“It seems no harm has been done, this time. He has already made his decision. I still don’t like it, but we have to continue. Stopping at this point is not an option.” Snowbie sounds surprisingly calm and is showing more restraint than I expected.
“I’m sorry. Despite my actions, I do understand why we must not interfere. The line between observing and befriending has gotten increasingly thin and gray. I still have to maintain his trust if I want to be included in the conversations. And as strange as it sounds, I’m starting to feel dishonest in my actions toward Jack. I think the friendship has started to mean something.” I’m trying to justify my actions to a witch. How has my life come to this?
“I know that I have put you in a difficult spot. It’s only going to get more challenging as time progresses. Please be careful when determining your loyalty to Jack. A developing friendship will make it hard for you to do what is necessary if he turns out to be our enemy. Once they are officially mated, we will know our path. Please continue to keep me informed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, yes?” Snowbie sighs.
“Yes, Snowbie. Tomorrow.” I disconnect the call.
I think I’ll sit on the dock for a while. That conversation took an interesting turn that I wasn’t expecting. Reflecting on what she said about Jack and our friendship, I believe that I already know Jack’s heart and which path he will take. I think that a man’s character is ingrained deeply enough that despite what happens, it won’t change overnight.
Thinking about all that has happened since Ashley arrived. Even without knowing how she came to be in Wolfton, it seems that fate has guided the movements of all involved. Regardless of what Snowbie said, I don’t think we could interfere even if we wanted to. I believe everything is happening just as fate wants it to. The war appears to be inevitable and its outcome, whatever that may be, is the only thing left to be determined.
CHAPTER 18
Ashley
I’m lying in bed listening to the shower after another restless night. The tension and the desire are reaching critical levels. Every night it’s the same thing. We want to attack each other like desperate, sex-crazed savages, but we don’t. Surprisingly, we control our impulses. But once we fall asleep, all that control is gone. Our sleeping bodies take over and we go at each other completely raw and untamed. This is the third night my clothes did not survive. Ripped to shreds, almost like Jack used his teeth or had claws.
Last night I had an orgasm. I don’t even think he was touching me. You would think that the orgasm would have brought some relief. Nope. I’m sure it made things worse. I physically need him inside me, and nothing else will do.
I got the feeling he was angry when he woke up. I don’t think with me, but I’m not sure. The growl thing he does changed, became more aggressive. And if I didn’t know better, I would say his eyes were glowing. I wasn’t afraid or anything. Truth be told, I wanted him to lose control. And I’m ready for him to stop holding back.
I was confused when he ran out of the bedroom. I don’t know where he went, but he didn’t return until recently. When he did come back, he went straight to the shower. He had to know I was awake. Is he rejecting me and I’m too stupid to figure it out? If he were using me, wouldn’t we have already had sex?
During the day, we don’t talk. And I rarely see him. I get the feeling he’s avoiding me to stay in control. He keeps saying that he wants me to get to know him, but we’re never together. Only at night when it’s time to go to bed. Something has to change. Every morning I listen to him in the shower. What would he do if I joined him? I would entertain that idea more if I didn’t have the lingering feeling that he might not want me anymore.
Jack is an incredibly attractive man. Maybe I’m not his type. I’ve never felt that I wasn’t good enough or have thought badly about myself. If someone didn’t like me, oh well. But this is different. This feels like rejection. Not only do I not like it, I have no clue why. The feeling that he’s my forever love is strong. Losing him and that love will be devastating. I don’t think I would survive it.
I hear the shower stop, and I scramble to wipe the tears away. I try to act normal when he comes out of the bathroom. Why am I hiding my actions from him? Wouldn’t it be better to get it out in the open and talk about it?
“Morning. It’s getting cool enough at night. I think we might be able to try out the fireplace later if you want. I’ll check the weather.” He’s sitting at the end of the bed, putting on his work boots.
“That would be nice.” I can’t manage more than that.
I get out of bed and go to the bathroom. I don’t want him to see me cry. How can he act completely normal? How can he not want to talk about it? And when did I become so weak that I don’t even bring it up?
Do I not want to hear the words of rejection so I’m not forcing the conversation? Hearing him say it out loud would put a stop to everything. As much as I want to know the truth, I’m not ready for him to leave my bed. Even with the frustration, I can’t let go of him beside me, touching me, holding me. What is happening to me?
After a long shower, I go into the kitchen. I’ve missed breakfast, but I don’t think I could eat anyway. I help Brooks clean the kitchen. We stay pretty quiet most of the morning. I’m sure he knows that something is wrong.
Today is Friday, and it’s the end of the first full week of work on the house. The permits were in on Tuesday. Since then, the work has gone into overdrive. The guys have been starting early and working late. They stop for dinner and then get back to work.
Except for the kitchen, downstairs is finished. The walls, the floors, everything. Two bedrooms upstairs are done, and only a few little things remain on the other two. The kitchen will be done last. I think I want to change a few things. Working with Brooks has given me some ideas.
I’m overjoyed with how much has gotten done in such a short amount of time. I hope the tension between Jack and me doesn’t mess things up. Leave it to me to get involved with the contractor who’s working on my house, only to have it end badly. Would he walk out on the job? Would I survive the winter if he did? I can’t think about that now.
“Is everything OK? Are you crying?” Brooks takes the dishes out of my hand, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“I’m fine.” I wipe the tears away, hoping to convince him that all is good. “I’m so happy with how much work has gotten done. I’m thinking about making changes to the kitchen. What do you think about this?”
I walk over to where the stove and oven are located. The refrigerator is to the right of the stove.
I look at Brooks. “Move the refrigerator over there to the left as you walk into the kitchen. Put a double oven here where the fridge currently is. With cabinets above and below to store pots and pans. Keep this stovetop here but add a second stovetop on the island. That way we can both work and not be in each other’s way. I really think that adding a double oven is a must. Especially if baking bread daily continues. We never use the counter space over there as you come into the kitchen, so I think it’s the perfect place to put the fridge. We do everything at the island or by the stove. What do you think?”
He looks around the kitchen, his hand on his chin, and nods. “I love it. Since we’re doing a double oven, what would you say to having two refrigerators? And maybe a large freezer in the basement. Completely rearrange the butler pantry to have everything we use daily accessible. Build a room around the freezer in the basement to store the stuff we don’t use every day. We can add a bigger sink and a stovetop down there for all the canning we’re going to be doing. Work down there wouldn’t interfere with meal prep up here.”
Brooks has really thought about this and I like his ideas. I’m getting attached to them being here. What will I do when they leave? “I like it. We should probably tell Max soon. I think this will change the electrical and maybe plumbing. And it will change things in the basement. The canning pantry should probably be close to the stairs.”
Brooks is looking at me with a confu
sed expression on his face. “What’s going on? Why tell Max and not Jack? Oh shit! Don’t cry. Wait. Fuck.”
I can’t help it. As soon as Brooks mentions Jack, I start crying and run to the bedroom. What a disaster.
What do I do now? I can’t hide in here the rest of the day. Hearing Brooks talk about the kitchen like he’s going to be around to use it was too much. No one has said anything, but I’ve noticed that some of them are sleeping here. I like having a full house. It feels like a home and they feel like a family. Not just any family but my family. Even Nicholai showing up for dinner every night seems normal. We split a bottle of wine while the others drink beer. It works.
I know this is temporary. They’re the contractors working on the house, nothing more. Even if Jack and I work through whatever this is, his employees are not part of the deal. This is crazier than what brought me here. I’ve become attached to all of it. Jack, the guys, cooking with Brooks, them staying here, the whole family dinner routine. How do I fix this when I don’t want it to end?
I guess I need to put up some emotional walls. I need to protect myself since I’m the only one who’ll get hurt when they all leave.
◆◆◆
I need to pull myself together. I’m in the bedroom with the door closed and as much as I want to, I can’t stay in here the rest of the day. I hate that Brooks saw me crying. I’m positive that he’ll tell Jack. I’ll make it up to Brooks later. Maybe talking to Sarah will help me now. I pick up my phone from the bedside table.
“Hello, Ashley? Is everything OK? Why are you calling so early in the morning?” She sounds worried.
Oh crap. I forgot it was so early on a workday. I usually call in the evenings.
“Hey. I’m excited about the end of the first week of construction. They’ve gotten so much done. I had to call you.” I try to sound excited instead of sad. I hope she buys it. “I’ll take some pictures and send them. The weather is already getting cool here at night, and we might start a fire in the fireplace tonight.”
“We? Who is ‘we’? Is there someone there with you? I thought you were going to tell me everything. What are you leaving out?” Sarah sounds upset.
Shit! Me and my big mouth. “There’s no one here with me. By ‘we’ I mean the contractors. They’re a great group of guys, and I volunteered to cook dinner for them. You know, to thank them for all their hard work. It’s kind of like having a bunch of brothers. While they’re here for dinner, I want them to teach me how to start a fire. I don’t want to burn the place down. I’ll take some pictures of them to send you.”
“Oh, OK. That makes sense. Send pictures. What are you cooking? How many are there? Do you know how to cook for that many?” Sarah has let down her guard.
“There are eleven of them, and I’m making pulled pork. It’s easy and the slow cooker does all the work. Coleslaw is simple and baked beans go in the oven. It sounds like a lot, but it’s all pretty easy. Add some hamburger buns and done. One of the guys from the crew is helping me in the kitchen. His name is Brooks. I like doing it.”
I decide then that I will make all that for the guys. I think they’ll like it. But not today since I need to get the necessary ingredients. I’ll also need another slow cooker, maybe two. Ribs would also be good, but they would be easier when we have the double oven in place. I’ll tell Brooks and maybe we can make it next week.
“You’ve always loved to cook. Be careful you don’t attract unwanted attention. You’re there by yourself. And you’ve always been too nice and too trusting. I worry about you.” She does sound concerned.
“I’m careful, I promise. I don’t get an uncomfortable vibe from this group. They’re really nice and have helped me a lot. They’ve even cut up a fallen tree so that I have firewood for the winter. That wasn’t part of their job, but they did it anyway. I’m just returning the kindness.” I relax on the bed, feeling more at ease.
“I want to come up there to visit. But would you be mad if I waited until its warmer? I don’t think I like snow or being cold. You go through the winter first and tell me how it is. Maybe when my classes are done in the spring, I can come up and stay for the summer.” I can tell Sarah is trying to figure it all out.
“That sounds good. I think you’ll like it up here. The lake is nice, and pictures don’t do it justice. I love that there is no humidity, and I think this will be the first real fall I’ve ever experienced. Let’s plan on it and make it happen. You, up here for the summer.” I feel better already. I knew calling her would lift my spirits once I got past the lying part.
“Well, let me get back to work. Take lots of pictures and let me know how dinner turns out. Love you and miss you.” Sarah is happy I called.
“Love you and miss you too. I’ll call again soon.” I disconnect the call.
Talking to Sarah was a good idea. I still don’t know how to fix what’s going on with Jack and me, but now I can think more clearly. I hate lying to her. I don’t know why I haven’t been honest with her. I understand about my car and the break-in but not the rest. Usually you tell anyone who will listen about a new boyfriend. About how happy you are.
Why am I hesitating? Do I know deep down that it’s not going to work? It doesn’t feel like any of my other relationships. When Jack looks at me, I feel a connection. When he’s holding me, I feel bonded to him somehow. He has said almost the same thing, sort of. Am I wanting it so badly that I’m making it something it’s not?
I need to put aside the sexual tension and try to focus on the facts. I don’t really know this man. We do need to get to know each other better. I trust him, and he has proven trustworthy. He has done everything he said he would and more. I feel safe with him. When we’re alone, all his attention is on me. I feel worshipped when he touches me. When he looks into my eyes, it’s like he already knows me. He doesn’t seem like a stranger, like a man I’ve known for only a week. He’s more like a best friend I haven’t seen in a long time, and we’re picking up where we left off.
Can I be imagining these feelings? They feel too real to be fabricated.
The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that this man is my soul mate, my one great love. The half that makes me whole. I have to get past this frustration and make it work. If I’m so sure about it, then why do I have the lingering feeling that maybe he changed his mind about being a couple? Why wouldn’t he tell me if he did? Why keep coming back to my bed night after night for nothing but frustration?
OK. Enough of thinking in circles. Time to go back out there and face reality. Getting dinner ready should help keep my mind off all the craziness. I think I’ll finish the yeast rolls. When I finish, I’ll walk through the house and see what furniture still needs to be ordered. Yes, shopping therapy will do perfectly.
I walk out of the room feeling better than before. I’ll focus on my keep-me-distracted plan and get through the rest of the day the best I can.
CHAPTER 19
Christi
Every day I have gone out and nothing. I have eaten at the diner and not a word. No one is talking about it at the grocery store, the bank, or Dakota’s either. Absolutely nothing. It’s Friday and no one is talking about the break-in at all. It’s like it never happened. This is weird. Gossip is the lifeblood of this town. It wouldn’t survive without it. I gave them the perfect gift and it has gone unopened.
The only thing anyone seems to be talking about is how happy Jack is with his new girlfriend. He’s practically living with her. He’s with her all the time since he’s working on her house. They’re together day and night. Have I pushed them together with that failed attempt at scaring her? I should have never trusted Fred or that stray mutt.
How could everything go so wrong so fast? I’m trying to get rid of the trash that just moved in, and no one cares. Wolfton has never genuinely appreciated me. My efforts at training these animals have always been ignored. Is the town broken? I owe it to Jack and to this town to fix this. I have to get rid of her before any more damage can be do
ne.
This town is mine. He’s mine. He’s always been mine, and everyone knows it. People used to talk about us everywhere. Who does this bitch think she is? She has taken what’s mine, and I have to get it back. He’s supposed to be spending all his time with me, not her. For years he has played hard to get. I thought it was a game, part of the foreplay.
I’m perfect for him, and we complement each other. I chose my new breast size just for him. The clothes and everything else I do is all for him. I try to make myself perfect, for him. Why doesn’t he see it? I just don’t understand. How can he resist me for so long?
I need to get back on track. I’ve thought about it all week, and the only plausible plan is to become friends with her. I’ll go over to her house tomorrow and introduce myself. Welcome her to my town and show her how we do things up here. Everyone loves me so that won’t be a problem. And tomorrow is Saturday. No one will be working, and the rest of the pack should be gone. Yes, I think this could work.
If they really are in a relationship, Jack could be there. I’ll show him how perfect I am. When he sees the two of us together, he won’t be able to deny the differences between us. I’ve never been able to figure out why Jack has stayed away. Now is the time to show him what he’s been missing. I’ll be on my best behavior. Convincing everyone that her and I are on our way to becoming best friends should be easy. I can fake it long enough for him to finally realize that I’m perfect for him.
I have a lot to do to get ready for my big show tomorrow. My hair and nails need touching up. I think I’ll give myself a pedicure. I should probably mix a fresh batch of perfume. Every detail must be flawless. Oh no, what should I wear? This might take longer than I thought. I need to get home quickly. Every second counts. This is so exciting. I wonder if they give awards for such a performance?
Delivered: (The Blackpaw Prophecy, Book 1) Page 12
