She gasped and then reached for my leg. “Your foot. Did you hurt it again on the rocks?”
I flexed it, curling my toes and then relaxing them, not feeling an ounce of pain.
“Nope. Good as new.”
“Good.” She rested her head back on my shoulder. “Now, you can run again.”
Now I could run. I waited, expecting that spark of joy in my gut to return at the prospect of hitting the track again. But my dip in the Cascades must’ve extinguished any remaining embers, because all I felt was cold. Cold at the thought that I’d nearly lost my baby sister, all because I’d been caught up in my own life.
Maybe it was the dampness from Charlotte’s tears on my shoulder, or the terror of the Cascades still deep in my bones, but something had taken ahold of my heart and was squeezing it like a stress ball. My throat felt thick, my lungs heavy.
I never wanted to end up at this hospital again. Not for Charlotte, not for Mom. Not for anyone. My heart couldn’t take it anymore.
Things had to change from here on out.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I’d officially reached the end of my three-week prison sentence.
My physical therapist had released me today for physical activity again. But instead of going out to test it, I was spending Friday night lying on top of my bed and rolling my ankle, enjoying the feeling of it bending and turning without pain. It was nice to worry about one less thing...even if I might never see another track in my life.
“Finally some good news, and I can’t even tell anyone,” I mumbled to myself.
The sudden realization that things had to change for my family had buried itself like a kernel deep inside my gut at the hospital. Despite the fact that we were home now and everyone safe, I could still feel it, digging deeper into my abdomen. It was a reminder of the things I’d have to give up to make that happen.
No one knew about my sudden exit from the track team, yet. I hadn’t been to school since Trina, Audrey, and I had cut out at lunch time on Wednesday. After I’d filled Mom and Dad in on everything happening with Charlotte, they’d decided school could wait until Monday and that we needed some emergency family time together. No Internet allowed. No phone. No visitors. No outside world contact. It was like living in a bubble.
Mom and Dad had gotten their new manager to take over things at the diner and had spent the last two days completely with us. It was nice, having them around again, even if most of Thursday had involved multiple lectures that focused around Charlotte’s partying and my withholding of serious information from them. When Dad really got worked up, he liked to put together slide show presentations on just how much we’d messed up. It was hard to stay awake for a hundred pages on the dangers of underage drinking.
So. Many. Slides.
Still, this time together had been worth it.
I reached over without thinking to check my phone and a painful dart shot through my abdomen at the sight of its blank screen. I kept forgetting that my phone had died a tragic death in my pocket at the Cascades. Even if someone wanted to contact me, they couldn’t.
That included Jayden.
It had been three days since I’d seen his face. Four days since I’d broken his heart. And exactly zero minutes since I’d last missed him. He was probably so hurt that I hadn’t contacted him. That I hadn’t wanted him at the hospital. Tears filled my eyes. I squeezed them shut, groaning in frustration as the kernel twisted in my gut. Returning to track and Jayden seemed to be out of reach now.
Jayden deserved so much better than me.
“Hey, sweetie.” Mom appeared in my doorway, holding out a cup of steaming hot tea. “I brought you some Chamomile. Thought it might help you sleep.”
I blinked back the tears and smiled at her, sitting up to gratefully take the hot mug. The sip I took filled my mouth with a flowery tasty goodness and just a hint of honey. Sighing, I slouched down and just inhaled the steam.
“So...Coach Padilla called today.” Mom sat on the bed next to me. I could feel her eyeing the side of my face. “She wondered if you’re planning on coming back to track on Monday.”
I kept my lips pressed together and stared down at the murky liquid in my cup. No, I couldn’t go back. It wasn’t going to be fun facing Coach Padilla, but it had to be done. I’d march in there first thing and hand in my track uniform. Hopefully, she wouldn’t give me too much grief. After all, she’d been the one to kick me off the team in the first place.
Mom placed a hand lightly on my knee. “What’s going on with you, baby? You’ve been miserable all week. At first, I thought it was just you worrying about your ankle. And then, I thought it was about your sister. But that was two days ago and your face is as blue as my berry custard dessert. Speak up, sweetie. Tell me what’s wrong.”
I shifted my gaze to hers. She’d been so busy patching up Charlotte this week, there was no way she could carry my grief, too. I was strong. I could control this.
“I’m just shifting some priorities around in my life,” I said, giving her a half-smile. “No more track. No more weekend meets. I’m going to be home more often, just like you guys.”
Mom’s brow wrinkled. Her eyes darted between mine as she studied me closely. “No more track? But what about your scholarships?”
“Don’t need them. I’ve decided I want to help out at the diner next year.” I set the tea on my nightstand and then leaned back on my arms, splaying my hands on the bed behind me. “You guys can teach me the business. It’ll be way better than going to school. They say you can’t beat hands-on learning.”
“Mandy...” Her voice held a hint of argument.
“And now, I’ll be home more often to help with Charlotte. Aren’t you glad?”
She pressed her lips into a thin line and her eyes narrowed. I swept my gaze to the other side of the room, so she couldn’t see my tears forming. They weren’t tears of heartbreak. I was done crying over the things I was giving up. They were tears of frustration for not having done this sooner and letting myself get so attached to what I couldn’t have. With a quick hand, I wiped them away and dried my tears on the side of my pants.
“Mandy, I think your dad and I messed up big time these last couple weeks. First with Charlotte, and secondly, with you.”
That blurted out confession had me looking over at her again, shock bursting like a firecracker in my chest. “No, you didn’t. You were working hard at the diner. None of this was your fault.”
“Yes, but we’re still your parents.” She stroked a lock of my hair and swept it over my shoulder. “We should’ve noticed what was going on with Charlotte and the drinking. And you should’ve been able to come to us about it the first time.”
My cheeks burned as I moved closer to her. “I thought I had it under control. I didn’t want to add to your stress. With your heart and everything...”
I looked down at the spot just below Mom’s collarbone. It seemed like just yesterday she’d had sticky electrode pads placed all over her chest and the doctor was warning us about the thickening lining of her heart.
“Sweetie, I’m doing just fine.” She squeezed my upper arm softly. “I know now when to pull back. But my heart issues do not give you an excuse to keep things from your parents, especially when they involve things that could turn out to be so dangerous.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but she silenced me with a glare.
“You cannot take this all on yourself. Let us be the parents. You be the kid. That’s the deal I made when I gave birth to you nearly eighteen years ago. I didn’t go through thirteen hours of labor to abandon you three feet from the finish line.”
I couldn’t help but snort at her use of a track metaphor. She grinned with pride, her blue eyes sparkling.
“So, you’re saying you want me to back off?” I asked, biting my lower lip.
She put her forefinger under my chin and leaned closer to give me a glowering stare. “What I’m saying is that I don’t want you to grow up too quickly. You’re carry
ing the whole world on your shoulders and you don’t have to anymore. Let someone else take care of you, for a change.”
My eyes burned with tears. I rubbed them and then sniffled softly. “Okay, I guess I can try...”
Letting go of that sense of responsibility wasn’t going to be easy. I’d carried it for so long. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I knew how to stop. But I’d try, if that’s what my mom really wanted me to do.
“And while you’re at it,” she said, patting my knee. “Go back to track. Kick some butt. Keep that scholarship. You have so much potential, sweetheart. I’d hate to see you waste it doing something you’re not passionate about.”
“Are you sure?” I grabbed her hand. “Because I’ll give it all up if it helps you. You know I would.”
She made a face and pulled back. “You most certainly will not. I won’t allow it. I am officially giving you permission, Mandy Renee Hale, to stop worrying so much. You deserve to chase after your dreams. I just want you to be happy.”
Her words echoed loudly in my mind. How many times had I told Charlotte that I’d just wanted her to be happy? And yet, I’d watched her self-destruct over the matter of weeks. Was I doing the same thing? Was I locking myself in a cage and making myself miserable, when all this time the cage door had been left wide open?
Mom wanted me to loosen up. Was this really the way to have it all? To let go of some of the control I’d been holding onto so tightly? It didn’t seem possible, but my mom’s firm lecture was starting to have an effect on me. Hope began to flutter in my chest, easing the pain in my gut. Even as I’d mentally begun to cut all of those dreams and desires I had out of my life, my heart had known I could never fully give them up. It pulsed inside my chest, as if afraid this was too good to be true.
“I’m not sure I know how to just be happy,” I said slowly. “I’m not even sure I know what that looks like.”
I’d had happy moments in my life, for sure. But never without me holding tightly to the things I thought I needed to control. What did that look like for me?
“I think I have an idea.” Charlotte stepped through my door, slinking as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to let us know she’d been eavesdropping.
I used to get so mad at her for doing that to me and my friends. But now, I held out a welcoming hand to her.
“What do you mean?” I asked as she took it, then claimed a seat on the other side of me.
“Jayden.” Her eyes flashed with emotion as my stomach somersaulted at the mere mention of his name. “He made you happy. You sent him away, because of me.”
Mom scrunched up her nose. “Is this the boy you’re always fighting with? The cute one on the baseball team? I always thought he had eyes for you.”
“Mom...” I elbowed her and tried not to let the blood rush to my cheeks. I failed. “Stop it.”
“What? It’s true.” She gave me an evil grin. “I may miss some things, but I didn’t miss that. Are you telling me you like him, too? The girl who swore off boys when she was only ten years old because they were too ucky?”
I groaned and fell backwards on the bed. “Yes, I like him. Maybe even more than like him...”
Closing my eyes until they were slits, I squinted at my mom, waiting for her reaction to my love confession. She sat there looking at me with a big, goofy grin on her face.
“Well, then, you’d better invite the boy over for dinner,” she said, her cheeks turning pink as excitement danced in her eyes. “And soon. Does he like breakfast foods? I can make my world-famous waffles. I’m trying out a new combination: lemon cream zinger. You’ll love it. I’ll pair it with my homemade hash browns and eggs. And whipped maple syrup to top it all off.”
A groan escaped my lips again. “It might be too late for that. I think I blew it.”
Charlotte slapped my knee and huffed. “What? How?”
I rolled over to my belly and glared at my dresser drawers. “I basically shoved him away. He asked me to prom and I treated him like dirt. I haven’t talked to him in days and now he probably thinks I hate him.”
Mom and my sister both mimicked my pose on their stomachs beside me. They cradled their chins in their hands, looking at me.
“I think you know you need to fix this,” Mom said, frowning.
“How? Send him a DM that says, hey—I was totally pranking you haha come back to me?”
“Sweetie, if I know anything, it’s that the best apologies are done face-to-face.” She shot me a serious look. “If he’s as amazing as you say he is, he deserves that much. Be sincere and he’ll forgive you.”
My fingers itched to grab my computer and message him right away, but Mom was right. If I was going to fix this, I was going to have to talk to him in person.
“I’m not sure if things can go back to the way they were,” I said, looking at them both. Pain and uncertainty churned in my stomach. “What if I go back to wanting to control everything myself? What if I just make everyone else around me miserable?”
“You won’t.” Charlotte took my hand and squeezed it tight. “You’re my big sister and I know you better than that.”
“Listen to her,” Mom said, grabbing my other hand. “You have Charlotte. You have your group of best friends. And after you make things right with Jayden, you’ll have him, too. But above all else, you’ll have your parents around to lean on. Let yourself be a happy kid, for once. Leave the worries to us old folk.”
I snorted softly, but a warmth flickered in my chest that I hadn’t felt for several days. It seemed that maybe this cold layer around my heart was unfreezing. That I was feeling hopeful for the first time all week.
“Okay, I’ll talk to Jayden tomorrow,” I said, feeling my lips curve into a smile. “Thanks for setting me straight, guys.”
“You’re welcome,” they both said at the same time.
We all giggled and my heart became that much lighter.
Maybe I had been too controlling over everything around me. Maybe I’d expected too much out of myself. Trina had accused me of taking care of everyone else and neglecting my own needs. She’d been right—as usual.
From now on, I was going to try and let other people help me. I wasn’t going to turn down help anymore. I was going to do what it took to make me happy, too.
But before all of that—I was going to make it up to Jayden.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The next morning my parents finally lifted the Internet ban. I logged into my social media accounts so quickly that it was dizzying to see all the messages and comments popping up from people checking on me. Worst of all was seeing Jayden’s multiple messages. I didn’t have time to read and analyze them all. Instead, I sent him a message asking to meet this morning and sat there at my computer, crossing my fingers for a quick reply.
Me: Can we meet this morning?
We need to talk.
Jayden: Fine.
At batting cages.
His reply sent off a fluttering sensation in my chest. That hadn’t taken long at all. I didn’t waste time to change out of my yoga pants and t-shirt. Running down the hall, yelling like a mad-woman, I went for the keys to Mom’s van.
“He’s at the batting cages,” I said, as she and my little sister rushed into the entryway. “I have to go tell him I’m sorry. This is my chance.”
“I’ll drive,” Mom said, grabbing the keys. “I don’t trust you to follow the speed limits when you’re worked up like this.”
“And I’ll come, too,” Charlotte said, bouncing up and down with a grin.
I shrugged. The more the merrier, I guessed. We were out the door in record time, hurtling across Rock Valley at just below reckless speeds.
The batting cages were situated not far from the school in a giant tin building that also hosted laser tag and a trampoline park. Mom parked in the lot and left the engine running. She patted my knee and shot me a smile.
“This is all you, baby girl. We’ll wait here for the good news.”
“Thanks.” I mana
ged to return her smile, although my insides were twisting with the anticipation of apologizing to Jayden face-to-face.
Mom had been right. Jayden deserved at least that much. And hopefully, he’d know just how sorry I was when he got a look at me.
The batting cage arena was filled with the sound of automatic pitching machines, missed balls hitting thick tarp backdrops, and the ting of bats. I scanned the area, gulping when my eyes landed on Jayden in one of the middle cages, his back turned to me. He’d worn a simple outfit of athletic shorts and a t-shirt. A blue batting helmet obscured most of his face as he swung at a pitch.
The way the muscles in his back and arms coiled tightly during each swing had me momentarily distracted. I drifted toward his cage, watching him through the chain-link fence, not wanting to interrupt just yet. He readied himself for another pitch, swinging with impressive athleticism when the ball shot out of the machine and delivered a beautiful hit to the back of the cage.
That must’ve been the last pitch in the lineup because the machine began to wind down and Jayden took off his helmet to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He turned to lean his bat against the door and caught me watching him. His blue eyes widened in surprise for a mere second before he managed to force his expression into something neutral.
“Hey.” I bit my bottom lip, desperately trying to remember all the words I’d planned to say when I was in my bed last night. They were currently escaping me. “How are you doing?”
“Fine.” His answer was short and clipped. He picked up a roll of quarters from the ground and took a few more out of the roll. “You?”
“Better, although Charlotte is pretty much grounded for life now.”
He grunted but didn’t look at me. Okay, so he was mad. I couldn’t blame him. We’d left things in such an awkward way and then he didn’t hear from me again for several more days. He had every right to be angry with me.
I watched him place the quarters one by one into the money slot. He hesitated on the last one, his gaze darting to my face. “Did you want something?”
Dare You to Fall for the Catcher Page 16
