by Z. Allora
Storm growled and his eye twitched, but he kept right on glaring at Cassidy. Clearly having a mate on either side of him and Alex passing out water did nothing to calm him.
Cassidy sighed. “This is totally not how I wanted this to go.”
“Well, then, you shouldn’t have tried to turn my brother into a girl.” Storm stood and took a step toward him.
Erick jumped in between them. “Ethan, don’t be stupid. He’s not doing that. I’m nonbinary.”
“You’re not. You can’t be.” Storm denied everything Erick tried to share with him.
“Storm, sit,” Alex commanded as he held out a bottle of water to Storm.
“Nonbinary. I don’t even know what that means,” Storm grumbled, but accepted the bottle of water and put his ass back on the sofa. “Thanks.”
The doctor took his water with a nod of thanks and snapped his focus onto Erick. “Thank you for sharing that with us. Did your high school have a GSA?”
“At Homophobes R Us High… yeah, right?” Erick snorted, and then took a bottle. “Thanks, Alex.”
The doctor looked to his nurse for clarification.
Robert shook his head.
“What’s a GSA?” Ulrich asked.
The doctor cleared his throat. “Gay and Straight Alliance is a school club that fosters a better understanding of the LGBTQIA community, provides support, and educates allies.”
“There’s none at my college either.” Erick took a sip of water.
Doc sighed. “Well, that’s too bad. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you figure this out about yourself?”
“I’ve always felt different, like I’m playing dress-up. I had to learn what other boys seem to do automatically.”
“Ha, being slow doesn’t make you nonbinary,” Storm snarked.
Erick scowled at Storm. “But saying transphobic things makes you a disappointment to me.”
Storm winced.
Doc glanced between Erick and Storm. “Sometimes the first step in acceptance is understanding.”
“What do you mean?” Storm growled.
“That maybe you and your brother might want to go to a meeting.”
“A meeting? A twelve step on how—”
“Storm. Enough.” Cassidy’s voice cut through the room.
The doctor inclined his head toward Cassidy and then narrowed his gaze on Storm. “I remember how Erick was the only thing that made you hesitate in joining with your mates.”
Frowning, Storm looked away.
Cutter elbowed him. “Beau and Lafayette had to just about promise you’d be seeing Erick again… well, here he is. Don’t you think you should appreciate you’re not losing him?”
Storm’s sharp inhale spoke of all that the jackass would probably never say.
Ulrich leaned toward Storm. “You even asked us to celebrate his birthday.”
“He what?” Erick gasped.
Ulrich shrugged. “He asked me to bake chocolate cupcakes with white chocolate frosting.”
Erick stared at Storm. “Ethan….”
“I really recommend you and your brother go to a meeting.” Leave it to the doctor to bypass the emotional and get everyone to circle back to an action plan.
Storm folded his arms. “If it’ll fix him, sure, I’ll go.”
Erick opened his mouth and growled.
Cassidy rubbed a hand along Erick’s back and interjected, “Great. When is there a meeting?”
Cutter pulled out his cell, and within a minute, he smiled. “Got one. Close by, and there’s a meeting tonight.”
Erick stared at the floor. “Sounds good.”
“I’ll send an email so they’ll be expecting you.” Cutter thumbed a message.
11
Somewhere on the Rainbow
“I said I could get us there.” Ethan clutched the dashboard again, breaking his silence for the first time in ten minutes.
Erick glared at his brother. Maybe he needed to claim some control. “I know, but I wanted to drive. What’s your problem?”
Ethan exhaled hard as if he actually thought Erick couldn’t keep the car on the road. “You still take right turns on two wheels.”
“I simply avoided that pothole. And if you didn’t like my driving, why exactly did you grab shotgun? You could be tucked away in the back seat to brace for impact.”
Pressing his lips together, Ethan frowned and then glared toward the back seat. “I needed to make sure both of your hands were on the wheel.”
Cassidy snaked a hand underneath Erick’s hair and traced a heart on his nape. Erick inhaled deeply as he felt their connection bind tighter, making him feel more immune to Ethan’s stupid.
“And why did you buzz off your hair? Are you doing gay-for-pay porn, the military version after the meeting?”
Ethan finally sported the look their father had wanted for both of his sons, and the reminder made Erick nauseous.
“I don’t want to be recognized.” He ran a hand through the bristles on his head. “Besides, it’s already started to grow back.”
Another weird-ass zombie trait? Fast-growing hair? Whatever. The only zombie thing that concerned Erick was the blood exchange, and the sooner Cassidy and he did that, the better he’d feel.
Ethan pointed. “The navigator says the meeting is in that building.”
“Thanks, Columbus.” Erick turned into the lot and found a spot under a lamppost.
“Cut said since it’s after hours, the building will be locked, so we need to ring the bell and they’ll buzz us in.” Cassidy held Erick’s hand even though Ethan kept giving them his death stare.
Cassidy rang the bell, and after a brief wait they were buzzed in. He pointed to the sign taped to the wall that said the Love the Rainbow Support Group was in room 103.
Unease skittered through Erick as he trudged with Cassidy and Ethan. He hoped Ethan got something out of this meeting, because he wasn’t planning on spending eternity hiding or justifying who he was.
Ethan poked his head into the designated room. “Looks like we found the right place.”
The room’s chairs were in a semicircle and almost filled with a diverse group of people. For Erick it felt like he could breathe. There was a chalkboard, desk, and filing cabinets identifying the room as some type of classroom during the day.
A guy with layered, shoulder-length dark hair gave them a wave as they entered. Not much prevented his walk from being classified as feline, though his big grin felt welcoming. Somehow, he made the gray, long-sleeved T-shirt and jeans he wore look like haute couture. “Hey, I’m Keith. You must be Erick, Cassidy, and Ethan.”
They each identified themselves as they shook his hand. Strong grip, but not as purposefully painful as Erick had anticipated.
“I texted with your friend. It’s great to have you here.” He gestured to several open chairs scattered throughout the semicircle.
Cassidy guided Erick into one of the few empty seats. People instantly smiled and moved over two seats, allowing the three of them to sit together.
Keith stayed standing in the middle of the room. “Hello, everyone. Let’s get started. I’m Keith Demonico, current president of Love the Rainbow Support Group. If this is your first time, welcome, and if this isn’t, we’re happy to have you back. Our goal is to educate everyone on or off the rainbow about orientation and gender identity. We’re also here to give and receive support as well as recommendations for assistance, and maybe a little unsolicited advice.”
His last bit got some chuckles and one snort that came from someone on Erick’s left.
Keith gestured to the teen. “Thoughts, Melody?”
The young teen rolled their eyes, then studied the people in the group. “Just remember, people can give you advice, but you don’t have to take it.”
Keith glanced around the group with a big smile. “My pronouns are he, him, and his. Today our younger members want to educate us on some gender identity basics. Mary, William, Susan, and Cole, you’re up.”
Three teens bounced to the top of the circle, along with an elegant young woman.
The teen in an adorable Hello Kitty sweatshirt, jeans, and matching pink sneakers gestured to each as she introduced them. “I’m Susan, and this is Cole, Mary, and my boyfriend William.”
Ethan shot a confused look at Erick.
Erick tried to use his brother telepathy. Please keep your mouth shut. Listen. And learn.
Cole stage-whispered, “And?”
Susan laughed. “Oops, I forgot. I’m nonbinary of the transmasculine variety and my pronouns are she, her, and hers. I’m AFAB, which means assigned female at birth.”
William stepped forward in his plaid hipster shirt, dark jeans, and hiking boots. “I am AFAB… assigned female at birth. At three I knew that wasn’t who I was, and thanks to my mom—shout-out to Pat….”
A middle-aged woman in an I Love Cats sweatshirt blew him a kiss.
He caught the air smooch and winked. “As most of you know, I started my journey with hormones last year, and my top surgery is next week. My pronouns are he, him, and his.”
The elegant, statuesque woman stood with the kids as if she were in a beauty pageant. Erick tried to figure out why a model was up there. She had her dark hair swept into a perfect chignon knot, and her flawless dark skin had only subtle hints of makeup. Maybe Erick could ask her for some beauty tips. Then she giggled at something Susan whispered in her ear, identifying her as a teen and not as a runway model.
“I’m Mary. My pronouns are she, her, and hers.” She gave the audience a shot of her pearly whites. “I’m a senior in high school and look forward to attending Columbia University in the fall… oh, and I’m a transwoman.”
Erick loved that her being transgender, at least in this safe space, could almost be an afterthought. He followed her gaze to two older men who appeared to be brimming with pride.
The last teen in their group crossed their hands in front of them. “I’m Cole. I’m androgynous… and gender queer or nonbinary. My pronouns are gender neutral, meaning they, them, and theirs.”
“But that’s not grammatically correct,” said a man on the opposite side of the circle.
Cole shrugged. “I figured it’s easier than ze, hir, and hirs. But there is always zee, here, and heres, or ey, em, and eir.”
The man shook his head. “I don’t understand any of this. My daughter was born a girl. She is a girl. Why she thinks she’s a boy… I mean, sure a tomboy maybe, but she’ll grow out of it.”
The kid next to him pulled their baseball cap lower, shadowing their face.
The teenagers in the middle stopped short and stared at him like he’d taken a dump in the middle of Walmart or something.
Erick tried not to strangle him. He looked at Ethan, who watched with a sad, confused look on his face. Erick could almost hear the gears turning in his brother’s head, trying to process the information.
Mary glided to the middle of the circle. “Actually as of September 2019 the word they has been added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. They can be used to refer to a single person whose gender identity is nonbinary. So… don’t let grammar rules make you disrespect and invalidate someone who is nonbinary. Okay?”
The guy squirmed in his seat. “Well…um… I don’t know.”
Cole glared at the guy. “We know. That’s why we’re here to help explain it.”
Keith hopped back into the circle. “That’s why we’re here to learn.”
Mary’s warrior face softened as she elbowed Cole. “Right. We know everyone is trying. Maybe we should start with orientation versus gender identity? That might help give people who are new to these concepts a framework in which to store the knowledge they gain.”
William pointed to his head. “Gender identity is here.”
Cole waved their hand below the waist. “Anatomical sex is assigned by a doctor. By the way, atypical genitalia appear in babies about as often as red hair, which is about 1 percent of the time.”
“Orientation is attraction.” Susan fluttered her eyelashes in William’s direction as she touched her heart.
Erick squeezed Cassidy’s hand. Cassidy pressed a chaste kiss on his shoulder. Erick’s heart did a triple backflip. To have someone understand and accept everything about him felt indescribably good, but to share love with that person… well, Erick’s soul lit with happiness.
Mary did a quick review, demonstrating by pointing at her own body. “Gender identity is in your brain. Anatomical sex is assigned by a doctor looking here, and orientation is who you love.”
Cole rolled his eyes. “Or rather, who you’re attracted to.”
Mary nodded.
A woman with salt-and-pepper hair raised her hand and added, “Lack of attraction is the A in LGBTQIA rainbow. It means asexual. I’m asexual, but that doesn’t mean I must be sex repulsed, though some asexuals are. Asexuals simply don’t experience sexual attraction or they experience it at a very low level. Sorry. Could you define for us what cisgender is?”
Susan failed to suppress a grin at the clearly leading question that gave her the perfect segue. “When your anatomical sex matches your gender identity, that’s called cisgender. When that doesn’t fall into line there’s a disconnect, and that’s what the T on the rainbow stands for. Transgender. There are many gender identities that fit under the transgender umbrella: agender, gender fluid, bigender, demi gender, nonbinary, gender queer, and all the other identities.”
“Being trans is very individual.” William took over the lecture. “Sometimes this includes gender dysphoria, meaning since a person’s body doesn’t match their gender identity, it can make them experience emotional distress. They may want to have affirmation surgery so their outside can match their inside.”
The father who spoke before cleared his throat and asked, “Is that why some men cut off their dicks?”
Keith placed a hand on Mary’s shoulder, which seemed to help close her mouth. He said, “Okay. This is a safe place to discuss these types of questions. And you did not personalize the question, which is great, but—”
“I’ve got this, Keith.” Mary stepped forward. “We’re going to run with this as an example. First, imagine asking me what type of surgeries I’ve had.”
“Well, it’s a realistic question,” the guy insisted.
Mary glided across the room to stand in front of the man. “Would you like if I asked how large your penis is?”
The man gasped. “No, that’s none of your business.”
“Exactly. Unless you and the other person are heading in the direction of the bedroom, you don’t need to know about what surgeries they may or may not have had, or what surgeries they might want to have.” Mary articulated each word.
Flabbergasted, the man asked, “Who else would someone ask to get information?”
From the background, Susan growled, “Ms. Google perhaps. Or Mr. Yahoo, or one of their many children—Bing, Ask.com, Baidu, etc.”
Mary tilted her head and gave Susan a wink. “Of course, with the internet’s help, you can answer many of these questions. But in this space, everyone wants to help one another build a foundation of knowledge so we all have a better understanding. And part of that is discussing these types of questions and how to handle them.”
“That’s our baby girl,” one of the men said.
She mouthed I love you, Daddy and I love you, Papa.
William stepped into the middle. “To get back to your question, some folks might need affirmation surgery to live life the way they’d like. Top surgery usually refers to removal of breasts for a transguy, and for a transwoman that would be to increase her breast size.”
Mary added, “Bottom surgery for trans women would consist of changing the penis into a vagina. For a transguy, that might mean a hysterectomy and or possibly a phalloplasty… for details you can google it or catch me after. There’s also hormone treatment and cosmetic surgeries as well.”
“Um, thank you. I don’t mean to be disrespe
ctful, but these concepts fry my brain.” The man chuckled as he looked at the floor.
“Imagine how a kid feels whose gender identity doesn’t match how everyone else may see them. Every single day, the wrong pronouns, wrong assumptions, being forced into things that make no sense to you.” William paced away.
Erick’s heart broke for him. All the day-to-day slights and cuts ate at one’s soul. He was happy the kid had a supportive parent. Sometimes just a little acceptance made all the difference to get through to a brighter tomorrow.
Cole paced to the middle. “By the way, more and more studies show a little support and acceptance goes a long way in helping a trans kid to live a happy life.”
“I know having my dad and papa’s support has made all the difference in the world to me,” Mary explained.
Keith waited, but when the kids didn’t add anything, he said, “These ideas can be new, and if you don’t have a framework to process them, you can get lost in the details.”
William added, “For the record, not all trans people need affirmation surgery or can get them due to health or financial reasons.”
“Also, there are a ton of ways people can express their gender identity, with clothing, hairstyles, mannerisms, movement, likes and dislikes, etcetera,” Susan added.
“Keep in mind, each transgender person is unique, with different feelings, thoughts, and goals. Are there any other questions?” Mary glanced around, but no one moved or spoke, so she sat.
The other three teens glanced around the room.
Ethan raised his hand.
No! Good God, what was he going to say?
“Yes.” Susan pointed to Ethan.
“Could you explain nonbinary a little bit more?” Ethan asked in that hesitating way of his that made Erick feel less vulnerable.
“Of course. Society has set things into categories. The main ones are still male and female. Someone who is nonbinary doesn’t fit into that construct. They may express female and male attributes, neither, or maybe something in between.” She smiled, inviting Ethan to ask more.
“So, you said you’re nonbinary. You were born a girl… and I’m sorry, but you are wearing girl’s clothing, so I’m confused.”
