by Anna Cove
She still didn't know what she was going to say to her. So much had happened in the past twenty-four hours, and she was so sleep-deprived that she was having trouble getting a handle on it all. But she did know something. What happened yesterday couldn't happen again.
Dylan joined her in the kitchen a few minutes later. Laura picked up the same egg she'd been holding when Dylan had arrived this morning and cracked it over the bowl.
"Want me to cook breakfast?" Dylan asked.
"It's okay," Laura said, taking a whisk from the Pillsbury Doughboy container on the counter.
"Are you sure? I'm feeling much better now. Thank you for taking care of me like that, by the way."
Laura was not often at a loss for words, but she seemed unable to find any that weren't either raging or I love you. Neither felt right at the moment. She whisked, breaking the yolks.
She was angry. She was pissed Dylan hadn't trusted her, hadn't confided her feelings in her. She was pissed at how she had treated her at The Snuggery. She was pissed at how she had run away. And she was angry that she hadn't thanked her for all she had done. Dylan had broken them apart and gone rogue when they would have worked best as a team.
"I think those eggs are thoroughly whipped." Dylan placed a hand on Laura's arm. Laura slowed, letting the whisk ring around the glass bowl in the frothy yellow liquid. She stood staring at it for a moment, feeling tired. So tired.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Dylan asked softly, so softly that Laura felt her body soften and turn toward her, though a second earlier she hadn't wanted to talk about it. Still, she remained quiet. She was not going to lead this conversation. She was not going to make this easy for Dylan.
Dylan sighed and ran a hand through her wet hair. It drooped over her forehead.
"I was way out of line in how I treated you yesterday."
"No kidding." Laura hated the bitter edge to her voice, but now that she knew Dylan was safe and unharmed, she couldn't help it. "I've had a lot of people make me feel small in the world, but no one who claimed to care for me so much."
Dylan stilled, those tempestuous eyes showing all the sadness she felt. "I'm really sorry for that, and for everything I put you through last night. If I could take it back I would. The last thing I wanted to do was to make you feel small. And then on the mountain, my phone died, but that's no excuse. I'm sorry for not keeping in touch, and I'm sorry for running off in the first place."
Laura remained silent, but not as punishment now. She could feel a tremble starting somewhere in her throat, and she was afraid if she said something she would start to cry. All that pent-up emotion had built over the past day and night would tumble out in a rush, and that could not happen. She was stronger than that.
"I don't know what got into me. I help thousands of people a month and have one personal crisis and totally freak out?"
"You love Jo."
She shrugged. "Yes."
"And you were afraid you were going to lose her."
"Yes."
Laura sighed out all her frustration and exhaustion. "If we are going to do this—"
"I want to do this."
Laura pushed through, even though at Dylan's eager stare she wanted to just drop it. To hug her and tell her it was going to be okay. "If we are going to do this, I need a few things from you."
Dylan nodded once. "That's fair. Name them."
"I will not tolerate you belittling me again or putting Aaron or me in physical danger. I know you didn't mean to, but you were so out of your mind—"
"I know." Dylan squeezed her eyes shut. "I know. I feel awful for that. I'm so sorry."
"I forgive you, this time. But I can't put him in danger."
"Was it really that bad?"
"Yes, Dylan, it was."
Emotions flitted across Dylan's face one after the other, each one revealed in her eyes. She looked so sad. Laura was starting to lose her nerve. "Two more things," she said quickly.
"Anything."
"I want you to see a therapist."
"Done. I'll make an appointment tomorrow. Third?"
Laura had thought that request would be harder to get Dylan to agree to. She had come up with reasons why Dylan should go, but now that she didn't need to use them, she found herself at a loss for the final item on her list. She reached out and let her hand trail down Dylan's arm until their fingers intertwined. "You have to trust me. Trust that I have your best interests at heart. Trust that... that I love you and I won't just leave you."
Dylan drew her in for a fierce hug, squeezing her against her chest. She leaned down and kissed Laura on the neck. "I trust you. I promise I'll do better."
Laura's eyesight blurred. She could no longer control herself. She pulled out of the hug and caught Dylan's mouth and kissed her like she meant it. The heat-level skyrocketed, their bodies coming together, their tongues searching, dancing, twisting, thrusting. Laura wanted more. She grasped the hem of Dylan's shirt and pulled it over her head. She was bare underneath—Laura hadn't given her a bra—and Laura palmed both her breasts, still dewy from the shower.
Dylan groaned and lifted Laura up, seating her on the counter. Something clanged behind them. Neither of them cared. Laura flung her legs wide, accepting Dylan between her thighs. She lifted her hips when Dylan's thumbs rimmed the top of her yoga pants. Dylan broke the kiss only to remove the pants and toss them to the side.
Dylan's face was consumed, but this time with love rather than rage. She ran the tips of her fingers along Laura's thighs, leaving a trail of goosebumps. The coolness of the air and the tantalizing trail of fingers made Laura so wet. She watched as Dylan examined her, as she brought those fingers closer to her center, as she let them trail over her outer lips. "You're so beautiful. You're everything. You..."
Dylan trailed off and, smoothing Laura's curly hair back, placed a kiss directly on her clitoris.
Laura arched into her mouth. Dylan pinned her with her gaze and swirled her tongue around her nub. Laura bucked into her mouth. Dylan sucked, and Laura's mind exploded in a white-filled nothingness. When she came to, Dylan was pumping fingers into her vagina with one hand and had the other cradled around her head. She brought her mouth to Laura's and kissed her full-on, without a hint of insecurity.
Then a lucid thought flashed through Laura's mind. She gently pushed Dylan off her and grabbed a banana from the bunch on the counter behind her. She started to peel it.
Dylan flashed her a raised eyebrow. "That is not what I expected."
"You haven't eaten. You need some electrolytes to keep up your energy." Laura broke a piece of the banana from the whole and stuffed it into Dylan's mouth. Then she kissed her. "Plus, it's sexy."
Dylan laughed, and Laura's heart immediately lightened. After the day they'd had she thought maybe she'd never hear that sound again. "Let me tell you something, sweetheart. A banana is not exactly the right... food... for a lesbian."
"Listen. Just because I occasionally sleep with men, doesn't mean I don't know what's sexy to a woman." Laura broke off another piece and put it into her own mouth, trying to look as sexy as possible. "What food do you think is sexy?"
Dylan got a mischievous look in her eye. She went into the fridge and took out a can of whipped cream.
Laura raised her eyebrows. "Isn't that a little cliché?"
Dylan kissed her right where her neck met her shoulder and set down the whipped cream. She lifted Laura's shirt off her and resumed her ministrations on her neck. "Sometimes things are cliché for a reason."
"But we just took a shower."
"It's worth it. I promise. And you'll love it." Dylan unhooked Laura's bra and threw it in the slowly growing pile of clothes at their feet.
Laura squirmed. "Aaron's going to get up soon. I really don't have time for another shower and—"
A whooshing sound announced Dylan's total disregard for what Laura was saying. Dylan squirted one breast with the cream and then another. Protests continued to reach Laura's mind until Dylan
's tongue found the sensitive skin under her right breast.
It might have felt like the least sexy part of her lately, since her breasts had been meant mainly for one purpose lately—food. But they were also sensitive as all get out, and when Dylan's tongue licked closer to her nipple Laura practically came with only that lick. Dylan's fingers found her center again and plunged into her. Lick and thrust. Lick and...
Holy shit.
Laura rode Dylan's fingers and didn't stop Dylan when she started licking and sucking on her nipples. The breaths came in short pants until the biggest orgasm Laura had ever had in her life exploded through her.
When she arrived back to reality, she found herself on the floor... somehow. Dylan and she were intertwined, their bodies slick with sweat and the sticky smeared whipped cream leftovers. Thoughts settled back on her brain like feathers floating to the ground.
Yes, she loved Dylan.
Yes, she wanted to spend all her extra time like this.
Yes, she wanted to become a family with her.
Yes, yes, yes.
But she knew, as she had known for so long, that she could no longer put off her dreams of becoming a documentary filmmaker. You never knew when your wife or your parents would get into a car accident. You never knew when your career would be ripped out from under you. You just never knew when life would deliver a blow that would change everything. She wasn't going let fear or inertia guide the way any longer. She wouldn't waste any more time.
Dylan kissed her on each cheek and smile-kissed her lips.
This was Laura's chance, her chance to have it all.
THERE WAS ONLY ONE step left, and that was to tell Cal what she'd decided. Now that she'd acknowledged what she really wanted, she couldn't procrastinate any longer. She needed to start fresh.
The next day, during Aaron's morning nap, she picked up her phone and dialed Cal before nerves could get the best of her. He picked up with his usual cheery voice.
"Hey, Lo. How's it going?"
Laura couldn't outrun the nerves. They clamped down on her stomach. She managed to recover by clearing her throat, straightening her shoulders, and putting on the persona of her alter-ego Charlotte. Which was ironic, given what she was about to do. "Cal, we need to talk."
"Sure, what's up?" His voice was echoey, like he had her on speaker phone.
"Are you focused? It's kind of important. And private."
"Got it." He paused. "Okay, I took you off speaker."
Laura drew in a breath through her nose. This was it. For the first time in a decade, she was going to point the nose of her career boat in the direction she wanted to go. "I'm quitting The Beautiful Ones. I'm going to start pitching documentary film ideas to the studios. I want my career focus to be on that and only that."
"Laura. You don't want to ruin everything we've worked so hard to build."
"I've made up my mind, and there's nothing you can say to change it."
"The network is going to sue you for breach of contract."
"I don't care." The tension started to crawl back in as she thought about how many people she was disappointing. But she pushed on. "I can't bring myself to do another episode of that silly show. It's not me and you know it. I've already been on it far too long."
"And we were making so much progress. So many connections. Your career will bounce back when you return to the show, Laura. Why can't you continue doing it with those little documentary shorts on the side?"
"We're not building toward what I want. We're not—ugh." He didn't get it. Laura thought back to the conversation she'd had with Dylan at the restaurant on their first official date. She realized now Dylan was right. That she had seen what Laura couldn't at the time because of her friendship with Cal. Laura didn't need to feel like she could conquer the world, but she did need to feel supported by Cal. It was clear they had different ideas about her professional future.
She knew what she had to do, and now she had the guts to do it. "I'm going to explore this path," she said, with a quiet, resolute calm. "And I'm going to do it my way. I hope you will do your job and help me get out of my contracts without a lawsuit. After that, it's up to you, Cal. There will be a time, maybe even years, where there will be no money coming in, so I'm going to give you a choice. You can stick with me, or you can go. It's up to you."
Cal paused for a long time. Laura held her breath, praying that he wouldn't leave her. Laura had so few people in her life she could trust, she couldn't imagine losing him. At least she'd managed to keep her cool, to be diplomatic for once. If this blew up, it wouldn't be because of her.
"Of course I'll stick with you, Lo. Whatever you want, I'm behind you, all the way."
Laura let out her breath all in one whoosh. She smiled so widely she thought her face would break. This was the start of her new life, a life where she was the captain, where she rowed the boat.
"You're not going to regret this, Cal."
She hung up the phone, full of life and promise and radiant energy.
CHAPTER TWENTY
TWO WEEKS LATER, LOVE Falls was entering into its busy summer season. The days were longer, shop doors open to welcome visitors, tourists thronging the streets. It was the time of year when Dylan usually stayed away from The Snuggery and other shops in the area for fear of drowning in the crowds.
But this year was different. Dylan was different.
Her life, for once, had settled into something resembling normal. She went to work for her shifts—and only her shifts. She spent time with Skylar and planned with the Better Together kids to nail down the last of the Summer Carnival details. She went to crew practice. She'd been to four therapy sessions and already felt stronger mentally than she had in years.
She hadn't seen Jo or her parents since Jo had run away, but her therapist told her showing up at Jo's house was probably not a good idea, and so she hadn't gone. It might make Jo's situation worse, and she didn't want to get her into more trouble. That didn't stop her from thinking about her every day.
But she was letting go of trying to control that situation, a concept they were working on in therapy. What she couldn't let go of was the feeling that Laura was keeping something from her.
Whenever she saw Laura, Laura did everything right. She smiled, she kissed her, they even had amazing sex, but Dylan couldn't stop feeling like she was holding something back. Coming from the person who'd encouraged Dylan to embrace her emotions, it felt odd. She often found her staring off into the distance, or closing her laptop when Dylan entered the room, and when Dylan asked if something was wrong, she would deflect and change the subject. They were growing more and more intimate in bed, but that intimacy wasn't translating to their emotional relationship. That part of their union felt suspended.
Did Laura think Dylan couldn't handle whatever was bothering her? Was she still bothered by the way Dylan had acted when Jo disappeared? Or was she just a tired new mom?
Dylan brought up all these feelings at her next therapy appointment. Her therapist congratulated her on trusting her instincts and listening to her body and told her she probably wasn't imagining it. She suggested the most obvious tactic ever to solve the problem: Why don't you talk to her about it?
Over the next couple of days, Dylan tried to do just that, but there were always interruptions. Aaron needed to be fed or bathed—and he came first, obviously. Or Laura's phone rang. Or Colleen stopped by unexpectedly. When they went to bed, Laura often fell asleep right away or was so tired Dylan didn't feel it was fair to bring up such a heavy conversation.
After three days of this, she asked if they could go for a walk alone.
Laura had stared at her for a moment, her face going blank in that way it did when she was trying to read Dylan, and Dylan wanted to say never mind, forget it, but she didn't. Laura nodded and called Colleen to come over to the cabin. Five minutes later, she arrived.
Colleen hugged each of them as she entered then shooed them out the door. They ambled down the dirt driveway and
along the road that led to a small looping hike. The only sounds were the soles of their shoes scraping along the road, the birds in the trees, a barking chipmunk, and the cicadas singing in chorus.
It was a lovely day, one of the early summer varieties that had dropped the chill of spring but hadn't been consumed by the humidity of the mid and late summer months. The air was clear and pure, the leaves as green as they could be. It gave a lush wash to their surroundings and buoyed Dylan's spirits.
She waited until they were on the path to speak. "It's a lovely day, hm?"
"Yeah." Laura let her hand trail along the maple leaves to the left, like a little girl might. She offered up nothing else. Dylan couldn't quite tell if it was because she was lulled into a sense of peace by their surroundings and a break from the baby, or if she had drifted off to that space she had occupied so often lately. A space she wasn't allowing Dylan to enter.
Dylan decided to jump in as small talk was just too difficult for her. "I've noticed since the whole thing with Jo you've been a little distant."
Laura shot her a look, then glanced down at the trail and stepped over a root. "Have I? It's probably just because I'm tired."
In the past, Dylan might have accepted that. She even might have accepted it then, but a memory slammed into her, one she hadn't seen for a very long time. Maybe ever. She and Katie were both on their phones, sitting on separate sides of the couch. Dylan had suggested they watch something on Netflix, Katie had said no. Dylan had gotten angry, but pushed it down. Then Katie smiled at something on her phone, and Dylan felt left out. Dylan realized that Katie had another world outside of her life with Dylan, and that world was more interesting to her. It wasn't the first time she'd been ignored. At that point, they hadn't done anything pleasurable together in months, not even gone for a walk. She remembered feeling trapped and stuck, unable to see a path forward.
It was a memory she hadn't let herself remember because it didn't depict Katie as a pure angel. The reality of it took her breath away.
