Although I was emotionally drained, I couldn’t stand another second inside my own painful thoughts. If I stayed in here alone, I would go stark raving mad. Before I had time to consider what I was doing, I jerked on my pajamas, slid on my glasses and was out the door, heading into the kitchen.
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I hope we didn’t wake you. We were trying to be quiet.”
I watched from the doorway as my mother rose from the small kitchen table and went to the coffee pot. Her thin body didn’t need to lose any more weight, but she looked like she’d lost about ten pounds since the last time I saw her two weeks ago. Her hair, once a vibrant red that started turning gray when I was in high school, seemed whiter than before. I wanted to kill Jack for what this whole mess had done to her. Mom was only a few months away from her eighty-fifth birthday and I worried every day about her declining health. This little nightmare sure wasn’t going to help.
She poured a fresh cup of steaming coffee and motioned for me to sit. I moved across the tile floor like a zombie and sat down. She brought the mug back, set it in front of me and then leaned over to kiss the top of my head before she sat back down.
“Thanks, Mom. No, you didn’t wake me. I just couldn’t sleep anymore. Tired of nightmares, I guess. Plus, a shower was in order. I smelled like a sewer.”
Regina piped up, “Mel, have you eaten? If not, you need to. I saved you a plate.”
I shook my head no. “I doubt it would stay down. But thanks anyway.”
“Melody, eat. Starving yourself isn’t going to help this situation one bit. I’m going to fix us both some oatmeal and you will eat it. It’s just plain rude to watch someone else eat a meal alone. Even if it’s just a few bites,” my mother said as she rose again and went over to the stove. “Everyone thinks better when their gas tank is filled up.”
I knew better than to argue with my mother when she took on that tone. “Okay. I’ll try.”
“Do not try, do,” Regina said in her best Yoda voice.
I forced a weak smile for my best friend, who looked just as rough as I knew I did. “Comic relief is why I keep you around.”
“And here I always thought you kept me around for my skills in the kitchen. Glad to know I serve other purposes in your life.”
The mindless chit chat continued while we all ate. Somehow I managed to keep down several healthy bites of the bland mush. Simba had found me and curled up asleep under the table on my feet. The presence of the two most important women in my life and the love from my furry companion kept me from running over to the kitchen drawers and pulling a knife across my neck.
But even through the light banter, the ginormous elephant remained seated next to all of us, waiting to have its presence acknowledged. My mother, the quintessential southern-belle and my sweet best friend, waited for me to open Pandora’s Box. I held my tongue until all the dishes were cleared, then unlatched the lock I wished I never had to open.
“I’m sorry that I was gone and out of touch for so long yesterday. Things didn’t go exactly the way I’d hoped they would.”
“We’re here, honey. It’s okay. Take your time and say what’s on your heart.”
“Mom…it’s not good. Are you sure?”
“Child, I survived burying my parents, my sister and my husband. Made it through three wars, two bouts of pneumonia, childbirth and heart surgery, so I figure I’m a pretty tough ol’ bird. Don’t you worry none about me.”
A lump of heavy tears pressed down on my vocal chords, so I took another sip of coffee. I would never make it past the first sentence if I didn’t rein in my emotions. “My visit with Jack did not end well. He tried to convince me of his innocence, which I almost bought. Until he told me…um…that…the reason the police think he killed Serena was that she was…”
I couldn’t say it. The word pregnant just wouldn’t leave my mouth without being followed by my oatmeal.
“It’s okay, honey. We know. Roger called and told us yesterday.”
Stunned, I shouted, “He did what?”
“Now don’t be upset with him, honey. He was afraid that we might hear about her pregnancy on the news before you had a chance to come back and tell us. He thought it would be better if we heard it from him rather than some stranger on the television. Plus, I think he was worried about how you would handle the news.”
“When did he call?”
Regina leaned across the table and grabbed my hand. “Right after you went to Mr. LaFont’s office. He thought that once you met with him, you might need some time alone.”
“Well, he was right on that part, I’ll give him that. The meeting just made things…worse.”
“Any contact with Bertrand LaFont always causes discomfort. The guy’s so slimy he makes wet gummy worms look dry.”
“Regina, honey, you do have a way with words, I’ll give you that,” my mother said after we all stopped laughing. The old saying about laughter being insanity’s closest relative never rang truer.
“Thank goodness I don’t plan on stepping foot inside his office ever again. I will always envision him as a pink, round and wet gummy worm now. Thanks, Regina,” I said, wiping the coffee from my mouth.
“Melody, what did you find out that makes you unwilling to go back and talk to him?”
Here it comes, Mom. Lord, brace her heart.
“After I left the jail, I was a mess. Confused. Unsure what to believe. I mean, I wanted to believe Jack. Needed to believe that my husband wasn’t capable of such vile things the police say he did. But, when he told me about…the motive, I sort of flipped out. All I could think about was seeing the evidence against him with my own eyes. So, that’s why I went to Bertrand’s office. He basically interrogated me for about fifteen minutes, which I expected to happen. Then, when he tried to nonchalantly question me about my whereabouts and intimated that I might have had something to do with this, I took over. Shut him down and insisted he show me what evidence the police had on Jack.”
“See, slimeball. Just like I said. To think he had the nerve to question you.”
“Standard line of questioning, Regina. He wouldn’t be a very good lawyer if he didn’t ask. Anyway, he showed me security footage from The Duchess and a picture from that lingerie shop at Park Hill Plaza…” I choked on the last sentence, unable to hold back the tears any longer, “It…was…Jack. Oh, God, it was Jack!”
Regina and Mom both stood up and came over to me. I melted into their warm embraces and wept like a newborn kitten for what seemed an eternity. At last, between their loving strokes and softly spoken words of comfort, the tears dried up.
My mother cupped my chin in her gnarled hands and spoke quietly, her watery blue eyes soft yet determined. “Honey, are you one hundred percent certain it was Jack? I mean, did you really feel it in here?” she asked as she moved one hand over my heart.
“Mom, I know my husband.”
“Baby, eyesight isn’t always reliable. Things can get distorted, especially when you are upset. Images can be altered. The soul, on the other hand, always knows the truth. The soul is our connection to God, and He never lies to us, we just fail to listen. Now, answer my question. Did you feel it in your soul?”
“I…I…I don’t know.”
“Then, until you do, Jack needs your support.”
Aghast, I pulled my head away in shock. “Mother! You didn’t…you weren’t…you haven’t seen nor heard…what he said, what he did…”
“Melody Marie, don’t you sass me. I may be old, but I’m no fool. I’ve known that boy just as long as you have. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. The way he doted on you. How destroyed he was when the doctors told you there was no more hope for children. No man, except your father, has loved a woman like he loves you. Now, I realize that he committed the sin of straying outside his marriage bed, but that don’t make him a killer. I’m shocked that you have already condemned him as guilty. I didn’t raise you like that.”
“
How can you stick up for him, Mom? He cheated on me! He admitted to it. To my face! He knocked up Serena and panicked when she threatened to tell me. I saw the video of him going into her hotel room, Mom. I watched him slam his fist into her face when she opened the door. Saw the picture of him buying the underwear. The same kind she was killed with. I’m not condemning him. He did that to himself already.”
Mom rose from her spot at the table, walked over to the sink, and dumped her remaining coffee while I sat shaking, my anger on full boil. Mixed emotions spun through me. I loved my mother but didn’t understand why she was being so blind. I was her daughter. She should be standing next to me holding the rope while I verbally strung Jack up by his lying words. Why is she supporting him when I need it?
“Melody, I’m going to bed. I suggest you do the same. Your emotions are on high alert right now, and ain’t nobody in the world ever solved a dilemma when their thoughts are hotter than a firecracker. Put aside your anger and listen to what God is saying to your heart. I have been, and at no time have I heard Him condemn Jack for killing that girl. Only for adultery. I suggest you don’t throw that first stone before you get your answer. I love you,” she whispered as she walked out of the kitchen. “Goodnight.”
My mouth hung open as I watched her pad off to bed, her back erect with almost righteous indignation.
“She sure can give quite a speech, can’t she?” Regina remarked.
I swung my gaze over to Regina, my heart pounding with anger. She looked as confused as I felt. Her enormous green eyes were like saucers. No wonder. What a show she just witnessed.
I respected my mother enough not to unleash what I was really thinking within earshot, so I stood up, grabbed my mug, and headed out the back door. Simba followed me like a shadow, her soft fur rubbing against my bare legs. I walked through the damp grass to the swing and sat down.
I knew my best friend wouldn’t leave me hanging and sure enough, I heard the flick of her lighter behind me.
“Got another?”
“Mel, you quit ten years ago. Don’t.”
“Regina. No lectures, please?”
Regina’s bare feet were silent as she walked around and sat down next to me in the swing. Reluctantly she reached into her pocket and handed me the pack and the lighter. My hands were trembling so much that I couldn’t control my fingers enough to light the cigarette.
Regina lit it for me with obvious reluctance. “When you die of lung cancer at the ripe old age of a hundred, please don’t blame me.”
The large plume of white smoke left my lungs with practiced ease. Ten years away from the toxic chemicals and yet it seemed like just yesterday I’d had one. “I will place blame exactly where it belongs: Jack.”
“Don’t you think Jack’s got enough on his blame card, Mel?”
“Oh, please don’t tell me you have decided to jump the SS Melody too? Because trust me, the SS Jack is like the Titanic. It’s going down, fast. Iceberg, dead ahead.”
Regina took a heavy drag of her smoke. A twinge of guilt for putting her in the midst of this whole mess stabbed at my chest.
“I’m not taking any sides here. I’m like Switzerland at the moment. It wouldn’t be fair for me to cast my vote in either direction based solely off of our friendship without seeing the evidence for myself, now would it? The Melody I know, you know, the one who works for a defense attorney, would suggest that all the evidence and a heavy dose of common sense and gut feelings be taken into account before a verdict is reached. Am I wrong?”
I glared at her and blew out the last drag. “It’s a little different when it’s your life that’s been turned upside down. I mean, yes, in theory, you’re correct. All circumstances surrounding a crime need to be taken into consideration. What you and my mother seem to forget is that I have done all that. I went and talked to Jack. I listened to what he had to say. I looked at the evidence against him. There isn’t a crack, not one sliver. He admitted to the affair. He told me about the pregnancy. Those things are motive, Regina. And yes, he may have told me the truth about some things, but he lied about others.”
“Such as?” Regina prompted.
“First of all, he told me he left the hotel around ten Saturday morning. That part was true and verified by the timestamp on the security footage. But, he also told me that after he left, he drove around in a daze, went to Sheridan to visit his parents’ graves, drove aimlessly for hours and then came home late Saturday night. That part was a lie. Less than twenty minutes after he left Serena’s hotel room, he came back. Saw it with my own disbelieving eyes.”
“What else did he lie about?”
“Said he didn’t buy the underwear for her. Swore that he’d never been inside a lingerie store in his life. But the picture of him holding the panties told a different story. So you tell me, what am I supposed to think? I mean, the cold, hard truth slapped me in the face yesterday. There is no ignoring it. I would be a fool if I did.”
“I just can’t believe—”
“That he did it? How the hell do you think I feel? I mean, I’m numb,” I said, motioning for another cigarette before I continued.
“When I saw him walk into the visiting room, my heart broke. My first thought was my poor baby. He looked awful. His face was gaunt from lack of food and sleep. He had a large cut over his eye that looked infected. Someone clocked him, a jailer I think. The wife in me mourned for her husband. But it wasn’t long before the scorned woman in me took over. Especially after he told me…about…”
“I can’t imagine how you must feel. And honestly, all joking aside, I don’t know what to do. Or say. I just know that I love you and I’m here for you, whatever you decide to do, whatever direction you move. Because, I’ll tell you, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t know what to do.”
“You were, once. If I recall circumstances correctly, you pulled a gun on A.J.”
“True. But I caught him in bed with the little trollop. Temporary insanity. Once that passed, I just divorced him and am now enjoying half of all his money.”
“You were a basket case, Regina. I know you remember. One minute you wanted to kill him, the next, you wanted to bring him back to the marital bed and show him what he was missing. You loved him and hated him with equal intensity and sometimes, at the same time.”
“You’re right, I did. So again, as I said a minute ago, I can’t imagine what I’d do if I were in your shoes. No matter what you do, you’ll always be my hero.”
I didn’t respond, inhaling the cigarette like there was no tomorrow. The babbling river below us, the endless chirps of the katydids, the faint moos of the cows—they did nothing to help calm me. They were a stark reminder that life goes on for others even when your own life has come to an abrupt halt.
After about five minutes of silence, Regina asked, “Mel, if all the other mess wasn’t a part of this, and the only thing you were dealing with at the moment was Jack’s infidelity, would you have forgiven him? I mean, would you have wanted to save your marriage?”
I flicked the spent butt across the yard, watching the faint red glow from the end sail across the expanse. It landed without a sound in the damp grass and went out, the light from the fire extinguished forever.
Sort of like my life.
“I don’t know, Regina. I don’t know anything anymore. ”
Mom and Regina were asleep in separate rooms of the cabin. I listened to their faint snoring and felt a stirring of jealousy inside, wishing I could just shut my mind down and do the same. For the past four hours I’d paced the floors so much that my feet were numb. Unable to take another step, I collapsed on the couch and Simba joined me, snuggling close. I couldn’t help but wonder how Roger would react to having a hairy dog on his fine leather.
Turning the television on wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. The way things had been going, it would be tuned to the channel that just happened to be running a rehash of local news and my worst nightmare would be blazing ac
ross the screen. Roger wouldn’t be too happy if I told him that I broke his television set in a fit of anger.
The thought of trying to read a book almost made me laugh out loud. Like I could even concentrate on one sentence, much less a paragraph or chapter. Struggling to fight the nervous energy, I went to the kitchen and found Regina’s smokes on the counter. I grabbed them and my cell phone, opened the back door and slipped into the early morning air, Simba right on my heels.
Situated in the swing with a cigarette lit, I decided to clear out all the unwanted garbage on my phone. Three hundred emails. Seventy-eight missed phones calls and thirty-seven voicemails. Sixty-two text messages.
Good thing I can’t sleep. This is going to take hours.
I ignored the emails and pushed the button to clear all my notifications. Then I dialed my voicemail, sat back in awe and listened, almost grateful for the mundane to take my mind off the impossible.
My mother. Regina. Roger. My dentist office confirming my appointment on Tuesday. Jack’s boss, Everett. Every major news anchor from all three stations wanting a comment. The mortgage company wanting to know where this month’s mortgage payment was at and to please call them. Bertrand, asking me to come in and speak with him.
"To erase this message, press 7." Delete. Delete. Delete.
The last three messages were from Kendal, Jack’s best friend. My throat tightened when I heard his choked up voice.
“Mel. It’s Kendal. I…I just got back in town and heard about what happened. I don’t…oh, God, are you okay? Please, call me back and let me know if there is anything you need. I’m here for you. And for Jack.”
“Mel, it’s Kendal again. I’m really worried about you. Went by the house today to check on you and didn’t see your car. Called your office and they said you were out. I can’t imagine that you feel like talking, but please, send me a text or something and let me know you’re okay. Please?”
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