JJ swirled the powder-blue shawl around her mother’s shoulders. They looked so much alike, standing next to each other like that, wrapped in all those fluffy colors. “Aren’t they wonderful?” she asked Alex.
The lump in his throat held him as tight as SpiderSilk. He could only nod.
* * *
“I’ll be back after I have dinner with Alex, Mom.” JJ pulled the door to Max’s apartment shut and exhaled. The afternoon had been both satisfying and exhausting. Max had waffled from intrigued to defensive to annoyed and just about everything in between.
Alex was trying so hard to engage her brother. The fierceness of his efforts pierced her heart. Alex had nearly broken into a sweat toward the end, focusing every ounce of energy he had into lighting some kind of spark in Max that wasn’t just about revenge. Here was the Alex Cushman everyone talked about: the passionate visionary, the man determined to take people to a higher place, a greater adventure. He was nothing short of magnetic, and part of her wanted to take Max and shake him into agreement. A partnership with someone like Alex could change Max’s life.
By the end of the afternoon, JJ believed that what Alex proposed could indeed redeem the tragedy that had taken Max’s legs away from him. She could actually allow herself to dream that a “Max on Wheels”—as he called himself in his brighter moments—could be a better man than the Max who had walked.
JJ took a moment to stare at her reflection in the polished elevator doors. The woman who looked back at her was so different than the one who stepped off an army transport months ago. This woman was starting to believe in hope. This woman was beginning to believe—in a part of her soul that had been dark and dried up—that Alex Cushman was a gift to her life. The man was such a surging fountain of faith and optimism, it was as if she couldn’t help but get doused by what splashed over from his life. It was as true as it was surprising: Alex was a gift from a God she’d convinced herself no longer watched over the Jones family.
The eyes in her reflection said it clearly: I’ve lost my heart to Alex Cushman. It had begun with the impassioned speech way back at Karl’s in Gordon Falls. It had grown over the past weeks in the dozens of emails and the delivery of chocolate bars. He’d sent his affections in phone calls, text messages and packages containing AG T-shirts and CDs of ukulele music. A DVD of White Christmas that had arrived on her doorstep. Pizzas that appeared on her shifts at the fire department. For a man on the verge of losing his financial footing, he was pulling out all the stops to woo her. In a host of grand and tiny gestures, Alex Cushman had won her heart.
The elevator door slid open to reveal a very impatient Alex. He stood there, hands stuffed in his pockets, looking for all the world like a small boy about to find out whether or not he’d made the varsity team that year.
She didn’t know what to tell him. Her emotions—real as they were—were only a small part of a big and complex picture. Denver was far away and Max still needed lots of support. If Max declined Alex’s offer, JJ knew she couldn’t leave him to fend for himself. Nor could she ignore that Gordon Falls was winning her affections, too. Melba had become a real friend—how long had it been since she’d had true friendships? And what about the guys? GFVFD was becoming a circle of support for her, too. As much as she was coming to feel for Alex, she wasn’t yet ready to leave all that behind. Besides, they hadn’t even talked about a future together yet. It was far too early for such plans.
“Hello, Bing.” The nod to their first meeting wasn’t anything she’d planned; it just sort of slipped from the tumble of emotions.
“Hello, Rosemary.” She’d half expected some grand Alex-style gesture. Red roses, a ukulele serenade, a snowmaking machine set up on Michigan Avenue to give her Christmas in August. He’d been so persuasive from afar, she’d expected to be swept off their feet once they were in the same room. He’d certainly stared at her during the afternoon’s “presentation.” Even Max had made some comment about mixed motives. What woman wouldn’t be flattered by having someone of Alex’s charisma so clearly smitten over her? She’d never seen herself as having that kind of effect on people. Still, he hardly moved. It took her a few seconds for her to realize he was waiting, letting her set the tone.
The man was nearly irresistible, standing there empty-handed and fidgeting like that. Somehow his doubt was more engaging that any dramatic display. “Alex.” She sent his name across the air between them, an offering.
His smile was relief and affection and nerves all rolled into one engaging grin. “JJ.” Then, shrugging, he tilted his chin up in the direction of Max’s apartment. “How’d I do?”
She knew he’d ask. It was clear he’d wanted to bowl Max over, to walk out of there with Max enthusiastic and signed on. She’d wanted it for him, for Max and maybe even for her, but she was more realistic than that. This might wrap itself up into a happy ending someday, but it wouldn’t be simple and it wouldn’t be soon. “He didn’t toss you out. He’s still angry at AG, at WWW, pretty much at everyone. I don’t know that we could have hoped for much more today.”
He had hoped for much more—she could see the disappointment in his eyes. “I hadn’t realized he was still so angry. I suppose we deserve every bit of it, but wow, a couple of his remarks were like gut punches up there.”
Max hadn’t bothered to be tactful—that was true. “Max wasn’t tactful on two feet, so I don’t think we can expect him to be diplomatic on two wheels.”
Alex looked at her. “We?”
His doubt surprised her. For a man who so clearly expected to succeed, did he really worry about winning her over? “The latest surveys indicate fifty percent of Joneses are in your corner.” Where had such slick and clever language come from? That felt like something she’d chide Alex for saying in a campaign.
Alex furrowed a brow as he opened the lobby door. “Fifty percent? But there are three of you.”
“Mom is still on the fence. She likes the idea of him having a real job, but she hates the idea of him moving to Denver.”
“And Max?” He asked the question with an endearing timidity.
“I decided it’d be better if I didn’t ask Max what he thought right now. He needs to stew on this for a while before he comes around.”
“Hmm.” Alex obviously wasn’t a man accustomed to ambiguity. It was different than uncertainty, she realized. He made fast and clear decisions, or chose his options, but that wasn’t the same thing as having options denied or delayed. Max held many of the cards here, whether he knew it or not.
The night was warm and bright on the Chicago street. It was pretty, in a loud and sparkling kind of way, but JJ felt herself yearning for the quiet glistening of night along the Gordon River. Over the past month, the river had indeed become home. It was a new, comfortable settling in—less surreal than the bubble of wonder she had shared with Alex but definitely home. She had a place in Gordon Falls. Her heart might be broken if Max chose to reject the offer and stay in Chicago, but she’d have a home in which to heal. That felt awful and comforting at the same time. “Where are we going?” she asked to fill the silence with something more than her clamoring thoughts.
“A great little place. I specialize in great little places.” He caught her eyes. “And great big ones, too. I made a steak at the bottom of the Grand Canyon that would’ve knocked your socks off. And this one espresso my Sherpa made me in Tibet, well, it...”
“I believe you.” She cut him off, not in the mood to hear what a world figure Alex Cushman was. That wasn’t the Alex who’d stolen her heart. The Alex she cared for played bad ukulele and sent doughnuts to small-town firemen. Only he was both those people, and she wasn’t yet sure she could deal with that.
They walked the handful of blocks to the restaurant, a charming Italian place filled with snug booths and cozy lighting. Alex had made references to a “near legendary” dating life in Denver—and probably in a dozen other cities around the globe, her doubts added—and it was easy to see why when the maître d’ showed
them to the nicest, most secluded table in the place.
“The Maxwell Jones portion of today’s events has now officially concluded,” Alex announced as they slipped into adjoining sides of a red leather V-shaped seat while the waiter adjusted the table between them. “Tonight is all about seeing you again.” His voice was low and undramatic. Alex the man, not Alex the visionary. It made her feel better.
After a second’s hesitation, he reached for her hand. She smiled and let him take it. “I have really wanted to see you again.” His eyes took her back to the dock, back when life wasn’t the mess of complications it was now. “Ask Doc—I made him nuts waiting for you to invite me back here.”
“I know.” It was fun to surprise him, to finally know something he didn’t.
“You know?”
“When a Mario Dovini called me about a week ago, it took me a minute or two to work out who he was. Doc pleaded your case pretty eloquently.” She shook her head, remembering the man’s flowery romantic speech. “Actually, he was even hokier than you described him. Somehow, though, the guy manages to pull it off.”
Alex actually flushed. “It’s the accent. All the Italian tones and consonants let Doc get away with saying the most outrageous things.” He pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows in an inquisitive sort of wince. “What’d he say?”
JJ wasn’t sure she could repeat the Italian’s hopelessly gooey pleas. She felt her own cheeks redden a bit. “He said, among other things—” she looked down at the crisp white napkin, needing to duck out of the heat of Alex’s eyes “—that Max Jones wasn’t the only man in my life who’d fallen hard and would never be the same.”
Alex dropped his head into one hand. “That’s truly awful.” After a second, he returned his gaze to her. “Would I compound it by saying it’s awfully true?”
JJ couldn’t help but roll her eyes at that one.
“I missed that most of all.” His face was close to hers, and when she made herself look up, his eyes were so full of emotion it was hard to breathe. “How I can love you most for the way you roll your eyes is so beyond me.”
JJ couldn’t reply. It was as if every part of her body had stopped working except her heart, which was pounding unbearably at the moment.
“It’s true.” He grabbed both of her hands. “I don’t really know how, but I have completely fallen for you, JJ. This whole thing should be awful, should be filled with pain and heartbreak—and it is, lots of it is—but I also know that I wouldn’t take back meeting you for all the success in the world. I’m right where I’m supposed to be, doing right what it is I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve never been able to stand and hold the line on anything in my life ever before this. But you managed to teach me how. You stood there and held the line. In the war. With Max. With the fire department. With me. I kept looking for places to escape to, and every time I’d try I’d turn around and you’d still be there. You taught me how to stand firm. And...and I love you for it.”
He loved her. She’d known on some level for weeks, the way he was pursuing her, but to hear him say it was so powerful. Someone like Alex Cushman, who could probably have any woman in the world he chose, loved her. Beaten down, unglamorous, stubborn, argumentative her. What was more, he loved her for those qualities, not in spite of them. JJ fought the urge to shake her head and blink because it seemed impossible that what he’d said was real.
Alex’s hands tightened on hers. “Please...say something.” He was nearly frantic. To have someone yearn for her heart that badly was overwhelming. She wanted to cry and laugh and whoop and fall over in a dead faint all at once.
“I love you back.” No, that was the wrong way to say it. JJ squinted her eyes shut, embarrassed by her own clumsy words. Then she felt Alex’s hands on her face as he planted a small kiss on each of her eyelids. The gesture was so sweet and tender that any resistance she’d had burst into a thousand sparkling pieces. She opened her eyes and spent an infinite moment gazing into the endless blue of his eyes before he kissed her. True and full, deep and soft, his kiss was beyond any description her workaday vocabulary could ever contain.
He pulled away just far enough to let their foreheads touch, and JJ felt rather than saw his smile. “Whoa.”
“I love you, too. That’s how you’re supposed to say it.”
“Nah, I like your way much better.” He kissed her again, and JJ let herself revel in the happiness of it. Honestly, she didn’t think she’d ever get to be this happy again. Somehow, since the war, she’d talked herself into thinking “not such a mess” was the most she could hope to achieve. “I am so very, very glad you love me back.” Alex’s words were warm and brilliant, nearly humming with energy. “I don’t think even Doc could describe how glad I am you love me back.”
“What if it’s not enough?” She hated that the doubt poked its ugly head into the moment before she could stop it.
It didn’t faze him. One finger traced her brow as if to wipe away the furrow. “I think it is. I think love is always enough.” He smiled as she tried—unsuccessfully—not to roll her eyes. “I’m not saying it won’t be complicated. It’s already complicated.” His smile widened, warm and dashing. “But it just got a whole lot better.”
She wasn’t the full-out optimist he was. “You’re there and I’m here and...”
“No.” He put a finger to her lips. “I’m right here and you’re right here. Everything else is just an obstacle in need of a solution.”
“I want to believe you.”
“Then believe me. Believe that God wouldn’t pull our hearts together for no reason. Believe that it can work out, that He can work it out, even if we can’t see that now. Believe in Christmas in July, just for tonight.”
She could do that. Looking into his eyes made her feel as if she could do anything. “I can’t believe I’m in love with you.” It was almost too wondrous to be true.
“Hey.” He pulled back in mock indignation. “Why the surprise? I happen to be very lovable. I made Backpack Magazine’s most eligible bachelor list of two-thousand-and-I can’t-remember.”
JJ found herself scowling and grinning like a fool at the same time. It felt downright splendid. “You made that up.”
He planted his chin in one hand and just gazed at her. Gazed as if she were the most amazing thing he’d ever seen. For so long she thought she’d turn as red as the fire trucks back in Gordon Falls. “I love you back, JJ Jones. And we’ll make it work. Well, us and the Almighty. I think we’ll need a hefty dose of divine intervention on this one.”
The words didn’t ring false. Not a bit. With a startled little glow somewhere way down deep, JJ discovered she still believed in divine intervention. God hadn’t turned His back. And that meant anything was possible. In that moment, JJ Jones became the tiniest of optimists.
It felt delightful.
Chapter Eighteen
Max had spent all morning with Tony Daxon and it was making JJ crazy. Part of her wanted to stay in Chicago and sit in on the meeting, but Max wouldn’t have it. Perhaps it was better she was back in Gordon Falls today, going over the paperwork for the fall cabin season.
She’d spent the entire train ride back in a romantic fog. Alex’s final good-night kiss back in the lobby of Max’s apartment had left her breathless, and she had been grateful she’d had the elevator ride up to Max’s floor to compose herself. Not that Max or Mom cared—they were knee-deep in an argument over the last physical therapist Max had “fired.” Some days it seemed like Max took his anger out on everything within reach.
It was good Max’s boat-rental employees were out of that reach; they were outstanding at keeping things going without much oversight. JJ had expected to spend the morning “putting out fires” in the figurative sense instead of the literal sense, but even for the cottages it had mostly been routine management. Something Alex probably could have done blindfolded. This must be what love was like—it was almost teenagerish how everything made her think of him. He’d gone back to Denver, givi
ng Max time and space to ponder his offer to join Adventure Access. That was a smart idea, but having him so far away produced a constant gnawing ache in her chest.
How, Lord, how could we ever make this work? The prayer came out of her without decision or effort—the way prayers used to. Why slam our lives together when they can’t really mesh? Why draw me so strongly to Gordon Falls now when it would be so much better if I could go to Denver with Max?
As she updated the rental calendar and paid bills, the soldier/strategist in her kept concocting scenarios and outcomes. Stay in Gordon Falls. Go to Denver. Max says yes and goes to Adventure Access. Max says no and stays here. Max sues and loses and spirals downward. Max sues and wins and spirals out of control. There were just too many variables—all with enough pros and cons to obscure any clear choice.
After settling the last file, JJ checked her watch and saw that she had two hours before her shift at the firehouse. Needing to grab some additional peace, JJ opted for something she hadn’t done since coming to Gordon Falls: she “rented” one of Max’s canoes and went out on the water.
Sitting in the canoe, hearing the water lap gently against the side, JJ felt the river do its wonders. Chief Bradens had a boat—one that used to belong to Max, actually—called The Escape Clause. He said he used it to come out on the water and get his head straight. Looking back at Gordon Falls, JJ could see how that worked. There was something about the perspective from out here—clarity she couldn’t seem to reach on shore. You know where my home should be, don’t You, Lord? I look at this place and it feels like home. A huge part of me wants to stay. Only now my heart has found a home in a man who isn’t here. And I can’t help but think that’s Your doing.
The Firefighter's Match Page 16
