by Tee, Marian
I wasn’t surprised to realize I was crying. The thought of Lucian in pain for any reason was horrible. I wanted to draw in Lucian’s hurt and set him free.
“Every damn thing that happened to him was her fault, Deli. It made him refuse to trust people, to love people. I’m an exception but even I’m kept at a distance. But you’re different,” he said with sudden fierceness. “And that’s what I want him to acknowledge. That you’re different and that he loves you. I want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy. You believe the same thing, don’t you?”
I sniffed and turned away to blow my nose.
“Ew.”
“I can’t help it,” I wailed. “What you told me is really sad.” I wiped my runny nose and threw the used tissue into the wastebasket. It missed, like always, and I had to pick it up to make sure it went in the second time.
He smiled a little, and the sight was heartbreaking.
“You’ll be patient with him?”
“I will. I love him, Dyvian. I know it’s not much. I know I’m not much but I love him.”
He ruffled my hair and the gesture reminded me so much of Lucian it made me want to cry again.
Okay, stuff that. I was crying again. Tears were my best friends, after all.
~~~
The ride to DV was worse than the last time. The silence was heavier, uglier, and remained unbroken till the end. Lucian was cold and undoubtedly furious, but I wasn’t sure if he was angry at himself, Dyvian, me, or maybe all of the above.
Again, Lucian took me in his arms as we turned invisible and flew off. I hugged him very tightly. I was scared he’d go on ignoring me, so I cried in relief when he hugged me back and kissed my forehead.
I love you. I didn’t speak them aloud but I tightened my arms around him, thinking of those words and hoping he could miraculously hear them.
When we arrived at the entranceway to DVC, Lucian was careful to set me away from him before materializing into view. I tried not to be hurt and told myself he just needed time to recover. Dyvian gave a sharp glance at my swollen eyes and the wet spots on Lucian’s chest, but I pleaded with him silently, urging him not to say anything. He didn’t.
I looked around, and the first thing that struck me was the silence. The next thing that unnerved me was the absence of crowds. DVC felt empty, but surely, it wasn’t. All Evren had been summoned, after all. Maybe, the emptiness in the air wasn’t caused by the lack of crowds but the absence of hope and the increasing presence of fear.
For once, I forgot all my problems and began to wonder what could possibly prompt Hallir to call for a meeting of this kind.
An endless stream of footsteps followed, alerting us to the arrival of more Evren. They greeted us with worry in their eyes and that only increased my anxiety.
We walked with the rest of the newcomers to Hallir’s temple. The same pair of guards stood in place, but the bronze door was unlocked. Inside, the temple was almost bursting at the seams. Most had seated themselves in the pews but a number of them loitered around, speaking in hushed tones. Every torch lining the wall had been lit and the huge fireplace in the corner blazed out heat.
When you were Evren in Death Valley and you had the holy fireplace going, that could only mean trouble.
I kept my head down as I followed Lucian and Dyvian further inside the temple. I was still an object of curiosity, and I strove to pretend I wasn’t being scrutinized. I told myself it didn’t matter. What mattered was to make Lucian love me. Corny but unfortunately true.
Tension was almost a tangible force within the temple. I took another step closer to Lucian, wanting to hold his hand but afraid he’d reject me in public.
Lucian, who had approached Hallir and was still deep in discussion with the old man, took my hand and squeezed it.
I swallowed back tears, knowing Lucian would kill me if I cried now. He loves me, I told myself. He must love me.
Dyvian had drifted away to speak with a small group of men, all of whom were almost seven feet tall and bulging with muscles. Green Evren, by the looks of them, and I became even more nervous. Didn’t they say the green line was our race’s warriors? The serious expressions on their faces boded ill for us.
Uncomfortable at the prospect of reading too much on the faces of other Evren, I made another conscious decision to bury my head in the sand, busying myself with studying the statues of saints enshrined behind glass walls. The church within DVC, Dyvian had once told me, was actually registered with the Vatican, and God knew how they managed that. A three-foot statue of St. Monica, dressed in rich velvet and sequin-lined brocade, was at the center, which the Evren revered as the patron of patience.
And that, I decided fiercely, was what I was going to be. I would patiently wait for Lucian to realize his feelings, even if it killed me.
“I’ll wait for you in the council room,” Hallir told Lucian before giving me an abstracted greeting and walking away.
“Is everything all right?” I asked quickly.
Lucian shook his head, but there was already a faraway look in his eyes. I might as well be nonexistent when he was in this mood. “Will you be all right if I leave you alone for a while?”
“Of course—” I caught sight of Angelica heading toward us over his shoulder, and I grabbed his lapels before he could turn away, almost choking him in the process.
“Deli.”
I let him go with a mumbled apology.
“What is it?”
Angelica was just three feet away. I flinched at the impatience tingeing his tone and asked in a rush, “Promise me you won’t talk to Angelica.”
“This isn’t the time to be silly.”
“I know you have things to worry about, but it would mean so much—”
“Not now, Deli.” And he turned away just as Angelica held her arms out in greeting.
“Lucian.” Her voice was cool and impersonal.
He nodded. “Angelica,” he returned and simply stood still when Angelica pressed her lips to his cheeks in continental fashion.
I clenched my teeth hard to keep myself from screaming “hands off.” Jealousy seemed to breathe life into my dragon soul, and for one moment, the room spun around me and my skin heated up. I had this crazy urge to turn Evren just so I could crush her between my claws.
But the moment passed and the dizziness left me. When I opened my eyes, Angelica was still speaking in that lovely, cold voice of hers and Lucian listened intently, his eyes on her flawless face.
Beautiful, cold, and perfect. They were so much alike they could almost pass for twins.
“Hallir needs us now.” Angelica’s voice was grave but I wasn’t fooled. Her eyes were glittering in malicious triumph as she tossed me a hate-filled glance, a tiny, smug smile curving her impossibly red lips.
How could Lucian be so stupid like most men? Couldn’t he see through her and realize she was too cold for someone like him? He needed someone warm and loving like me to balance him out. If he and Angelica ended up together, they’d be enough to prevent global warming, grow polar bears in the Sahara, and make Africa the world’s greatest winter wonderland.
“Let’s go then,” Lucian murmured. He turned to me almost as if I was an afterthought, Angelica doing the same almost at the same time. They moved in near perfect synchrony, a poster couple for Evren.
“You’ll be fine?” Lucian asked again.
Digging my fingers into my palms, I used the stinging sensation to distract me from the greater pain the sight of them together was inflicting.
Don’t go, please, I wanted to cry out, but I could only scream the words inside my mind. If The Voice was listening, it would probably have been deaf by now. Don’t go with her, Lucian.
But Lucian only continued to walk alongside Angelica.
I love you, Lucian. Please, please, give me a sign we still have a chance.
But they only continued to walk further and further away from me, and each step he took was a step he could never retrace, diminishing the
chance for him to come back.
Look back, Lucian. At least look back.
Angelica murmured something so low even my acute Evren hearing couldn’t catch it. Lucian laughed, and the sound of it was like a can of pepper spray being emptied out on my entire body, burning mind, heart, and soul.
But I ignored the throbbing pain. I was Deli, after all, the expert in ignoring inconvenient truths and without thought, I called out shakily, “Lucian.”
He didn’t turn and, ignoring the curious looks of other Evren, I said more loudly, “Lucian.” I hurried to him just as he reached Hallir’s room. I grabbed the back of his shirt and he went still.
“Excuse me for a moment, if you please,” he murmured to Angelica.
“Of course,” she murmured back and turned away but not without giving me another venom-filled glance as a parting gift. She should’ve been Zekan rather than Evren. It would have suited her more.
Lucian faced me, his beautiful face carved in its usual mask of indifference. I opened my mouth to apologize but he beat me to speaking.
“Don’t you ever think?”
He wasn’t shouting, but he didn’t have to. Evren hearing, remember? And since everyone here was Evren, he might as well have broadcasted it to the entire race.
“Can’t you ever think?”
He was furious. I knew he’d be mad but not like this. His temper had always been reasonable, and I just didn’t understand why he was so furious. I could only stare at him, stunned, bewildered, and hurt.
Was he mad at himself, Dyvian, me, or all of the above?
Lucian cursed. I took an involuntary step back, realizing he had actually gotten more furious in the past three seconds.
I started to wonder again. It was an effective distraction, preventing me from breaking down in front of the entire population of Evren. Mad at himself, Dyvian—
“Dammit, grow up, will you? Something bigger is happening here, Deli. I know you’re not the smartest girl in the world, but could you try to understand there’s something more important than your stupid little infatuation?”
“Lucian,” Dyvian growled. He was suddenly beside me. Or had he been there far longer? I couldn’t exactly remember. I was shocked, enough not to even have the sense to feel hurt at Lucian’s unjust accusations. Why is he so mad?
But I have to be patient, I reminded myself. My brain cells were working hard enough to make me remember that much. I shook my head at Dyvian. “It’s not his fault.”
Forcing myself to smile at Lucian and almost flinching at the unabated fury in his eyes, I said lightly, “You’re right. I’m being a spoiled brat again.” I rose to my toes and kissed him on the cheek. “Sorry, Lucian. Say you’ll forgive me later with a kiss?”
And then I turned back, walking more swiftly than any human ever could.
I wandered away, making sure to remember the paths I took this time because I didn’t want to get lost again. I found myself in a greenhouse, with a sparkling fountain amidst dense but artistically structured foliage.
Taking a seat on its stone ledge, I let my fingers graze the pool of water. I bent down just in time to see another woman approaching from behind in the water’s reflection. I spun around, heart beating fast, scared that a Zekan might have sneaked inside the holiest of all Evren places.
The woman smiled. “Hola.” She was of medium height, with long black hair, and ebony eyes, her complexion a lovely olive. Her faux fur shrug, cream cotton blouse, and dyed jeans were quite chic but had a travel-weary look to them.
My breathing slowed down and I relaxed. Stupid paranoid Deli. I mentally shook my head.
“Hi,” I greeted her in overly bright tones, hoping she didn’t think I was crazy for smiling so widely. I welcomed her presence. At least she wouldn’t let me think too much. The shock had receded, the numbness was gone, and I was badly tempted to give myself a good half hour of loud, nonstop sobbing.
She smiled back and offered her hand. “Teresa Santos-Church.”
“Deli Winters.” I shook hands with her.
Her eyes lit up. “Ah. La nueva niña. I have been excited to meet you.”
Since my Spanish was limited to hola and mi casa, su casa, I could only smile and nod, hoping she hadn’t said anything weird or offensive.
“I am like you, too.” She took a seat next to me, stretched her legs and rotated her slim ankles. Cracking sounds suddenly filled the place and it took me a few seconds to realize the sounds had come from her—or her joints, to be more specific.
“Wow.”
She laughed. “Let’s just say I’m more athletic than most Evren.” She rotated them again, her joints cracking even more noisily, and gave out a long, satisfied sigh. “Maravillosa.”
“You’ve been traveling?”
“Sí. My husband and I just arrived from Spain, and we came here directly to answer Hallir’s summons.” She arched her back, sighing when her spine made the obligatory cracking sound. “Forgive me. We’ve been on the plane for hours. We had to take the cheapest seats because Hallir asked us to make haste, and the plane accommodations were horrible.” Her nose wrinkled. “The food was even worse.”
I nodded understandingly, but my mind was revolving on her earlier words and I asked casually, “So, you’re like me in what sense? A new Evren?”
“Not quite.” She cocked her head to the side. “Your maker is Lucian Chevalier, sí?”
“Uhh, yes,” I confirmed even though I found it weird to have someone call Lucian my maker. It smacked too much of a queer father-daughter relationship, and I didn’t want anyone to think Lucian, in spite of our humongous age gap, was some kind of second dad to me.
“And you like him?” Her rotating wrists were making the cracking noise this time.
Do I tell the truth or not? “Umm…”
“Don’t be embarrassed, child. My husband is also my maker, you know.” She winked. “I like to think love and serendipity are at work when someone is turned Evren.”
It took me a while before I understood what she was hinting at. “Oh.” My eyes were wide. “You were human once, too? And your husband? He was responsible for turning you?”
“I was turned in 1778 and every day, I feel humbled and blessed because Carlos made me like him.” She laughed softly. “Admittedly, the mind-reading takes a bit of getting used to—”
“You mean The Voice?” I burst out and twisted to gaze at her in amazement. “You have one, too?”
She raised a quizzical brow. “Is that how you two call it?”
“What should you call it?”
“ESP? Mental telepathy? A private bond? We don’t really have a name for it.” Her voice lowered. “Hallir told us to keep it a secret, you know. There are only pitifully few of us, after all.”
“Us?”
“Evren who had once been human,” she explained. “Only Evren like us and our makers are able to hear each other’s thoughts. Hallir believes our secret ability to communicate could be a valuable asset in our battle against Zekans.”
But I barely heard her words.
My mind had frozen, my heart had stopped beating, and my body had become paralyzed. It took me a while to speak. “Are you saying the voice in my head is Lucian’s?”
She looked at me like I was crazy. “Who else could it be?”
Indeed, who else could it be?
For one moment, the whole world blurred, and my body swayed alarmingly, making Teresa call out anxiously, “Deli? Are you all right?”
No, I wasn’t all right. I was anything but all right. Nothing about my life was all right because everything had been a lie.
Oh, God.
The truth crashed in and brought me back to life. I covered my mouth with trembling hands, trying to stop myself from crying. My lungs threatened to burst, making it impossible to breathe. My chest felt like it was caving in, unable to bear the pain exploding from my heart.
Lucian and The Voice were one. The words smashed every loving thought I had of Lucian in my
mind, tumbling down memory lane and making me recall every little damn secret I had shared with The Voice.
“Deli?” Teresa was right in front me, shaking my shoulders, but she seemed a fuzzy, faraway figure in my eyes.
I couldn’t tear away my mind from the memories. The goddamn memories. Lucian had probably laughed every time I thought myself lucky because he hadn’t known I liked him. It was probably why he found it so damn easy not to say sorry because he knew I was suffering, too. Right now, he was probably—
I stumbled to my feet, realizing he could be reading my thoughts here and now.
Teresa watched me with fretful eyes. “I have to go,” I said clumsily. “I can’t explain, but I have to go.” I pushed past her, instinctively knowing there was a need for haste. He was going to come after me. I was sure of it.
“Deli.”
“No,” I screamed out loud and picked up my pace. It took me a while to find the entranceway to the cave, and I tried to run faster, only to hurtle into an invisible force.
Lucian materialized into view, a stricken expression on his face.
“Let me go,” I snarled, hating myself for being so weak that I was crying again, hating myself for loving him still, and hating myself because I was so stupid. Why was I so stupid?
I slapped him.
Lucian’s head snapped to the side, but his grip on my shoulders didn’t loosen.
“Let go,” I screamed. For once in my life, I found him ugly and despicable. Shiny black hair, forest green eyes, the strong shoulders, the golden skin… I saw nothing of them because all his lies were staring back at me, taunting me for being so goddamn stupid.
He flinched and I knew he had been reading my mind again. I struggled harder. “Stop it, damn you.” Tears clogged my throat and the sea of self-loathing inside me rose higher. I didn’t want to cry for him. He didn’t deserve it. Why can’t I be smart for once? Why can’t my heart ever listen to my head? I don’t want to cry.
