‘Tell me what?’ said his dad.
‘You were right,’ she told him. ‘I’m sorry.’
He shook his head and added even as she spoke, ‘Don’t tell me, I can guess.’ He sat down at the table, and to everyone’s pity and shame, began to weep bleakly, his head in his hands, his elbows crunching up the toast crusts. ‘I knew it, I knew it, and you just kept denying it. Why did you have to keep denying it?’ he wept.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘Can we get the children off to school first?’
‘She’s been shouting at me about my suspicious mind,’ he explained to Dino, his eyes glistening, his voice wobbling. He stopped, wiping his eyes, and looked up at the clock. ‘But I have to go. I have that meeting.’ He stood up. ‘An important meeting, God help me, I was looking forward to it. Now look. What timing!’ He glared at his wife and then at Dino, trying to swallow the things he wanted to say.
He moved around the kitchen picking things up and getting his jacket on as he wept. Dino, watching from the table, thought he looked like a man in a movie.
‘Do you have to go now?’ asked Kath.
‘You’ve had how long to tell me – how long? Weeks? Months? How long?’
‘We’ll talk later,’ she said, looking away.
His dad looked at Dino. ‘Dino. None of this is your fault. OK?’
‘Why should it?’ asked Dino, but it sounded rude so he added, ‘OK, Dad.’
‘OK like hell, eh? I’ve got to go. Christ, what timing!’
‘Let’s take the day off, Mike. We can talk now,’ said Kath.
He stood in the kitchen considering. ‘No,’ he said. ‘No. Not like that. Not because you say so right now after so many … so many lies. I’ll take this afternoon off. See you here, OK?’
‘The meeting too important for you, is it?’
‘Don’t be spiteful.’
‘Sorry.’ She looked away and bit her lip. ‘Sorry.’
‘See you later.’ He clapped a hand on Dino’s shoulder and walked out of the door.
Dino stood up. ‘I’d better get going too,’ he said.
‘No. We need to talk.’
‘School …’
‘We’ll take the morning off, both of us.’
‘Sausages,’ sneered Dino. He meant, she was treating him and his dad like sausages – him in the morning and his dad in the afternoon. But she knew what he meant.
‘No, important people I’ve neglected too long,’ she said. ‘I won’t be a minute, I’ll just get Mat away. We have to talk.’
She went upstairs after Mat. Dino ignored her instructions. Why should he go through this shit? Everything was going to stop for her? Nothing was going to stop for her! He went upstairs to get his things ready and slipped out while she was in the kitchen packing Mat’s bag. He walked halfway down the road before he realised that if he went, he’d have to wait all day before finding out what was going on. He felt sick with anticipation already. He turned round and went home to listen to his mother’s music.
Kath came back from taking Mat to school, stood in the hall and called his name.
‘I’m in the kitchen,’ he told her.
‘Be with you, I just need to pee.’ She ran upstairs to her bedroom and stood in front of the mirror doing her face, as if her son was an interviewer, or a lover or someone she had to look good for. What was she going to say? Poor Dino didn’t even know how to think about this sort of thing. It was going to be a question of what mood he was in.
Not fair to him, she thought.
How much had he seen? Ouch – she couldn’t even think of that. What a mess. She hadn’t got a clue how to go about it.
She patted her hair and went down.
‘It’s all wrong, I should be speaking to your dad first, not you,’ she said.
‘I’ll go to school, shall I?’ said Dino.
‘No, no, please. Oh, God, Dino. I’m not very good at this, am I?’
‘You looked pretty good at it in the living room the other day.’
‘How much did you see?’ she asked, before she had time to think about it.
‘Enough,’ he muttered, and turned his face away to avoid having to watch her blush.
She walked two or three times up and down the room, turned, and put the kettle on.
‘Tea.’
‘Thanks.’ Suddenly impatient, he squirmed in his chair and said, ‘What do you want to say to me? I should be at school.’
His mother rubbed her eyes. ‘I should have spoken to you ages ago. I didn’t know … I mean, I wasn’t sure if you’d seen us.’
Dino shrugged.
‘Although I suppose I knew you’d seen us by the way you were behaving. You made it pretty clear, actually, considering it’s almost impossible to get you to talk about anything.’
Dino laughed.
‘Thanks for waiting for me, anyway,’ she said.
‘OK.’
He watched her as she turned to make the tea. This was a woman; he hardly knew her. She was like a tiny box he had held in his hand all his life, and he had pressed a catch and she’d opened up and here she was, big as the sky. She was like the bloody Tardis. He felt a wave of resentment that she had so much life.
She turned round to face him. ‘Sorry. That’s what I want to say. Sorry for bringing Dave home here. Sorry for you catching us. Sorry I never spoke to you about it until it was too late. You know what, when it comes to affairs of the heart we’re all just about sixteen years old. But really, really sorry.’
Dino cleared his throat, and to his own amazement asked the only relevant question left between them.
‘And sorry about Mr Short as well?’
She looked away and then back. ‘I’m sorry for practically everything, aren’t I? But I don’t think I am sorry about that.’
‘Are you going to live with him?’
‘God, no! No, I don’t love him, Dino.’
‘You don’t love him and you’re not even sorry?’
‘Dino. God. Talking to you like this! But … No I don’t love him. The trouble is, I don’t love your dad either. He drives me mad. I don’t hate him, but he’s like … he’s like …’ She took a deep breath. ‘He’s like someone I can’t live with any more.’
‘Are you sure about that?’
‘I’m sure.’
And having said it to her son, she was sure. She’d had enough. Kath Howther was out of there.
‘I’ve known it for a long time,’ she lied.
‘Why didn’t you go ages ago?’
‘I was hoping things would change, I suppose.’
Dino shrugged. ‘So leave,’ he told her.
She gulped. She leave? She had to go?
‘If that happens I don’t know who would go, but there’s one big problem at the moment.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Money.’ She shrugged. ‘You know we don’t have much at the moment.’
‘You don’t have much ever.’
‘We can’t afford two homes. Simple mathematics. The only trouble is, now it’s out in the open, it might just become utterly unbearable.’
‘So we all stay together, anyway.’
‘I guess so.’
‘So you’ll just have to work it out?’
‘I suppose …’
Dino felt a cloud lift off him. Everything was going to be all right. It wasn’t his responsibility any more. He had no more power. Great! He smiled, then paused, wondering vaguely why his mother was glaring at him. ‘Can I go to school now?’ he asked.
‘I guess so,’ she said, and he had his bag on his shoulder and was off down the road before she could say another word.
23
this is me
The week after the party there was a youth club on at the school for Year Eleven and the sixth form. Dino, Ben, Jonathon and the other lads didn’t very often go to these dos, but this time they were all meeting up.
Wood End School lay between two roads, one of them the main road leading into Wo
od End, and the other a busy A-road leading onto the motorway connections and nearby towns. Crab Lane connected the school with these two roads. It was a quiet road, blocked off at one end to stop it being used as a shortcut. The cracked tarmac was lined with old rhododendron trees, behind which stood a handful of big detached houses set back. Under cover of the rhododendrons were a number of nooks and crannies where generations of Wood End students had smoked their cigarettes and spliffs, drunk their beer, cider and alcopops and kissed and fondled their boyfriends and girlfriends. It was here that Dino had had his first serious kiss, and that he and Ben had seen their first fanny. It belonged to Julie Samuels in the year below theirs. It was a dark night, and Dino had lit up with a Zippo lighter, which he held so close Ben thought for a second he was going to set fire to it.
One of these hideaways, near the far end of the lane, had been formed from the space left by a couple of cypress trees, felled years before. One of the rhododendrons had snaked a long, low branch from one side of the space to the other, which made a bouncy seat, and the old stumps from the cypresses made another two. Dino, Ben and Jonathon went there to smoke some weed with Fasil before the dance. Dino and Fasil sat themselves down on the bouncing branch, while Ben and Jonathon crouched low on the sawn off-stumps on the dusty dry ground. It was early summer, still light, but the rhododendrons filtered most of it out and the boys sat in dusky silence as Fasil rolled up. His lighter flared and the red tip glowed like a coal.
‘Nice stuff,’ whispered Ben, wheezing on a lungful.
‘It’s skunk,’ said Fasil.
Ben handed it on to Dino, who had his and handed it on to Jonathon.
‘Skunk,’ hissed Jonathon.
‘It’s skunk,’ whispered Ben.
‘Skunk,’ said Dino.
‘Skunk,’ said Fasil.
All four of them laughed quietly down their noses, and then laughed again at the noise they were making. Jonathon handed the spliff back over to Fasil. The stump he was sitting on had speeded up. It was travelling at about seventy thousand miles an hour.
‘Seeing Deborah tonight?’ whispered Dino.
‘Yeah.’
‘How’s it going?’
‘Dunno.’
‘Good luck with it, mate.’
‘Thanks.’ The spliff end flared up in the hushed darkness. They could just about see each other in outline. ‘You seeing Jackie?’
‘Yeah.’
‘How’s it going?’
‘Great.’
‘Great.’
‘Hey,’ whispered Jonathon a moment later. ‘Look at these two. They’re the two non-shaggers.’
‘That’s right, Fas and Ben the non-shaggers.’
‘I’m shagging someone,’ said Ben.
‘Who?’
‘Miss Young.’
Snorts of amusement went round the dark space.
‘And me, I’m shagging someone too, I’m shagging everyone,’ said Fasil, and he suddenly jumped up and started dancing around, swivelling on the dry dirt floor, hand jiving in front of his trousers. The other three cracked up laughing, holding their sides and wheezing helplessly into the darkness. Not being able to make a noise made it all the funnier. ‘Me, yeah, I’ve ’ad ’em all. Look! This is me shagging everyone! This is me shagging the Queen, you know, man, I’ve done the Queen and I’ve done the Prime Minister’s wife, me, I have. Cheree, baby!’
‘Urrrgh,’ they all wailed.
‘Yeah, I’ve had anything, I have. I’ve had Carol Vorderman, Geri and Posh, Zoë Ball. I’ve had all your sisters and your mums, everyone, man!’ Fasil whirled round on his heels, poking and pushing in all directions like a demon, shagging half the kingdom. It was hilarious. Dino, Jonathon and Ben rolled off their seats and tried not to hoot out loud.
‘Here … here, what’s this!’ Jonathon jumped up, stretched himself in a cup shape as if he was spread over the back of an elephant and began humping.
‘What’s this? What’s this?’ he hissed.
‘What?’
‘This is me shagging Deborah.’
They were in fits. Dino developed a stitch from too much laughing.
‘Shut up!’
‘Ssssh! Someone’ll hear!’
‘Shit, that’s so funny!’
‘Here – what’s this?’ Dino jumped up, put one hand behind his head and did more pelvic thrusts. ‘This is me doing Jackie standing up!’
Howls of laughter. Dino collapsed onto his haunches and hands.
‘What’s this? What’s this?’ Ben jumped up and lay flat on the ground, hands rigid by his sides in the dark. ‘This is me lying down staring up Miss Young’s minge while she gives me a blow job.’
‘You filthy bastard! That’s sooooo filthy, you bastard!’
‘What’s this?’ Dino got back up and did Jonathon staggering about with his head stuck up Deborah’s fanny, but Jonathon objected.
‘You’re only allowed to do your own!’ So Dino did himself, trying to kneel without getting his trousers dirty, thrusting and walking forward at the same time.
‘This is me shagging Jackie from behind while she tries to crawl away! Come back here! Come back here! Come back here!’ he hissed. Then Jonathon did doing Deborah first from the front, then behind, walking in a vast circle to do it; then Ben did being tied spread-eagled to the bed while Miss Young jumped about on top of him. Then Dino did shagging Jackie while he leaned on a tree eating a Twix bar. It was just so bad and so funny.
‘You lot are sick. You’re misogynists, that’s what you are,’ said Fasil.
‘You started it!’ objected Jonathon.
‘Not with my own girlfriend! You ought to have more respect for your girlfriends. Look! This is me shagging all three of your girlfriends at the same time!’ He jagged about to three points of the compass.
‘You gotta do your own!’ said Dino.
‘No, that’s not fair, he hasn’t got one!’
‘Ben hasn’t got one either …’
‘I’m only imagining shagging Miss Young,’ said Fasil. ‘It’s the other two I’m really doing it to.’
‘You leave Jackie out of it,’ Dino told him, and they all stared at him to see if he was serious. He stared back at them, impassive in the half light.
‘And you know what?’ said Fasil. ‘I’m gonna tell them too. I’m gonna say to them that you guys watched me shagging them and you didn’t care!’
‘But we wouldn’t do it if they were here. Christ! Imagine if they were here!’
At the thought of them being here, all four cracked up and fell over again. They were convulsed.
‘Anyway,’ said Ben. ‘You guys are disgusting. I agree with Fasil. You should show more respect.’
‘Bastard,’ said Dino.
‘Let’s go,’ said someone, and then they were outside blinking at the light, saying hi to some friends on the road before they knew what was what.
Jonathon walked slowly around the dance floor. Deborah wasn’t there yet. He sipped lager out of a Coke can and breathed slowly. His stomach had slowed down from 70,000 to a steady 300 or 400 mph.
‘And … relax,’ he said to himself.
The dance floor looked like a shadowy coral reef with brightly coloured fish swimming in and out of the sunlight. The teachers stalked about the edges like barracudas. The school was in fancy dress. Too many images! thought Jonathon, but he couldn’t stop himself. Look at the girls! They were like a hundred species of exotic butterflies who had just emerged from the grub of their school-day selves. No more jumpers and jeans – it was low-cut tops and short skirts, make-up, glitter, everything beautiful and exotic. All that skin – he could see so much skin! He never knew that the girls in his class had so much skin! Whole parts of them were practically stark naked.
He hadn’t realised it before but almost every single one of the girls he went to school with was utterly desirable. When had they become so gorgeous? Why? Was it just their idea of fun? Was it a trap? Could it be that they actually wanted some spot
ty boy – maybe even some spotty boy like him – to come up and dance with them? Or kiss them? Or touch them and run his hands over them and under them and …
Jonathon lurched across the floor and suddenly came face to face with Susan Mallary. She had broad shoulders and a deep bosom. Jonathon was just stopped dead in his tracks by her cleavage.
‘Wow,’ he breathed. ‘Susan! I never knew. I mean – you look amazing. You don’t normally look gorgeous. What have you done to yourself?’
Susan laughed and spread her arms and shook her chest to show herself off. Before she knew what was going on, Jonathon had stepped into her arms and pushed up against them. He froze, realising he might have been too forward.
‘Dance?’ he croaked.
‘OK,’ she replied. Fortunately it was a slow one. They began to waltz clumsily around each other. Jonathon was amazed that he had got himself so close to those big, beautiful breasts.
Christ, I’ve asked someone to dance, he thought. He’d never had the courage to do it before. He clung onto her and stepped cautiously around her feet.
Two tracks later, Jonathon still hadn’t thought of anything to say. She extricated herself by saying, ‘Can we dance further apart?’ They jiggled about in front of each other for a while, but the attraction had disappeared. Jonathon excused himself and scurried away to try and remember what he had said, in case he was ever brave enough to ask someone to dance again. He went over to stand by a pillar and sighed deeply. That had been so nice, but he felt embarrassed that he’d had nothing to say.
Deborah appeared in front of him with a little smile.
‘Oh, hi,’ he said.
‘I hear you’ve been unfaithful to me,’ she told him.
‘It was just a dance.’
He looked closely at her, but couldn’t work out if she was displeased or just didn’t mind. She stood and watched the dance floor with him for a minute or two and then said, too seriously, ‘Come for a walk with me?’
‘All right.’
‘I’ll just get my coat. See you in the foyer?’
Jonathon tried to sneak out without being spotted. He nearly made it too, but Ben was lurking by the doors.
‘What are you doing here?’ asked Jon.
‘Just taking a rest. What about you?’
Doing It Page 15
