by Chris Colfer
“Wait a minute…” Conner said and squinted at something in the distance. “Does that say what I think it says?”
The others looked out the window to what he was referring to. The carriage slowly passed a sign that made their stomachs turn.
BO PEEP FAMILY FARMS
“How is that possible?” Red said, and her eyes grew twice in size. “The Bo Peep farms are inside my kingdom. Where was the wall?”
Froggy and the twins stared out at the rural hills surrounding them, wondering the same thing. A few moments later they discovered a group of Red Riding Hood’s soldiers standing at the side of the road. They scratched their heads and looked around in bewilderment, just as confused as they were.
Froggy opened the door and poked his head out of the carriage as they passed them. “Excuse me, good sirs? What is going on? Where is the wall?”
“There is no wall, sir,” one of the soldiers said in disbelief.
“What do you mean, there is no wall?” Froggy asked.
“I mean, there is no wall anymore, sir,” the soldier said. “The whole thing disappeared earlier this morning.”
“What?” Red gasped.
“We were guarding the southern entrance when a bright flash came out of nowhere,” another soldier explained. “The next thing we knew, the whole wall was gone!”
Alex and Conner turned to each other, each thinking the same thing.
“The Enchantress,” Alex said. “She’s started her attacks!”
Red placed a hand over her chest, trying to calm her uncontrollably beating heart. Even after hearing the Enchantress’s warnings firsthand, she’d never thought her home would be targeted.
“Were there any casualties?” Froggy asked the soldiers.
“No, sir,” one replied. “Just a lot of confusion.”
Froggy shut the carriage door and sank into his seat across from the twins. “So it begins,” he said sadly to himself.
It was dusk by the time the carriages approached Red’s castle. They felt so exposed without the wall. And as they looked around the town, it was apparent the villagers felt the same. Everywhere they looked, wooden boards were nailed over doors and windows of the homes and shops, as if the residents were preparing for a storm.
“I haven’t seen people this frightened since the Big Bad Wolf was around,” Red said. “It reminds me of the days before the C.R.A.W.L. Revolution.”
Froggy took Red’s hand in his; her mind was too preoccupied to notice its cold, slimy texture. “Ezmia could have done much worse,” Froggy said. “Thankfully, it was just the wall.”
His words had the opposite effect of what he’d intended. Red pulled her hand out from his and her eyes became watery.
“It’s not just a wall,” Red yelled. “That wall is what separates us from the rest of the world! It represents our safety and victory after years of struggling! The Big Bad Wolf and his succeeding pack may be gone, but that wall has always been a symbol of peace to my people.”
Red wiped away the few tears that had escaped, embarrassed by her outburst. “As soon as we get back to my castle I’m going to order a line of soldiers to surround the town at once,” Red said and nodded to herself. “We may not have a wall, but we will be protected.”
Froggy and the twins nodded along with her. The twins liked seeing Red give an official and selfless order as queen. Maybe Froggy had been right about her. Maybe there was much more to Red than they had ever considered.
They eventually reached the castle, and as soon as Red gave her orders to the soldiers, the four of them headed into the library for a much-needed quiet and recuperative evening. But as they walked in, they were shocked to discover a surprise visitor who had been awaiting their arrival.
“Jack!” Red yelled.
The infamous Jack of beanstalk fame was nonchalantly sitting in one of the armchairs. He was tall and handsome, with broad shoulders, exactly how the twins remembered him. He wore suspenders, and his trusty axe hung from his belt.
“Hello, Red!” Jack said and stood to greet the group.
Red went pale and stiff as a statue. “What… what… what are you doing here?” she managed.
“Visiting, obviously,” Jack said with a smile.
The young queen could only make a couple high-pitched squeals as she attempted to form another question. Froggy’s eyes went back and forth between Red and Jack—he couldn’t decide if the surprise was good or bad.
“Well, this is… unexpected,” Froggy said and chose to smile.
Jack’s face lit up when he saw the twins. “I remember you two,” he said.
“Hi, Jack,” Alex said.
“Hey, man,” Conner said.
Despite everything else on their minds, the twins were glad to see him. Red grew anxious quickly and she began looking around the library.
“Wait, Jack, if you’re here then that means—”
SLAM! The library doors shut with gusto. They all turned to see Goldilocks standing behind them.
“YOU!” Red said and pointed at her. She quickly backed away from her old nemesis.
“Hello, Red,” Goldilocks said with a fake smile. She wore tall leather boots and a long maroon knitted sweater. A silver sword swung from her side. She had golden curls and was just as beautiful as the last time the twins had seen her.
There was something different about Goldilocks and Jack that the twins noticed; they both looked much happier now that they were on the run together.
“Goldilocks!” Alex said, and she and her brother ran to give Goldilocks a hug.
“What a wonderful surprise,” Goldilocks said, and a proud smirk appeared on her face. “I would say, ‘It’s nice to see you again, children,’ but you’re hardly children anymore.”
Conner nodded. “Thank you!” he said. “That’s what we’ve been trying to tell everyone!”
Goldilocks playfully rubbed his head. “I had at least four warrants for my arrest by the time I was your age,” she said and then winked at Jack.
Jack smiled at her. “I’m a late-blooming bandit myself, but I’m catching up,” he said and winked back. They lovingly stared at each other as if no one else were in the room.
“YOU!” Red said, still pointing at Goldilocks. She looked like a teapot whose spout had been corked.
“Oh, relax, Red,” Goldilocks said. “We aren’t here to cause any trouble. I’m not going to hurt you.”
Red snorted. “You bet your porridge-loving indecisive behind you won’t be harming me! This is my castle!” she said. “You’re both wanted fugitives! How did you get inside?”
“We used the front door,” Jack said blankly. “They let us in without any trouble. I grew up with most of the guards, remember?”
Red looked back and forth between Jack and Goldilocks, not wanting to believe the statement was true. It was frustrating to feel so disrespected in her own home.
“Does the word queen mean anything to anyone?!” Red shouted. “Shouldn’t my safety be a priority in my castle?”
Froggy decided to break the tension. “Forgive us—we weren’t expecting company and have had a rough few days,” he explained, still a little on edge himself. “Why don’t we have a seat and catch up?”
No one argued. Everyone took a seat around the Big Bad Wolf floor rug. It took a minute for Red to gather her thoughts and join them. She sat next to Froggy but left a noticeable space between them. Jack and Goldilocks sat across from them, sitting so close to each other they looked joined at the hip. Alex and Conner shared an armchair adjacent to the couples.
“You just returned from the Happily Ever After Assembly meeting, I take it?” Goldilocks asked.
“Indeed,” Red said with her nose raised slightly. “Because that’s what we law-abiding rulers do: We meet publicly and discuss things that benefit the greater good.”
Her words didn’t affect Goldilocks in the slightest. “Where’s the fun in that?” Goldilocks said, happy to get under Red’s skin.
“How did i
t go?” Jack asked.
“It was awful,” Conner said. “The Enchantress showed up and kidnapped our grandmother! And she already has our mom!”
Jack and Goldilocks looked to each other with the same inquisitive expression. “What could she want with your mother and grandmother?” Goldilocks asked the twins.
Alex and Conner had forgotten Jack and Goldilocks had made a run for it long before they discovered who their grandmother was.
“Our grandmother is the Fairy Godmother,” Alex said with a shrug that said “surprise.”
Jack and Goldilocks looked rather impressed. “Well, how about that?” Jack said.
The twins told them all about how they were from another world and their grandmother had traveled back and forth for centuries sharing the stories of the fairy-tale world with theirs. Once Jack and Goldilocks had processed the information, the twins continued to tell them how their father had used the Wishing Spell to be reunited with their mother in the Otherworld and how they had discovered the fairy-tale world by traveling through their grandmother’s old storybook.
“Yes, yes, yes—and it was very touching,” Red said, waving her hands. “They learned the Fairy Godmother was their grandmother and then all three of them disappeared through a door that led into a different world, blah blah blah—you still haven’t told me what you two are doing in my castle?”
The twins could tell Jack and Goldilocks were interested in hearing more of the story but knew they’d better appease Red before her head exploded.
“We wanted to see if any progress had been made with the Enchantress,” Jack said.
“Nope, there hasn’t been any, sorry —you both can leave now,” Red replied quickly.
Froggy placed his hand on her knee. “Darling, let’s not be rude,” Froggy said. “They may be emotionally distressing wanted fugitives, but they’re still our guests.”
The twins were eager to tell Jack and Goldilocks about the meeting from the previous night and didn’t wait for Froggy or Red to get to it. They told them all about Princess Hope being kidnapped and how the Enchantress had taken their grandmother and was starting to attack the kingdoms.
“And there’s nothing that can be done to stop her?” Jack said, shaking his head in the same disbelief the twins had felt for days.
“Unfortunately not,” Froggy said.
“I don’t know how the situation concerns the two of you,” Red said and crossed her arms.
“This affects us, too,” Goldilocks said. “We don’t want to live in a world ruled by her, either. We thought we could help.”
“Help?” Red said and laughed at the idea. “And what are you going to do, Goldilocks? Steal her jewels? Pick her locks? Test all her furniture until it’s just right?”
Goldilocks stood and glared down at Red. It made the queen squirm in her seat. She looked to the others for help, but she was on her own.
“Is there something you want to say to my face, Grandma’s girl?” Goldilocks asked.
“No, I’d much rather say it behind your back,” Red said.
“I thought after helping me escape you had changed,” Goldilocks said. “But apparently I was wrong.”
“Well, I thought helping you would make me feel better, but I suppose I was wrong, too,” Red admitted and sheepishly glanced over at Jack.
Froggy raised his green index finger. “Moving back to more important matters,” he said, “the fairies and monarchs don’t have any clue what to do. The Fairy Godmother has always been able to just wave her wand and make things better, but unfortunately she can’t this time. So now we’re all waiting for a solution to arise… if there is one.”
The twins nodded. Goldilocks sat back down next to Jack and held his hand. The room was reunited with the hopelessness they had tried leaving in the carriage.
Suddenly, Conner cocked his head like a puppy.
“Froggy, what did you just say?” he asked, pointing at his amphibious friend.
“I said no one knows what to do,” Froggy said, not sure how he could have made it clearer.
“No, before that,” Conner said. “What did you say about the Fairy Godmother?”
Froggy looked at him peculiarly, wondering why he wanted the horrible news to be repeated. “I said the Fairy Godmother usually just waves her wand and makes everything better,” he said.
“Bingo!” Conner said and immediately jumped out of the armchair and ran toward the bookshelves.
“Conner, what’s gotten into you?” Alex asked.
“Hey, Froggy,” Conner asked, completely in his own world. “Where is that book we were looking at the other day? The one that had the chapter about the Wishing Spell in it?”
It took a moment for Froggy to remember. “Myths, Legends, and Collecting Spells?” he asked. “It should be on the shelf two over and one below the books from your sister. I’m very specific about where my books are kept.”
Conner scanned the shelves until he found it. “Gotcha,” he said with a satisfied jump. He sat back down next to his sister and flipped through the pages. “I think the answer we’re looking for is in this book!”
“Are you talking about using the Wishing Spell again?” Froggy asked.
“Could we use it on the Enchantress?” Jack asked.
“Trust me, wishing someone away never works,” Red said and raised an eyebrow in Goldilocks’s direction. Goldilocks placed a hand on her sword as a warning.
“We couldn’t use the Wishing Spell even if we wanted to,” Alex said. “The spell could only be used twice, and the Evil Queen was the second person to use it.”
“I’m not talking about the Wishing Spell,” Conner said, his eyes still glued to the pages he was searching. “I’m thinking about something even bigger and better and—found it!”
Conner turned the book around to the section he was referring to.
“ ‘The Wand of Wonderment’?” the room read together. Conner nodded enthusiastically, expecting them all to share his excitement. Unfortunately, everyone else just exchanged pitying looks with one another.
“Why are you all looking at me like I want to take my pet rock for a walk?” Conner asked. “This book says that whoever holds the Wand of Wonderment is invincible. Whoever gets their hands on it could potentially stop the Enchantress!”
Froggy looked at him regretfully. “That isn’t real, Conner,” Froggy said. “That’s just a childish legend like all the other subjects in that book.”
“Okay, says the giant talking frog!” Conner said with an eye roll. “This book talks about the Wishing Spell, too, and we’ve proven that that wasn’t just a myth. I bet most of the stuff in this book is real, too.
“ ‘The Wand of Wonderment,’ ” he read aloud from the book. “ ‘Many believe that possessing the Wand of Wonderment gives the beholder the gift of invincibility. It is said that the Wand is formed when combining the six most prized possessions of the six most hated people in the world. Although the idea is dubious, the legend of the Wand may have some truth to it considering the materials needed are most likely of a magic background. Unlike most collections, the materials required for making the Wand of Wonderment may change with the times.’ ”
Conner took a breath and looked up at the others, who still looked ambivalent.
“Oh, come on,” Conner said to the stubborn group. “You’ve got to admit that it doesn’t seem like too much of a stretch.”
Everyone was on the fence about it. Conner was frustrated that they weren’t as convinced as he was.
“My sister and I are from another dimension,” he said and then pointed to Froggy. “This guy has been magically transformed into a giant amphibian twice! What part about the Wand of Wonderment is hard for any of you to believe in?”
Conner made a valid point. What about this Wand was so hard for them to believe after all the other things they had witnessed? At least it was an option, and an option gave them hope. Alex silently stared down at the book with a growing eagerness in her eyes.
> “Just out of curiosity’s sake,” Alex said, “who are the six most hated people in this world?”
Red looked up at Goldilocks and opened her mouth to answer.
“By the world, Red, not by you,” Alex clarified and Red went silent.
“I’d say the Evil Queen is a candidate,” Froggy said, and the others nodded in agreement.
“The giant,” Jack said. “And I’m not speaking from personal experience—people were terrified of him.”
“The Snow Queen,” Goldilocks mentioned. “Her historic reign over the Northern Kingdom still sends shivers down people’s spines.”
Conner was all ears, making mental notes of their suggestions. “Who else?” he said.
“You know, I’ve personally never cared for Miss Muffet,” Red said, as if she was confessing a horrid secret. “I mean, it was just a spider! Get over it!”
Everyone in the room stared at Red for a moment and then went on with their brainstorming.
“What about the Sea Witch, who traded with the Little Mermaid?” Alex said. “I was always scared of her as a kid.”
“Oh yeah! I bet all the fish in the sea are afraid of her!” Conner said.
Froggy sat straight up in his seat as another idea came to him. “Cinderella’s wicked stepmother!” he said. “The whole Charming Kingdom despises her.”
“This is great,” Conner said. “So far we have the Evil Queen, the giant, the Snow Queen, the Sea Witch, and the wicked stepmother. We just need one more.”
They all went silent and their eyes wandered around the room.
“Well, isn’t it obvious?” Red said. “It’s the Enchantress.”
Lumps grew in everyone’s throats; Red was right.
“Well, the Wand of Wonderment was a good idea,” Goldilocks said, as if it were obvious it was no longer possible. Everyone slumped in their seats, but Conner wouldn’t accept defeat.
“What’s wrong with you guys?” he said. “We can’t let confronting Ezmia get in the way. This may be our only chance at stopping her!”
He desperately looked to everyone in the room, hoping for someone to agree with him, but no one said anything. Conner leaped to his feet, deciding actions would have to speak louder than words if he wanted to get through to them. He walked around the room collecting random books off the shelves.
