by Kaye Draper
Grey let out a long sigh. He should probably just come clean about making out with every member of the band like some damned groupie. But right now, he just didn’t have the energy or the mental capacity to sort out what to say.
“Will Mat be okay?” he finally managed as they headed out, walking back to the townhouse.
Luca nodded as he slid behind the wheel. “Yeah. He will be. It’s just…we look out for him around this time of year.”
Grey saw through what he was trying not to say. “You’re afraid he’ll hurt himself, aren’t you? Has he tried to commit suicide?”
Luca’s expression was heartbreaking. “He hasn’t attempted it, that I know of. But…he told me he thought about it one time. Ever since then, I guess I’ve just been paranoid.”
Grey reached over and squeezed his thigh. “You’re not paranoid. You’re just a really good friend. You guys look out for each other. It’s awesome. And…clearly he needs you.”
He let out a wry laugh. “And you too. You’re part of the band now, Grey, don’t forget. And…I know he pretends to be a complete asshole most of the time, but I think Matheus likes you too. He trusted you enough to let you see that side of him. He doesn’t show that stuff to anyone besides me and Ethan.” He shook his head. “Usually he just tries to find a warm body for a few days. I don’t know…I think sex is like…a substitution for something he can’t get. Affection, maybe?”
Grey sighed. Oh, Matheus liked him alright. But he thought maybe Luca was wrong about the reasons—Grey was probably just an easy outlet. After all, that’s what Matheus had wanted at first, wasn’t it? He’d asked Grey to make him forget.
Not that he was going to tell Luca that right now. But soon, damn it. First, he had to figure out whether this thing with him and the others was actual attraction…or some sort of evil siren lure.
It seemed to be okay when he sang at performances, maybe because it was a bigger space and there were more people so the force of whatever it was he was doing was spread out. But he wondered how much longer he was going to be able to make it through practices if things kept going like they were.
Chapter 56
The next couple of days passed in a blur. Grey found himself increasingly restless, and he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened between him and Ethan, and Matheus. Part of him felt so much shame. But part of him raged. They were all his. Why couldn’t they be his?
Grey had mostly moved his stuff into the townhouse, and he spent most of his time there. But he had been feeling desperate enough to spend the night at his dad’s house last night, something that was getting really rare these days. It was a good thing, he reminded himself for the millionth time, to get some space from Luca and the other guys while he tried to get a grip on his weirdness.
Rick must have been able to sense how close Grey was to losing his mind. He was actually nice for once. He was quiet, with no probing questions or demands about how Grey lived his life. Which was just weird, honestly. On some stupid level, Grey kind of felt like things would seem more normal if they just got into a fight over his life choices or something stupid like that. Instead, they ate dinner, watched a movie, and went to bed, all with Rick on his best behavior.
Grey tossed and turned all night, annoyed by dreams that ranged from erotic, to terrifying, to everything in between. He woke early and downed way too much coffee, feeling this weird pull inside him that insisted he had to see the ocean, touch the water, or he was going to go insane. Finally, he grabbed his jacket from the rack by the door and decided to call Luca. Maybe he could tell Grey more about whatever was going on inside him. At least that's what he told himself. He tried not to think about his real motive—the drive to see and taste and feel Luca against him, near him, inside him.
He was a monster. A weird, kinky, sexually frustrated monster. But the moment he heard Luca’s sweet, deep voice on the other end of the phone, he let out a sigh of relief.
*****
Luca watched Grey pace at the end of the pier. The siren paused to run a hand through his unruly mop of red-brown curls and Luca’s mouth turned up at the sight. Grey had this sort of energy about him, coiled in every compact inch of him like a bomb just waiting for that one little spark to set it off. Maybe Luca could be that spark, he thought wickedly. It wouldn’t take much, and he could be holding that live wire in his arms while he burned.
Grey sensed him and stopped pacing to lean against the wooden railing, giving him a tortured smile. Luca sighed. He supposed he would have to save that fantasy for later, since clearly Grey was more than a little upset. “Hey,” he said, keeping his voice light. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but…do I even want to know what new crisis we’re facing?”
Grey crossed his arms and a whiff of leather and sea air assaulted Luca’s senses. He was so happy Abbie had started forcing Grey into things like that sexy leather jacket he was currently wearing. Gods. Focus, Luca.
“You act like I ask for this crap,” Grey whined.
Luca shrugged. “Well, no. But you can’t deny, you are usually in the thick of things. Drama loves you.” He gave Grey a wry half smile. “Everyone loves you. I guess you don’t get to pick and choose.”
Grey snorted and all the bitchy bravado seemed to flow right out of him. “No. You’re right. I’m always a mess.”
Luca leaned against the railing with him and studied those beautiful, worried green eyes. “Sorry for teasing, sweetheart. I missed you last night. The house isn’t the same without you around. Even Ethan was brooding. What’s bothering you? Really?” Grey had called him not long ago and insisted they meet before their next rehearsal, so it must be either something to do with the band, or something Grey thought might affect them in some way.
“It’s me,” Grey said in clipped tones. “I’m what’s wrong.” He heaved a massive sigh. “I don’t even know who I am anymore. And I don’t know how to handle this siren bullshit.”
Luca’s eyebrows rose. “What happened?”
Grey flushed the most intriguing color of rosy pink and stared at his feet. “Ethan declared his love for me a couple days ago.”
Luca straightened, his hands involuntarily curling into fists, wanting to grab hold of Grey and beg him not to walk away. “He did?”
Grey just shook his head. “And Mat tried to get me to bend him over the piano in the studio.” The tips of his ears were pink now. It would be absolutely fucking adorable…if Luca wasn’t having trouble breathing because of the panic.
Luca could feel his pulse in his temples as his blood pressure skyrocketed. Grey finally looked up, surprise evident when he caught Luca’s expression. He gave a short laugh. “I was singing both times, Luca. I…did something to them, didn’t I? What kind of a monster am I? Am I going to do this shit to everyone who ever hears my voice?”
The tension in him slowly unwound. Grey wasn’t here to tell him he wanted one of the others instead. He wasn’t here to tell Luca to get lost so he could shack up with a real human. Of course he wasn’t. Instead, he was blaming himself. Hating himself. Luca struggled to figure out what to say.
“Ah…that’s…fun.” It had to happen eventually. Grey was getting more and more powerful as he matured. But still, this was awkward.
“How will we practice?” Grey threw up his hands. “Am I even safe to perform on stage anymore?” He wrapped his arms around himself, hugging his elbows. “It wasn’t like I was even trying.” His alluring voice grew desperate. “I swear, Luca, I love you. I don’t ever want to hurt you. But…I…it wasn’t one-sided. That’s almost worse than the fact that I used some kind of mind-fuck on them.” He was vibrating with suppressed energy now. “I wanted them, too. God Luca, what am I?”
Luca crossed the distance between them and pulled Grey into his arms. Grey tried to remain stiff, tough. But Luca smoothed his wild curls and murmured nonsensical things until Grey relaxed against his chest, his arms tentatively finding their way around him.
“I’m sorry,” Grey whispered
against his chest. “I’m sorry, Luca. I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me.”
A guilty part of Luca admitted that he loved it. He loved that Grey let him glimpse under that protective shell, let him see what he hid from everyone else. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “And to answer your question about who you are…you’re you. That’s all. And all the rest…we’ll figure it out.”
Grey pulled away and Luca let him go so Luca could take a turn pacing.
“I don’t know a lot about sirens,” he admitted. “They don’t…really have a good relationship with my kind. Sprites and sirens are like…resentful step siblings, I guess.” He waved that away. “But what I do know is that for them the need to seduce, to possess and be adored—it’s not just a fatal personality flaw. I think…I’m pretty sure that’s how they survive—it’s where they get their magical energy and their lifeforce. From the sea, and from their…relationships…with others.
He glanced at Grey to find him just standing there, blinking with stunned green eyes the color of the warmest tropical ocean. “You mean…when you said they’re sexual predators, you meant that literally? Like…they hunt people down and fuck them to feed themselves?”
Okay, that sounded like hysteria bubbling up out of the poor guy. Of course Grey would see it as something terrible, rather than what it was—a different way of surviving. Every creature was different. And when you could see the other part of the world, the one with Gods and magic, you realized just how different some beings were from others. Grey didn’t have any experience with that. And he also had the annoying habit of automatically assuming the worst when it had anything to do with himself.
Luca went to Grey and gripped his upper arms, steadying him and trying to ground some of that wild energy he could feel inside his frustrating, amazing boyfriend. “Look, Grey. There’s no way to know for sure if you even did anything to Ethan or Mat. Sure, you have this…magnetism…to you. But I don’t think you realize that you’re also just an awesome guy—strong, loyal, funny, passionate about what you believe in and the people you love. Not to mention, you’re smoking hot.” He winked and Grey shook his head at that. “Isn’t it possible they just…like you. For who you are?”
Grey’s golden skin went absolutely fire-engine red. “That’s…no. It’s just the magic.” His voice was so small when he added, “Isn’t it?”
Then he yanked himself out of Luca’s grip and threw his hands up in the air. “And so what? Even if I didn’t do anything, then that means I just made out with the entire band. I’m like some weird reverse groupie. I’ve ruined everything.” He watched Luca with a combination of fear and exasperation. “Aren’t you pissed off? I kissed another guy! Two of them! And I…I fucking liked it.”
Oh, Grey. Sweet, angry, ridiculous Grey.
“You know I love them too, right? I mean…not like that, but they’re a part of me. And since we’re talking about this, you clearly don’t plan on tossing me aside, right?”
Grey stared at him. “What? Of course not. You’re going to toss me!”
Luca chuckled and shook his head at the amazing man. “Do I look mad? Do I look like I’m about to start chucking people?”
Grey snorted. “You never look mad, Luca. You’re the most not mad person I’ve ever met. I’m kind of afraid that means you might be psychotic.”
Luca shrugged and pulled his jacket collar up higher against the wintery ocean breeze. “I’ve just had a lot of experience with weird things,” he said calmly. Then he raised a brow at Grey. “Poly relationships aren’t exactly a new thing. I think they’ve been around as long as my old man.”
Grey just blinked at him and Luca realized he might be handling this all wrong. He stood and got in Grey’s space again, reaching out to stroke his soft curls back from his cheek. “I love you, Grey. That won’t ever change. But love takes on all kinds of different forms. That’s true for humans. And maybe it’s even more true for a siren-human cross. Maybe you need more than just me, Grey. And I’m telling you…that’s okay.”
Grey’s eye filled with unshed tears and his plush bottom lip trembled. “I feel like I’m doing something wrong, even thinking about anyone else.”
Luca smiled and pulled Grey into a loose embrace, snaking his arms around the other guy’s slender waist. “I’m not going to say I might not get jealous. But you’ll just have to remind me you love me too.” He bent to kiss Grey’s forehead, then pulled back, suddenly feeling shy himself. “I just…do you think it would be okay if it’s only Ethan and Mat?”
Grey let out a little burst of surprised laughter. “Is it okay if I only make out with all the members of Lucifer? My boyfriend only wants me to fuck two other guys.” He schooled his face into a grave expression. “I think I’ll live. Somehow.”
Luca laughed. “You might. But…look, we’ve all got our issues. You realize that, right? I think you should really think about this. If you want to bring them into our relationship, I think it should be just that—a relationship. I don’t think there’s room for anything casual with them. Especially when we’re all stuck together in the band. Matheus especially…well, he might act like casual is his thing. But not with the band. It’s his one constant. I wouldn’t want to mess that up for him.”
Grey nodded, sucking in a slow, deep breath. He was still a bit confused, Luca could tell. But he already looked so much calmer than when they’d first met up. “I’ll…think about it, I guess?”
Those sparkling green eyes met his and Grey showed him yet another glimpse of that hidden vulnerability. “Thank you, Luca. For being so…you.”
Luca smiled and pressed a soft kiss to those perfect lips. “I’d do anything for you, Grey,” he said against Grey’s mouth. Then he pulled back and gave him a warning look. “Except those two idiots. You can be into them all you want. But I’ve only ever been attracted to one man in my life, and he’s right here.”
Grey’s eyes widened and he plastered on an innocent expression as he looked over his shoulder, as if he was looking for this mysterious man Luca spoke of.
Luca ruffled Grey’s hair and laced his gloved fingers through Grey’s. “Come home now and stop hiding at your dad’s place? Please?”
Grey sighed but didn’t resist as Luca towed him toward the car. “But…what about everything else? The singing? The siren thing?”
Luca shrugged. He didn’t want to be dismissive of Grey’s fears. But honestly, there were worse things than accidentally making a bunch of fans like you more. “Try to focus—don't let yourself get lost in your music the way you usually do.” Luca smiled gently. Grey was beautiful when he sang, heart-wrenching to watch because he often became so completely immersed in the music. “I think that will help.” He shrugged. “Plus, there are more people when we do concerts—or even when we practice—so your power won’t be concentrated on just one person.” Grey only looked mildly convinced. Luca reached out and brushed the back of his hand along Grey's cheek. “And if I see you losing it, I’ll help you out.”
Grey sighed. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “What if someone notices or the rest of the guys find out and they get mad at you too. I don’t wanna go all Yoko Ono on you guys.” He grinned, his tough shell sliding back in place.
Luca sighed and brushed a glancing kiss across Grey’s plush mouth. “It’ll be okay, Yoko. Let’s get your mind off it by looking for ancient stones.”
They headed back to Luca’s car. Luca shook his head at Grey’s back as he walked. Why couldn’t the little fool just tell Luca what was really bothering him? Luca knew his unspoken fear—that Luca himself was only with Grey because of his abilities.
Luca didn’t think it was really possible. He knew himself, knew his feelings were real. But he supposed only time would tell. There was a very real chance that someday Grey’s powers would be strong enough to ensnare him. Would Luca be able to withstand it then?
Did he really even want to?
Chapter 57
Grey
and Luca spent the next couple days scouring jewelry stores on the island. They had conferred with Pontus and come to the conclusion that the missing half of the kleidí was probably on display, hidden in plain sight. Sirens loved power and attention. So it would be where someone couldn’t easily take it, but where the world could see it and wish it was theirs. They'd been met with looks that said the clerks thought they were odd, to say the least, when they asked to see the most expensive merchandise in the stores. Grey was pretty sure they were on some sort of potential robbers list now, and they still hadn't found anything that seemed to say, “Hey look at me I'm a cursed rock.”
Band practice was a tense affair. Every time Grey looked at Ethan or Mat, they refused to meet his eyes. And they kept a definite distance from Luca, as if expecting retribution. They needed to talk, but first, Grey had to figure out what was going on inside his own brain. And besides, saving the island was a bit more important than accumulating more boyfriends—even if something inside him really begged to differ. It would fade, Grey was sure of it. But in the meantime, it was just one more reminder of Grey’s altered humanity.
Grey was generally a determined guy, but he was getting worn down, and today it was a struggle just to keep going.
When he got home from the studio, Grey slumped on his bed, tired, heartsick, and fed up with the world. He had come back to his dad’s trailer after practice. He couldn't imagine the atmosphere if he were to go to the townhouse with everyone else. A wave of despair rose up in him, sharp and suffocating. His chest clenched and he felt as though he couldn’t get enough air. He knew letting himself love Luca—and probably the others—was going to ruin the band. It looked like he was well on his way to proving himself right.
Sometimes it was all too much. Head down, plod on, one day after another. The guys had to be wondering if he was mad at them, since he was keeping to himself, but he couldn’t keep everyone happy. Hell, on days like this he couldn’t manage to make anyone happy, even himself.
