“Please, abuse it,” she teased. “What’s on your plate today?”
“I’m meeting my mother in a little while. We’re going to shop for clothes for your brother’s award ceremony and then have lunch.”
“Oh, Jack. That’s wonderful. But please don’t buy new clothes on account of my family.”
“I’m not. I’m revamping so much of my life that the idea of putting on dress clothes from two years ago just doesn’t sit well with me.” He didn’t need to tell her that the last time he’d worn dress clothes was to Linda’s funeral, or that he’d burned those particular clothes the minute he’d gotten back home. The past was slowly being pushed to where it rightfully belonged—behind him. And he was excited to move forward. If only he could resolve the issues with his father. He was determined to heal that relationship. He rubbed his scar and realized that he still hadn’t told Savannah about what else had happened the night of Linda’s accident, and he had to face that, too. As soon as he felt strong enough, he would do it, and then he hoped he’d be able to bring Savannah fully into his life, which meant welcoming her into the home he had shared with Linda and to the cabin. Once he was secure enough to do those things, their biggest hurdles would be behind him.
“Well, have fun. I can’t wait to see you tonight. Will you be at the apartment, or are you heading back to your house?”
He heard the hope in her voice that he’d come to love, and he knew the answer to the question he’d asked himself earlier. He had no interest in driving back to Bedford Corners when Savannah was right here in the city.
“I’ll be here when you get home for as many days as you’d like me to be.” He walked into her bedroom and began taking his clothes from his backpack.
“I’m a needy girl, Jack. I never used to be. In fact, I’ve never wanted any man to stay overnight at all. But with you, I want nothing more. So let me know if I smother you.”
“Impossible.” The word flew from his lips.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
JACK LOVED SHOWERING in Savannah’s shower. Her sweet scent was everywhere. The steam in the shower held the coconut aroma of her shampoo, and when he stepped from the shower, the clean towels smelled like her linens and clothing. As he brushed his teeth, he picked up her perfume bottle and was reminded of their first kiss. The night everything about her became ingrained in his senses.
He rinsed and dried his toothbrush, and as he was putting it back in his toiletry bag, he stopped and instead put it in the toothbrush holder beside hers. For a moment he stood and stared at the plastic handles. How could two three-dollar toothbrushes hold so much meaning? He didn’t want Savannah to feel as though he’d overstepped his bounds, though he assumed she wouldn’t feel that way after the things she’d said to him and having given him a key. Just in case, he tucked the rest of his toiletries in the bag and zipped it up, then put it back in his backpack.
Ten minutes later, there was a knock at the door, and Jack felt a rush of happiness. He opened the door and found his mother and Siena on the other side.
“Two beautiful women? I am a lucky guy.” He hugged them both as they came into the apartment.
“You didn’t think I’d let you guys go shopping without me, did you?” Siena breezed past him in her jeans, T-shirt, and very fashionable cropped jacket. She scanned every inch of the living room. “Or that I’d pass up the opportunity to see who’s rocked my big brother’s world?” In the next breath, she zeroed in on the photograph that Jack had only just discovered.
“She called when I was on my way over. I hope you don’t mind.” His mother’s hair was pulled off her face with a large leather clip. She wore dangling green earrings and a flowing white blouse atop a pair of linen pants and looked as stylishly casual as she always had. In each of Jack’s memories of his mother, she was smiling. Siena got her natural beauty from their mother, though their mother put more effort into her children and her art than she did her looks. Sage was blessed with their mother’s artistic talent. As Jack looked at his mother, who was trying hard not to nose around Savannah’s apartment, he was thankful for the loving and stable home she’d given them, and while his father may have been too harsh at times, his mother had probably been too soft. His parents complemented each other well. Even with the trouble he and his father were currently experiencing, Jack had to admit that his father’s strength was what made him a strong man to begin with—and his mother’s gentleness was what allowed him to love so deeply.
“Jack, is this Savannah?” Siena held up the picture frame. “She is gorgeous.”
“That’s her and her brothers,” he said.
“Do you mind if I take a look?” his mother asked before reaching for the picture.
She was always so considerate, and it struck Jack how she and Savannah were alike in that way. “Not at all, Mom. Go ahead.”
“What a lovely family. Look, Siena, she has a big family like ours.”
“They’re really close,” he said.
His mother set the picture down on the shelves and patted his hand. “We will be again, too.”
“I’M NOT SURE why I’m even here,” Jack teased. They’d gone to three different clothing stores, and Siena and his mother wouldn’t let him buy anything he picked out. Jack held up a white dress shirt.
Siena scrunched her face. “You’re not an old man, Jack.”
“I’m thirty-seven. That’s pretty old,” he said.
“When you get to sixty-seven, then you can say you’re old. Until then, you’re approaching middle age.” His mother winked.
Siena pulled out a black dress shirt with white embellishments. Something Jack could see Dex wearing. Her eyes lit up as she showed it to him. “Now, this is cool, Jack. You’d look so hot in it. Try it on.”
Jack shook his head. “I’m not twenty-five, Siena. I’d look ridiculous.”
“He’s right. That’d be good for Dexy but not Jack.” His mother sifted through the fitted shirts and came away with one that was light blue and another that was dark blue. She held them against Jack’s chest. “Siena?”
Siena turned around and her eyes grew wide. “Oh, perfect. Either one. He has those magnificent dark blue eyes, so he could wear the dark one with a light tie, or go light and spruce that one up with a dark tie, or a Jerry Garcia tie. Those are always fun.”
Jack shook his head, enjoying every second of his mother’s and sister’s smothering and realizing how much he’d missed it.
With shirts, slacks, belts, and even boxers purchased, because his mother insisted, When you turn over a new leaf in life, you should have new things to solidify the path, they headed back out to find a restaurant for lunch.
Jack was enjoying spending time with Siena again. Her energy was contagious, and she appeared oblivious to the gawks from men they passed on the street. Jack found himself walking closer to her just to keep the ogling to a minimum.
“Why are you practically on top of me?” she asked as they entered a little café and waited to be seated.
“I’m trying to dissuade the oglers,” Jack said.
His mother laughed. “You haven’t changed one bit.”
“Jack, I’m a big girl. I can manage my own safety.” She looked around the café. “Besides, no one here is ogling besides that woman over there, and she’s not ogling me.”
Jack shook his head. He’d built so many walls around himself that he’d grown immune to glances from women. He looked over, and Siena was right; the pretty brunette in the corner of the café was definitely undressing him with her eyes. Jack turned away. He had eyes only for Savannah.
The waitress sat them on the other side of the café, and after they ordered lunch, his mother folded her hands on the table and narrowed her eyes at Jack. She had fine lines around her lips, which were pressed tightly together, but her eyes held the bright light Jack had always admired.
“So, do you want to talk about your father?” she asked.
“Mom, don’t ruin his day,” Siena said.
> “It’s okay, honey,” he said to Siena. “Actually, I would, Mom. I’ve been racking my brain over this, and for the life of me, I cannot figure out why he’s still so angry with me. I apologized. I told him I handled things poorly. I took responsibility. What am I missing?”
His mother reached across the table and put her hand on his. “Jack, have you ever heard of Esther Loone?”
Jack shook his head.
“Who’s that?” Siena asked.
“We’ve never told any of you about this because it really had nothing to do with our family. But then again, nothing ever does…until it does.” She smiled. “What I’m going to tell you cannot go to your brothers.” She looked at Siena and narrowed her eyes. “Not even Dex, Siena.”
“I won’t tell him.”
“You’ve never been able to keep a secret from him,” she said.
“If it’s that important, maybe you shouldn’t tell either of us,” Jack pointed out.
“No. I’ve covered for your father for a very long time, and it’s time he deals with what he couldn’t so many years ago. I can’t sit back and watch our family divided any longer, Jack. I know how much courage it took for you to find your way back to us, and I’m sure much of that has to do with the new woman in your life.”
“Savannah,” Jack said, missing her more than ever.
“Yes, Savannah. She must have sparked something in you that reminded you of how beautiful love could be, and I’m thrilled by that, Jack. She must be very special.”
“And very patient to have gotten through all that anger you had,” Siena pointed out. She picked up her water and sipped it through a straw, ignoring the harsh glare her mother cast her way. She rested her head on Jack’s shoulder. “I love you whether you’re angry or not, but I can’t imagine falling for someone who was as angry as you.”
“Thanks, sis,” he said.
“You know what I mean.” Siena righted her head as the waitress brought their meals.
“Anyway, Esther and your father dated before we met. They were best friends for years, and it turned romantic. Esther got very sick and, well, she never made it past her eighteenth year. That was the year your father was to join the military. Well, you know your grandfather. There wasn’t much wiggle room with where your father’s future lay. He was never given the opportunity to mourn the loss of his best friend, and he could never do what you did, Jack. You took things into your own hands and threw caution to the wind. You took care of you instead of appeasing everyone else, and I admire you for that—even if it was the hardest thing a mother could watch her son go through.”
Guilt squeezed his heart again, but not so much that he lost sight of what his mother had just unveiled. “Do you think Dad is upset because I went away and he couldn’t or didn’t?”
“I think that might have something to do with it, yes. I don’t think he’s upset with you, necessarily. He just doesn’t know what to do with his own grief.” His mother reached across the table and touched his hand again. Her eyes softened.
Jack felt as if he were stuck. He had no idea how to fix things between him and his father, and it didn’t sound like his mother had the answers either.
“I’ve missed you, Jack.”
“I’ve missed you, too, Mom. I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how to move forward. I thought everyone blamed me as much as I blamed myself.”
“I never blamed you, Jack,” Siena said.
“I know.” He put his arm around her and pulled her close. “Savannah has helped me to deal with a lot of that crap. Mom, you’re right. She is a big part of why I’m finally taking the steps I should have taken a long time ago. She’s helped me break down the barriers I’ve put up between me and the rest of the world. But if what you’re saying is that Dad is upset because I did what he couldn’t, then I’m not sure how I can fix that.”
“Your father is stubborn, but he’s a loving man. I know you don’t always see the softer side of him, but it exists. Remember when you came back from your last tour and you were up for days on end worrying about the guys who were still over there?”
“I forgot about that. He stayed up on the phone with me almost all night for several nights in a row.” The memories were filtering back, like pieces of a puzzle falling into place. He’d known his father was exhausted. He’d heard it in his voice, and yet he remained steadfast in his support of Jack, telling him how proud he was of him and how well he’d done for his country.
“Do you remember when he gave you his old truck? He didn’t want to. Did you know that?” she asked.
“I thought it was to haul things, as he said.” Jack took a drink of his iced tea.
“He knew you needed something to haul things with all that acreage, but more important, he knew how much it meant to you. You used to ride in it just to be close to him. He wanted you to have those memories. He’s a good man, Jack, just like you.”
She sat back, and Jack felt her watching him as he mulled over what she’d just said.
“How is Jack supposed to navigate this, Mom? It sounds like it’s Dad’s issue, not Jack’s.”
“Correct. It’s your father’s issue. Jack just needs to be patient and try to remember who your father really is at his heart, so when he’s ready to forgive and apologize, Jack is receptive to it.”
Jack wondered why he’d buried the more positive memories of his father, and he wondered if he’d repressed them before or after Linda’s accident. He wished he knew.
“Do you remember the rabbit we had when I was about eight?” he asked.
“Of course. Wubbles.” She smiled.
“Right.”
“Wubbles? I don’t remember a Wubbles,” Siena said.
“You weren’t born yet,” their mother said. “Jack had a rabbit that he adored. God knows why he had to have that rabbit, but he did, and he loved the darn thing so much. One day when he went out to feed him, he found that Wubbles had gone to the great rabbit hutch in the sky.”
“Aw. That must have been so sad,” Siena said.
“It tore him up, and your father wasn’t very patient with him.” She pointed her index finger at Jack. “But you were a little pill. You refused to eat or sleep for days, and while I don’t agree with how your father pushed you to get you back into life, I do think you needed to be pushed.”
Jack rubbed his hand over his face. Savannah was right. “I guess perspective is everything. I have a kid’s-eye-view with that one. I just remember him telling me to basically get over it. I don’t remember anything that I did around that time. You know, Mom, I wonder if I should just talk to him again, now that I know about Esther. Maybe if he knows I understand what he went through…”
“Don’t you dare. You promised me you'd keep it a secret, and I trust that you will, Jack.”
She said it so forcefully that Jack put his hands up in surrender. “I will. I’m sorry.”
“It could be a year before he comes around, or he could come around tomorrow. I don’t have any idea, and I can’t talk with him about it. This is too close to his heart. All I can tell you, Jack, is that he’s your father and he loves you. When he’s finally ready, I hope you’ll treat him with the same unconditional love that your sister and brothers have treated you.”
“I want nothing more than to be a family again, Mom. I promise you that I’m done with the anger. I’m feeling a lot like my old self again, and it feels too good to ever go back.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
SAVANNAH WAS ON the phone with Josh when her apartment door opened and Jack walked in. He held up the key and mouthed, It worked. He set a number of packages on the floor and joined Savannah on the couch. She held up one finger and blew him a kiss while listening to Josh.
“Okay, so we’ll see you and Riley tomorrow night. Yeah. I can’t wait. Love you, too.” She ended the call and was surprised to see how many shopping bags Jack had. “Wow, you guys really did go shopping. How fun.”
“Fun? You’ve never shopped with Siena and my m
other. Siena wants to dress me like I’m a twentysomething skater, and my mother has strong opinions of her own. I did enjoy spending the day with them, though.” He leaned over and kissed her. “Sorry I’m so late. I spent a little time getting reacquainted with the city.”
“You did? With all those eyes on you?” she teased.
He kissed her again, and Savannah deepened the kiss. She’d been thinking about him all afternoon, and just the thought that he now had a key to her apartment kicked up her excitement. She’d never left a man alone in her apartment before, much less given one a key, and with Jack she didn’t have one second of unease about either.
“I’m so glad you were able to spend time with them.” The way he looked at her, the way he moved, even the way he spoke was more at ease. Savannah had a feeling that she was finally seeing the real Jack Remington—and she loved him even more than she did the day before.
“Actually, I got you a few things, too.” He retrieved the packages and brought them to the couch.
“You didn’t need to get me anything.” Savannah loved gifts as much as any woman, and her stomach jumped with anticipation to see what he’d picked out for her.
“I noticed that you had on cowgirl boots when we were in the mountains, and while they were extremely sexy, I thought you might want something a little more sturdy. That is, assuming you’ll want to spend any time at all at my cabin.” He handed her a beautiful pair of leather hiking boots.
“Oh, Jack. That was so thoughtful. How did you know my size?” She ran her fingers over the soft leather.
“I might have peeked in your closet, but I promise I didn’t snoop at anything personal.”
She wrapped him in a tight hug. “I love these, and I would love to spend time at your cabin. I’d spend time anywhere with you.”
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