain,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “That was a bad one. I thought they were getting better.”
The unspoken words are: I'm in my 20s. He shouldn’t have to run here because I'm screaming bloody murder.
“I thought so too. I'm sorry. You don’t have to check on me. I'm used to this by now.”
“Rain, I agree you need to learn to cope on your own sometimes, but I don’t think you realize how loud you were screaming.” My stomach sinks. “I can’t not come in. Although we have top-of-the-line security, I can’t risk that the one time I don’t come in, you are in actual danger.”
“I understand,” I whisper.
Dad looks at me for a long moment. Both of us are quiet, terrified for my future. “Good thing you’re rich,” I joke, but there’s an undercurrent of sadness behind it. “Or I’d really be fucked.”
“Rain,” Dad whispers, sounding heartbroken. “I want to take this away from you. I don’t know how to help you.”
“You’ve helped me so much, Dad. Without you, I’d—”
Ding-dong!
My eyes widen. “It’s 1 a.m.,” I whisper.
I see a fierceness in my dad’s eyes he rarely lets me see. “Everything’s fine. Lock your door.”
Ding-dong!
I grab his arm as he moves to sit up. “Wait, Dad, no. They’ll go away.”
He smiles, but it’s not the gentle smile that I usually see. “They’ll go away when I answer. That’s for damn sure.”
“Ugh, men and their egos.” I throw the rest of the covers off me.
“What are you doing, Rain?”
“Coming with you. What does it look like?” I grab the knife from under my mattress and step up beside Dad.
He chuckles and grabs my wrist, gently pulling the knife away. “Alright, warrior,” he laughs. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”
“You have that ‘I'm about to lay someone out’ look in your eye.”
Ding-dong!
Gently, he pushes me towards the bed and heads for the door. “Lock it, Rain. I'm not kidding. That lovely trust I plan to leave you? I'm officially threatening that.”
“Dad!” I yell as he walks out, shutting the door behind him.
The only reason I care about my trust is because I don’t know what my future will be without guaranteed financial security. I'm too screwed up to ever live a normal life. I’ll never be married. Never be able to hold a high-power job. I’ll never not have screaming nightmares or flashbacks. Money gives me a safety net. That said, he is my dad. He wouldn’t let me be homeless.
I sneak out the door and creep downstairs. I'm rounding the corner of the stairs when I hear Dad call my name.
“Rain!” I run down the stairs to meet him, where he’s predictably by the security system, watching the camera that shows the front doorstep.
“Dad?” I ask, unable to hide the shaking in my voice.
He sighs. “You need to answer this.”
My eyes widen as I run to the camera. As soon as I see who it is, rage like I’ve never known takes over my entire body.
Ding-dong!
“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” I growl, sprinting for the front door.
As soon as I'm there, I swing the door open.
“I'm sorry I'm here so late,” Katrina whimpers. Her ducked head combined with the night sky hide the reason she’s here. But I already know. I cross the threshold and gently wrap an arm around her.
“You’re always welcome here, you know that, mi amor.”
I lead her to the piano room Dad and I never use. There’s a fancy upholstered bench in there she can sit on while I examine her injuries. The more she steps in the light, the more I see the blood, the bruises, the marks on her skin that fuel my rage. I gently place her on the bench and that’s when the tears start to flow.
“He lost it,” she whispers, shaking all over. “He wouldn’t stop this time.”
“Shhh, Katrina. It’s okay.”
“Don’t call me that! Please,” she whispers. “That-that’s what he calls me. When he—”
“No more Katrina. You’ve outgrown it. What about Kat or Rina…? We can work off the back end.”
“I like Kiki,” she whispers.
“Kiki,” I whisper. “I love it.”
I wipe her hair back from her face. Blood coats my fingertips as I do so.
“Oh, Kiki…”
“It doesn’t hurt as bad as it looks.”
She’s in shock. Two black eyes, blood running down her nose and lips, and bruises up and down her arms are just her visible injuries.
“I need to get a first aid kit, okay?” I whisper.
“No, don’t leave me!” she screams. “He’s gonna look for me. He can’t find me. Please.”
She starts to scramble to her feet but I quickly stop her. “Look at me, mi amor,” I whisper.
Her fearful eyes meet mine. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll be right back. I promise.” I take her hands in mine. “I promise.”
Her body is shaking so hard, her teeth are clanging together. She’s coming out of shock. I don’t want to leave her, but I have to. Real quick.
When I reach the foyer, Dad is standing there, arms crossed. “What happened?” he whispers, stepping beside me as I charge through the
house to grab the first aid kit.
“I need to speak with Kiki before I say anything. But I’ll need—”
“Kiki?” he questions as I snatch the giant first aid kit and head for the kitchen to grab an ice pack.
“That’s what we call her now,” I whisper. I stop briefly and face him. “Always.”
Dad meets my eyes and nods. “What does she need from me?”
My heart fills with gratitude for him. Not only has he taken me in, but he’s always treated Kiki like a second daughter.
“A nurse. One who won’t ask questions. At least for now.”
“Done.”
“Dad?”
“Yes,” he answers, already flipping through his phone to get the best contact for Kiki.
“Thank you. I-I love you. I don’t say it enough.”
His eyes soften. “You’re my world, Rain. You know that.”
I nod. “I have to go. Kiki needs me.”
Before I start crying, I run back to Kiki. She’s mumbling to herself as she runs her hands up and down her arms.
“Let’s get you cleaned up. Dad’s gonna call someone to help make the pain go away.”
“No! Please!” she cries.
“Shh, shh, it’s okay. Trust me. She won’t ask questions. Dad’s rich, remember?”
She doesn’t laugh. She doesn’t say anything. We both sit in silence as I tend to her cuts while she stares out into space.
“He’s gonna kill me,” she whispers.
“I won’t let it happen,” I say fiercely.
Kiki meets my eyes and for the first time, there’s strength there. “Neither will I.”
The next week is spent tending to my best friend. The nurse stops by daily. Besides her obvious black eyes, Kiki’s ribs were bruised and there were lacerations along her arms and thighs. I suspect more went on because she did insinuate this started in the bedroom, but she’s indicated she doesn’t want to talk about it, so I won’t make her. For the past three days, she’s been holed up on her laptop, planning something. I know Kiki. She doesn’t stay down long.
When she changed the name she goes by, she killed a piece of herself. Part of me admires that, but part of me is heartbroken for her.
Why can men be such monsters?
I hear Dad’s voice in my head reminding me that women can be monsters too, warning me not to become bitter. I know I'm wrong, but I'm bitter. Other than my dad, I haven’t experienced anything different.
I'm organizing my bathroom when Kiki enters the doorway. “Hey,” she whispers.
This is the first time she’s initiated conversation with me since she arrived.
“Hey,” I whisper, trying to keep my relief and excitement at bay. I don’t want to scare her off.
“Can we talk?”
“Of course.” I drop my lipstick immediately. Wrapping my arm around her back, I lead her to my room. She sits down on the bed and looks at me. The bruises are still there, but the brokenness in her eyes is gone.
“So, I’ve been doing research. Obviously, I can’t let Anthony anywhere near me again.”
“Definitely,” I state adamantly. “I’d fucking kill him with a stiletto.”
Kiki smiles. “Love you.”
“Ti amo, mi amor. So what’s in that twisted mind of yours?”
“I found a way to keep myself safe.”
“Kiki, you know my dad and I will—”
“Don’t.” She holds up a hand. “He knows I'm here. I’ll never feel safe knowing that. I’ll never be able to move forward that way.”
“Okay, I understand. So what are you thinking?”
“This may sound a little crazy.”
I cock an eyebrow. “Alright, hit me.”
“There’s an island off the coast. It’s empty, no human life. I'm gonna hide out there until Anthony’s initial search blows over. That will give me time to plan what I'm gonna do next. He controlled the money, he… he controlled everything.”
“What? Please tell me you’re joking.”
“No! Rain, don’t you see? He’ll never think to look there. He’ll eventually give up and I’ll have no distractions. I can heal and plan. It’s genius.”
“And how do you plan to, I don’t know, survive on a deserted island?”
“I’ve been doing research. I know a company I can hire to take me down there. I know fruit grows on the island, so I’ll have that. I took a first aid course online. I'm prepared for this. I just need appropriate clothing. A-Anthony has my stuff.”
Her voice falls as she says that.
“Kiki,” I whisper, “I understand why you don’t want to stay here. I understand why you want to get away. But this is—this is crazy. You’ll die.”
“I promise I won’t.” She grabs both of my hands tightly in hers. “I know what I'm doing, Rain.”
“I know you think so, Kiki. What about your dad? Can’t you go stay with him? I know he’s an—”
“Asshole,” Kiki finishes, jaw clenching.
Her father got remarried to a young, hot blonde and moved states. He completely broke her heart.
“I know he’s a total dick, but he would keep you safe. Just until Anthony calms down.”
“No. Absolutely not.”
“Kiki, staying with him can’t be worse than a deserted island.”
“It can, actually. On the island, I get some bug bites and lose a little weight. Big deal. With my father, I get my heart broken. Again. Rain, I'm doing this. My mind’s made up. The only question is if I'm doing it with or without your help.”
I swallow. “I'm with you. Always.”
9
Ajax
One week ago
I push the bar up for my final rep of the bench press. My arms shake rapidly but I'm able to rack it, thankfully. I wipe the sweat from my brow when I hear my phone ring from the lockers on my left. I always ignore my phone at the gym, hence why I keep it in the lockers. But the bench press is right by the lockers and something tells me to answer this call. I drag my body over there, open the locker, and pick up the phone.
“Ajax.”
“SHE LEFT!” Anthony roars so loudly that I have to pull the phone from my ear. “I NEED YOU AT MY HOUSE. NOW, AJAX!”
“What hap—”
Click. He disconnects the call. Katrina left? Like divorced him or… ran? If she ran, just the thought makes my stomach sink. That means the abuse didn’t end. That means he did something to make her run. Katrina is loyal and she wouldn’t leave him without cause. I hope this is just a divorce type situation.
But I know it’s not.
My workout ends that moment. Not because Anthony demanded I meet him but because I need to know. I push the speed limit on my way to Anthony and Katrina’s home. When I pull up to the house, I take a deep breath before entering. Anthony is absolutely manic. I need to have my wits about me. He can be crazy. I remember when I was nothing but a misfit teenager, how he knocked me out for threatening to tell his parents that he killed the neighbors’ cat.
When I'm ready, I push the already-unlocked door open. As soon as I do, my eyes widen. The living room is destroyed. Pillows everywhere. Glass shattered. The couch cushions tossed all over the room. Pictures destroyed.
“What the fuck, Anthony?”
“She left.” He runs his hands through his hair. “She—she left me. No note. Nothing.”
I pause, debating my words carefully. “Anthony, did you hurt her?”
“No! We got in a fight, but I behaved.”
I desperately want to believe him, so I bury my lingering doubts. “Okay, so what was your fight about? Why do you think she left?”
“I don’t know, Ajax! ‘Cause she’s a bitch.”
“Anthony, I understand you’re upset, but this won’t help. We can find her. You can apologize for whatever happened and hopefully she forgives you.”
He grabs my shirt and tries to thrust me against the wall, but I have, like, fifty pounds on him.
“I don’t owe her an
apology. She owes me one.”
“Maybe, but look, I'm no expert but women aren’t too thrilled about being blamed for things.”
“We need to draw her out first.”
Draw her out? Odd wording.
“What are you thinking?” I say slowly.
“You won’t like it, brother.” Anthony’s face softens. “But I promise, it’s only to bring Katrina home, so we can talk.”
“What is it, Anthony?”
“I need you to take Rain. Watch over her until Katrina agrees to come home.”
He must be absolutely out of his mind right now. “Absolutely not. Her father is Richard Brown, Anthony. We don’t fuck with her.”
But more importantly, Rain’s innocent. Rain already has broken pieces, pieces she put together by cramming them all mismatched inside her soul. I won’t shatter her. I won’t do that. Anthony just wouldn’t care if I told him that. Not in the midst of his own pain.
“I'm sure you can draw her out, Ajax. Don’t tell me you’re that gay that you can’t see she finds you attractive.”
I snarl. No, I'm not gay, but I hate that he uses it as an insult. Who cares if I was?
“I'm not gonna hurt some innocent woman because of your rocky relationship. You know I’d do a lot of shit for you, but this…” I shake my head. “This pushes it too far, Anthony.”
Anthony’s eyes harden before they go soft. “Please. I love Katrina. You don’t have to hurt her.” Like I would. Like that’s even an option. “Just… distract her.”
“No, I don’t want to be a part of that.”
Anthony takes a step forward. “Remember when kids made fun of you in school? Remember who defended you? This is all I'm asking from you after all I’ve done for you. You’d be nothing without me and my family.”
He’s right. I may have grown a shit ton of muscle to look imposing, but I'm still that same fucked-up, misfit kid from all those years ago.
“I don’t think it’s right. Rain didn’t do anything.”
“She befriended that bi—” Anthony stops, collecting himself. “She is innocent. That’s why we’re not hurting her.”
