Tucker did not meet my eyes when he said this. Rather he stared at the floor. I wanted to reach out to comfort him, but I wasn't able to. My body wasn't responding to any of the commands I was giving it. I found it hard to even concentrate on breathing. “You love me?"
"Yes. Love is a sin among my kind. We're not supposed to be able to posses that emotion. Only creatures of Above have that right. Daemons can mimic human emotion, but love is prohibited. I have crossed the forbidden threshold and now I must cross back or your soul is in jeopardy.” Tucker got up and kissed me on the forehead. “I'll watch over you.” He backed away. When he did, he became transparent and finally faded way. With Tucker gone, I felt loneliness in my soul. Before I could act on it, the darkness descended again, and I was taken down with it.
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Chapter Four
"Tabitha. Tabby, come on girl, wake up."
Kasandra's voice echoed in the back of my mind. It called to me like a beacon. I wanted to ignore it, but somehow, I knew if that I did, I was never going to escape the darkness sleep had me in. I was in a cocoon. When I opened my eyes, it was to the very worried expression of my roommate. Trying to lift my head, I was slammed with a headache so strong I dropped back down on the pillow. “What do you want?"
"I wanted to be sure you're still alive. You've been asleep for three days. Why didn't you go to the hospital like I told you to?"
How could I explain it wasn't the bump on my head that had made me sleep for so long? It had been what Tucker had done to me. “I didn't know it would be so bad. Shit. My paper was due yesterday."
Kasandra sat on the edge of the bed. “Don't worry about it. I called your work and your professors. I told them you had a bad flu and then hit your head on the sink so you weren't in any shape to come in. You have until Monday to recover. Are you sure you don't need to go to the doctor?"
"It's fine, really."
Kasandra patted my leg and left. I pulled the cover back over my head, but my body wasn't tired. I couldn't sleep anymore, but I couldn't move, either. I reached slowly to my end table and got the remote. I stared at the television for a half an hour while flipping through the channels. After finding nothing on, I turned it off. What I really wanted to do was figure out what Tucker had told me. I wanted to look in my books and see if I could find anything about daemons. I had read a little about them. Professor Amonde was going to be the best source of information.
The clock read one in the afternoon. His office hours were going to be over in an hour. I had to force myself out of bed. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to move. After a minute, my body responded, but everything hurt and felt heavy. I was slow dressing and threw my hair into a ponytail. I caught a look at my skin in the mirror. If no one believed I was sick, then they were dense. My skin was ashen and stretched over my bones. I had even lost weight. But I really wasn't hungry. Finally, I left the apartment and made my way to Professor Amonde's office.
He was locking the office door. A few seconds more and he would have been gone.
"Wait, Professor,” I called. It was barely a whisper, but he turned and saw me. Shock appeared on his face. I clutched the wall to keep myself steady. I tried to catch my breath. I took another step, but wobbled. The Professor reached out and caught me when I got closer. Whatever Tucker had done to me had certainly done a number on me.
"Tabitha, your roommate said you were sick, but you didn't have to come all the way down here to prove it. I'll give you an extension. Are you sure you're okay?"
"It's not about the paper. Well, it might be. I need some advice. It's important."
"Look, why don't you come to lunch with me. You look like you haven't eaten in days. We'll talk about whatever you need to. Okay?"
I nodded. I couldn't say no. I had to ask him about Tucker. Was I going crazy?
Twenty minutes later we were at the diner across the street. Everything on the menu looked good. “Order what you want."
The waitress stared at me. “Uh...” Needing a sugar rush, I craved something sweet. At least craving something was better than not wanting anything. “Hot chocolate and two pieces of apple pie.” Professor stared at me. I shrugged.
"Burger and fries for me.” Once the waitress left, he leaned on the table. “So what's so important?"
The waitress came back with our drinks and parked the hot chocolate in front of me.
I dipped my finger in the whipped cream topping of the sweet drink and licked it off. He was going to think I was crazy. I knew it. Taking a deep breath I started. “You know all about dreams. That's stupid. I mean you teach dreams."
"It's not stupid. What's your question? Whatever you ask, I'm not going to judge you."
The waitress returned with our food. I waited until she left, then began my confession.
"Professor, I've been having these dreams with the same man in them. Only in every dream, he's a different creature. Vampire, werewolf, warlock, whatever. At first, the dreams were just dreams. But the past couple of months, I've been able to change the substance of my dreams. The books you gave me talk about creatures that can haunt dreams. I-I think such a creature is haunting mine."
Professor Amonde took a bite of his burger, and I looked at the apple oozing out of the pie. A scoop of vanilla ice cream came on both. I took a large bite and stared at the speckled tabletop.
"Tabby, you are one my brightest students. These creatures are archetypes used in every culture for people to identify the meaning of what your subconscious mind is trying to tell you."
I groaned. I knew he was going to say this. “Yeah, I know that. But, hypothetically, what if these creatures, these daemons, were real? What then? What do you do?"
He played with a french fry and then met my gaze. “Tabitha, why ask all these questions? Your paper was focused on archetypes and dream symbols entrenched in different cultures. Why the sudden interest in dream daemons?"
"Whether you believe me or not, I have a daemon in my dream."
"Does this scare you?"
I shrugged. I had come to know Tucker in my dream. I had made love to him. I was enthralled by him. I hadn't been afraid of him. I missed him. He had said he would never come back because he didn't want to hurt me or have the others catch on to me. “He doesn't scare me, but the others do. The daemon, he doesn't mean me any harm, but it—"
"It's his nature to consume souls. Hypothetically, what's happening between you and this entity?"
"He's crossed over from my dream and into this reality."
Color drained from my teacher's face. “That can only happen if you invited him into this realm."
"I know."
"Tabby, if you really want me to believe—"
I pulled my shirt down over my shoulder showing him the bite. I had seen it in the mirror, and it was definitely not made from a human mouth. It was jagged and torn on the edges. “How do you explain this?"
My teacher stared at the wound and then shook his head. “It looks like you were bitten my some kind of animal. Tabby, are you sure you don't need to see a doctor?"
I slammed my fist down on the tabletop causing the hot chocolate mug to jump. I straightened my shirt. I didn't need to be hearing this from him. I need to make sense of all of this. “I'm sorry. I'm just a little frazzled over everything right now. I don't need to go to a doctor. I shouldn't have bothered you. Forget I ever came. Thanks for the pie. I'll pay you back at the next class. The paper is almost done, and I'll have it to you next week.” I made to get out of the booth, but he grabbed my hand and held it.
"Please don't go. I believe you. It's hard to fathom. I've read about them. I can control my dreams in a sense, but it seems that you have a daemon that has focused on you. You said you have been able to control some of the aspects of your dreams. Have you ever tried going to those places when you were awake? Meditation? There are different parts of consciousness. You said you are afraid of the other daemons, but not the one that is attached to you. Why not? Why is
he so different?"
Blood rushed to my face. How could I tell him? “Like I said, I invited him to cross over here. He was the one who bit me. We—I've been intimate with him. He's flesh and blood. He said he won't come to me anymore because he doesn't want to attract the others."
The professor's face paled even more. “If you've invited him in, then there's no turning back. He will never leave you alone. He will either kill you or turn you into one of them. You have to bar him from your home and from your life. I can show you a technique that can make you able to control your dreams and can block out the daemons. You need to be able to make this creature go away before it hurts you further."
"But I don't want to give it up. I want to be able to understand. I need to know what's going to happen to Tucker."
"Tabitha, you can't be in love with a daemon. They can't experience love. These daemons make themselves known in dreams and attach themselves to their human prey, feeding off them until the person either dies or the daemon gets bored and moves on. Each soul they consume makes them stronger."
"Where do they come from?"
"Some say they are fallen angels caught between Heaven and Hell. Other legends say they were the offspring of angel and man, but made a deal with the devil to give them immortality. Whenever they died, their souls couldn't rest. They were sent into limbo. The only way they could survive was to feed off the souls of others, but they could never love. It was a gift denied them because they had gone against the decree of the Above. Some of them had mortal lovers, but they found they were never able to actually love them. However, to make love to one of the beings was said to rival anything in this world. But that was how they stole a soul on this plane and in the other. They make love to you and pull the soul from your body."
I nodded. Whatever Tucker had pulled out of me was part of my soul. It was true. Making love to him was beyond any experience I had ever had with another man. Was that why I craved him, because I yearned to be consumed by him? Was Tucker an offspring of an angel and a human woman? Wouldn't that make him an angel as well? If he was part human, then he should have the capacity for human love. No, he said that he didn't. That it was only permitted to the ones Above. It must have been like Professor Amonde said. The daemons had made a pact with the devil, and God had stripped that emotion from them. “Professor, I don't have to fear Tucker."
He shrugged. “Maybe you do, and maybe you don't. I think he's trying to act in your best interest when he said that he's going to stay away from you. It might be best for me to teach you how to close off your mind from dreams. Will you let me help you with that? I want to be sure you are protected from these entities."
I nodded. It was the only way, but I didn't want to close myself off from Tucker. I didn't want to open myself to the other daemons. I remembered them from my dream of being a wolf. They had been on my heels. They had wanted to kill me then. “Okay. When can we start?"
"Finish your pie and hot chocolate. Then we can go back to my office."
A tear slipped from my eye when I realized I would be closing the door between me and Tucker. In the end it would be for the best. After I finished eating, I went with the Professor and we ended up at his apartment. I was too tired to care. My mind was still exhausted even though my body was ready to do a marathon run. I wasn't exactly sure what would happen if I did. I didn't blink when the professor sat me down on the couch and brought me back a glass of water.
"I'm sorry I had to bring you here. I didn't think we would have much privacy at the office. If anyone saw the light on they would think I was in and would be banging down the door."
"That's fine. So what do I do?"
He lit a candle and placed it in front of me. “Stare at the flame. Let the light carry you away. Let your eyes close and find yourself floating in darkness."
I stared at the flame. My eyes grew heavy. I couldn't fight it. My body grew light, but I still heard his voice in the background.
"See the darkness around you. Feel that there is nothing. There is nothing, until you will it into being. Create a space where you are comfortable."
I thought about green fields. Then, they appeared. I reached out and touched the grass. It felt real. I heard the professor in the back of my mind still.
"This is your space between dreams and reality. Whatever you wish here, you can make it happen. What do you see?"
"I'm in a green field with nothing else around me. I want there to be trees.” Once I said that, it felt like a bubble had popped and suddenly there were trees. I smiled.
"What do you see now?"
There was pressure on my mind. My world changed. It went from night to day. The trees burst into flame. Fire surrounded me. I screamed at the heat. It blistered my palms. Suddenly someone grabbed them. When I looked up, Professor Amonde was standing before me.
"Nothing can harm you here. This is your reality. Remember that. Will it away."
I stared at him and the surrounding flames. They were encroaching around me. Fear kept me rooted to my spot. I couldn't do anything. The flames were going to burn me. They were already searing my clothes.
"The fire. I ca-can't."
"Yes, you can. If you want the daemons to leave you alone, then you have to control your dreams. This is your reality. Nothing can break into your mind here. Learn to control this realm and then you can move on to your dreams. This is your mind first. No one else's. Remember that. Once you step into their reality, then they might be able to switch things around. But not if you have the power to control their reality. Most humans can control a small part of their dreams. But if you can control all aspects of your dream then you will be messing with their realm. You can keep them out of your dreams totally. Now make the flames go away!"
I squeezed my eyes shut. Telling myself that there were no flames, I pushed with my mind. There are no flames, and there is no heat. They are only an illusion. I kept telling myself that over and over again. After a few seconds the heat receded. I opened my eyes and the fire had vanished. I willed the landscape around me to be rid of the trees. Suddenly, a great whoosh of air encompassed me, and then there were no more trees. A yelp of glee passed my lips when I realized that I had done it, but as soon as I had done it, I felt a stunning wave of dizziness and fell to the ground. When I opened my eyes, I was lying back on Professor Amonde's couch. I tried to get up, but was winded. Whatever energy I had gotten from the pie was totally gone. I could barely keep my head up.
"What happened?"
"I think you've had enough for one try. You look worse than when you came to my office. Look, why don't you spend the night here. I'll take you back to your apartment in the morning."
"Night? But we just got here."
"No, Tabby. It's eight o'clock. We've been at my apartment for five hours. Reality is different in the astral realm. Even more so in the dream realm. If you can master controlling your space in the astral realm, in your mind, then if you need to you can actually traverse the dream realm while you are awake. All it takes is concentration and lot of practice. It took me years to master even one change."
"How come you were able to come into my mind?"
"I didn't. What was there was a projection of your mind. I was sitting right here. Now lay back and get some sleep."
I nodded absently as he took off my shoes and then placed a blanket over me. Before I knew it, I was asleep.
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Chapter Five
The next time I opened my eyes, it was morning and I felt a hundred times better than I had before. I was slightly woozy, but I didn't feel like I had been hit with a horrible flu. And I really wanted to go home and take a shower. I had some renewed confidence that I could control my dreams now, or at least had a start, and it was all because of Professor Amonde. However, when I looked around, I realized I was in my living room crashing on the couch. I scratched my head and wondered what the hell was going on. How in the world did I get home? There's no way Professor Amonde could've dumped me
off without me knowing it. Maybe I dreamed about getting home and now I am?
"Kasandra, you home?” I yelled.
"In the bathroom. You've been out a while, girl. You feeling okay since you bumped your head? I went into your bedroom yesterday and you mumbled something about your Professor. You remember me telling you I called your work and your classes?” Kasandra walked out with a towel around her and damp hair.
"Yeah, I remember. Hey, did you call Professor Amonde for me?"
"Professor Amonde? Who's that, Tab?"
I looked at her sideways. Who was he? “He's the professor that's been helping me on my thesis about dreams. Kas, how did I get home last night?"
"Tabby, you feeling okay? You've been in bed ever since you hit your head yesterday. And the only thesis you've been working on is how cultures deal with death. Crazy ass like you would only be interested such morbid stuff. Anyway your professor said you would be fine until next week since you have a concussion. That bump must have seriously messed you up. ‘Where was I last night?’ You've got to be kidding!” My roommate wandered off back into her room shaking her head, and then I went into mine, wondering what the hell was going on.
I know what I was experiencing was real. I hurried back into my room and got down on my knees and looked underneath my bed. There was one book lying under there when there should have been at least a dozen. I pulled it out. It was on dreams. All of my other research was gone. I had a complete paper on my computer and a whole stack of books about death. The only thing to tell me I wasn't crazy was the one book in my hand. The one book that had been forgotten. I scanned the index and looked at the section on dreaming. I had a theory, but I wanted to prove it. Reality was sometimes considered only a dream. It could be changed in the perceptions of others. Sometimes reality was considered God's dream and all reality could be changed if there was enough thought and will behind it.
Dreaming of You Page 4
