by Anne Hampson
‘You weren’t surprised at my admission?’
‘No, Shara; I have had an idea for some time.’
She bit her lip.
‘I shall feel very foolish if he doesn’t reciprocate. I had no idea my behaviour was so revealing.’
‘Only to me, my dear, because I know you so well.’ His face had softened, and the lines between his eyes had disappeared. He was worried about her and she warmed to him, as she had warmed to him on many occasions. If she could have chosen her own father then without any doubt at all she would have chosen Gilbert. ‘I sincerely hope he will reciprocate.’ Gilbert transferred his gaze to the contents of his glass, and he seemed to swallow a little convulsively as in the silence his thoughts remained poised for so long that Shara wondered if he meant to voice them at all. But he did, saying that Carl was a very strange man, with an unpredictable personality. There was no questioning his interest in Shara, Gilbert went on, but how deep that interest went was something which for the present Carl meant to keep to himself. Frowning at what appeared to be nothing less than omnipotence, Shara said he had answered his own question about how Carl acted. He nodded, and once more became thoughtful. ‘You know, for sure, that it’s Carl you want?’ he asked at length, and instantly she nodded.
‘It happened a long while ago,’ she told him. ‘I fell in love with Carl when I was sixteen.’
‘Sixteen!’ He stared at her. ‘You’ve never told me anything about this. And why haven’t I guessed anyway?’ Faintly she shook her head, a vague unintentional gesture, for she was thinking of that night - the night of the golden wedding party - when she had decided to confide in Colin. She had told him so much and no more. Her love for Carl she had kept to herself.
‘You’d have considered it as nothing more than a schoolgirl crush,’ she began, when Gilbert interrupted her with a shake of his head. ‘You wouldn’t?’
‘With anyone else perhaps, but not with you, Shara, You’re altogether too serious in your general outlook; no, I’d never have underrated the importance of the affair.’ He sent her a shrewd glance. ‘So now it’s all explained.’ ‘Explained?’
‘Why you’ve never been interested in men. Does Colin know there’s no possible chance for him?’
‘I’m sure he does - although he has no idea that I feel this way about Carl.’
‘I wonder why I never guessed?’ Mechanically the words left Gilbert’s lips and he shook his head from side to side in a faintly impatient manner.
‘Naturally I wouldn’t show it,’ she reasoned, adding, ‘Besides, it was not so strong that it hurt. I was conscious of the way I felt, but nine years is a long time and it wasn’t as if there’d even been affection between Carl and me. I haven’t been unhappy, Gilbert, not at all.’ ‘But neither have you been happy - not perfectly happy, I mean.’
She spread her hands.
‘What is perfect happiness? How does one assess it? We have no comparisons to use, Gilbert. I’ve been happy, especially since coming to work for you. And I expect that, should Carl not want my love, then things will continue as before.’
‘No, my dear—’ He broke off, his eyes shadowed by compassion. ‘You’ll never be able to forget him, not now, for I see that you and he are very close. On his side there is
- at least - affection; on yours love. If nothing comes of this, Shara, then I shall for the rest of my life regret the day I decided to write a book on Cyprus.’
One of the invitations had come from Linos, who was giving a dinner party at his villa in Ayios Georgios. For the occasion Shara had chosen a black dress, plain to the point of severity, high-necked at the front but leaving her beautifully sun-tanned back bare. The dress was relieved only by a small pearl clip on the shoulder, and the only other jewellery Shara wore was a pair of pearl earrings, a present from Gilbert the Christmas before last.
Linos’s eyes widened appreciatively on noting Shara’s attire; she was with Gilbert, Carl having been stopped by an acquaintance as he parked the car down below, under the shelter provided by the raising of the front part of the house on stilts.
‘My dear Shara ...’ Murmured tones spoken with the particular vibrancy used by a man whose thoughts are very much removed from what is on the surface. ‘You look
ravishing!’
A swift and almost imperceptible curve of Gilbert’s lips and then, without affording his secretary the opportunity of replying.
‘Isn’t she, Linos? I’ve said something of the sort myself, a short while ago.’
‘Come,’ invited Linos, and taking Shara’s hand he moved with ease and grace towards the terrace on which several other of his guests were chatting and drinking in the moonlight. Having served their drinks himself Linos sat down between Shara and Gilbert. Her eyes wandered, looking for Carl. Where would he sit? she wondered with a sudden frown, realizing that he would have to sit some distance away from them, as other guests were occupying the three chairs drawn up to their table. A small surge of anger brought colour to Shara’s cheeks. Linos had obviously forgotten his manners. She cast a glance at Gilbert and said deliberately,
‘Carl will be up in a moment. Is there room to bring up another chair - if we all move closer?’
He understood, and immediately hitched his chair closer to that of his neighbour, having to move it round to the corner of the table as he did so. Linos had no option than to do likewise and so the vacant place which Carl would occupy was made next to Shara. And on his arrival she looked up at him and smiled charmingly, and with another pointed act of deliberation she swept a hand to the chair and said,
‘Here, Carl, next to me,’ and as she spoke she actually sensed the stiffening of the man at the other side of her. Linos, she thought with a frown, could be unpleasant if he wished.
Later in the evening Shara and Carl were standing by the rail of the sun-deck, talking and looking down to the lonely beach and the waves gently lapping the bay. Rocks to the right glistened in the moon’s bright glow, and on the air there drifted the familiar exotic perfumes invariably found in an Eastern garden.
‘It’s ... magic.’ Softly she spoke, turning her fair head to look up into the darkly-chiselled features above her. So strong a face, full of character, but stern also, in a way that, Shara decided, could result in unpleasant consequences for anyone who might be unwise enough to cross him. ‘I do love this island, Carl.’
A sort of electric silence and then, with an unmistakable hint of huskiness in his voice,
‘Already you’re thinking of the time when you’ll leave.’ A statement, but a question too, and she nodded, her eyes shadowed a little, but kept from his searching gaze - at least for the present.
‘We’ve been here two months already,’ was all she said, and another profound silence followed. And then, because she could not stand the tension created by this silence, Shara half-turned, saying they had better go inside and join the others.
‘Yes. ...’ But he made no similar move and Shara’s progress was halted as he stood in front of her. ‘Shara—’ The word was scarcely out before, with a swift and timely action, Carl made a grab at her, catching part of her dress between his fingers and bringing her away from the rail. ‘My God - what is Linos thinking of! That thing’s unsafe!’ Shara herself was white to the lips; she had felt the rail giving way as she leant against it, Carl standing there in front, blocking her way to the house. With heart throbbing overrate she glanced down ... an uninterrupted fall would have been hers, and she would have landed on the rocky backshore.
‘Thank you, Carl.’ Her voice was high-pitched and cracked. ‘Linos was t-telling me earlier that he’d been having some alterations d-done here. This is a new rail.’
‘Then they’ve made a damned rotten job of fixing it!’ He had released his hold on her dress, but his warm hand was still on her arm ... and before either of them realized it she was in Carl’s arms; he pulled her further from the edge and then his lips found hers. ‘Shara - my dear sweet Shara,’ he whispered when a moment la
ter he was holding her from him and gazing deeply and tenderly into her eyes. ‘I love you,’ he added simply, and with a great sigh rising from the very heart of her Shara melted into his embrace again and lifted her face, inviting another kiss.
‘I love you, Carl,’ she whispered, her eyes bright, her heart overflowing with gratitude for this lovely thing that was happening to her. ‘I’ve been so afraid.’ The confession was out before she had time to think and Carl frowned a little and said, his warm tender hands still in possession of her arms,
‘Afraid, my dear?’
‘That you wouldn’t love me in return.’ Shy her voice, not in any way resembling that of the confident girl who was Gilbert’s secretary. ‘You see, I - I’ve cared for
some time.’
He did not ask her how long, and she realised that her ‘some time’ had almost certainly been taken for weeks rather than years. Carl believed she had come to care only after meeting him again in Cyprus. It was not important; she would enlighten him some other time, not now.
‘Afraid?’ He shook his head. ‘Darling, you mustn’t be afraid again, ever.’ And added to the odd inflection that
had entered his tone was the strangeness of his next words. ‘Everything will be all right; I’m quite sure of that.’ And before Shara could ask what he meant by this rather cryptic statement Carl had drawn away on hearing voices and footsteps. Linos and a stocky Greek Cypriot came on to the terrace and Carl immediately brought Linos’s attention to the faulty rail.
‘Good heavens!’ Linos’s consternation was portrayed in every line of his handsome face. ‘What happened?’ ‘Shara almost went down,’ Carl answered sternly. ‘I just managed to grab her in time. ’
‘I’m terribly sorry.’ He looked at Shara, and repeated his apology, going on to say that someone would be in trouble tomorrow. ‘Workmen here are no different from yours,’ he added on a wrathful note. ‘They have to be etched all the time.’
Shara did not think the British workman was all that bad, but, naturally she refrained from saying so. In any case, the stocky Cypriot was speaking, asking Carl if he could spare a few moments to discuss some point which he had not brought up in an earlier conversation with Carl.
‘We had a short business discussion,’ he explained to
Shara, ‘and there was something I forgot to ask about.
Would you mind...?’
‘Of course not,’ she smiled, then said to Carl, ‘I’ll be inside.’
‘Very well. I shan’t be long.’ And with a pleasant nod to Linos Carl began chatting to the other man as they walked away towards the steps leading down to the garden below.
Silence reigned for a long while after the departure of
the two men; it was a decidedly awkward silence broken at last by Linos’ saying, in tones edged with a harsh inflection,
‘I thought Carl was your brother?’
She looked up, uncomprehending for a space and then blushing as she realized he must have seen more than either she or Carl had surmised.
‘He’s my brother by adoption, that’s all. I told you this.’ ‘No relation, in fact.’ Linos thrust a hand into the pocket of his white jacket and looked down at her flushed face. Moonlight gleamed in her hair and her lips were rosy from the kisses which, though gentle, had been in the end passionate and warm and masterfully possessive. Her lovely grey eyes, staring into his, were all-revealing to him as they had been to Carl a few moments earlier and she saw his gaze become narrowed and a hard glint entered into it. He said, after a small moment of indecision,
‘Obviously Demetrios didn’t see you in each other’s embrace, but I did. Have you ever met the woman with whom Rian stayed in Nicosia?’
Her heart jerked suddenly and something hard and dry rose up in her throat, bringing a huskiness to her voice.
‘No ... she’s employed by Carl in his office in Nicosia. Her - her husband once worked for Carl before - before he died. ...’ She tailed off, her rather frantic little speech brought to an end by the expression on her companion’s face. ‘Carl told me this,’ she added, almost fiercely.
‘And it is of course true. Carlos would not lie.’ A significant pause and then, ‘He might make omissions, yes, but he never tells untruths. The man of whom you speak was Carlos’s manager at the canning factory just outside the capital. When he died a year ago leaving an extremely beautiful young wife and a boy of five, Carlos
gave the wife - Annoula - the post in his office. She is secretary to his office manager—’
Carl has told me all this,’ she interrupted, nerves tensed and the one word ‘omissions’ ringing in her ears.
‘I expect he has.’ Linos’s eyes glinted suddenly. It was clear that jealousy raged within him. ‘But what he apparently hasn't told you, my dear Shara,’ he continued with a sort of slow-torturing deliberation, ‘is that he happens to be engaged to the lovely Annoula—’
‘Engaged? I don’t believe it!’ And yet so much would be explained... everything, in fact.
‘And here, Shara,’ went on Linos as if no interruption had occurred, ‘the engagement is as binding as the marriage. We never — and I emphasize — never — break our engagements. Were Carlos to do so his name would be blackened forever.’
CHAPTER NINE
SHARA and Rian were playing in the garden, while Colin sat in a deck chair watching them, a half-smile hovering on his good-natured face. Gilbert was on the patio, perusing the notes which Shara had scribbled on the day they were in Famagusta. She had written down certain of her own impressions and on first looking through them Gilbert had been delighted, declaring at once that they would provide most useful material for the book. Today was Sunday, and Shara had called for Rian early, bringing her back to the villa for lunch. Carl would be along later in the day; he had work to do, he had told Shara yesterday when she had phoned to ask if he and Rian would come over for the day, and meet Colin, who
had just arrived.
Gilbert glanced up as Rian, whose laughter rang through the garden and echoed on the hills above, dodged this way and that in order to escape her aunt’s
outstretched hands.
‘Caught you at last!’ Shara hugged the child as she lifted her right off her feet. ‘My goodness, but it took a long time!’
The green eyes looked up with something akin to adoration.
‘You know very well how fast I can run, Auntie Shara! You always take a long while to catch me.’ Rian rubbed a hand across her forehead, leaving a great dark smudge behind. ‘Ooh, but it’s hot!’
‘We’ll have a rest now, and a nice cool drink.’ Hand in hand they sauntered towards where Colin was sitting, but then Rian ran off to Gilbert and climbed up on to his knee, leaving Colin and Shara on their own.
‘What an extraordinary change.’ Dry tones and a flickering glance from head to toe. ‘Where is the cool and dignified young lady I once knew?’
Shara laughed, even though her heart was heavy with the weight of despair.
‘The Cypriot way of life, Colin. Here one is carefree. ’ Carefree! Fleetingly she closed her eyes, hurt for Carl as well as herself.
‘The child—’ Colin’s gaze found her, arms round Gilbert s neck, legs dangling and swinging to and fro, under the table. ‘Remember what you once said about babies and domesticity?’ he said on a challenging tone.
A shuddering sigh escaped her; she sat down on the grass and pulled her knees up under her chin. The eyes she lifted were shadowed and moist; her lovely mouth trembled. Colin’s eyes widened with anxiety and interrogation.
‘Shara, is something wrong?’
Wordlessly she shook her head; she wanted so desperately to talk to someone, and in the ordinary way it would have been Gilbert in whom she would have confided, but so absorbed was he in his book that she could not intrude into this absorption with something which must without doubt cause him so much anxiety that his work would be affected. And Shara knew by now that when once an interruption took place, it could be some consid
erable time before Gilbert settled down again. There was some trouble, Colin was saying, and on a sudden impulse she got to her feet and said,
‘Let’s walk, Colin - and I’ll tell you all about it.’ Her eyes strayed to Gilbert and the child contentedly sitting on his knee. ‘Will Rian be all right with you for ten minutes or so?’ she called across the garden. Her employer nodded, but before he could speak Rian was saying,
‘Of course I’m all right with Uncle Gilbert. He’s going to have a drink of lemonade with me.’
‘Shara, my dear, what on earth’s wrong?’ The question was out even before they left the garden. ‘You looked positively stricken for that moment as you sat there, on the grass.’
She was some time framing her words.
‘I talked to you about Carl once, remember?’
‘I could scarcely forget, Shara.’
‘No ...’ She swallowed hard. ‘I gave you to understand that I regarded him only in the light of a brother.’
Silence - long and profound - before Colin said, slanting her a look as she walked by his side towards the gate, ‘That’s correct, Shara. You gave me to understand that you regarded him as a brother.’
They reached the gate; mechanically Shara put out a hand to open it, while Colin did the same. On top of the gate their hands touched, and Colin’s spread across
hers.
‘It wasn’t the truth, Colin,’ she quivered, deriving comfort from his touch. ‘I fell in love with Carl when I was sixteen.’
‘Sixteen?’ he repeated after a pause during which he appeared to be recapturing something said before, on the one and only occasion on which she had talked at some length of Carl. ‘When he married, it would seem?’ Shara nodded her head.
‘It was when he introduced me to Alison that I knew.’ She paused a moment as Colin opened the gate. ‘I told you in my first letter that Alison had died.’
You also told me that you and Carl were getting along fine - that all the past was forgotten. You did not, however, give any hint that you were in love with him. ’ Because I didn’t think he would fall in love with me.’ ‘And has he?’ Surprise in his tone, naturally, she thought, realizing he had already jumped to the conclusion that unrequited love was the reason for her anguished expression of a few moments ago.
