Too. Motherfucker. I step in front of the door, blocking it from him and shaking my head, as my words tumble out angrily. “This is what we’re going to do now, Liam? Every time we see each other, you’re going to act like a fucking toddler and play hide-and-seek?”
He takes a step back, running his hand over his head. “Fuck you, Grey.” Clapping his hands together hard, he begins jumping in place, loosening up his muscles before squaring off to me. “Fine. You want to do this. Right now?” He holds his fists up, ready to brawl. “Let’s go. But you won’t get lucky and get through this fight with just a bruise on your jaw.”
“Liam!” I bellow. “Are you fucking kidding me with this? I’m not fighting you, dickhead. I want to apologize and put this shit behind us.”
He throws his arms in the air, scoffing at what I’m saying, but I don’t stop, my chest rising harder as my voice roars from my throat.
“Quit pouting and act like a man. Get the fuck over it!”
“Goddammit!” he growls, colliding his fist into the wall. He slaps his other hand against it a few times before turning to look at me. “You got the fucking girl who you don’t deserve, and no matter how hard you try, you’ll never…fucking…deserve her. I don’t want your apology, Grey. I want you to walk away. Do the right thing by her.”
What the fuck? All the words feel slow to process. Walk away? Why the hell would he ever think I would do that? He has to know I’ll never do that.
My brows draw together as I stare at him. “No. Never.”
He takes a few steps toward me. Hurt, anger, desperation cling to his features. My eyes search his, hoping for some kind of acknowledgement that he knows what he’s asking is impossible or unreasonable, but all I see is contempt.
“Liam…you can’t ask that of me.”
“Then I’ll race you for it,” he rushes out, pointing to the boats.
“What?” I can’t help myself as a shocked laugh leaves my body as I ask it.
“I’ll fucking race you—for her. Not like a trophy…but for her. You win, and I’ll shut the fuck up and wait until you mess it up, then I’ll scrape her off the floor and try and put her back together… I win, and you walk away. Let her hate you because she should. She deserves better.”
A long exhale leaves me as I run my hands through my hair, turning around. Everything he’s saying feels like a punch to the fucking gut. The kid I grew up with—the one I consider a brother—fucking hates me. That much is clear. My mind is scrambling as I look out to the boats and then back at him. I almost can’t believe I say what I do.
“Okay.”
His eyes falter for a second, before he regains his composure. I don’t think he thought I would agree either. We stand staring for a beat more before turning and gearing up without a sound. What the fuck am I doing? What is he doing? He’ll never beat me, he knows that.
Neither of us even change, keeping our sweats on as we grab our individual oars and sculls. He takes the far left of the dock, and I take the right, as we walk down to the river, tension compounding between us.
“From the tree to the bridge,” he calls out, pointing out the parameters.
I nod, then say back flatly, “I qualified for the Olympic rowing team. I didn’t tell you. Guess I probably should have. But you should know that going in.”
Seems only fair.
His mouth drops open to say something, then shuts as he looks down for a moment. When his head lifts, I see the same determined and stubborn guy I’ve known my whole life.
“Then I should be taken straight onto the team once I beat you.”
A part of me wishes you could beat me. Then I wouldn’t feel like such an asshole right now, knowing that I’m going to win her a second time. Lowering down, we lock our oars in and row out, almost side by side. Fuck, stop this shit, Grey.
“We don’t have to do this, Liam,” I call out over the few feet that separate us.
We slow as we approach our starting line, letting the boats get evened out, and Liam looks at me. “Yes, I do. You shouldn’t have her.” And you should? Fuck that.
He lifts his wrist, setting a timer, and fixes his eyes forward as I yell, “But I do because it’s what she wants. She doesn’t need you to protect her. I didn’t fucking bully her, Liam. My heart bled out all over her…Donovan chose for herself. You just can’t handle that.”
He refuses to look at me, the muscles in his jaw working overtime. I’m right, and he knows it. She doesn’t need him to be her knight in shining armor and save her.
“I’m her choice, Liam. Eyes wide fucking open.”
“No! You aren’t winning.”
My chest is already heaving with the anger I’m feeling. Why won’t he listen? Fuck! My hands grip my oars as I stare at his profile, hating that we’ve come to this. Turning to look at me, he sneers, “You’re so fucking arrogant, all this time and you still aren’t even thinking of her.”
“I’m always thinking of her.”
We both glance at his watch as the first set of warning beeps begins, adrenaline beginning to kick in. We’re competitors—this is natural for us—but usually we’re on the same side. His eyes dart to mine as we lean into position, waiting for the signal, and he hits me with his words, “What have you ever sacrificed for her?” Three… Two… One… The last beeps ring as he says the last word. “Nothing.”
The bell sounds and we hit our oars down on the water, straining our thighs as we push away to dig in harder and pick up speed faster. What the fuck does he know? I would give up everything for her. Always.
My arms move faster, finding a rhythm charged by my need to win. To win her. Each stroke takes me faster and faster until my boat gains feet, not just inches. Even then, I still don’t stop pushing for more, wanting to make him eat every goddamn word. I want this loss to hurt because she’s mine. What have you ever sacrificed for her? His words begin to ring out in my mind, over and over, as I leave him behind.
I’m so far ahead that I can see the back of his head, and the unevenness of his rowing as he desperately tries to go faster. And before I can process what I’m doing, my arms begin to move slower, rowing once to his every two strokes, then once for every three, until he’s not just caught up but passing me, just as we go under the bridge.
I hear him roar, but I keep slowing down, turning myself around, and head back to the boathouse. I feel numb. I’m not even sure why I did it. I just know that I can’t keep hurting her, and this makes her sad. Not having Liam in her life makes her sad. This I have to fix.
Slowing at the wooden steps, I reach out to tie off the boat and climb out, ascending the ladder steps, shaking the water away that’s soaked into my sweatshirt. I make my way back inside the boathouse, letting out a frustrated growl. We’re fucking acting like children, and all I want is my goddamn friend back. I need to talk to Donovan.
Footsteps come pounding up the dock, Liam’s deep yells ricocheting off the walls, but before I can turn around, all the air leaves my body as he rams his shoulder into my rib cage, lifting me off the ground and taking us back a few feet.
“Fucking asshole.”
I shove him away hard, sucking in a shortened breath, and back up to get my bearings.
“What the hell are you doing, dick? You won. Why are you trying to fuck me up?”
“Because,” he roars, stepping back, as he lets out a harsh breath. His next words come out quieter as his eyes stay locked to mine. “Because you let me win, you son of a bitch. Why’d you do that?”
I don’t answer because I did let him win. Even though we both know deep down this race doesn’t change anything, I wanted to do right by her and by him. It was my turn to lose. My hand runs through my hair as I close my eyes, bracing myself for the truth I’m going to admit to him.
“Because we both know you’d love her better. And I didn’t want her to lose again.” My answer sits there, in between us, making it hard for me to look at him, but I do. “I’m a prick, but she wants me anyway. And you’r
e right. I never really sacrificed anything. She was willing to give up so much for me—except she wouldn’t give you up. And I wouldn’t ask her to, Liam.”
His head tips up to the ceiling remorsefully. “But I did. And that makes me the asshole.”
“Guess we’re more alike than we’d like to admit to each other.”
Liam shakes his head and walks to the bench and sits. We’re a pair, all our anger stripped down, leaving us raw. Just two guys who love the same girl. I join him, my fingers curling around the wood, as I stare out at the wood planks of the dock.
“Be honest—do you love her? Is that why you can’t let it all go?”
I hate that I ask, but I have to know.
“I don’t love her, Grey. Not like you,” he says, filling the silence. “I’m not jealous, man. I know that’s what you think.”
My head turns to his. “Then why are you so hell-bent on breaking us up?”
Liam sits back against the wall as he speaks. “Because you made me stand there and watch you hurt her. There wasn’t anything I could do. No amount of hugs or jokes was going to fix what you did in that cafeteria. Don’t you get that? And it wasn’t just her you hurt. You accused me of fucking your girl behind your back. I’ve known you my whole life. And you treated me…us, like we were nothing to you.”
I did. There isn’t an excuse I could make that would take it away. But I don’t want to ever stop feeling the sting of it because I deserve that.
“You’re right. I hated you for taking her away, and I never stopped to think. All I could do was feel. You’ve always been the better one of us, Liam.”
He gives a laugh, but it’s true. Liam is good, and I wouldn’t know how to be if it wasn’t for him.
“I only make mistakes once, you know that. The depth of my love for her…fuck, Liam. She’s all-consuming. I would’ve done anything—including being a goddamn bastard if it meant that she admitted what I already knew. That she loves me as wicked and beautiful as I love her.”
My head twists to look over my shoulder as I continue, “I promise you that I’ll never hurt her again, and I’ll ruin anyone whoever tries. But you can’t hold me to that unless you stick around.”
Donovan
GREEN DAY’S “BASKET CASE” BLARES as I dance it out in the middle of my room. I needed to move, get all the pent-up emotion out of my system. Grey left this morning with a note that said he’d see me later, and I was determined not to mope anymore. I have to believe that time will fix this because I can’t. So now I’m jumping up and down, sweat mixing with the tears that occasionally fall as the music fills my ears.
Spinning in a circle, I close my eyes, throwing my arms in the air, my breath turning into pants as I thrash my head side to side. I spin again and the music suddenly drops, scaring the hell out of me. My hand flies to my chest, a scream shooting out when I see Grey standing at my desk.
“Jesus Christ! You scared the hell out of me. What are you doing, creeper?”
His grin makes me do the same as he takes off his shoes and walks toward me, pulling me into a hug. My arms go around his neck as he lifts me off the ground, planting a kiss on my lips before setting me down. Our bodies mold and everything stops existing for just a minute as he stares down into my eyes, lowering again to seal his lips to mine. His fingers pull me in closer by my waist before he moves a hand up, weaving through the nape of my hair, letting his tongue slip inside my mouth and wake up my whole body.
I moan into his mouth, but he lets me go, leaving me breathless, and smiles down at me. Oh, he looks like he’s up to trouble. I love this Grey the most.
“I have a surprise.”
My eyes widen, excitedly, because I’m pretty sure I know what it is. “Did you get donuts?” I tap out gentle punches on his hard abs. “Please say you went and got those little holes from that tiny little place by the boathouse with the ugly neon sign.”
He’s nodding, amused by my description, but I’m already drooling thinking of them, as he brushes his nose against mine. “Yes. I. Did.”
I pull away and look over at my desk, but I don’t see the pink box they usually come in. My head twists around, looking for my present, but I come up empty. Grey presses a kiss to my forehead and heads toward my bed, leaving me cold as I spin and look at him.
“Hi, hello…donuts. What are you doing? Did you eat them all?”
But before he can answer, my bedroom door opens, a little pink box in the hand of a hoodie-wearing Liam, making my breath catch. I snap back to Grey, who’s watching my face with all the love in the world. He did this. How, I have no idea, but he did this.
“Hey, Van.” Liam grins, dropping a kiss to the top of my head and walking to the bed, as if the last time we saw each other he wasn’t telling me he wouldn’t be my friend.
But I honestly don’t even care. He’s here. Grey’s here. And I might cry.
Grey grabs the remote, flipping on the television, as Liam plops down, stretching his legs out on my bed, and opens the donut box. But I can’t move, still stunned as a giggle escapes me. Of course, this is what they do. My boys are the most wicked when they’re together. My feet begin moving as I try and get the questions out.
“Who did this? How did this happen? What…When?” is all that comes out of my mouth, as I walk over to stand in front of Grey.
“Does it matter?” Grey counters, patting the spot next to him.
Liam looks up from the donut box next to him and grins. “We raced. Grey lost on purpose. We fought, said a bunch of stupid shit, and then got donuts.”
“Oh,” I answer, crawling over Grey. “So everything is all good?”
My words are said hesitantly.
“Want one?” Liam offers, nodding, holding one up with sprinkles.
“We’re good, Cherry,” Grey answers, eyes fixed on me, before turning back to the television as I snuggle into his side.
“Yeah, Van, because bros before hoes.” I turn, ready to kill him, as he adds laughing, “And when I say bros, I mean me and you, not me and Grey.”
Grey’s laugh fills the room, and I’m struck silent again with a smile plastered on my face. Liam takes a bite from a chocolate donut, and my head switches back and forth between my two favorite guys, as they throw remarks back and forth, laughing, easy…them.
I’m nestled in next to the one I love and sharing donuts out of the box that’s in between us, with my best friend, feeling like my heart might explode because I know that in this world of shitty parents, enormous pressures, and responsibilities, I have two people who would do anything for me.
Grey clicks through shows, pausing, and Liam and I both yell out, “Not the cooking show!” making Grey laugh, before he continues scrolling. And just like that, we fall into our new normal. Three months ago, I would’ve never thought that my life would become everything I’d ever hoped for when I was twelve. But Grey promised me once when we were little that he’d make all our dreams come true, and he’s still never broken a promise to me yet.
Grey
End of the year
“THERE YOU ARE,” CAROLINE HISSES, and I roll my eyes. “Why is there a crew boat in the pool, Grey? What the hell happened in here last night?”
“What didn’t happen?” Liam growls from the pool table he’s laid across. “I think hell might’ve frozen over with all the nos that became yeses.”
“Shut up,” she snaps. Ooo, Caroline is especially hateful of Liam today.
Her heels click against the floor as she walks back into the scene of last night’s debauchery. Our final crew party before the school year ends. It’s tradition, over hundreds of years. Every captain throws one. We don our very best—top hats and tails—and have the kind of night that can never be spoken of but is always fondly remembered.
The closer Caroline gets, the more the noise of her heels feels like tiny knives in my ears. “Make your feet stop.”
“You’ve destroyed the billiard room,” she says in a judgmental tone, looking around the floor
that’s littered with empty bottles, cigarettes, and a pair of lacy red underwear.
Hmm, I don’t remember those. I’m definitely “not it.” My Cherry doesn’t wear any. As if she heard my thoughts, Donovan appears in the doorway, holding two lidded coffees. My girl. She saunters past Kai, doing a double take, and starts laughing.
“Looks like I left just in time last night.”
My eyes follow her line of sight to see he’s in a top hat, boxers, a red bra, and a fucking monocle. I motion to my chest as he looks at me. “That must belong to the owner of the mystery panties on the floor? Wanna share with the class?”
Kai tosses an empty beer can at me, but I dodge it, reaching out to grab my Cherry by her waist and haul her into my lap, taking one of the coffees as I do. “Love you. Missed you.”
She kisses the tip of my nose and snuggles into me.
“Jesus. You look like a perverse Monopoly character,” Caroline snarks at Kai and turns to leave, irritated by all of us, but Liam jumps off the table, stumbling toward her. I almost spit out my coffee watching the way she recoils back as he hovers over her.
She’s kept her distance since October, despite the hard time he always tries to give her.
“How come you didn’t bring me coffee?”
Here we go. He’s laying it on thick.
“Because I was hoping you’d choke on your own vomit.” Her finger presses against his chest to move him. “Byeee.”
His hand reaches up and circles her wrist, bringing it down by his hip, locked to her eyes. Oh fuck. We’re all captivated, silent observers of a crime in progress. The kind where you think you should say something but don’t want to interfere and then bam, someone’s murdered.
“Come on, Carebear…please,” he says it quietly, fixed on her eyes, running his fingers up her arm. “Grab me…some coffee.”
Is she blushing? What the fuck. I didn’t think demons could do that.
“I told you not to call me that anymore,” she answers, with zero venom, swallowing hard.
Filthy Little Pretties Page 32
