by Della Galton
Maybe that’s what Ruby wanted to talk about. A new man.
Olivia hoped so.
Twenty-five minutes, later she pulled into Ruby’s drive. Her house on the outskirts of Weymouth was lovely, but it wouldn’t have been Olivia’s choice. For a start, it wasn’t on a clifftop and it had no sea views, although it wasn’t hemmed in by neighbours. It was a four-bedroom detached with a Tudor-style façade and a gravel frontage on which you could park several cars and it overlooked fields.
Ruby’s black SUV was outside, Olivia noticed, which meant she was probably in. She parked beside it and crunched her way across the gravel to the front door.
The bell chimed somewhere inside the house and a few moments later the door opened and she was face to face with her sister.
It was immediately obvious that something was wrong. Ruby wasn’t her usual immaculate self. She was wearing an old brown teddy bear onesie. Her fair hair was unbrushed and were those tearstains? Olivia’s compassion radar twanged madly.
‘Are you OK?’ The question was superfluous. Clearly Ruby was far from OK.
‘No. Not really. I only opened the door because it was you.’
‘Is it OK to come in? I know I should have phoned you to check, but I was passing and I was a bit worried.’ She was more than a bit worried now. She felt a wash of guilt. Why hadn’t she phoned earlier? She’d thought it was odd that Ruby should need her advice.
‘It’s fine. Come in. Excuse the mess.’ Ruby led her past a couple of huge canvases that were stacked against the wall in her large high-ceilinged hall, through to her country farmhouse kitchen, which was all solid oak cupboards with a breakfast island in the middle. The drop-down pendant light over the breakfast island shone on an open laptop, which was surrounded by paperwork. Her sister had clearly been working.
‘What’s wrong, honey?’ It was messier than usual in here too. Dirty cups littered the worktop and there was an open packet of digestives on a plate. Alarm bells were jangling furiously in Olivia’s head. Ruby wasn’t messy. If anything, she was a bit of a tidy freak.
Her sister pulled out the stool where she’d obviously been sitting and gestured to Olivia to join her. ‘I’ve got a major problem,’ she said without preamble. ‘And I’m really not sure what to do.’ She closed her eyes and rested her head in her hands, elbows propped on the breakfast island.
Olivia was suddenly terrified. She had never seen Ruby like this – so defeated.
‘You’re not ill, are you?’
‘I’m not ill. No.’
Ruby gave a deep sigh and moved a pile of paperwork to one side. Beneath it was an oblong box, but it took a few moments for Olivia to register what it was. A pregnancy test. Oh my goodness, that was the very last thing she’d been expecting.
‘You think you might be pregnant?’ she asked softly.
‘I don’t think. I know.’ Ruby undid the box and drew out its contents and Olivia realised it was already open. The pregnancy tester had been used. Its pink line underlined what Ruby said next. ‘I’m definitely pregnant. No doubt about it. This is the second test I’ve done.’
10
Olivia couldn’t have been more shocked if Ruby had told her she was giving up the art world. Ruby was the least maternal person she knew. Having kids wasn’t on her agenda. It never had been, and by the look of her tear-stained face, that much hadn’t changed.
Olivia got up and hugged her sister tightly. ‘Oh honey. I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone.’
‘I’m not.’ She put up her hands in a little gesture of defence. ‘I mean I was – obviously. It’s not a divine conception. Far from it. Oh my God, sis. I’m in so much trouble. I don’t know where to start.’
‘I’ll put the kettle on.’
Making and sipping the chamomile tea that Ruby always drank was soothing.
‘Come on, let’s go and sit in the lounge,’ Olivia carried their mugs through. ‘We can talk properly.’
A few moments later, they were installed on one of the big old sofas that lined the room in an L shape, facing an inglenook fireplace over which a painting of a nude in a gilt frame hung. There were pieces of art everywhere in Ruby’s home, much of it by artists Olivia hadn’t heard of but who were hugely acclaimed.
One of the reasons Ruby had bought this house was because there was a loft conversion that the previous owners had used as an office. It had Velux windows in the roof and Ruby had declared it the perfect studio when she’d first seen it because the light was amazing. Not that she had done much painting of her own since she’d moved in. She was too busy buying and selling other people’s and the loft had become a storage facility.
The sisters were both workaholics and Olivia had hardly seen Ruby lately. She felt guilty. She should have tried harder to keep in touch with her sister’s life. Ruby looked ever so tired as she cupped the mug of chamomile in both hands and sipped it. She also looked more vulnerable than Olivia had even seen her.
After a few seconds, she began to speak in a slightly calmer voice. ‘I’m only just pregnant, I think. So, I do have options.’
‘Lots of options,’ Olivia agreed. Her head was still spinning slightly. She hated seeing her sister so distressed.
‘I’m always so careful,’ Ruby began slowly. ‘You know how Mum terrified the living daylights out of us when we were younger about getting pregnant. Besides, I’d gone back on the pill when I met Scott. I hadn’t been seeing anyone for a while before that.’
Olivia nodded.
‘But I do remember I had a tummy bug just before Christmas. I probably didn’t even tell you. It was so fleeting. I didn’t think it would matter. But clearly it did.’ She shook her head. ‘So I didn’t think too much of it when I missed my period. I’m always a bit erratic, but when I missed another one, I thought I’d take a test. Just to check, you know. That was last night. I was so shocked when it came up positive. I did another one this morning, just to be sure. I’ve been worrying myself sick ever since.’
Olivia squeezed her sister’s hand and felt guiltier than ever. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you sooner.’
‘Don’t be daft. You’re here now. You’re the first person I’ve told.’
There was a little silence and the big old clock on the mantlepiece ticked and Olivia racked her brains to think of something positive to say. She didn’t want to mention termination. Despite her strong views on not wanting kids, Ruby had equally strong views about the sanctity of life. She was firmly against euthanasia, abortion and capital punishment. When she was at art college, she’d been chair of the debating society and had led a debate that had almost ended in fisticuffs between herself and another girl, who said it should be individual choice, not laws, that defined moral issues.
‘Would it help if you talked to Scott?’ Olivia asked. ‘I know you’ve split up, but this is actually his problem as well, isn’t it? If that’s the right word.’ She faltered. It felt so wrong to be referring to a pregnancy – something she wanted so much – as a problem. But that was clearly how Ruby saw it.
Ruby looked at her with tear-filled eyes. ‘This must be crappy for you. I know how you feel about being a mum. I wish I felt the same. Maybe I will one day. But I don’t right now. In fact, that’s the only thing I am sure about. I definitely don’t want Scott’s baby.’ She sighed. ‘There’s something I haven’t told you.’ She took another sip of her chamomile and clinked the mug back onto the coffee table. ‘One of the reasons Scott and I split up was because I found out he was married. I didn’t have a clue, obviously, when we got together. He wasn’t wearing a ring. He was always around. It wasn’t the kind of situation where he kept making excuses not to meet and wouldn’t let me go to his house, or so I thought, given that it’s not his house after all. I went there to help him hang a painting. That’s how we met. There was no sign that a woman lived there. I didn’t suspect a thing.’
‘So how…?’
‘He was sneaky. It turned out it wasn’t even his house. It was his
brother’s place. Scott and his “unmentioned” wife…’ she mimed the inverted commas, ‘actually lived somewhere else. His wife works abroad a lot – she was away in November and December. Out of sight, out of mind. So sneaky Scott decided to have a bit of extramarital fun in her absence. She came back in the new year. Which was when I found out. To say I was mad would be an understatement.’
‘Honey, why didn’t you tell me before?’
‘To be honest, I felt such an idiot, Liv. That I’d been conned. Not to mention ashamed. Scott was so casual and “what’s your problem?” about the whole thing too. He said that he and Marianne – that’s her name – had an open relationship and it wasn’t a big deal. Yada, yada. Once I’d got over the shock, I just wanted to put the whole thing behind me as soon as possible and move on. It wasn’t as though it was the love affair of the century or anything anyway.’
‘What an absolute Grade A wanker. And how absolutely shitty for you.’
‘It was. I should have told you. But…’ She spread her hands. ‘Like me, you’re really busy. It wasn’t as thought there was anything you could have done.’
‘I still would have been there for you.’
‘I know. Like I said, it was mostly me feeling like a fool. But now this has happened. I don’t know what to do.’
‘Are you going to tell him?’
‘I don’t even know that. I probably should. But I don’t know if he ever told his wife about us – despite all the “open relationship” stuff. For all I know, that could have been one massive lie too. Being as so much of the other stuff he told me was.’
‘True.’ Olivia’s head was beginning to hurt. Goodness knew what Ruby’s was doing. Her sister was looking at her as though she expected her to come up with a magic solution. ‘Well,’ she began cautiously. ‘I suppose whether you tell him, partly depends on what you want to do. I take it you still feel the same way you always have about terminations?’
‘I think so.’ Ruby stared down at her interlinked fingers. ‘Although it does feel weird being here. I never in a million years thought I’d end up making a mistake.’
‘In which case, I guess you could either keep the baby.’ Ruby was already shaking her head. ‘Or consider adoption.’
‘Adoption is the decision I keep coming back to.’ Ruby sighed. ‘Although I’m not sure how I’m going to explain that one away to everyone in our family. I don’t think Mum would be very keen. I mean, I know she doesn’t bang on about being a granny like some mums do, but I also can’t see her happily waving goodbye to her first – and possibly only – grandchild.’
Olivia felt a stab of pain that was almost physical at the same moment as Ruby clapped her hand over her mouth.
‘Liv, I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I know how much you want children.’
‘But I’m not getting any younger. I know.’ Olivia had kept her voice as casual as she could but knew she hadn’t quite pulled it off. Ruby still looked stricken.
‘It’s a pity you can’t adopt this one.’
For one wild second, Olivia’s heart leapt at the idea of adopting her sister’s baby, but her head told her it was a bad idea. Babies weren’t commodities sisters could swap between them like bags or tops. She couldn’t adopt and bring up her niece or nephew. There were too many emotional entanglements. It wouldn’t work. She changed the subject before it could go any further down this emotional rollercoaster of a road.
‘Have you eaten?’ she asked Ruby. It was just coming up to 6 p.m.
‘No, but I’m not hungry. My stomach churns every time I think of food. Morning sickness is a misnomer. They should call it all day sickness.’ She gave a weak smile. At least she was looking a little less panicked now. It must have helped to share her secret, even though they hadn’t made any decisions. ‘You must be hungry though,’ Ruby went on. ‘I could make some cheese on toast. Or do you have to get back? Are you supposed to be somewhere?’
‘No. I was just on my way home and no I’m not hungry. Phil and I had a picnic at lunchtime.’
‘I’m sorry. I’m holding you up.’
‘You’re not, honey. I can stay over if you like. If you need moral support, I mean.’
‘Would you?’
‘Of course.’
It had been a long time since she’d stayed over at her sister’s, Olivia thought when they finally went up to bed. They’d always got on well enough, but they didn’t live in each other’s pockets. Their lives had run along parallel lines when they’d first left home and in the last few years they had diverged even more sharply. Ruby spent a lot of time in London or travelling around far-flung parts of the country seeing clients and visiting exhibitions, and Olivia was immersed in either acting or cake making. There weren’t that many occasions when they were in the same place at the same time. Christmases and family birthdays and the odd celebration were probably the only times they saw each other for extended periods.
Olivia regretted this a little now as she put on the nightshirt she’d borrowed, which smelled of lemon fabric softener, and lay in her sister’s luxurious guest-room bed, which was all feather duvet and sumptuous Egyptian cotton bedding.
One wall of the guest bedroom was dominated by a painting of a forest in a huge gilt frame and Olivia lay in bed, looking at it. It was so true to life; she half expected to hear birdsong or see a squirrel skittering through the branches of the trees.
She closed her eyes. She regretted that Ruby had gone through such heartbreak so recently without saying a word. Although Ruby had insisted that she hadn’t been heartbroken. ‘I didn’t love him,’ she’d acknowledged. ‘He was very charming and pretty hot, but the more I got to know him, the more I realised we didn’t have much in common. I think I’d have called things off even if I hadn’t found out he had a wife.’
Olivia had hugged her tightly.
By the time they’d gone to bed, Ruby had been looking a lot happier. This was partly because they now had a plan. Ruby was going to phone Scott in the morning and arrange a time to see him. She didn’t imagine for a second he would want to claim his paternal rights, but she would also tell him she planned to put the baby up for adoption.
‘Just having a plan and being able to see a way forward has made me feel so much better,’ she’d said quietly. ‘Thanks so much, sis.’
The last thing Olivia thought of as she dropped off to sleep was the perfect day she’d had with Phil. It was a shame it had ended with such a bombshell.
In the morning when Olivia got downstairs, she found that Ruby was already up and sitting at her laptop, even though it was barely seven.
‘Workaholism must run in our family,’ she murmured. ‘Would you like tea?’
‘I’m just doing some emails. And yes please.’ Ruby stopped tapping. ‘Thanks for staying over and thanks for listening. I’m sorry it’s all been about me. You’re all right, aren’t you?’
‘I’m very good, honey, thanks.’ Olivia realised with surprise that she hadn’t thought about the Casualty audition once since she’d rocked up last night. It was true what Aunt Dawn said, ‘If you want to forget your own worries, just focus on someone else’s.’
‘What?’ Ruby asked suspiciously.
‘It’s nothing much. I’m just waiting for the results of an audition. Quite an important one. If I get it, I’ll be filming in Cardiff for the next six months.’
‘Wow. That’s brilliant. When will you know?’
‘Today, hopefully.’
Ruby held up crossed fingers. ‘If there’s any justice, you’ll get it. Will your man understand? Won’t that mean you’ll hardly get to see him.’
‘It’s not that far to drive. I’ll just have to cut back on the cake making. And yes, I think he will. He’s an actor, isn’t he?’
‘Of course. I’d forgotten that.’ She closed the lid of her laptop and got off the stool. ‘We must see more of each other. We must make an effort. I mean – if we can fit it around our work and stuff.’ She tailed off.
�
�We will. I told you, I’m planning to help you through this. You’re not on your own. And you’ve got a plan.’
‘I have. I’m going to phone Scott as soon as he gets to work.’ She checked the time on the kitchen clock. ‘Which won’t be for a couple of hours or so. I won’t tell him on the phone. I think it’s better if I do that face to face.’ She stuck out her chin determinedly. ‘Just because he has no integrity whatsoever, it doesn’t mean I have to follow suit.’
As Olivia looked at her little sister’s resolute face, she felt a surge of love for her. ‘I’m proud of you, honey. And I’m going to be here for you every step of the way. Cardiff or no Cardiff.’
‘Thanks, sis.’ Ruby still looked worried, but she’d recovered some of her usual fire. ‘Don’t tell Mum will you.’
‘Of course I won’t.’
11
Olivia was hopeless at keeping secrets. It was just as well their parents were in the Outer Hebrides, she thought, and not likely to rock up any time soon. Especially as Ruby was now giving her a running commentary on every step of the unfolding events.
It turned out that Ruby’s prediction of Scott’s reaction was spot on. They had met on Monday evening after work.
‘You should have seen his face,’ Ruby had relayed back to Olivia on the phone, later the same evening. ‘It would have been comical if it wasn’t so bloody tragic. He actually accused me of making it up in order to get money out of him – like I would need his money. I earn four times what he does.’ Her voice was contemptuous. ‘Then he offered me money not to tell his wife. So much for them having an open marriage. I hadn’t planned to tell his wife. But I felt so insulted he thought I might I was almost tempted.’
