by Louise Rose
Lucas leaves me alone as I head off to the bathroom. I turn the water up as hot as I can take it and stand under it without washing. Letting the water cascade over me in a vain attempt to stop my mind racing at a thousand miles a minute.
It never gets any easier. It seems that everyone is determined to make my life as complicated as possible.
After the water begins to cool, I pick up the soap and scrub myself down. Sometimes it feels like a shower is the only time where I get any privacy...room to think. Shutting off the water, I put my PJs on. It’s still early, but it has been a long day and I want nothing more than to flop into bed and binge some Netflix.
“You okay?” asks Lucas, who is already stretched out on the bed. “Want me to get some food brought up?”
“No.” I sigh. “I’m not hungry. You get something if you want.”
“No, I’m fine. Besides, it would be rude to eat in front of you if you’re not having anything.” He pats the bed beside him. Even sitting next to him feels like a betrayal. However, he did protect me and a part of me knows he isn’t the bad guy.
“Anything in particular you want to watch?” Lucas asks. “There’s a new game show where people have to figure out a way round a maze while dressed up like rats. Looks silly but fun. Or we can check out that zombie survival drama if you like.”
“I don’t mind. Whatever you want.”
Lucas points the remote at the TV mounted opposite our bed and flicks through Netflix to find Where’s My Cheese? The game show is as daft as it sounds, and just what I need to take my mind off everything that has happened.
After a few episodes, Lucas puts on a thriller. I’ve seen it before, so I close my eyes, listening to the sounds of a father desperately trying to rescue his kidnapped daughter before time runs out and her attackers kill her. If only my father would do something like that for me. My life would be so different.
I’m so comfortable I end up drifting off to sleep out, worn out and exhausted.
