by Z. Allora
The sight of Uli’s butt in the air did nothing to calm Alex’s panic. Alex had touched him, and his fingers were still burning with the itch to continue. Uli would have returned the caress if Alex allowed it, and then—
Alex focused on his breathing like his therapist had taught him. His dream was still affecting him because he needed to try to control his desire to knead Ulrich’s bottom.
Uli shook his head and his eyes misted. “I didn’t know you weren’t awake. You pulled my hands above my head and then grabbed my hips with your other hand. The way you moved against me….”
What had Alex done? “I’m so sorry. I was dreaming, and… I’m sorry.”
In that moment Ulrich appeared so young, not just chronologically but emotionally. He wrestled with the sweats twisted under his butt. “I’m sorry too.”
Maybe Alex should hand Uli a pillow or blanket to preserve what remained of his modesty, but his hands wouldn’t cooperate.
Once his clothing was righted, Uli said, “I didn’t mean to…I thought….” When his words failed, a bright red blush replaced them.
Alex focused on his breathing as he calmed down.
“I’d never….”
Alex believed Ulrich. What was most confusing to Alex was his desire to turn Uli over and reclaim access to his sweet ass. He needed some space. “I should shower.”
His whole body ached. Alex hated being muddled. He wished the dream had finished. That didn’t happen often and the subject matter embarrassed him, but at least his body was able to relax for a couple of days.
He shut the bathroom door and inhaled as he turned the water all the way to freezing. The cold shower should help him rid himself of his need. Unable to resist temptation, he stripped and brought the stained sweats to his nose with Ulrich’s precum on them and breathed in Uli’s essence. The scent did nothing to abate his arousal. It smelled exactly like the man. Delectable.
Alex tossed the soiled clothes into the hamper before he gave into the urge to lick the wetness. Then he stepped under the icy blast and let the freezing water wash away the bitter regret that he hadn’t permitted his body to follow where his heart demanded he go.
He didn’t quite know how, but he wanted to bring the dream to fruition, to reject everything his mother had forced on him and accept the joy his mates could bring him.
Mates? That was just a dream but why did it feel so right?
At breakfast, Ulrich asked, “So… um do you think Tokio Hotel will ever come to South Carolina?”
“What? Um… I hope so.” It was hard to resist kissing Ulrich most mornings. Though this morning Alex couldn’t stop envisioning the man helplessly secured to his bed, waiting for Alex to control his world, and his other two mates willing participants in the quartet. Every moment that passed intensified Alex’s bone-deep certainty the four of them—Ulrich, Storm, Cutter, and himself—belonged together.
“Yeah, that would be great.” Ulrich’s fake smile dropped, and he focused on his oatmeal.
These deep-seated yearnings of controlling someone past their limits in order to deliver pleasure surged to the surface. Alex had never dreamed it possible and always discarded them, but the ideas wouldn’t fade into the background. Now his need was very specific. He wanted to create that kind of gratification for Storm, Uli, and Cutter.
“Did you hear me?” Uli’s question snapped Alex out of the inner chaos waging war in his head.
“What?”
“I want you to come with me to the extraction room.”
Alex frowned while his cock lengthened. He might have been inexperienced, but he knew guys went there to be relieved by a milking machine. That’s where the essence he consumed came from. “Why?”
“Because Phil and Mark need practice to get their massage licenses.” Shrugging, Uli drank his orange juice splashed with cranberry juice.
Heat flooded Alex along with disappointment he was ashamed to have. He shouldn’t get a massage, should he? Yes, he should. It would be the start of actively rejecting his mother’s abusive beliefs. He’d been tormented enough. Time to live his life.
He glanced away from Uli’s excited stare. “I have to stop at the doctor’s first.”
Uli opened his mouth but didn’t speak.
“Why don’t I meet you there?” Alex didn’t want to be rude.
Uli touched his forehead as if zombies could catch illnesses. “Are you sick?”
“Um, no I just have to… you know….” Why couldn’t he just say it? It was no big deal. This was part of the reality of being a zombie.
“You’re going to get essence, aren’t you?”
“Um, yeah, so I’ll catch up with you at the extraction room.”
“Nah, I’ll come with you.” Ulrich’s careless words sent a shiver through Alex.
Uli shoved his hands into his pockets, pushing the low-rise black jeans down enough to expose creamy skin, and gave Alex a huge smile that warmed the empty places inside him.
At the doctor’s office, Nurse Roberts greeted them. “Hello, Alex. Ah, Uli so good to see—” The doctor entered. Roberts snapped to attention and smoothed his hair back. “Good morning, Doctor.”
The passing doctor failed to respond. Nurse Roberts frowned and shook his head on the way to the refrigerator. He retrieved a vial, notated a file labeled Alex Waterman, and handed over the glass tube. “Here you go. I’ll wait outside.”
Nurse Roberts had always understood Alex’s reluctance to consume male essence with an audience and gave him privacy, but his younger friend didn’t.
Uli beamed. “I thought my cousin and Jasper were the only ones who used to get their essence from the doctor.”
Unspoken was now Kai and Jasper received everything they needed from each other. A deep yearning formed around Alex’s heart, he longed to provide for his mates.
Alex shrugged. He didn’t want to explain how the doctor had to sedate him after his freak-out the first time he tried to ingest male essence in the normal way at Club Zombie. He blocked out the entire mortifying incident, and the doctor had assured Alex the episode would remain confidential.
Uli stared with those big blue eyes. “Um, what’s it taste like?”
Alex needed to remember that while Uli was almost nineteen, he hadn’t had many experiences. It explained a lot. “It depends. Each vial tastes a little different. Sometimes salty or sweet, but usually I don’t notice.”
“Do you like it?” Ulrich’s breathing sounded loud in the small room.
“I don’t think about it.” Alex’s T-shirt had become too warm. The fuzzy disorientation zombies got from lack of male essence weighed on him. Alex lifted the vial to his lips, and their gazes locked as he drank.
A dirty dark wish consumed Alex, that this vial contained Uli’s essence.
The rich cream hit his system and gave him shivers. As the nourishment fed his body, he restrained himself from sticking his tongue into the vial to lick out the remaining drops.
“Yeah, but if you think about it, do you like essence?” Uli transferred his weight from foot to foot, studying him.
“Um….” Alex enjoyed Uli watching him. His body went hard as he scrutinized Uli—blond hair going every which way, his breathing quickened. Alex looked past the concert T-shirt depicting a rainbow with the words “Rainbow Warrior” written on the chest to Uli’s faded black jeans that hung low on his hips. Innocent or not, Alex wanted to do something with Uli’s erection.
“So do you like the taste?” Uli snatched the glass from him to sniff. His saucy grin only endeared him further to Alex.
“Um, I’m less muddled in my head.”
Uli’s gaze landed on Alex’s zipper. “You’re hard?”
Oh God. “Probably a side effect….” Though he never seemed to be flaccid around Uli, Storm, or Cutter. Was he that screwed-up that he’d ignored all the signs that they were mates?
“Yeah, of not taking care of business.” Uli set the empty vial on the table. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.�
��
The extraction rooms weren’t far from the doctor’s office, but Alex had never visited.
“Do you really think this is a good idea?” Alex glanced around. What if someone assumed they were donating their seed instead of just getting a massage? A twisty ball of worry formed in his gut.
You shouldn’t be doing this! His mother’s angry scream echoed in his head.
He stopped that voice. No more would he be led by the past.
Uli hugged him. “Hey, Earth to Alex. Just remember we’re helping them out.”
The way Uli’s slender body pressed against him chased away all ability to think. “Huh?”
“Mark and Phil need to practice their techniques to pass their boards. Right?” As soon as Uli stepped back, Alex missed the warm weight resting against him.
Alex bit his lip and he tried to follow Uli’s logic. He was assisting them. “Yeah. I suppose.”
“Without those massage licenses, they can’t open their spa.” Uli’s frustrated huff lifted a strand of his hair before it dropped back into place.
“Yeah, but that’s not what I was referring to, and you know it.” Alex moved on instinct, pinned Uli against the wall, and held him there. The position of control felt right.
Ulrich purred. “Oh, listen to your tone. You’re hot when you get all toppy.”
“Shhh, hush. Stop that.” Alex felt his cheeks burn. He wasn’t acting. “You’re silly.”
“No. Right now, I’m horny as fuck.” Uli bit his lip and looked away.
“I wish….” In a bold move, Alex grabbed Ulrich’s jaw and caught Uli’s lip with his thumb, pulling it from between Uli’s teeth. Alex licked his thumb and rubbed the wetness against Uli’s lips.
Everything slipped away. Alone in a deserted hallway, Alex’s desire won the fight. Confidence poured into him from an unknown source. He grasped Uli’s hair to bring those plump lips to his own.
The kiss was infinitely soft and sweet, but the perfection filled Alex with happiness. When it ended, he rested his forehead against Uli’s.
“I wish….” Alex couldn’t give words to the impossible dream. He needed everything. An image of Uli, Cutter, and Storm entangled with him flashed through his mind.
Uli gave him a sad smile. “I do too. But that’s not what’s meant to be.”
Alex extended his fingers under the blond mop to the nape of Uli’s neck, tipped his head back, and grazed his lips across Uli’s until the man gasped. Pressing his mouth against Uli’s, Alex pushed his tongue in, taking control.
Uli tried to take part, but Alex took the lead and kissed him until Uli trembled in his arms.
When the kiss finally ended, Uli stared up from beneath his heavily lashed lids, panting. Alex massaged the back of his head for a moment.
Uli’s shivering became more pronounced, and a frown marred his face. He stared off into space and words tumbled out of his mouth as if they weren’t his own decision to say them. “We can’t be mates. I don’t see that. God, I wish I did. I love you. I do. And that won’t change.”
A knife plunged into Alex’s heart. Right, Cutter. No matter how Alex might wish otherwise, Uli believed he belonged to another. Alex turned to stare down the empty hallway. “So you’ve said a number of times.”
Uli had to be wrong. He had to be. No way could he feel so right in Alex’s arms and not belong there. Alex stepped away and opened the door. He gestured his friend inside.
The dim lighting and soft, new age music gave the room a spa-like ambiance. The walls were a soft gray with darker gray cabinets. A delicious scent wafted off a wheeled cart laden with an assortment of oils and lotions. Two-padded leather massage beds covered with black sheets stood on either side of a colorful device.
The vivid contraption in the center of the room extended from the ceiling in a dazzling display of lights. Alex guessed the machine’s original purpose was to milk cows before the fancy makeover. Four hollow, rubber-coated metal rods invited insertion.
“Glad you guys finally decided to give us a chance to practice on you.”
Phil had been with his mate, Mark, for five years. They were complete opposites. Phil was a quiet, large hulk of a man who preferred books to people. Mark was almost delicate, although he was boisterous and the life of any party. But the dichotomy worked. They were two halves of the same whole and were always in sync.
“Hey, thanks for wanting to practice on us.” Uli sniggered. “What do we do?”
Phil held up a small bath towel. “Get undressed and cover yourself with this. Press the button under the table when you’re lying facedown and want to begin.”
“You got it.” Ulrich’s voice cracked a little. The minute Phil and Mark left, Uli started tearing off his clothes. He shimmied and hummed a tune that Alex recognized as Club Zombie’s striptease song. Between Ulrich’s goofy grin and the playful glances directed at Alex, it appeared impossible to hold on to the awkwardness that had reigned moments before.
Alex pried his gaze away from Uli gyrating and swinging his T-shirt in a circle above his head. Getting undressed shouldn’t be a big deal, but Alex wasn’t able to convince his penis of this information. He turned and avoided watching the performance.
After removing his clothing, Alex hoisted himself onto the table to hide his nudity from Uli. He flipped over to lie facedown on the massage bed. Ow. The hole at face level let him breathe, but he’d have preferred an opening to push his hardness through.
Oh, the thought sounded wrong in his head, but enticing. A tight, round circle to push through.
He covered his butt with the extra towel. His erection grew more painful than he ever remembered it being as he shoved his hot face deeper into the cushioned opening. He wiggled around before finally finding a semicomfortable position for his hardening shaft.
“Ready?”
Alex turned his face toward Uli. Had he seen him squirm? “I guess so.”
A soft ding echoed. A moment passed and Phil returned with Mark. “We’re going to start with a basic massage and see if there are any problem areas we need to address.”
Alex didn’t know what to say, so he was grateful when Uli thanked them. The idea that someone’s touch had the potential to relax him was completely foreign to him, but he’d agreed to give massage a try.
He’d committed himself to taking control of his life and making it what he wanted it to be. This might be a small step, but a step nonetheless.
Alex shifted to watch Phil massage Uli in the same slow, repetitive motions Mark used on him. He felt hands gliding over him, but he disconnected from the pleasure because witnessing someone else’s hands on Uli gave him pain.
Uli turned toward him to stare for a moment. “Mark, Phil, you two are obliviously skilled, but I think we’d like to move to the extraction part of the process.”
“What?” Alex’s voice cracked. Did Uli read Alex’s mind? “I didn’t—”
Mark laughed, but Phil agreed. “Of course. I’ll just—”
“Um, no, if you don’t mind, could you just leave the tubes next to Alex? He’ll take care of it.”
Would he? Ulrich wanted Alex to… “take care of it.” Anticipation and excitement raced through Alex and outran the voice of his mother. He fixated on silencing the harmful influence, but still he questioned—should he really allow himself relief? Maybe he’d just watch Uli.
No! Enough. He wanted to do this and he would.
The massage therapists shared a grin but said only, “Sure.”
Phil retrieved the device and explained how the dials worked. “Is there anything else we can do to assist you?”
“Would you put our beds closer together?” Alex wanted to hear Uli’s gasps and possibly even kiss him again.
“Of course.” Mark rushed to join the beds, flipping a latch that locked them together.
Phil tossed the connector on the other end of the massage table, then handed Alex a bottle of scented oil. “It’s already heated.”
As the door shut, t
hey rolled toward each other. Before shame consumed Alex, Uli reached out to grab his hand. Their fingers locked and Uli squeezed.
“You okay with this?”
Was he? His body had been ready for years—his mind was another story. But he was determined to claim the life that was meant to be his, and the first step was reclaiming his own body was following his heart.
When Uli pulled away the useless towel that did little to hide Alex’s shaft, Alex gasped.
Uli grinned and pushed off his own towel.
This is a sin! It’s wrong to be hard! You’re evil!
Alex concentrated on Ulrich and shoved away the negative thoughts as they attempted to take hold.
“Here’s some oil.” Uli grabbed the bottle and pointed at Alex’s rampant arousal. He couldn’t quite reach, so Alex helpfully thrust his shaft closer.
“Mm, you’re so hard.” Uli watched as the oil drizzled over Alex’s erection.
The drops of warmth rolled down his length, making him moan. A pool of slick gathered around his balls. He wanted to rub the oil in, but he didn’t move.
Ulrich did the same to himself, hissing as the warm oil slid over him. “Let me turn this on.”
The soft popping noise of a piston echoed from the colorful machine and surrounding walls. The long rods shook, and inside them, the rubber coating flexed with the rush of pneumatic pressure. Expectation raced through Alex.
“Ready?”
He nodded and moaned his agreement. Uli pushed an elongated cylinder toward Alex. As it neared, Alex saw the tubing connected to the machine open and contract in a sucking motion.
The teasing suction strengthened as Uli brought the cylinder closer. “Alex?”
Alex groaned. “Yes, do it.” One moment an irresistible pull drew his shaft toward the opening, and the next he was dragged inside.
“Oh!” he shouted in surprise when the delightful sensation of suction cascaded over him.
“Good?” Uli studied Alex’s face. Seeming to be satisfied with what he saw, Ulrich released the device. Unrestrained, the cylinder pumped and slurped, sliding up and down over Alex.
